Foreword: Hi, guys! Im back with another chapter!
I'll keep this short and get straight on you guys reading the chapter, but please. PLEASE READ THE AFTERWORD. IT'S IMPORTANT.
Chapter Eleven
Bella drives herself to school.
And here I am, left all alone in the house.
I wash the dishes and clean the counter at a human pace. When I am done, I sit down in a chair and think. What I am thinking about, I do not know for it was too hard to keep track.
I just think.
Everything is moving too fast. Well, for me at least.
It's been four days. Four days of debating with myself whether to go to her. Four days of watching her in the depth of her depression. Four days of telling myself that I didn't just come here to say sorry to Bella, but to actually take the chance that wasn't even given to me by the Cullens: befriending her.
I just have to stop and think for a while.
I don't know how Bella feels. Well, I do know how she feels. What I don't know is if she feels like everything is moving too fast. People don't just slip out of depression and is magically alright again.
I'm scared for her.
I feel that Bella is just acting it out; trying to act like she is moving on, but still quite broken on the inside.
I shake my head to clear out the thoughts.
I make sure that everything is neat and tidy before closing the door and running straight to the Cullen house at vampire speed.
I run past the pine tree I always sit in to watch Bella. I run past the grasses and animals. I run away until my feet touch the familiar pavement.
I am here.
The house is still standing. It almost looks the same, but there were some minor details that it had changed in the course of time. Vines are starting strangle the house, dry leaves are everywhere, and I could see that the windows are already dusty.
It wasn't the house I knew.
It wasn't the house where I and my family met a human, met Bella.
It wasn't the house where I and my family met Edward's soul mate.
Who he then left and expected us to blindly follow his idea.
We're not good for Bella.
I slowly walk up the porch.
I feel ashamed that I'm different from her.
I grab the house keys from my back pocket.
She's just lived eighteen years, Emmett! She needs to think this through!
I have the front door key in my hand.
I never, ever regret that I loved her, Carlisle! I don't! Stop assuming!
I push the key to the keyhole.
You don't get it, do you? I feel her dying just standing next to me. I know every single second that she is dying, but I feel like I'm speeding up the process. I... I don't want her to die,but I don't want her to be a vampire. I want her to experience life without me, without us. To take a deep breath and see what she really wants.
I turn the key and hear a click.
And then... and then, maybe,we'll come back...
If she wants us to.
I open the door that leads to the Cullen house, the house so full of memories.
I let my fingers touch the bridge of my nose.
Edward's voice. Edward's emotions. I could feel them again, rushing to me like it was the day of Bella's birthday. The day Edward wanted so much to cry, because he was ashamed and didn't feel worthy, but he couldn't.
There was no denying it, my brother loved Bella.
His actions, his hopelessness, and his wanting to make sure Bella will not come to any harm from supernatural creatures pushed him to the edge.
I am left wondering if Bella broke the way she did because she had no pictures, no objects, no physical proof of us to cling on to.
Or that maybe Edward broke Bella by saying something to her that he didn't mean.
After all, Edward was already desperate to ensure her safety...
No.
Edward wasn't that masochistic to himself.
He loves Bella too much.
But what if?
Afterword: Okay guys... I realized I owe you an apology.
It was made clear by a reviewer that asking/or maybe DEMANDING for you guys to review will offer you a new chapter, wasn't right. And I realize that she was right. It was a rude way to interact with my readers, TO YOU.
And I apologize wholeheartedly and will say that this will not happen again.
You guys can review if you want - I'm not forcing you to, and if I get just one or two reviews, I promise you to keep on posting new chapters and not ask nor demand for more.
This reviewer also made me realize that there are other authors who get less reviews, alerts, people who read their stories than I. And I was not grateful of what I had.
And this will stop today.
No more demanding for certain amount of reviews, no more bargaining. Whether you guys review or not, I will continue to post and make sure my readers are happy.
Now, on to the short chapters. I KNOW, I KNOW that the last ten chapters were waaaay to short for your own comfort, but please realize that SSIB (a.k.a. She Sits Still in Beauty) is not a full novel-length story. It's a drabble. You will sometimes get REALLY, REALLY short chapters and maybe long ones.
Also, please remember that SSIB is being reposted. I have finished the story, deleted it from FF to fix my mistakes, and I am reposting it again.
So, in conclusion, I cannot or would rather not change the outline of the story for I believe that in the end whether it may have a happy ever after or not, both Bella and Jasper had endings, may it be happy or sad or bittersweet.
Thank you guys for everything.
