I've lost count of how many hands I've shaken, condolences I've accepted and press gauntlets I've run in the last hour. Santos has just taken the stage in the ballroom downstairs and instead of staying I walk back up to the deserted war room. I see Josh finish off the electoral math and turn to look at the picture board.

"Thanks Boss"

"Josh?"

"Hey… come here"

I walk over to him and he wraps his arms around me mirroring the embrace in the room earlier. He looks up at me, leans in again and slowly I feel his lips cover mine. It's not a passionate kiss, it's not a deep kiss but he touches something deep inside me. I feel my heart split and I give him a little bit more before he pulls away from me again.

"I wanted to do that earlier…Thank you"

"For?"

"You called C.J…. I should have had Otto or Ronna do it, it wasn't your job to…"

"I wanted to Josh, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else…"

"As long as you don't think I assumed you would"

"He loved you like a son Josh, you were family all of you, I wouldn't want C.J. or Margaret to hear from anyone else"

"My mom, she shouldn't have heard it from CNN"

"She didn't, I called her from the hospital"

"'Kay, good, Thanks"

"I called Sam and Toby as well, I couldn't bear the thought of them hearing it on television"

"Thank you, will Sam come up? Can Toby even go to the f…"

"We'll make sure he can"

"I need to help Mallory with the arrangements"

"The protocol office is going to help both of you as much as you need, I gave them contact details, Mallory said Thursday of next week"

"We need a eulogy; the president will want to delivery a eulogy, I don't want one of the speech writing shop doing it…"

"Sam and Toby are going to write it"

"The President can't talk to Toby"

"He called and asked Sam, Sam won't do it on his own, Sam's contacting Toby"

"It shouldn't be like this Donna"

"I know"

"He should be down there celebrating, holding Santos' hand and smirking"

"I know"

"He deserved this Donna"

"I know"

"He doesn't deserve a funeral where one of his closest friends probably can't go, definitely can't be a pall bearer. And where the so-called 'family' he's had for the last decade can't even all sit in a room together and remember him without it threatening the constitution. When did it get this hard Donna? It used to be easy"

"He told C.J. that he had it easier than she did, With you and C.J. and Sam and Toby"

"We had good times"

"You remember the movie nights?"

"I remember the chilli parties, I remember standing talking to Leo and the President about C.J. and Mandy and Mrs Landingham and you and Carol and Margaret, We couldn't…"

"That was after a 'big block of cheese' day wasn't it?"

"How'd you know?"

"I caught you looking"

"At you?"

"Yeah"

"I'm not admitting anything"

"That's Ok"

"Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big…"

"Block of cheese…"

"Yeah… I'm not sure I can do this Donna, I was supposed to be doing this with Leo."

"He was so proud of you, he had faith in you Josh"

"We were all at sea at the beginning; we couldn't even find our offices"

"Some of us gave interviews to 'Teen' magazine about the nuclear arsenal under the rose garden"

"Did you ever doubt that we could do it? Run the country, make things better?"

"Not for a single second"

"Neither did we. Toby, Sam, C.J. and I, Leo had us convinced, it took us four years to get even remotely disillusioned, It came from him Donna"

"Yeah, for me not so much"

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong Josh, I thought the world of Leo McGarry, but my belief was all in you, you created it, Josh you gave me that"

"And it took you four years to get disillusioned?"

"It took me nearly seven and a half, but even when I was disillusioned I still believed in you, I still believe in you"

"We followed Leo into the west wing…"

"…and these guys will follow you"

"He didn't think I did the right thing with Matt Santos"

"We should all have had more faith in you Josh"

"I tried to get me to get him to pull out"

"Yeah"

"I went against him"

"'Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice'"

"Who said that?"

"I did"

"Donna?!"

"I don't know, it's not attributed but… ask President Bartlet"

"You're as big a geek as he is"

"I think that little comment might get you beheaded for treason or something"

"Did you ever study Con Law?"

"I'm not talking about insulting the president; I'm talking about insulting me"

"Oh O.K. You met my father didn't you?"

"Once on a swing through Connecticut, we stopped off in Westpoint, you introduced me"

"The night he died the President asked me something about did my father like it that I was in politics?"

"He did"

"Yeah he did, that was Leo"

"What was Leo?"

"Me and politics… I took government and poli sci and everything but Leo made it come alive"

"He was proud of you Josh"

"Yeah maybe… when the president asked if my father liked that I was in politics you know what I said?"

"You wouldn't let me come with you so no"

"I said I thought he would have liked grandchildren more"

"Had he given up all hope?"

"I was 33 so no… but… I can't tell you this…"

"What Josh?"

"When we left that day, my father turned to my mother and said 'maybe we'll be getting those grand kids after all"

"What!?"

"Sorry I…"

"I have no idea what to say to that"

"Yeah I shouldn't have…"

"No I'm glad you did…"

"Mom told me that Leo told him if I was going to end up happy with anyone it would be you"

"You had just split with Mandy!"

"Yeah"

"So why? I mean, why me?"

"He saw you as bossy enough to convin…"

"Leo saw me as bossy?"

"The word may have been 'controlling'"

"No Joshua that would be your word"

"How's the party going downstairs?"

"Nice dodge…The congressman was just finishing up"

"President-elect"

"What?"

"He's the president-elect, not the congressman"

"You did that"

"I'm quite something"

"Say that with your usual swagger and I'll believe you"

"I don't 'swagger', what the hell is swagger?'"

"It's that thing you do with your hips"

"My hips?"

"Hey, Joey Lucas isn't the only woman ever to notice you know"

"Notice?"

"The cutest little butt in professional politics"

"Joey is a very observant woman"

"Attention Houston, the ego has landed"

"She once suggested we poll 100 Donna's"

"Well that would have given you very sensible policy positions but why?"

"Because she thought it was becoming obvious you had the hots for me and wanted to cover"

"Hots? You're the next white house chief of staff and you talk like a frat boy"

"We should… you know… talk sometime"

"Yeah, but not tonight… sorry not this morning… this morning we go grab two hours sleep and head back to D.C."

"We?"

"I just…"

"Don't leave me tonight"

"I won't"

We stand up from the desk, as we leave the room I can feel Josh's hand guide me into the corridor. Josh and I have this rhythm, we go from the deepest, most heart rending conversation to wit and teasing in a heartbeat, I'm scared he's with me now because he needs me, when he doesn't need me any more when he reverts back to being 'Josh Lyman Political Animal' where does that leave me? My heart is still telling me it's so right, my head is telling me I need to protect myself. Last night when I woke up I knew it was too late. It killed me to curl against the far side of the bed, I nearly cracked when he asked me how I was feeling but my head told me it was the only way to make sure a bit of me would survive if all this goes wrong. I don't think it worked.