"But the fact is, dreams catch us with our armor off."
― Victoria Schwab, The Unbound
It had gotten cold, really, really cold. Lucy and Levy had scooted closer together to try to keep warm since neither was particularly dressed to deal with the cold. Erza had crouched down to try to try and cover her legs with what she could of her skirt and tucked her arms into the thin fabric of her tank top. Gajeel was rubbing Juvia's arms while she tried to pull up her socks as high as they would go. The only person who seemed unaffected by the cold was Natsu.
"H-h-how d-d-did it get s-s-s-so c-c-cold?" Lucy asked through chattering teeth.
"I th-th-think that it might be Gray's m-m-magic." Levy responded. Both girls could see their breath as they tried to talk. "He loses c-c-control w-w-w-when he's upset."
"How long w-w-w-will it b-b-be l-l-l-like this?" Lucy asked looking at Levy.
"I d-d-don't know, Lu." Levy said returning Lucy's gaze. When she, did Lucy gasped suddenly.
"What is it Lu-chan?" Levy asked suddenly very scared.
"The c-c-cut on your f-face." Lucy stuttered. Levy brought her hand up to touch where she had been cut to feel the skin starting to close. It was an odd sensation to say the least, but felt as if someone were lightly blowing on her skin.
"That's so weird." Levy commented and then was overcome with another odd sensation. She didn't feel warm automatically, but she did suddenly feel less cold. "Oh, that feels much better." Levy commented. Before Lucy could ask what felt better, she felt it too.
"Oh…" Lucy said as she interpreted this odd feeling. "What do you think caused it to change?"
"Maybe we were actually cold and someone started warming us up?" Levy suggested. She looked around the room to see Erza start to look more relaxed as well. "And, I would bet that Wendy came by to heal the cut on my face."
"This whole place is just too weird." Lucy said and shook her head.
"I know what you mean." Levy replied. "When we were in Gajeel's dream, it was like everything was real, and he reacted as if it was real. He was really scared, Lu-chan."
"Why would anyone want to put people through anything like this?" Lucy asked.
"Well, there are plus sides to having to face your fears. Sometimes people who have horrible aversions and phobias can get over them when they are exposed to the things they are scared of… And in reality facing your fears in a dream-space like this could make it easier for people to face the things that they are afraid of in their real lives." Levy explained, though her own anxieties and uncertainties were starting to become noticeable, at least to Lucy.
"What are you afraid of Levy?" Lucy asked as she held her hand out for the script mage to hold.
"I am afraid of so many things, Lu-chan." Levy said with a slight giggle as she took Lucy's hand. "What's killing me now is the anticipation. I would much rather just get it over with then have to sit here and think about everything that could be waiting for me."
It was then that the girls heard the sound of footsteps. They looked up to find that Gray and Jellal had returned. Gray had appeared to look relieved; his shoulders were not as tense as before and his guild mark had returned to its original look of deep blue. Erza was the first to approach the two boys, while the others remained where they were.
"How do you feel, Gray?" Erza asked. She was barely able to conceal the concern that she felt about her friend.
"I feel better now, but I have a lot to think about." Gray responded and he looked around the room. His eyes stopped to rest on Juvia, who was still leaning up against Gajeel. Juvia gave him a small smile in return. Their exchange did not go unnoticed by Erza who smirked as she said, "Go talk to her."
"I will." Gray said and started walking towards the water mage.
"I will be going next." Erza announced, causing everyone in the room to turn their attention to her.
"I trust," Erza shot deadly looks at Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel as she continued, "that you will be able to behave yourselves while I am gone."
"Aye sir!" Natsu and Gray said in unison as they stood at attention giving Erza a salute. Gajeel raised an eye brow at the two mages before grunting his response. Lucy and Levy giggled at the boys and Juvia's smile widened. Erza nodded in satisfaction and turned to face Jellal. No words were spoken between the two before they both turned and made their way down the hallway.
"Is it just me, or is Erza just as scary as a kid as she is as an adult?" Lucy asked causing Levy to burst into giggles.
"You have no idea." Levy replied.
It was not long after the two children begun their walk down the hall that Erza reached out and took Jellal's hand.
It was a simple action, but it carried so much meaning with it. Jellal already knew the effect this ordeal was having on him. He was easily reminded of his time as a child, his time with Erza. Oh, how simple things were back then. They could just be friends. They could care for each other, be there when the weight of the world seemed to crush them. They hid nothing from each other and certainly not their feelings. Something about it seemed pure and untouched. Unlike what was between them now. Now it felt complicated, strained… tainted, and all because of his actions.
But now, Jellal refused to do anything to hurt the girl in front of him. He would give anything to prevent any harm from coming to her, physical or emotional. So when she approached him before Gajeel and Levy returned to ask that he accompany her, he accepted without hesitation. It was nice to be here, together, as kids again and he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. But a thought kept poking through from the back of his mind: being here with her as kids, it doesn't change anything when we leave… He would still be a criminal; she would still be the Titania. They would still live in separate worlds, paths that ran next to each other, but could not mix. If their paths ever crossed, it would only be for a brief period of time.
Jellal did not want this experience to lead Erza to believe differently. To do so would be to mislead her and ultimately cause her pain. He wouldn't do it. He tightened his grip on her hand before he spoke.
"Erza, I—" Jellal began, but was interrupted when the girl turned abruptly and pulled him into a firm embrace. Jellal's arms held on to her lightly, returning the hug.
"Jellal, when was the last time that we hugged? Like a real hug between us." Erza asked, her sweet voice held genuine concern.
"I—" Jellal stumbled, not expecting the question that came from the scarlet haired girl.
"I think at Ryuzetsu Land, it was more to protect my modesty. Then at the Tower of Heaven you…" Erza paused and hugged Jellal tighter. "You weren't yourself."
Jellal couldn't help but be amazed at how Erza, despite all that he had done to her, still treated him as if he was the one who was hurt. She understood that he was possessed and all of his actions during that time… Erza didn't hold those things against him. Gods I love this girl, Jellal thought and allowed himself to hug the girl tighter.
"It must have been before they took you away after they found the tunnel we had been digging..." Jellal whispered and he allowed his chin to rest on her shoulder. Erza felt Jellal finally relax into the hug and smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"This is nice." Erza whispered back and took a deep breath. She released her tight hold on the boy in front of her. Feeling Erza release him, Jellal moved back slightly to meet Erza's eyes. Erza held on to one of Jellal's hands, interlocking their fingers.
"Erza, I—" Jellal tried again to speak to the young girl, but Erza spoke up before he could continue.
"Back then, you were always so good making me feel better when I was scared. Can you do that for me again?"
"Yes, of course." Jellal replied quickly.
"That's all I ask." Erza smiled before taking her eyes off of the blue haired boy to look down at her shoes. She appeared to be preparing herself mentally and trying to shake off the tension already evident in her shoulders.
"Are you ready then?" Jellal whispered. He hated to move ahead, but at the same time felt selfish for wanting to stay here. It felt so good to hold her for that brief moment. He wished that it could last forever.
"Yes," Erza mumbled and nodded her head trying to steel her own resolve to move forward. "Let's continue." Erza said and stole another glance at Jellal before turning back to walk down the hallway hand in hand with the boy. The two had only walked a couple of steps before a sapphire blue light pulsed from a singular point in the hallway.
The scene changed around them rapidly instantly surrounding the two in a flurry of gold light, causing Erza to jump back slightly. The randomly moving whirls of gold seemed to shoot around and began to collide with others to form shapes. The shapes began to form the scenery, as if being assembled piece by piece. Then when all the shapes fell into their rightful place they pulsed with the briefest shine of white light before gaining a normal appearance.
The first things to appear clearly were dark stone blocks, broken in some places, making up the ruins of a battle ground. The sky appeared next, dark and ominous looking above them. Then with another blinding glow a console appeared with a lacrima screen showing a map of Fiore with hundreds of places marked on the map. Overlaying the map was a timer that was ticking down; 18 minutes, 43 seconds.
Another blinding flash gave way to maniacal laughter drawing Erza and Jellal's attention to the newest appearance. Laying on the ground and covered in scrapes, cuts, and bruises was Erza. This Erza's clothes were barely intact and her armor had clearly been broken to pieces, some of which the young Erza could recognize as being part of the debris surrounding her. She instantly recognized this place and time before she saw the demon woman appear.
"Kyoka…" The young Erza mumbled, barely loud enough for Jellal to hear. Then, as if she had been summoned, with a glow of white light the demon appeared. The harpy-like woman had one of her talon like feet pressing into Erza's stomach. Jellal could clearly see that Erza was in an immense amount of pain.
"These are your last moments here on this earth. You should feel more despair…" As the demon woman spoke, the young Erza visibly shivered and crossed her arms across her chest as she remembered the discomfort of that day. Jellal looked on at a loss of what to do to comfort Erza; instead he stood paralyzed as the demon continued her torment.
"First, I will take your sight." Kyoka and let out an evil laugh. The young Erza gripped her arms more firmly as the wounded Erza shivered as she began to lose her senses. For the first time since she arrived, she wished she had her armor with her.
"Next your sense of touch… your sense of taste, your sense of smell…" The harpy demon continued, clearly amused by the whole thing. It was odd for the young girl to actually watch as it all happened without actually experiencing the afflictions the demon placed on her.
"And your hearing… This will be the last thing that you ever hear…" The demon spoke in an almost malicious coo. At this the young Erza started to quiver and shut her eyes against the scene in front of her.
"Erza…" Jellal said as he approached the scarlet haired girl, but before he could reach her, everything shattered into warping golden shapes that moved around rapidly to form a new scene. The shapes again gave off a bright light before turning into what appeared to be icy walls. The next to appear were pieces of Erza's armor, scattered about on the snowy ground, and then finally was another child-like Erza, dressed in a way too big shirt, so large that it fit her like a dress. This Erza was examining herself in the reflection of the ice.
"This is so odd." Erza mumbled as she watched herself. Jellal looked at the scene confused; especially when both of the young versions of Erza had blush appear on their cheeks at the exact same moment.
"I don't know what this means." Erza said out-loud in an attempt to keep her thoughts straight. She was feeling the exact same emotions she felt that day. The embarrassment and the insecurity felt as though she was living the memory over again. She even blushed and became flustered when the thought that Jellal wouldn't want her as a child came through her mind again.
"What is this?" Jellal asked, but before Erza could answer the scene burst into a whirlwind of golden shapes.
"I… I think these are memories…" Erza said as a new scene came into view piece by piece after a series of bright lights. Erza and Jellal found themselves almost completely surrounded by vine and the twisted limbs of trees. A couple of branches away, once again, was Erza. Her limbs were trapped in twisted tree branches and she was trying desperately to get out of the restraints. She was dressed in her red flame patterned pants and her cloth chest binding.
"I don't understand the connections between these memories." The young Erza said as the scene was still taking shape. She could start to feel fatigue flowing through her body, again as if she were relieving the moment in front of her. Her breathing suddenly became labored when a figure formed from the golden shapes a few branches away.
It was a man with dark skin dressed in tribal like armor on his waist and legs. His wild and thick hair sat in a mess on his head and his facial hair came to a rough point. His eyes held a crazed and angry look as he held out his hands to call upon his magic.
"Azuma!" The young Erza said and her eyes widened slightly. She knew what was coming next and her thought instantly went to Levy, who had been hurt by whatever she encountered in Gajeel's dream. "No." Erza mumbled while Jellal watched as the tribal warrior spoke.
"Fairy Tail's Titania, Erza Scarlet. I will never forget your name for as long as I live." Azuma called out as he prepared to unleash his attack.
"Jellal, we have to get out of here!" The young Erza shouted as she ran over to grab the boy's hand.
"What? Why?" Jellal said as Erza began pulling the boy with her as she tried running to get away from the oncoming attack.
"This will end you!" Azuma said solemnly. Jellal's eyes grew big as he saw the giant ball of energy that formed behind Azuma. Jellal didn't stick around to hear the rest and started running with Erza as fast as they could go. Erza could feel the magical power as it was released.
"Watch out!" She yelled and tackled Jellal in an attempt to protect him with her own body. Just as the blast seemed to envelope the two children, the scene again burst into the golden swirling shapes. Jellal laid out on his back breathing heavy as the golden shapes began moving around him faster. Erza lifted herself up slightly, though still lying over Jellal. She was straddling his hips and her arms were on either side of his head trying to support her weight, she was breathing heavy and it appeared as though sweat had started to accumulate on her forehead.
"Erza, why did you do that?" Jellal asked as he lifted himself to rest on his elbows.
"I wasn't thinking. I just remembered that Levy got hurt and Azuma was going to attack and I didn't want you to get hurt!" Erza tried to explain in a panic filled voice as she blushed slightly and moved to a sitting position.
"Erza, you would have been hurt!" Jellal said with a tone of worry. Erza felt as though tears were coming to her eyes, but they didn't seem to fit with what was going on. Then Erza realized the position she was in over Jellal and jumped off the boy quickly and tried to fix her skirt so that it hung appropriately. Jellal blushed slightly when Erza moved off of him, but quickly went to follow the girl. He was more concerned with the tears falling from her eyes.
"I got overwhelmed. These memories… nothing seems to connect them and I feel everything that I felt when those things happened. These memories… they are moving too fast." Erza said as she crossed her arms over her chest, gripping her arms tightly as if it would hold her together. Erza seemed to be bordering on hysterics as more tears streamed from her eyes. Jellal watched the girl with a worried look on her face as the scene formed around them. The ground transformed into a mountain cliff, shapes settled to form the ruins of what used to be some kind of stone building. The sun could be seen rising through the mist that clung to the neighboring mountains. The sky was a beautiful shade of red and pink as the morning sun's rays started to force away the darkness of the night.
Jellal turned when he heard a second person sobbing. Sitting up against one of the ruins was the adult Erza. She was dressed in her white blouse and blue skirt. Her skin was marked with scratches and dirt and she sat with her knees up close to her chest and her arms wrapped around her knees. This Erza was already in hysterics.
"I'm sorry, Erza." Jellal said to try and comfort the young girl. At his words, the young girl dropped to her knees. "What can I do to help?"
"I don't know…" Erza responded with a slight whimper in her voice. "I feel as though my heart is breaking." She explained through her tears. Jellal got down on to his knees and pulled her into a hug. It was then that scene shattered into its random, whirling golden shapes. The two children didn't pay attention to how the scene changed this time. Instead Jellal focused on holding Erza close to him. Erza was focusing on trying to stop her tears from falling. Neither of them looked up until they heard something that chilled them both to their very core.
"I have no more time to play with you, Erza." This voice was one that had haunted both of their dreams for a long time. It reminded the two of a time that they would rather forget, but could never seem to escape.
It was Jellal's voice.
The two children broke away from each other to find that they were in what was the Tower of Heaven after it had been turned into a giant lacrima. The adult Jellal stood with a haughty air about him, hands in his pocket and adorned in his dark jacket as he explained to the woman about the energy stored in the lacrima and the need for a powerful human sacrifice. His eyes were cold and if it was even possible, his voice sounded colder. It was as if he was a completely different person. They young Erza had to remind herself that he was a different person back then.
Meanwhile, the adult Erza stood powerless to do anything as she was trapped by the magical binding snake enchantment, though she struggled nonetheless as a giant lacrima stone was brought up behind her and she was pushed into it.
"I loved you, Erza." The adult Jellal said coolly as a hint of mirth flashed in his eyes. The young Jellal felt so disgusted at his own actions that he felt sick. The boy began coughing as if he was having dry heaves and had a distinct feeling of bile in his throat and acid burning in his nose. The young scarlet haired girl watched as if she were frozen as she watched her adult-self curse and struggle to escape the lacrima that was slowly swallowing her.
"Jellal!" The woman screamed in frustration and the scene burst in the golden light once again.
"Jellal… are you okay?" Erza asked as she crawled over to the boy as he remained hunched over and coughing. She sniffed as a few more tears fell from her eyes.
"I should be asking you that." Jellal whispered back to the girl. Erza just shook her head as she reached out to hug Jellal.
"That memory was just as bad for you as it was for me." She whispered and squeezed the boy as tight as she could as if he would slip away if she wasn't careful. Jellal opened his mouth to apologize for his past actions, but found himself cut off before he could begin.
"I think I know what the connection is now." She said as the next memory began to unfold with another bright light. It was sunset in Magnolia by the river that ran through town. Erza saw herself standing in one of her first pieces of armor next to the river facing Gray, who was only in his underwear. This Erza had been crying, and Jellal could see a bandage that covered her right eye. Again, guilt washed over him, but Jellal looked on at the calm scene as he returned Erza's hug.
"Tell me something," Gray said with an almost accusing tone. "How come you're alone all the time?" The girl Gray addressed looked down at the ground before she softly replied to the boy.
"I just prefer to be alone." She said and paused before she continued.
"I lied to Gray that day." Erza said as she and Jellal watched as Gray sat down next to Erza by the river. Jellal looked down at the girl in his arms and with confusion, but didn't get the chance to ask her what she meant. The scene once again broke into the swirling golden shapes, though they seemed to be moving in slow motion this time. When they reformed, the two were greeted by a pleasant scene.
Erza and Jellal found themselves sitting in the midst a beautiful day in a small village. The town road was made of cobblestone and the many bushes and plants that hedged the buildings of the village supported a variety of different flowers. From where the two sat, birds could be heard chirping peacefully and in the distance, children could be heard playing. Erza stood slowly followed by Jellal. She took Jellal's hand and began walking down the road.
"What do you mean that you lied to Gray?" Jellal asked as he was being led through the village. Erza took a turn at a gate that surrounded a large building. It was similar in style to the other buildings in town, but this building was at least three stories. It looked slightly worn down, but nothing indicated that the building was uninhabitable or abandoned. In fact, the large yard and garden that surrounded the building was filled with the sounds of playing children. The sign by the building read: "Rosemary Village Orphanage."
"I was alone all the time because I felt like I was supposed to be alone." Erza said and wiped a stray tear from her eyes. She led Jellal around to the side of the orphanage. At the back of the building was a porch that overlooked the large open yard. An older woman sat on the porch swing, rocking back and forth while comforting a small child in her lap.
"I thought that no one wanted me, that for one reason or another I was just… insufficient and so I was just meant to be alone." Erza said in a quiet voice as she led Jellal to observe the child being comforted on the porch swing. The child was only about two or three years old and had beautiful scarlet colored hair that fell to her neck. She was dressed in a light green dress and had no shoes on her feet. She was softly crying as the older woman ran her hand through the small child's hair.
"That's you?" Jellal asked as they watched the woman sooth the toddler. Erza nodded and let go of Jellal's hand to cross her arms over her chest. She found that she felt more vulnerable now than she had in any of her previous memories.
"I was abandoned just outside the village. I never knew my parents. My earliest memories are of this orphanage. It wasn't until later that I began to venture out of the orphanage and into the village more. That was when I met Simon. It wasn't too long after I met Simon that our village was attacked and we both ended up at the Tower of Heaven."
"I am afraid that I don't understand." Jellal said as he turned away from the young girl to look at Erza.
"What don't you understand?" Erza said in a calm voice still watching the small child.
"All of these memories that we just went through… What is it that you are afraid of?" Jellal asked with hesitancy.
"I'm afraid that…" Erza paused to take in a shaky breath and look down at her feet. Tears began to fall again and although she tried to steady her voice, it still cracked when she spoke. "I'm afraid that no matter what I do or what I accomplish, I will always be that little girl that no one wants... I am afraid that I will always be lacking something... I'm afraid that no one will ever want me…"
"Erza…" Jellal whispered and took a step closer to her, but Erza shrugged away from his touch.
"I know that it's not true. I know that I have Fairy Tail and that they would never abandon me. I know that I have friends. I know that they are the closest thing that I have to a family and that I will always belong with them. But…" Erza said as she gripped her arms tighter. "… deep down I always wonder, will anyone ever truly want me? Not out of fear, or some silly obligation, or admiration, or some moral code of honor… just me."
Erza let out a breath that she didn't realize that she had been holding. There was some feeling of relief that came with admitting to her feelings out loud, even if it was just to Jellal and even if it was just in this weird dream world. All of the panic and anxiety that she felt since the beginning of this nightmare seemed to melt away to be replaced by a deep and aching feeling in her heart. The feeling was so encompassing that she didn't realize that Jellal had approached her again. Before she could react, Jellal brought her into a hug and began to rub her back soothingly with one of his hands.
"I will." He whispered.
"What?" Erza asked in confusion.
"I will always want you." He whispered again. "I'm not afraid of you. Though I feel obliged to fix everything that I have done to you, to everyone, I don't feel like my obligation is to want you. If anything, my moral code is telling me that wanting you is the last thing I should ever ask for and my feelings go so much deeper than admiration."
As Jellal spoke, Erza slowly brought her arms up to return his embrace.
"I want you. I just wish that I could show you how much." Jellal whispered.
"You aren't just saying that to make me feel better, right?" Erza asked in a quiet voice that was so uncharacteristic of her.
"I'm not." Jellal replied.
"Promise?" Erza said with a tired voice.
"I promise." Jellal said with a small chuckle. Erza released a small giggle of her own, realizing how silly and childish it was to ask Jellal to make her a promise. At the same time, she felt so soothed by his words that she felt some of the tense muscles in her shoulders and back begin to relax.
"Thank you, Jellal." Erza said and pulled herself out of his comforting embrace. She looked around at the calm and peaceful sounds of the orphanage and her eyes came to rest on the scarlet haired toddler, who had fallen asleep in the older woman's lap. "It's so peaceful here. I wish we could stay for a while longer…"
"I know what you mean." Jellal replied with a small smile on his face. "But we can't stay here forever."
"Yes, and the others will be waiting for us." Erza said with a self-assured nod. "How do we leave this place?"
"I am not sure." Jellal admitted. "With Gray, the environment remained the same, so we simply retraced our steps until we found our way back. Here everything changed and it changed so quickly that I couldn't tell if there was a distinct direction one way or the other."
"I think I know…" Erza said with a sniffle and a small smile as she reached out to take Jellal's hand. "I hadn't thought about it before, but each time the memory changed, it reminded me of something."
"What?" Jellal asked.
"My requip magic." Erza answered and closed her eyes. Once again, the scene changed in a swirl of golden shapes leaving the orphanage behind. Then in a blinding flash of light, the stone floor appeared followed by the walls and ceiling of the hallway leaving the pair right back where they started. She opened her eyes a breathed a heavy sigh when she saw that they had returned to the hallway.
"Your magic really is beautiful… when it's not terrifyingly quick and deadly." Jellal said with a smirk. Erza just smiled and started walking down the hallway without saying a word. After a few steps, a sapphire blue light pulsed through the hallway and Jellal noticed something strange. "The light was blue."
Erza turned and gave Jellal a confused look. Jellal smiled and took his hand to touch the Fairy Tail emblem on Erza's arm that had completely filled in. "Just like your guild mark."
Erza smiled at Jellal and blushed slightly when he touched her guild mark. The gesture seemed oddly intimate, despite its simplicity. She could understand why Gajeel had jerked away from everyone when they were trying to inspect his guild mark before.
"M-m-maybe it's part of the spell that brought us here?" Erza said and quickly turned back to continue walking towards the group.
"Wait." Jellal said causing Erza to turn towards him sharply. "I was going to ask you before. I want you to come with me." Jellal said nervously with a slight blush on his cheeks which earned him an odd look from Erza.
"I meant, I was going to ask if you would accompany me while I…" Jellal paused as he began to feel suddenly embarrassed from making the simple request. "I mean it would be a waste of t-time for us to g-go back to the others just to come back together… I mean unless you don't want to come with me…" Jellal said as he turned away from Erza and scratched the back of his head, feeling his embarrassment grow. Erza placed a reassuring hand on Jellal's arm.
"Yes, I will go with you."
There it is, the highly anticipated Erza chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it.
To Crimsonlink310: Cop-out is a strong word. These are simply my rationales for the way I have depicted the characters.
To Meffisto: Don't think of the fears as having been resolved. Many of these feelings that each of them are facing are far too complex to be resolved so quickly. Instead, think of it as acceptance of their fears.
Just a reminder for all of you, I am leaving for vacation tomorrow and will not be back for over a week. I will try to post the next chapter when I get back.
Thank you to those who reviewed, followed, and/or favorited.
Please review to let me know what you think.
