Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Thank you PAD and Daph for your dedication to this story. I am deeply appreciative of the time you spend to help me out. Amazing friends you are!

All mistakes are mine, and Daphodill has nothing to do with it. I tweaked it up just a bit before posting.

*FYI ... I truly appreciate all reviews. Good, bad or indifferent. This is an emotional story so I brace myself each time I post, because I know it affects each one of you so differently. I love you all ... just know that!

Song Choices: Come Home by One Republic

Don't Let Me Down by The Beatles

Careless Hearts

Chapter 11 – Come Home

The only thing keeping Edward from Bella at this moment was the thin, wooden door of room number ten. Absent were the thousands of miles of the recent past, the sleeping meds, the dead cell phones, or the blizzard conditions. No. What separated them was a piece of fucking wood meant to keep one safe while locked behind it.

Edward pressed his forehead to the door, willing Bella to let him in.

"Love? Please?"

Her eyes closed at the endearment. She'd never tire of it … a simple word Bella thought she'd never again hear fall from Edward's lips. Bella's hand pressed firmly around the cool metal doorknob, seconds away from facing her fears. She hastily wiped her nose and then the tears that leaked from her eyes.

"Edward?"

She responded with barely a whisper, twisting her wrist to the right to let in the man that she had so easily shut out. The one Bella hadpromised her heart to before he decided to leave her, yet again, entrusting her with another man. Garrett.

Slowly, the dark, wooden door that stood in the way cautiously opened. Regretful, watery, brown eyes peered around the door, and sad, green eyes peered back.

"Love?"

Edward stood inches from the threshold, waiting to be invited to cross. He didn't want to send her retreating. He didn't want to push her and make her flee again. So he stood in the least threatening way he knew how: with his hands stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans. Edward wanted to grab Bella, pull her to his warm chest, and beg her to come home with him. To forget the past. But he knew better than to assume it would be that easy.

Bella nodded, looking at the man that she had missed beyond comprehension for the past months. Her eyes were not focused on his, but rather on the collar of his shirt just under his stubbled chin. She nervously chewed on her lip. Edward wasn't due home until who knows when, so to see him standing there begging for acknowledgement had Bella grappling for answers she wasn't prepared to give. Shattered by what she had done, Bella had left a letter for Edward to find. She couldn't have sat around and waited for him to come home—not with Garrett there. She had to get away. But they found her, and it was time to woman up and say what she needed to say.

"Come in." Bella motioned slightly with the hand that wasn't holding onto the door knob.

If Edward had kept in better contact, then Bella wouldn't have so cowardly left the pink letter in his mailbox, he thought. Hell, if he had kept in better contact, she and Garrett never would have slept together in the first place.

Bella told herself what she believed was true; it played like a broken record in her mind—justifying the things that had happened in recent days. It truly wasn't that she was cowardice, though. She had needed to purge the indiscretions from her body, and the only way she knew how—at the time—was to write it down in her own words and leave it for him. She didn't know when she'd see or talk to Edward again, and ... Bella knew for a fact she wouldn't be able to say exactly what needed to be said if Edward were standing right in front of her. So she resorted to the next best thing.

The pink letter.

Edward stepped in slowly standing awkwardly as the door closed behind him. Never, not since the day he met her, had he felt uncomfortable around Bella. So this feeling running through his body, making his stomach churn and his palms sweat, was new.

He spoke first, breaking the tension. "I know you said you needed some time to think, but Bella ... we need to talk. No more putting it off." His face was marred with worry lines embedded deep in his brow.

"I know." Bella finally raised her eyes to meet his, but only for a second. Her heart fluttered in the way that only Edward could inspire, but this time there was also fear. How she was going to say what she needed to say?

"I guess the best place to start is from the beginning."Edward motioned for Bella to sit on the bed. He took the chair by the desk, pulling it out and facing her.

Bella took a seat on the edge of the bed; she felt as though she were hanging part way off a cliff, dangling without a safety net. The net she had always relied upon, was now somewhere else in the Inn, licking his wounds, she imagined. It felt as though she was on trial, facing her doom.

Suddenly, her words were like knives slicing through tension that filled the room. She said what had been on her mind in the days before. Anger from being left behind surfaced, spilling out of her mouth like acid burning through metal.

"You left me."

"No!" Edward countered. Shaking his head as the word left his mouth. He was surprised that was the first thing Bella said. He envisioned something more along the lines of "I love you". But why not start out with a slap in the face to really get his blood pumping? "I didn't leave you Bella."

"It sure felt like you were gone." The accusations were more than just a distance euphemism. She meant it the way it sounded.

"I called you, Love. Every fucking week, I called you!" His voice was harsh. In his opinion, this mess wasn't his fault, but he understood now how it all became misconstrued. "Twice a-fucking-week."

Edward rested his elbows on his knees, scrubbing his tired eyes with his hands. Maybe this conversation should have waited a little longer. He didn't want to get hostile, but it was surely headed in that direction.

"No, you didn't. I think I would have at least remembered that, Edward."

"Yes, I left. I did it for us, damn it. But never did I leave you with the intentions of not coming back home to you." He stood from the chair, pacing in front of Bella.

Their talk had quickly become a blame game, and he needed to redirect the way things were headed or he'd surely be without the one person that meant the world to him.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Garrett explained some things to me." Thinking on the intimate details of Garrett and Bella's affair resurfaced his anger and hurt. He tamped them down to get to the heart of the problem. "He told me you were medicating before bed?"

Bella's eyes pinched up at the sides. It took her a few seconds to respond, but she nodded her head. Embarrassed, she didn't know why that was relevant.

"Why were you doing that?"

"I needed it, Edward. Don't you understand? I ... I..." Bella stopped. She hadn't fully come to terms with the possibility that she had been depressed. She knew she wasn't the same when Edward left. She had problems sleeping, and she wasn't eating properly. Not to mention she tried for a while to shut out the world, namely Garrett.

"Make me understand Bella."

Reliving the days that she couldn't sleep, only to finally drift off right before her alarm, and then not want to get up when it did buzz, was frightening. Bella had zero motivation to do anything more than go to work. Despair overshadowed everything. So Bella shook her head, not ready to voice these things with Edward. It scared her.

"Don't you see B? You didn't remember my calls."

The thought hadn't even crossed her mind that their estrangement had been a miscommunication. Bella's eyes widened. She figured she had been pushed by the wayside for work. Forgotten. She understood how it was when Edward was active military; he had no say in leaving. This time, though, he chose to leave, taking a job out of the country. That decision he made on his own. He didn't consult her—they didn't make this decision as a couple.

"What?"

"I called you twice a week and you don't remember because you were taking meds. Garrett told me you were."

Edward's posture loosened and he stopped pacing as the root of the problem was now on the table for her to see.

"I remember having nightmares of losing you. But the few nights a week I did have peaceful rest were the nights ..." Bella's voice lowered to a whisper, barely loud enough for Edward to hear. "... I dreamt about you."

Edward nodded his head, "And those were probably the nights I called you. I couldn't call you during the day. It was hard enough to even make the calls I did. I was out in the field mostly, only coming back to our base to refuel the chopper, grab supplies, and bring back the people we were rescuing."He started pacing again. Working out the details was messier than he had thought it would be.

Bella hung her head. She was ashamed that her trust in Edward had wavered so much that she lost all sense of self.

"Ohmygosh."

With of the truth of what happened revealed, Bella's hands covered her mouth, and she bowed her head.

"Love." Edward knelt in front of Bella, his hands resting on either side of her body. He wanted to pull her into a hug, touch her, and soothe her. He hesitated because of her earlier recoiling. He didn't want to push, not right now. "Look at me."

Fragile hands lifted from her face. Tears dripped from her eyes.

"You were thinking of me."

"You didn't think so?" His brows pinched together in disbelief. "I promised you forever B. Mi Ami Sempre." The words of Love Me Always shattered her. She did love Edward, and wanted to love him always. Bella wanted him to love her as well, but they had more to discuss which would be much harder than decoding the late night, drug-addled phone conversations.

Bella touched Edward's chest. It was their first real touch since saying goodbye. His chest was warm and hard, and his heart was pounding much like hers. She wanted to push him back just a bit, so she had some room to breathe. All of a sudden the room was closing in on her. The inevitable was coming, and she needed space to say all the things that would most likely break him into tiny pieces. It was her turn to pace.

Backing away with the slightest of Bella's touch, Edward gave her the space she silently asked for.

"Sit." Bella said as she stood. Edward took the seat on the bed where Bella had sat.

"I know you read the letter I put in your door ... and I should explain what happened." Her voice quivered at the thought of actually verbalizing what had happened between her and Garrett. She hadn't spoken out loud about their tryst; but now was the time to lay it all on the line and get it off her chest. Bella had to be brave enough to just say it and not hide behind the letter or the refuge she had found in the Inn .

"Please spare me the details, B," Edward begged. He had already suffered through Garrett's retelling. He didn't think he'd survive if Bella told the same story again. Twice in two days would be pure torture. "Garrett told me already."

When Edward spoke the words, she felt instant humiliation, regret, and sorrow. She hated that Edward had to hear these things at all, let alone from Garrett.

"Um, I won't give you details, but you need to hear what I have to say."

Bella had done a little soul searching since she'd been at the Inn. Not once in her life had she ever really, truly been on her own. Yes, she lived alone, but she always had the security of either Edward or Garrett to fall back on. They were her crutches, and she was forever grateful to them, but at the same time, she figured out she needed to stand on her own two feet and work through some issues that obviously had plagued her for years.

"Okay, you have my full attention."Edward was sincere. He wanted Bella to be able to say anything to him. That's what two people in love did, right?

"I want to apologize to you, Edward. I never meant to hurt you. What happened between me and Garrett was wrong, but I felt like you had abandoned me."

Edward wanted to interject, but he bit his tongue and nodded his head, letting her clear the air. It still pissed him off to think of her beautiful body in another man's arms.

"It wasn't planned. It just ... happened." Edward noticed Bella swipe at a tear as she continued.

"I was lonely, I felt like you left me, and I was ... depressed." She paused because it was the first time she had outwardly said so much about how she truly had felt.

"I did take some sleeping pills because I was a mess, and they gave me some respite from thinking about you nonstop. My mind wouldn't turn off, Edward."

Her pacing was making Edward dizzy, and he reached out and took hold of her wrist, finally pulling her to him to take a seat on his lap.

Bella complied, but her body was stiff, and didn't meld into him like it had in the past. Edward's arms instinctively wrapped around Bella's body, pulling her in for a hug, it had been far too long since he had felt her warmth.

The embrace that Bella found herself in was comforting, but it felt wrong at the same time. She hadn't said what she truly needed to say, and until she did, she wouldn't be able to really relax. Even then, she doubted Edward would want to touch her.

"I've missed you so much." Edward buried his nose in Bella's neck and breathed her in. He missed her scent and the weight of her on him—although she was much lighter than when he had left her. He'd get to that later though.

"I missed you too." It wasn't a lie. She wanted more than anything to have Edward back into her arms and love him forever, but with all that had happened, she knew better to think that it could all just fit nicely back together without someone holding a grudge.

"Love, let's forget this ever happened, just please come home." Edward begged.

Bella wanted that, truly she did, but something in her wouldn't let her agree to his request. It was too easy to sweep it under the rug and ignore it. Put it on a shelf and bring it out later during a fight and hold it against one another. No, she wasn't going to let this happen. She needed to do what was best for both of them and going home right now wasn't it. Bella shook her head no. Edward's looked confused. Didn't she want to come home? Didn't she miss him? Or was she in love with Garrett? He hadn't asked that question, and maybe that's what had taken Bella and Garrett so long in the room just minutes earlier. Maybe they were confessing their undying love to one another, and he was just a fool sitting by the fire, assuming she was kicking him to the curb. Instantly he felt like a dumb ass.

"Oh ... I get it." His voice was gruff. "You and Garrett?"

Bella was speechless. Telling Garrett she loved him as a best friend was one the hardest things she had ever had to do. The look in his eyes tore her wide open. He was an angel as far as she was concerned. He had saved her so many times, she had lost count. Bella wasn't going to let anyone blame him for loving her or vice versa. Infidelity happens; it wasn't planned, they both had a weak moment, and they both were taking responsibility for it.

"No." Bella countered. She tried to get up from Edward's lap, but his hold on her was too strong.

"Then what B? I'm confused." A loud sigh escaped him, and he looked in her eyes.

"Edward." Bella knew that this wasn't going to sit well with him, but she had to bite the bullet and just say it. "I'm not coming home. I'm staying here." She finally sagged in his arms.

With a dagger in his heart he answered, "There is nothing here for you, Bella."He scanned the room wondering what she saw in this place. It was nice, but he couldn't see why she would want to stay. This was not her home.

"I need some time to work on me, Edward. I don't expect you to understand."

"I'm not leaving until you come with me." His stubbornness was second to none, and so was his temper when he felt cornered. He wouldn't give up that easily, and she knew it. Bella was going to have to bring out the big guns if she were going to get him to leave.

"Edward, I might not ever go home. I'm sorry." Tears resurfaced in her eyes, blurring the man that held her to his chest. Edward's arms held her tighter when she uttered her next words. "Please know I'll always love you."

The wall that Edward had constructed around himself while on his search for Bella had once and for all crumbled. His tears flowed unrestricted, and his heart broke; the heaviness in his chest was crushing. He felt like he couldn't breathe. The beats of his heart slowed almost to a standstill feeling like it could no longer pump the thick blood running through his body. There was no life without his Love.

"No ... you have to change your mind. You have to come home with me."Edward pleaded. "I need you B. I need you so badly. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're mine." Edward cried, and his words drifted. "You're mine." His head lowered in defeat, but he wasn't going to give up. He was in a weakened state of distress and just needed some comfort.

Bella hugged tightly to Edward. Her tears soaked through Edward's shirt. His wouldn't let go of her, he stood holding Bella in his arms and walked to the side of the bed laying her down in the middle. He needed to lay with her in his arms. It had been too long, and he needed to feel her, encompass her with his body. Change her mind.

He crawled in next to her putting his arms around her and turning her on her side to face him. Edward placed gentle kisses on her forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, and then her mouth. His hands roamed her back pulling her flush with his body. He hooked his leg over hers feeling as though he couldn't get close enough, breathing her in. His fingers were wet from swiping at both their tears, so he wiped them on his jeans, and then enveloped his Love once again, never wanting to let go.

"I can't live without you." His whispers cut deep in her heart. If only he wouldn't have left her. Maybe they wouldn't be in this position. But now she had a very small taste of what life on her own could be. She needed to be strong for her, and then she could revisit the idea of being with Edward again. It would be better the second time, she thought. But she wasn't going to rush things; they would have to happen on their own. He would have to understand.

"Yes you can, Edward. You've done it before." She rubbed his cheek lightly with the pads of her fingers. Their lips were mere inches apart. She could almost taste him; his breath was familiar—intoxicating, making her woozy. She had needed this so much in the last few months, and now it almost seemed too little too late. Her eyes fluttered, and she kept them closed, knowing she shouldn't be the one to initiate a kiss.

"I don't want to." He said breathlessly before closing the gap between them. He didn't want to live without Bella and up until just a few days ago, he never thought it a possibility. Edward had planned on asking Bella to marry him as soon as he had returned, but that all went to shit when he realized what had gone on mere days before his return.

The kiss was slow and sensual. Exploring, tasting, exchanging breaths between them, relishing in the warmth of the other, brought back fond memories. The warmth between both Edward and Bella was comfortable, and it would have been so easy for Bella to cave and just go home with him, but she had made a decision and she was going to stick to it. She didn't want to see him unhappy, but right now their hearts beat for different reasons.

His for hope and hers for strength.