Chapter 11
Ever since she had been paged by Arizona to tell her that she was in surgery and she'd be late, Callie had gone through a range of emotions. She felt sorry for Arizona that she was having such a hard day after the horrors of yesterday but she also felt relief that she didn't have to delay meeting up with Arizona so she could have this drink with Erica. Then she felt guilty for not telling Arizona she was going for the drink with her ex and perhaps guilty about the fact she was going to meet up with Erica at all. She also felt a little scared because she wasn't sure she was prepared to hear what Erica had to say to her. So all in all Callie had spent the whole afternoon worrying about what she was doing and what consequences her actions could have.
Speaking with Mark hadn't helped at all because he didn't seem to understand how much she needed to hear Erica's excuse for leaving. He just thought she was being silly but he didn't see how much she needed closure with Erica. She had wished for closure anyway but now Erica was back in Seattle and working as her boss then Callie needed it more than ever.
She did listen to Mark slightly though. She didn't want her drink with Erica to be misinterpreted so he purposefully didn't make much effort when she went home to get ready. She found a pair of casual jeans and a burgundy top to put on that she had worn several times to Joe's. The outfit was smart but casual, the kind of thing you would wear at a bar with friends, and couldn't possibly be misinterpreted by anyone as the kind of thing you would wear to a date. She didn't even bother putting any more make up on than she would usually wear for work.
She was meant to have finished her shift at six but hadn't actually got away till half past because she had to reset a man's arm after he had fallen of a ladder. He had only come in to the ER at ten to six so he had delayed her considerably. So by the time she'd changed out of her scrubs and walked across the street to her apartment it had been nearly seven which gave her an hour to get showered, changed, fed and then get back across to the hospital lobby. She had been showered and changed surprisingly quickly due to her lack of effort and had 'borrowed' a microwavable noodle meal of Christina's. This meant that she actually got the hospital lobby with a couple of minutes to spare, rather than being late like she had thought she would be.
Erica was already stood in the lobby waiting but she hadn't seen Callie's arrival because she was facing the other way with her back to the door. Callie took a few seconds to gain her composure as she stared at the back of Erica's thin knee length black jacket until she was ready to get the blonde's attention.
"Erica" her voice came out weak and childlike but it hadn't gone unheard because the cardio surgeon instantly swung round to face her. Callie instantly felt uneasy because of the broad smile Erica was flashing at her.
"Callie" Erica greeted her, "I look a little formal I'm afraid, I didn't have time to go get changed so I'm wearing what I wore to address the board with."
Her smart black coat was open at the front and underneath it she was wearing black trousers, a white blouse and a fitted black blazer. Callie hadn't really paid much attention to what she had been wearing that morning but she could have sworn she'd been in scrubs and a lab coat. It seemed odd that Erica had been announced as the temporary chief before a meeting with the board but Callie just brushed it off because the appointment wasn't made under normal circumstances.
"You look a little smart for Joe's" Callie admitted, ignoring the topic of Erica's appointment for now.
"Uck!" Erica made a dissatisfied noise, "can we avoid Joe's please? Too many prying eyes and ears!"
"Erm...yeah sure" Callie agreed. She could understand why Erica would want to avoid going where people knew them, especially because people would keep trying to talk to her because she was the new chief. Derek usually avoided Joe's because of the same reason; only occasionally venturing in to chat to Meredith if she was in there. On the other hand though Callie kind of wanted people to see her at Joe's so that they would see that the pair where just talking and that nothing more gossip worthy was happening.
"You sure that's okay?" Erica checked, "you seem a little hesitant."
Callie just nodded in response; she didn't want to engage in a conversation about them being the hospital's daily dose of gossip especially as Erica probably wasn't aware that everyone in the hospital seemed to know that she and Callie had dated.
"Great" Erica seemed very chipper, "should we walk to Parker's?"
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Parker's was a slightly more upmarket bar about two blocks away which Callie very rarely frequented. She had been a few times with Erica before they had started dating; when they wanted to avoid a drunken Mark Sloan trying to come on to either of them.
Callie had been pretty silent on the way over and had just let Erica recount her day to her in more detail than was probably necessary. At least Erica was showing signs of being nervous too and it wasn't just her. Once they had got to the bar Callie had gone to find a seat whilst Erica went to the bar to get wine. She had let Erica go to the bar because she wanted to find a table in the middle of the room where they were surrounded by people rather than letting Erica pick a more secluded one. She had hoped that Erica would be a few minutes at the bar so she could text Arizona in peace but the blonde appeared with a bottle of red and two glasses within seconds of Callie sitting down.
"I better not drink too much" Erica began talking the instant she sat down. "I flew in overnight so I haven't had much sleep and I'm probably a little jet lagged."
"Yeah you got her really quickly considering the job only became open yesterday" Callie knew she was saying what the whole hospital was probably thinking but she tried to keep her tone light. Erica's eyes fell towards the wine glass she had just poured on the table and there was suddenly an awkward silence between the two of them.
"The job did only become open yesterday didn't it right?" Callie felt like she was going to be sick as she watched Erica's brow knit. The board had obviously already sounded Erica out; she could see it in the older woman's facial expression. Derek was already in line to lose his job before the shooting so what chance did he have of keeping it afterwards? Even more importantly could Callie cope if Erica was his full time replacement?
"Callie I can't talk to you about this..." Erica's voice trailed off and she shifted in her seat uncomfortably.
"I know" Callie admitted, "but Jesus Erica, why are you here? You walked away telling me you wanted to report the hospital to the authorities! Surely this is the last place you'd want to be?"
Callie hadn't planned to be so combative with Erica but she felt seriously irked about the whole situation. Why would Erica turn her back on her and the hospital only to consider coming back full time? She had found it strange enough when she thought it was a temporary visit but this was totally unbelievable!
"Callie" Erica was instantly combative back. "I left the hospital for a number of reasons, Izzie Steven's the organ stealing resident being one of them. Let's be honest though the main reason I left was because of you."
Callie tried to keep her expression unchanged but she failed miserably because hearing those words hurt. Not because they were a shock to her, she'd always known Erica had run away from her, but hearing it from the women herself stung considerably more than she had expected it too. She was determined she wouldn't cry though, even if she couldn't hide the fact it hurt her completely.
"Listen I'm sorry this isn't going the way I planned it too" Erica soothed the situation, "just let me talk alright and explain."
Callie nodded, not trusting herself to speak when she felt so chocked up. Anyway, this is why she'd agreed to meet up with Erica right? She's wanted an explanation for Erica's disappearance and here it was being offered to her.
"I was already so worried that I was setting myself up for a fall with you that after I heard you talking about looking after other surgeons backs I just had to get away from everything. I just couldn't believe you would side with Izzie Steven's of all people and not me. I guess I just realised I wasn't your priority...that I liked you far more than you liked me and that it was going to end badly if I tried to stick it out."
Callie listened to Erica without interrupting but she was hurt by her words. She had not been siding with Izzie Steven's but with the hospital that she worked in and had grown to love. It was the hospital where her friends worked too and if Erica had reported the hospital then people's jobs and reputations would have been at risk. More people would have been hurt by it then just Izzie Steven's. Could Erica really care so little about her colleagues at the hospital that she didn't see how it would have affected them too.
"You can glare at me all you like" Erica remarked, "What else was I mean to think after how you behaved?"
"I really really liked you Erica or I wouldn't have even contemplated dating you" Callie protested, causing the blonde to snort in response.
"What?" Callie asked, irritated by Erica's reaction.
"You had a strange way of showing it!" Erica was almost laughing and it made Callie even more annoyed. She had thought she was straight before meeting Erica and she had been brave and followed her feelings so why the hell was it not clear that she had really liked Erica? She'd made mistakes sure but she had also taken a big leap into the unknown to give them the opportunity to be together. Erica seemed just as agitated as she was and the blonde gestured with her hands frantically as she began to speak again.
"I mean, you slept with Sloan for god's sake when we were meant to be together...Twice! Twice in one ..."
"I know and I'm sorry" Callie interrupted, "I was just so confused..."
"Confused?" Erica cut in, "It's not an excuse! You just don't treat people like that! You could have come and talked to me about it and we'd have worked things out but noooo you had to go jumping in to bed with Mark Sloan to test out your sexuality!"
Yes, this was the part of the conversation Callie had been dreading because she knew that Erica had every right to be angry with her. Callie didn't have a leg to stand on really, she had behaved terribly and the reality of the matter was that she had chased Erica away by doing so.
"I expected to come back and find you still sleeping with Mark Sloan or dating some guy or even a few months into your second marriage...I just didn't expect to come back and find you dating another woman and I really didn't expect you to be dating a woman so damn openly. So that kind of hurts because now I know that I made a huge mistake...That if I'd give you more time then you'd have sorted your head out but I didn't and now I have to spend at least two weeks in a hospital with a woman I want to kill because I know she's sleeping with you and I'm not and I should have been!"
Callie didn't know what to say to Erica's little rant other than just sit there open jawed at the blonde. She had said more than Callie really wanted to hear; firstly because Erica really had expected Callie to just revert back to men and act like her little experiment was over. Secondly, Callie wished she hadn't mentioned anything about being jealous of Arizona because it was awkward and uncomfortable to hear about. It also probably meant that Erica was going to be really awkward with Arizona which wasn't fair on her. Callie was going to pull Erica up over the topic of Arizona and ask her to try and be fair with her girlfriend but Erica was already talking again.
"So I meant what I said, I did leave the hospital because of you" Erica continued, "but you're the reason I came back too."
"You can't say that to me!" Callie instantly protested, ignoring the tiny flutter she felt in her chest. It was unfair of Erica to be so forward with her but typically brash of her, rather like she had been the first time she'd asked Callie out on a date. Callie couldn't remember the wording but it was something about food, drink and trying to remove her of her clothing at the end of the night.
"I know, I'm sorry" Erica apologised, "perhaps I should subtly change the subject and ask you what you've been up to this past couple of months?"
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Once they had left the uncomfortable discussion about their past behind they had actually sat for an hour and discussed what had happened in their careers since they had last seen the other. Callie had become an attending since then and had been sacked and rehired over the issue so she had plenty to say. Erica hadn't known about George's death either so Callie had filled her in on what had happened. Erica had less dramatic things to talk about but she had performed a couple of stellar surgeries that were worthy of discussion as well as a nomination for an award that she was still awaiting the results of.
Once it had hit ten pm Callie had declared her need to go home. She wanted to get back before Arizona did but she didn't give Erica that reason. Instead she stuck with the safe 'I'm tired after everything that has happened' excuse which Erica seemed to buy. Callie had expected Erica to get a cab to wherever she was staying but instead she had insisted on walking Callie the ten minute hike back to her apartment. The first five minutes was undertaken in silence but then Erica suddenly spoke up.
"I like the necklace you're wearing."
Callie followed Erica's eyes down to the chain around her neck and fingered the pendant with her hand nervously. This was an awkward topic for them to get onto considering how Erica had admitted she was jealous of Arizona and Callie's relationship in the bar before.
"Arizona bought it for me" Callie explained quietly, "Oh Arizona is..."
"Dr Robbins, your girlfriend the PED surgeon...Yes I know" Erica replied irritably as she looked away from Callie.
Callie cringed at the tone of Erica's voice but the blonde didn't see because she was already power walking again leaving Callie trailing her slightly. They were about 500 yards from the apartment when Callie decided the silence was too awkward and began to converse again.
"You really didn't have to walk me back you know" she ventured, "you should have got a taxi back to whatever hotel they have put you up in."
"I'm not in a hotel" Erica chuckled, "I'm living in the basement of the hospital for the time being so I haven't gone out of my way at all."
Callie tripped over her own feet in shock but managed to stay upright with a little help from Erica's arm which shot out to steady her. They continued walking but Erica had slowed down again now so they could walk together.
"You're being serious?" Callie couldn't quite picture Erica Hahn, goddess of Cardio, slumming it in the basement like she had.
"It seemed like an interesting idea at the time" Erica admitted, "now the fact I'm living in your old home in an effort to get close to you seems like time wasted because you've moved on."
They were virtually at the apartment's doorstep now and Callie came crashing to a halt at Erica's words. She really had come to Seattle to win Callie back and it was hard not to feel a little sorry for her even though she'd hate the idea of Callie pitying her.
"Erica ..." Callie couldn't think what to say to her so she trailed off. The blonde looked at her expectantly but Callie found she couldn't look Erica in the eye because of the intense gaze the older woman was subjecting her to.
"This is awkward" Erica stated after a few moments of tense silence. Callie finally looked up from her feet to find Erica smiling at her a little too warmly. It was an affectionate smile, one that held a lot of fondness and feeling.
"Don't look at me like that" Callie grimaced. Her words sounded pathetic even to her own ears but they seemed to just make Erica smile more.
"Like what?" Erica played dumb.
"Like you care!" Callie sounded like a petulant child but she beyond caring right now.
"I do care!" Erica's answer was quick fired back at her, "I can't hide that."
Callie rolled her eyes in frustration, wishing that Erica would just make the situation easier by just walking away. Then it occurred to Callie that she could walk away and then Erica would see that Callie wasn't interested.
"I've got to go...No doubt I'll see you in work tomorrow" Callie turned towards the steps of her apartment building.
"Callie" Erica's frustrated voice called out from behind her so she swung round to see what the blonde wanted. As she turned she felt Erica's hands grasp hers and Erica's lips graze across her cheek. Callie was a little stunned by the sudden assault but before she got time to protest Erica had released her and was stepping back and out of her personal space.
"I guess I better get back to the hospital" Erica began to edge away, "I have a mountain of paperwork to do and two resident's to try and replace so erm...see you around."
Callie watched as the temporary chief turned away and swiftly made her way across the road towards the hospital parking lot without looking back at her. She hoped that Erica would accept the fact she had a girlfriend and not try it on with her but she had the distinct feeling Erica was not one to give up that easily especially as the woman had just changed the dynamic between their parting by not letting Callie be the one to leave. Erica had made sure that she was in charge and had basically just asserted herself over Callie. Oh yes It was likely to be a rough couple of weeks with her around the hospital but at least now Callie had got over the initial shock of her being there. Now she just had to avoid Erica coming on to her for at least thirteen whole days.
