Disclaimer: The song is by Save Ferris.
I've been watching you and all you do
For quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
I should've know what was on your mind
I spent the entire night coming up with a plan. After meditating for most of the night, the way Kyle had taught me, I managed to push all my negative thoughts and worries to the back of my head and tried to come up with a plan. Once I started thinking with a clear head, I noticed many plot holes when it came to Stone's plan and the way I had handled things. I should have thought of using telepathy on Stone and figuring out where my grandmothers were the first time he told me that he'd kidnapped them. All I had to do was sift through his thoughts during breakfast the next morning, and orb over and leave with Grams and Aunt Phoebe and then go to Dumbledore and tell him what had happened. Instead I had panicked and done what he had demanded of me, driven off my friends. I didn't need to scry for my family when the person who knew where they were was right in front of me. I could have also gone to Mel for help; I should have called Kyle as soon as it had happened. Had the circumstances been different, had it been just another innocent and not my own family I would have gone about it rationally, but the fear of losing yet another person I loved was scary, paralyzing.
So here I was, at seven thirty on a Saturday morning in the Great Hall, waiting for Stone and his cronies to appear. Once he entered I would rapidly work my way through his thoughts and proceed to the next step. I just needed to know exactly what he knew about me and my family and who all were in on his plan and just how involved Voldemort was.
Another half an hour passed before the door of the Great Hall swung open and my friends appeared. They all looked well rested, happy.
I knew why I had done it. It even made sense.
Then why did my chest constrict painfully? Why didn't it feel right?
I missed them all. Not just Lily. Each and every one of them. Heck, I even missed Peter and his annoying habits. Just one measly day without them, thirty-six hours later, I realized just what an integral part of my life they all were. Now that I had all the alone time I always seemed to crave, I realized just how unwanted it was. I forced myself to think positive and tried to convince myself just how important it was to keep my friends out of this mess and come up with a much better plan to find my grandmothers and thwart Stone's plan.
I could not regret my actions of Thursday night and the week before that. I would not. It had worked out just the way I wanted to. I would soon forget the haunted look on Lily's face, Remus' face as he had agreed to the fact that he was done with me, James' anger at me for hurting Lily and Alice's haughty indifference. I was Alex Halliwell. I didn't give a damn about what others thought. And besides it wasn't as if I had done because I didn't have anything better to do. It was for their own good and they would realize that someday.
Lily took the seat on the other side of the third year who was sitting next to me. The others followed suit, taking seats near and around her. I should have moved, but my attention was on the fact that Stone had just entered the Hall himself.
I saw Stone's dark gaze settle on James who had his arm around Lily as he laughed at something Sirius had muttered dryly and then his gaze slowly flicked towards me. His lips curved into a smug smile and he inclined his blond head towards me.
Keeping my face blank, I reached for a piece of toast and pretended to be busy buttering it when all I was doing was focusing on Stone and lowering my defenses. I sucked in a quick breath as the thoughts of everyone present in the Hall hit me like a ton of bricks had been dropped on my head. The barely discernable din of people's mutterings and worrying, their happy thoughts and their sad thoughts, drowned my own as I fought to remain in control. The toast in my hand crumbled as my hand curled into a defensive fist. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I searched for Arbacus Stone in my head. Slowly by slowly, I managed to push the rest of the people out of my head and focused on Stone. Despite my discomfort, I couldn't help but smirk slightly, the stupid bastard barely had any defenses up and the ones that he had were so weak that they were barely there. Separating the disgusting yet irrelevant thoughts from the relevant ones, I gently coaxed him to think about my grandmothers and his plans for them.
What I realized had relief coursing through my veins.
Thank The Powers That Be.
Stone was looking to become a Death Eater. And to become one he had to prove himself. What better way than to present his Master with a magical fountain that would forever retain his youth? He had heard about the myth of the Fountain of Youth and hired an equivalent of the magical P.I. to investigate the authenticity of the myth. This P.I. had come across a couple of neutral beings- ones that were neither on the good nor the bad side, just existing to maintain the divine balance- down in the Underworld. He had used 'persuasive' means to extract information about the Charmed Ones and their family and the fact that the Fountain of Youth had not been destroyed. He had recruited the Lestranges to help him out. Once the three of them would acquire the Fountain, all three of them would claim responsibility for its find and reap the benefits their happy Master would bestow upon them. Infact he seemed so confident of his victory that he hadn't told the Lestranges where he had stowed my grandmothers, secure in the knowledge that he could keep them confined all by himself. Delving deeper, I found that he had them in an old hunting lodge his family kept in the country. I was further relieved to find that Voldemort didn't know about the Fountain or the fact that the Charmed ones were in a prospective Death Eater's custody. Also, Stone didn't know that Jenna was my half sister, thank Merlin and neither was he aware of my Aunt Mel's whereabouts.
Focusing on Stone's knowledge of the lodge, I nudged a mental picture of it and silently cajoled his brain to think about it's every aspect. There wasn't much security, just an old family butler under strict instructions to keep my grandmothers restrained at all times and to feed them sparsely at regular intervals. The butler was to sit outside their room at all times and not enter unless absolutely necessary.
Suddenly his thoughts started to flow even smoothly as he started to think about the lodge all by himself. He was planning to apparate to the lodge and check on things while he was down in Hogsmeade. His thoughts were laced with smugness at his apparent covertness and intelligence. Boy! was I going to miss seeing that look on his face when he realized that the Charmed ones had disappeared from right under his pointed nose. Convinced that I had everything that I needed to know, I withdrew from Stone's mind and winced at the full force of everyone's thoughts hit me once again. Steadily, I drew my mental blocks up in place and sighed thankfully as I heard my thoughts clearly once again. I hated losing myself in other people's thoughts, having to pick my own from everyone else's. For once, however, I was eternally grateful for my ability to read minds. Things weren't as bad as I had thought them to be. Once I got my grandmothers out of there, Stone wouldn't be able to do anything to me, and he wouldn't be able to tell Voldemort about it either, as Voldemort hated failure above everything else.
As I got used to the silence in my head, I realized that I still held the toast in a death grip. Wincing, I unclenched my fist and dropped the toast in my plate and wiped my buttery palm with a paper napkin. Sniffing my slightly runny nose, I thought about what I was going to do next. Get my grandmothers first, then call Kyle and let him know everything was fine. If I went to him first he would insist that I stay behind and he handle everything, but I didn't want that. I wanted to handle this on my own, I had lost too much for it and I needed closure and to see my grandmothers for myself. I planned on spending some time with them, and convince myself that they were fine. Then I would go to Mel and tell her what happened, maybe she would take me to some nice café in New York and treat me to coffee and bagels and talk about nonsense and distract me. Then I'd head back and talk to Dumbledore.
Now that was a plan. All I had to do was go back to the dorm and change into more comfortable clothes, return the Book of Shadows back to the manor, as well as the Golden Chalice. As far as I was concerned there was no further need of them. Kyle was supposed to head out to the Underworld tonight, to look for the Fountain, but I was hoping to get Grams and Aunt Phoebe before that. By midnight tonight, I would be home with my family, if all worked out the way it was supposed to.
So let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end
Tonight
Cuz' I'm starting to fall
So let me in
Shivering slightly, I pushed open the door and stepped into the Three Broomsticks, one of the local pubs, best known for its delicious Butterbeer and its gorgeous owner, Madam Rosmerta. The Three Broomsticks, a favourite among both Hogwarts students and teachers, was currently all but empty. Most students headed here after a long day of shopping out in the cold. Since the day had barely started and the pub had barely opened, it had only three customers. Heading straight for the bar, I dropped my backpack on the barstool next to me and pulled off my gloves and shrugged off my coat. Resting my fore hands on the bar, I waited for someone to serve me.
"Hey there, honey." A warm, husky voice greeted me.
"'Lo Rosie." I replied, bending my elbow to cup my face.
"You don't look so good." Rosmerta herself appeared from the doorway that led to the kitchen, tying an apron round her waist. She was short but curvy, with blond curls and blue eyes. Most of the Hogwarts boys had huge crushes on her. Aside from being beautiful, she was a warm hearted woman with a smile and a kind word for everyone.
"I'm fine." I lied.
And she called me on it. "Where's Lily and that flirt of a boyfriend of her's?"
"I don't know." I was exhausted and cranky.
"That bad, huh?" She leaned forward, her own hands cupping her face.
"Just get me some firewhisky."
"Sure, just as soon as you show me your id."
I sighed. "Fine. Butterbeer then."
I dropped my head on the bar, trying to fight my sleepiness.
Rosmerta came back with a tankard of Butterbeer and a plate of cold pasta.
"I'm not hungry." I told her and slid the plate across the bar back to her.
"Alex, you look terrible. You're pale and you have bags under your eyes darker than a new moon night. Just drink the beer and eat the pasta. You'll feel better." Her eyebrows were raised and her mouth was set in a firm line.
I snorted and reached out to pull the plate back towards me. My plan was to wait here till Stone returned from checking on my grandmothers and then I would head out myself. During my perusal of his mind, I had found out that he planned to meet the Lestranges here and talk about how they were going to proceed forward. Just thinking about Stone and the Lestranges made anger pool into my stomach.
"Alex." Rosmerta voice drew me from my thoughts. "Eat." She pointed at the place.
Muttering to myself, I drew the tankard to my lips and drank deeply. I closed my eyes as I felt the warm liquid slide down my oesophagus and pool into my stomach. After another drink I could actually feel the clouds of exhaustion that fogged my brain clear. I let out a sigh on contentment. Picking up a fork, I speared the pasta and a sliced mushroom and popped it in my mouth. The flavour of tomatoes and delicately flavoured herbs exploded on my tongue and my teeth sunk into the chewy mushrooms and the soft pasta, making my groan softly in pleasure.
"It can't be that good." A familiar soft voice whispered to me from one side.
I froze mid bite, my fork suspended in the air right outside my mouth. After a beat, I pushed the fork into my mouth and chewed slowly. "Sirius." I finally acknowledged without turning my head.
Before he could say anything Rosmerta came back.
"Hey there handsome." She winked playfully. "You and Alex know each other?"
"No." I answered at the same time he replied, "Yes."
Rosmerta cocked an eyebrow in question.
Neither of us responded.
After a minute, she shook her head slowly. "What happened to your face?" She asked me.
Damnit, I had forgotten about the bruise. I touched my cheek lightly, "Ran into a wall."
Sirius snorted. "That's not what Angelica said happened."
I reached for the tankard and drained it. I didn't want to start a fight, especially in front of Rosmerta. Polishing off the pasta, I asked Rosmerta to bring me a steaming cup of coffee.
"Black, no cream, two sugar- yes?" She didn't wait for an answer, disappearing into the kitchen.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him turn in his seat and look at me. "If there's anything that you need… you only have to ask, Lexie." Tears pricked my eyes. Listening to that soft, comforting voice… remembering those times he'd held me close, kissed me, I had never felt that safe ever before. The gentle way he said my name, the promise in his voice, how I wanted to lean into his side and drag his arm around me.
"Why would I need anything?" I finally managed to ask.
I heard his frustrated sigh, "Would you at least look at me when I'm talking to you?"
When I didn't move, he grabbed the sides of the chair and swiveled it towards him. With his thumb and forefinger he lifted my chin to make me meet his gaze. "There is something going on with you and Stone." I opened my mouth to deny it, but his glare silenced me. "Don't insult my intelligence by denying it. Before the past week, you were fine. The others might not notice it, but I did. Alice, Mandy- they're all tired of your secrecy, your silence. But there has got to be a reason for it, and I'm willing to listen, Lexie. I'm willing to help. Lily is hurt, but she's worried too. James is having second thoughts, and Remus is miserable. We're all here to help, all you have to do is let us."
"There's nothing wrong. Nothing that I can't handle." I focused my gaze on the wall over his left shoulder. "It's none of your business."
"When you lash out at us, you make it our business." Sirius made a sound and his hands fell to my shoulders as he shook my. "Damn it, Lexie. Talk to me."
Finally I met his gaze and sucked in an involuntary breath. A lock of hair had fallen over his forehead into his eyes that were so dark they seemed black. Anger had pulled the skin over his cheeks taut, making them appear sharper than they really were and his skin was delicately flushed. Sirius Black when angry was breath-taking.
I closed my eyes for a second, relishing the feel of his strong fingers that gripped my shoulders. I was in such desperate need of comfort, just to be held that I was this close to putting my arms around his neck and resting my head against his steady heartbeat.
"There's nothing wrong." I repeated. "Why do you even care?" I tried to shrug off his hold.
"How can you even ask me that?" He sounded even more enraged, if that was even possible.
I snorted. "You're talking about that one kiss we shared? What I'm actually supposed to set great store by it? You are Sirius Black, you know that right?"
"For the last time, there haven't been that many girls." He said through gritted teeth.
"So you didn't avoid me, the days after we kissed?" I demanded. "And that wasn't Goldberg snuggling into you last night at dinner and you didn't smile and put your arm around her?"
"We're friends, Lexie. What else would you expect me to do, push her away?"
"I don't care what you do with her; just leave me the hell alone. I don't have time for this." I wrenched myself free and got off the stool and grabbed my backpack. Moving to where Rosmerta was standing, waiting curiously for us to finish our conversation, I took the disposable cup from her and asked for the bill.
"The pasta was on the house, honey, so it's twenty sickles and a knut." Out of nowhere, Sirius had appeared with the money in his hands. I smacked his hands, making his drop his money and dropped my own on the bar before rushing out. Not bothering with the coat, gloves and scarf in my hands, I turned blindly in one direction and started to walk.
Knowing I didn't have much time before Sirius caught up with me, I started to walk faster.
"Alex!" I heard him shout. I ignored him. "Alex!" He yelled again, his voice closer than before. So I ran. The coffee cup slipped from my hands and the dark liquid splattered against the white snow, but that just spurred me on.
"Lexie, wait!" And it sounded like he was right behind me. "Leave me alone!" I yelled, still running. The snow was in my eyes, making it very difficult for me to see where I was running, but somehow it didn't matter. All I wanted to do was to run away from him, to think and just get a hold of my feelings. I could vaguely make out my surroundings and it looked something like the Shrieking Shack. And then I remembered that the Shrieking Shack was haunted. That thought made me stop. That's when I looked around, and realized that I couldn't see anything. Not because I had suddenly gone blind or something but because my surroundings were in complete and utter darkness. My heart missed a beat, I swear, and I started to hyperventilate. In that very moment I forget about my charmed powers and Wiccan heritage or that I was most probably more powerful than whatever haunted this place. All I could say was, "Fucking hell." And I turned around to run out of there. Instead I ran into someone. So I yelled, really loudly, thrashing in the arms of my captor. He pulled me into his arms and held me there tightly. Just as I was going to orb out of there I heard the person say, "Shh. Calm down, Lexie. You're safe."
Hearing his voice made me start fighting again, "Let me go." But he wouldn't. His one hand was stroking my wet hair and his other hand was rubbing my back soothingly. All this while he was shushing me. And I had never felt safer. So I closed my eyes and waited. Willing myself to forget what had made me run in here in the first place, I rested my ear on his chest, his heart was beating as if to reassure me that I was in the arms of a living, breathing person and not some dead monster. I took several deep breaths, trying to stop myself from shaking but it didn't seem to work. His arms around me tightened and just for the moment I leaned fully into him. I breathed in the scent of his soap and the distinct stormy scent that was exclusively his and just like that I started to calm down. "Let me go now." And I tried to move out of his embrace, but he wouldn't let me go. So I tried harder, "Please you have to let me go. I'm not a big fan of the dark, please. I've gotta go." But he still let me go. But I really didn't care. I was still too scared. Maybe he knew that. Or maybe he was just being a damn bastard. "Let me go, I won't run." I grumbled. So he loosened his grip around me and tentatively released me from his stronghold in a way that made me think that if I showed the slightest sign of fear he'd pull me in his arms again, a thought which made my heart skip another beat. I opened my eyes and took a step back. It was still too dark and I was still too scared.
"Sirius?" I asked.
"What love?" His voice was strong and reassuring.
"Do you have your wand with you?"
"Of course." He said simply.
"Light it, will you?"
Three seconds later I heard him mutter, "Lumos." And then there was light. It wasn't much, but it was something. I sighed in relief.
I didn't look at him, instead I looked around. Shrieking Shack looked like a normal enough place. Well it would have been normal if it hadn't been for the dusty furniture that had been torn apart. There were scratches on the wall that had been made by something with very big and strong claws. As I ran my fingers through one such scratch I whispered, almost to myself, "Ghosts don't do this."
I jumped slightly when I heard him say, "No they don't."
I walked away from the wall to pick up my coat and scarf that I had dropped to the floor when he grabbed my arm, "Wait. We need to talk."
I didn't turn around, "Let me go." I said as I tried to grab my arm back, but he had a firm grip.
"I care." He said.
I looked at him with a expression that was half confused and half shocked. "There, I've said it. I care, Alex. And there are times I've questioned my sanity. I barely know anything about you. What I know for sure is that you don't seem to have a good opinion about me. You like my brother and Severus Snape. You're prickly and defensive and it's hard as hell to get you to talk. But I also know that despite appearances you seem to care about the people around you, most of all Lily. Which begs the question, why are you acting this way?"
"I'm not acting anyway. I was acting before and I got tired of it. I don't need anyone, weren't you listening the other night?"
"I listened and then remembered all those other times where your actions have shown something else entirely."
"Oh for God's sake, why are you so hell bent on making me out to be some self sacrificing saint? Take me off the pedestal."
Sirius' gaze softened as he raised a hand to touch my bruise lightly, "I'll make Stone pay for this." Then his hand moved lower and touched the small cut at the corner of my mouth where he'd backhanded me. "Did he do that too?"
This time when I shivered, it had nothing to do with the cold or fear. "Please." I whispered. "Leave me alone."
"Trust me, Lexie." He stepped closer, his breath hot on my cheek.
"Go away." Our lips were so close.
"Let me in." And then he settled his mouth over mine.
His hands slid up to cup my face and angle my head. I lost myself in the sensations of his lips over mine, his tongue against mine, his hands caressing my cheek and kneading my neck. It was like I was drowning and his kiss was the only thing that could save me. It was like the rain after a long, hot, dusty summer. It was comfort.
And hope.
And trust.
That thought pulled me back. I had betrayed all their trust a long time ago. The moment I had told them that my name was Alex Perry, I had lied. I didn't deserve their trust and I couldn't betray it any longer. I didn't deserve these people and I sure as hell didn't deserve their trust. Stepping out of the circle of his arms, I tried to ignore the fact that he dropped his arms readily.
"I can't." I whispered. "I have to go." Shakily, I picked up and pulled on my coat and gloves, and wrapped a scarf that I had in my bag around my neck. I turned away and this time he didn't stop me.
"Alex." His tone held a sense of finality that had me stopping at the door. "If you leave now, this thing between us is finished. If I can't have your trust, I don't want anything."
"It had never started." I told him and walked out, my heart breaking a little more with every step I took.
It was all that I wanted from you
It was something you never knew
To let me in
But not tonight
For this is the end
Tonight
I fall
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know.
