Chapter 11 – Broken Things to Mend

Suddenly the pirates were no longer alone as people from the nearby houses stumbled out into the streets. As one they saw the moon, the stars, and the no longer darkened palace, and as one they broke into cheers.

Tony Tony Chopper watched them all with wide eyes, still amazed that he and his friends had managed to avoid being crushed by the demon when it fell. Robin gave him a comforting smile as she picked up the lantern.

"Chopper," Zoro's desperate voice caught the reindeer's attention, and he turning to see the swordsman lift the princess from the monster's hand. Her eyes were rolled back, her hair hung in bloodied strands in her face, and her joints were all bent at odd angles and starting to swell. She was obviously in need of medical attention, if she wasn't dead already…

"She needs a Doctor!" Chopper exclaimed. "Doctor!"

"That's you." Zoro said flatly.

"Oh. Right." Chopper flushed. "We need to get her someplace dry," he said. Together they started toward the palace steps. "My supplies have gotten wet," he said as they hurried along, "But I'll do what I can."

Zoro gently laid the Princess near a pillar. Robin had followed them, carrying the lantern.

Chopper took the Princess' pulse and ascertained that she was still breathing. He searched for a source of the blood, and found a cut on her head, and one on her shoulder. They looked like older wounds that had been exacerbated.

"Zoro, I need gauze," Chopper said as he set to disinfect the deep wounds. "And thread. These wounds need suture, but all of my gauze and thread are soaked."

"There's an infirmary in the castle," a young man offered, appearing over their shoulders. "I'll go get some supplies." Something about him seemed familiar. He had a good square jaw, and large build. He disappeared in the gathering crowd, head and shoulders above many of the soldiers and civilians around him.

Somewhere in the distance they heard Hector:

"Lieutenant General Troy is fine. Please help search the castle for survivors. Give the good doctor some space to see to our Princess."

"Help me stop the bleeding," Chopper said, turning his attention back to his patient. Zoro complied as best he could, tearing apart his own dry shirt to use as a tunicate.

"How is she still alive?" Chopper muttered to himself after several unsuccessful attempts to get the bleeding under control.

Zoro said something about her being immortal due to her lineage. Chopper thought he might need to have Zoro looked at next – he was usually more logical than this. Maybe he'd bumped his head in the caves.

The large, square-jawed young man soon reappeared with medical supplies and a cot a few moments later. Suddenly Chopper realized where he'd seen him. He looked like a younger version of Hector. Chopper could only assume he was Hector's son.

He didn't have time to think on it after that. Soon the surgery was underway, and the young man disappeared, joining the rescue teams to help carry other injured personnel from the castle.

"That should hold her for now," Chopper said. "I'd like to have a look at this later. I'm worried about infection in these conditions."

"What's wrong with her?" Zoro asked. It was clear that though the immediate danger of the bleeding had been taken care of, she was far from normal.

"I…from what I can see, her joints are popped out of place. It's like she's been stretched," Chopper replied. He remembered being caught in the grasp of his own shadow and shivered. "It's a good thing she's unconscious. She is probably in a lot of pain." He allowed himself to grow into his human form. "I'm not a chiropractor, but I'll do my best. If you feel up to it, I could use a hand."

Zoro nodded, and together they began the disturbing process of popping her joints back into place. Chopper was impressed with his companion – he seemed to know a thing or two about dislocated shoulders. Considering his profession as a swordsman, it shouldn't be all that surprising, the doctor reasoned.

"This is serious," Chopper said when they had finished repositioning most of her body. She was visibly bruising and swelling. They had anti-inflammatory, but he would need to find her some ice. "Her…back is dislocated. I didn't know that could happen. I don't think I'll feel comfortable repositioning her without an X-Ray."

A number of arms suddenly appeared out of the ground where Princess Helena lay. They took firm hold of her, and a chorus of disconcerting cracking sounds rent the air.

"Robin!" Chopper cried. "Do you have training in this sort of thing?"

"No training per say, just a lot of hands-on experience," she replied. "You'll have to tell me how I did, Doctor."

"Don't just go experimenting on people!" Zoro exclaimed. Robin maintained her usual archaic smile.

Chopper inspected the patient, and gave a sigh of relief. He returned to his childlike size. "Looks like you did a good job, Robin."

"Sensei," a familiar voice rumbled. Chopper hid behind Robin. It was General Hector, and he couldn't help feeling suddenly intimidated. Hector was big and imposing to begin with, but after the recent escapade in the execution square, he was even more frightening.

It was to Chopper's surprise, then, to see the large man prostrating himself before the reindeer. He couldn't see the General's face, but his voice trembled with emotion. "Thank you for treating our princess. After we acted so abominably toward you and your friends, I would have expected you all to run when the darkness came. We are still trying to find available doctors in town, but many were hurt or killed during the attack."

Chopper felt himself blush all the way through his fur. "Shut up, you jerk! Thanking me like that doesn't make me happy!" He did his best to suppress the smile, but doing so only made the happiness seep into the rest of his body in the form of the fidgets.

"Chopper," Zoro said quietly, cutting into Chopper's little happy dance. "Is she going to have any permanent damage from this?"

"It's too soon to say," Chopper replied, becoming again serious. "We treated her quickly enough that her recovery should be swift, but only time will tell."

"There will be permanent damage…" Hector put in quietly. "If a Royal Immortal is injured to the point of death, they will die immediately upon producing a new heir. Death can only be cheated for so long…"

Chopper blinked up at him. The big man didn't make any sense. Zoro nodded, however.

"Chopper, do you think Helena should have died from these injuries?" the swordsman asked.

"Yes. But I think that about you and Luffy and the others sometimes," Chopper admitted. "Somehow you're all just too stubborn to die."

"Sensei," the General said. "It is shameful for me to ask this of you after all that has transpired, but there are many sick and injured. If the Princess is now stable, I beg your assistance…"

"Of course I'll help," Chopper replied. Chopper was feeling somewhat mollified toward the General Hector now. Only somewhat. Their situation at present was still up in the air, with the Merry sunk and all. And one didn't exactly recover right away from nearly being executed on a trumped up charge. "General, whatever has happened between us, I am a doctor first and foremost. If there is a patient, I will treat him regardless."

"Thank you," Hector responded emphatically. "Truly Straw Hat Luffy has an unusual crew. All have joined the rescue and clean up parties…I don't understand, after what we…" He shook himself, and said with more composure. "Sensei, the patients have been brought along with lanterns and torches into the main hall. Unfortunately the infirmary is not large enough to accommodate everyone, and most of it is unsuitable for use. Only the most critically injured have been brought there…my wife is among them."

The last comment he added almost as an afterthought, then looked ashamed that he'd said it. Chopper squared his shoulders and retrieved his medical pack, as well as the supplies Hector's son had brought him.

"Take me to the infirmary."

"I'll join you, Doctor," Robin said, helping him as he stumbled with the supplies.

"Zoro, take the Princess to the main hall," Chopper said. "Come and get me if anything happens, or if she wakes u…"

At that moment, the Princess groaned. Her eyelids fluttered, then opened, revealing eyes dilated with pain as well as the dark. She seemed to focus her gaze on Zoro, but it was hard to say she saw anything.

"…Troy?" she rasped. "…Troy, thank goodness you're all right…" She closed her eyes and again fell unconscious.


Robin thought the swordsman looked distraught that the first word out of the Princess' mouth was another man's name. It was none of her business really, just rather interesting. He didn't seem like the type to fall into Cook-san's vice, but then, they were all at that age.

She followed Doctor Chopper and General Hector toward the infirmary, then started to wonder why it was so dark. Various torches and lanterns illuminated the rooms just enough to work by, and all windows had been thrown open to let in the moonlight, but none of the electric lights were on.

"General," she said quietly. "If the darkness has left, why is there so little light in the castle?"

"We have our electricians working on it," he replied. "Nemo cut our power, snail lines, everything."

"Interesting," she said, then suddenly became lost in thought. If the demon needed darkness to enter the castle, and had not cut the power to the rest of the city, that meant it was only able to get to it from the inside. It seemed unlikely that a beast that large would be able to do something delicate like that without anyone noticing.

Also, by the looks of it, the demon had not been able to exercise its powers unless in darkness, which would explain its desire to cut the lighting. But some part of it must be impervious to light or it wouldn't have been able to get into the castle to begin with. Or perhaps it was working in tandem with someone else. Someone smaller. Someone human.

That meant the kingdom's problems were not over yet. She was about to express as much to General Hector, but they had arrived at the infirmary and he was no longer listening.

"The most seriously injured are at the far end," he said to Chopper. "We'll try to get emergency power here soon…"

"I will see if I can help with that," Robin said. "Where is the electrical breaker, General?"

"In the basement," he said. "But a problem like this couldn't be so simple as…"

"I will take this, if it's all right," Robin said, taking a lantern. "Where is the nearest exit to the basement?"

"Normally there's an elevator, but you'll have to take the staircase at the far end of the hall…" Hector went on to give her directions, and Robin was quick to follow them.

She had a pretty good idea of the general layout of the castle, having explored it briefly before with her powers. But she hadn't been able to see much then. She quickly made her way down a long deserted corridor, down a dark, winding staircase, and into the basement.

She smelled cigarette smoke before she turned the corner to the breaker. Cook-San poked his head around the corner when he heard her approach.

"Robin-swan!" he cried suddenly, but the googly soon left his eyes. "So you and I had the same idea, hm?"

"If you are here to look for the breaker, then yes," Robin replied, coming to join him. Long-Nose was also there, and waved at her with one hand as she approached. The other he held over his mouth and nostrils, looking a bit sick.

"From what we've seen, they're looking for cut cables and things outside," Usopp informed her. "I was trying to help them, until Sanji pointed out that we should probably check the breaker."

"I've had a few issues like this at the restaurant," Sanji said. "Before looking for other problems, it's good to go to the source."

"They insisted that there was no way the breaker is damaged," Usopp went on, "I think they thought it was too well guarded down here or something."

"There were a lot of padlocked doors and things on our way in," Robin pointed out. "Though most of them were open. It's not surprising that they would require a key to get in here. It's the center of communication, not just electrical power."

She said this, thinking of what the General had told her about their snail lines going down. For all her reading, she didn't know what a breaker board or any communication center really looked like, but she was satisfied with her deduction.

"Has anyone been here before us?" she asked.

"Yes and no," Sanji replied. Robin gave him a curious look so he went on after taking a puff from his cigarette. "Yes, because a pair of someones used to work here. No because no one has come as yet to look for them."

Comprehension hit Robin about the same time as the stench of decay. She held her lantern up beyond her companions and caught sight of a pair of men in soldiers' uniform who had died a month ago give or take.

"Killed by the demon?" Robin asked.

Sanji shook his head and pointed. The men had killed each other, impaled on one another's spears.

"Controlled by the shadows perhaps?" Robin suggested

"I hadn't thought of that," Sanji replied. "When you put it that way, look," he raised his lantern toward the low ceiling. The lightbulbs had been shattered.

They stepped over the deceased guards, who had been standing in front of a door now ajar, and entered a room full of odd contraptions, some whirring functionally, some sparking.

"Looks like we've found the source of our problem," Robin said, pointing to what she assumed was the breaker board. Someone had completely smashed it.

"That's the back-up generator," Usopp said. "The actual breaker is…" he held up a lantern to look at it, "Not broken. That's odd."

He blew a light layer of dust away from the box like structure of little green and red lights. "I don't think anyone's been down here recently."

"We just established that," Sanji replied, indicating the soldiers on the other side of the door.

"What would happen then if we did…" Usopp grabbed a large lever and pulled, "this!"

They felt a buzzing reverberate around the room, then suddenly the lights in the distance came on with a loud, electrical sounding pop. The breaker room remained dark.

Robin crossed her arms over her body and bowed her head. She saw throughout the castle as electricians scratched their heads over the sudden appearance of power. Apparently no lines had been cut.

"It would appear that power has returned throughout the castle," Robin informed her companions. "No one thought to check the breaker."

" Too simple a solution I suppose," Sanji proposed.

"With gods and demons and darkness attacking, I'm not surprised that their minds are looking toward the complicated," Usopp said with a shrug.

They left the breaker room, dusting their hands as though done with a good days work. Robin looked at her long-nosed companion curiously.

"You seem awfully chipper, long nose," she observed. "Aren't you upset about Merry?"

"I found out that she was immediately recovered when we were taken in," Usopp replied. His expression had grown dark, but not half so menacing as it had been when they were in the execution square. "Hector has already ordered that they leave it alone, according to some of the soldiers up working on the power. Usually they raid the pirate ships Hector sinks, but they were in too much of a rush with evening setting in to do anything but bring her ashore tonight."

"That's a relief," Robin remarked. "He should be able to repair her easily enough, just like before."

"I still won't forgive that man," Usopp said through gritted teeth. "That's twice he's killed Merry."

"I won't forgive him for ruining Nami's charts," Sanji added vehemently. "She's more depressed than I've ever seen her."

"Yes, it sunk. So anything written in ink would be lost," Robin pondered aloud. "I suppose that means the log that Navigator-San was keeping is wiped out as well."

"Not to mention your books," Usopp put in.

"What a shame," Robin sighed.


General Hector made sure Dr. Chopper had enough supplies and helpers to see to his patients, and then he promptly and politely got out of the way. He knew he was a big man and took up a lot of space. As much as he wished to stay with his wife, Lieutenant Andromache, he knew he'd be better off helping with the clean-up and rescue than pacing around her bedside.

He ran into his son, Astayanax soon after. The boy had been at home during the attack, and so had not been trapped within the castle. He sported no injuries, praise the gods. He was only a lad, though his size made him seem like a man at first glance, and Hector had been worried about him.

"Ax, your mother is in bad shape…" he started, after they had embraced.

"I know, Dad," he replied. "I was the one who found her. She was conscious enough to tell me Troy was the one who saved her."

"Heavens bless that man," Hector said, wearily. "It's a miracle he got through this all right. Even with his uncanny skills, he's only mortal."

"He almost lost the Princess to a stranger, hm?" Ax put in.

"So did you," Hector retorted.

Astayanax blushed sheepishly. "Come on, Dad. There's no way I can beat her."

"Not if you don't practice," the General said sternly.

"Anyway, I'm not old enough for the Princess…"

"You are only three years her junior. Believe me, that won't matter to you in a few years," Hector chuckled. He was only somewhat serious with his scolding. Mostly he liked to pester his son. The boy really had no ambition to become King, though he along with all the young men in Ilium had a crush on Princess Helena. His son was a fine soldier, with excellent promise. One day he would surpass his father in strength and prowess, Hector was sure of it.

"There's much to be done," Ax went on, changing the subject with little grace. "We need to get the power going, but the electricians say it'll be another…"

The lights suddenly came on, and Hector chuckled again. "Those pirates are something else," he said. "You were saying?"

"Well, it's clearly not relevant now," Ax sniffed. "And what do you mean, pirates?"

"There were pirates recently acquitted at the execution square. I suppose the word hasn't gotten out yet. –anyway, one of them went to help with the lights problem."

"Pirates…who were aquitted?"

"Yes, by the Princess herself," Hector replied. "First time in ages, if memory serves."

"You might want to let the townsfolk know that," Ax put in. "They say they've apprehended a pirate with a 100,000,000 Berri bounty trying to demolish part of the castle."

Hector let out a groaning sigh. "That has to be Straw Hat Luffy. What sort of trouble is he getting himself into this time?"

Hector followed his son to the east wing of the castle, where he found several laymen and soldiers attempting to hold Luffy down. They had restrained his powers with sea prism cuffs, but he was putting up an admirable fight, trying to shout something through the gag in his mouth.

"Unhand him immediately!" Hector ordered. His soldiers were quick to obey, pounding a fist to their chest in salute. The townsfolk looked at him as though he had lost his marbles.

"But General! He's a pirate!"

"He's trying to demolish more of the palace!"

Sure enough, one of the large, white marble walls lay in a collapsed heap behind Luffy and his captors.

"I said unhand him! Or would you arrest someone the Princess herself acquitted?"

This brought about immediate results. The townsfolk released Luffy, murmuring to each other.

"So the rumor's true?" he heard one person say.

"But why would she…?"

Hector sighed. It was going to be a long evening, looking out for the Straw Hats on top of castle cleanup and search and rescue. After one of the soldiers had removed Luffy's cuffs, the pirate didn't stop to pull the gag from his mouth. He jumped to his feet and launched his stretchy arm at the partially demolished wall.

"You see!"

"General…!"

"Darn Pirate!"

Hector looked at Luffy, wondering for a moment if he'd made a mistake. But the Princess's commands were absolute after all. Something about the situation seemed familiar. It took him a moment to figure out where the feeling of déjà vu stemmed from, but when he did he made his fists into strong branches and started pummeling the wall alongside the pirate captain.

Just like back in the cave when Princess Helena and Roronoa Zoro had been caught in a rockfall, someone had to be under that pile of rubble. Sure enough, after a moment, they uncovered one of the palace staff members.

"Robertus!" General Hector cried. The man, shorter than Hector though also broad-shouldered, lay unconscious in a pocket beneath the stone. His cropped red hair and sideburns were matted with trickles of blood. For a moment Hector's heart skipped at what looked like a number of lacerations beneath the fallen man's hair, but then he remembered that Robertus normally had designs shaved into the back of his head.

Finally Luffy removed his gag. "That's funny. I thought I heard a woman's voice calling for help."

Right on cue, a woman crawled out from beneath the rubble, coughing feebly.

"Gloriadne!" Hector said, recognizing the man's wife immediately, though she was white as a ghost beneath the fine marble dust that had settled after the wall was demolished.

"General Hector! Thank goodness! We've been trapped in there for weeks!" She turned to Luffy. "Were you the one who heard us?"

Luffy nodded. The townsfolk and soldiers were taken aback, and shuffled their feet sheepishly.

The woman spun like a dancer – she was one of the royal dance masters after all – then curtseyed low. "On behalf of myself and my husband, thank you." She turned back to Hector, "My husband is in need of medical treatment."

A few soldiers brought a cot, and lifted Robertus onto it as his concerned wife looked on.

"And food beside?" Hector asked. "Several weeks…"

"We've been good on that front," she said. "The last person I fought was Chef Feta." Hector might have laughed, and normally Gloriadne would have said the latter with a touch of humor, but the distraught look on her face showed she was worried about her husband. It made Hector think of Andromache.

He bit back his own emotions. Andromache was a strong woman. She didn't need his help right now. All she needed were the doctors and rest.

"If that's the case, maybe you can help us feed the troops."

Gloriadne had been about to touch her husband's hand before the men took him away, but she recoiled melodramatically at Hector's words. "You are right."

"Food, really?" Luffy put in. "I'm starving!"

"Wait, isn't that…" Gloriadne squinted at the pirate captain. "Isn't that Straw Hat Luffy? He's got a bounty, right? Did you say he'd been acquitted by the Princess?"

"Yep, I'm Luffy! Nice to meetcha," he stuck out a hand to Gloriadne, clearly intending to greet her with a handshake.

She recoiled from him. "You have a devil fruit power, don't you? Don't touch me! I need the power I've got!"

He blinked at her.

"Gloriadne has eaten the Omega portion of the Alpha-Omega fruit," Hector explained. "She imitates the opposite devil fruit power of any power she is affected by or touches. For example if she touches me," Hector turned his arm into a branch, "She can control stone. Which, come to think of it, would also be helpful with the rescue efforts. Gloriadne, when you're finished with…"

"One thing at a time, General," she said with a sigh.

"Cool! What would happen if she touched me?" Luffy asked.

"That would depend on your power," Gloriadne said wearily. "If I remember right you're a rubber man?"

"Yup!" he replied with a grin, stretching the corner of his smile with a finger.

"Hmm…something hard then. And a good conductor of electricity," she replied with a shrug. "Metal, perhaps? I suppose we can find out later. If you'll excuse me, I should go to the cafeteria?"

She addressed the last question to Hector, who nodded. "Luffy-San, do you think we could borrow your cook as well?"

"What about me?" Sanji asked. Hector had no idea how long he, Nico Robin and the Long-Nose had been standing there.

"Thank you for your help with the power," Hector said, bowing to them. "Cook-san, if you would please accompany Gloriadne to the cafeteria, we need help feeding everyone. There are many in this building who have been trapped without food for weeks."

Sanji took a puff from his cigarette. "I never turn down someone hungry," he said, "But know this, General Hector…"

He sounded like he was going to say something derogatory, but he caught himself when he caught sight of Gloriadne. She was shaking the white marble powder from her knee-length, pacific-blue hair. It had a few different shades of blue streaked in and purple tips that matched her purple eyes.

"A pirate cook, General?" she said, ignoring Sanji's sudden stare. "Are you sure about this?"

"He's one of the best," Hector replied, hiding his amusement.

"He'll poison us all," she muttered under her breath.

"Poison you?" Sanji asked, affronted. "How can you accuse me of poisoning you, Mademoiselle, when you have first poisoned me?"

"What?" she asked, utterly perplexed.

"You have poisoned me with love's fangs!" he cried, taking her hand and kissing it.

Robertus, who was passing by, sat up in his stretcher and socked the cook in the side of the skull.

"Stay away from my wife," he growled, then lay back down.

"Robertus!" Gloriadne cried, but it sounded more like concern for her husband than a reprimand for his action. She shook her head smiling as the soldiers carried him toward the main hall, where he would be treated for his head wound. "I guess he's doing better than I thought. That's a relief. Come, Mister…?"

"Sanji," Sanji supplied, rubbing the side of his head. He looked at Hector angrily, as though affronted that he hadn't warned the cook that Gloriadne was married. Then again, perhaps he was angry about something else. A certain near-execution in the plaza came to mind.

"Come, Sanji-San," she said, spinning a few rotations more than necessary as she turned to go.

"Wait. Did I hear correctly that you have the Omega power?" Nico Robin asked as the two started toward the cafeteria.

"Yes," Gloriadne replied, pirouetting back to her. "My husband ate the other half, and has the Alpha power."

"And you were trapped in there?" she indicated the fallen wall."

"Yes," Gloriadne replied, "Within the first few minutes of the attack, the wall collapsed on us. We had enough air and food, but it was uncomfortable, I assure you."

"What of his head wound?" Robin asked. "That seems rather recent."

"Some crazed beast came charging through. I could hear it. Four-hooved I think. It knocked the rubble down further. I thought we were goners until your captain started digging us out."

"Must have been Nemo," Hector concluded.

"Indeed," Robin said, her brow furrowed. Something was going on behind those calm blue eyes. Whatever her thoughts, she seemed inclined to keep them to herself.


After hours of clean-up, search-and-rescue, and emergency treatment, most of the Straw Hats found themselves in the cafeteria. Dawn had come none-too-soon, but the hustle and bustle continued. It was only by chance that the pirates found themselves together in a remarkably quiet cafeteria. Most of the remaining occupants, namely laymen and soldiers who had stopped for a break, were quiet and snoring in the corners.

Of the crew, Nami and Zoro were the only ones who had not made an appearance. Even Chopper had found a moment away from his many patients, and Sanji had stepped out of the kitchen.

"What a mess," Usopp commented with a sigh.

"This haunted castle was nothing like you described," Luffy pointed out accusingly. "But the food was worth it." He patted his extremely bulbous belly contentedly. Sanji grew suddenly very excited.

"I know! I've never worked with ingredients like these before! And she just makes them spontaneously appear at her fingertips!"

"Ambrosia power," Gloriadne said, dancing about the table gathering plates. A large net contained her lustrous, long hair. "I can create raw or uncultured ingredients out of air. So far no one has been reported as having this power yet. Perhaps it's a devil fruit you should look for, Sanji-San."

He shook his head, grinning to himself. "I've already got my sights on a different devil fruit power," he said.

"What, really?" Chopper asked excitedly. "Which one?"

"That's my secret," Sanji replied tersely.

"Probably something to help him spy on girls in the bath," Usopp observed. This earned him a swift kick to the head.

Luffy burped loudly, and Gloriadne smiled.

"Still hungry, Luffy-San?"

She apparently knew what his answer would be, for a moment later a bunch of grapes appeared in her fingers. These she tossed to the Pirate Captain before taking his plate. Luffy gave her the thumbs up and summarily stuffed the bunch in his mouth whole, spitting out the stems a moment later.

"All right, Sanji-San – we've still got work to do," Gloriadne said. She looked exhausted, but so was everyone else.

"What do you suppose the opposite of Ambrosia power is?" Chopper wondered aloud.

Right on cue, a tall, cylindrical man in a large, mac-n'-cheese colored toque, similarly colored toga, and ash grey apron stormed into the cafeteria, effectively waking everyone and anyone with his loud French curses.

"Wat iz zis?" he squealed, his thin mustache twitching. "Who iz working in MY kitchen?"

Gloriadne's head appeared around the kitchen door. She sighed wearily, apparently resigned to the coming tirade.

"Chef Feta!" she forced a smile. "I see they dug you out of the rubble…"

"Sacre Bleu! Gloriadne!" the Chef screeched, his Dali-esque mustache practically curling on the ends with outrage. "You zink zat just because you Omegaed my pow-err, you can take over maaai kitchen?"

"Wouldn't dream it, Chef," she replied jadedly. "We were simply borrowing your kitchen until you could be found. Someone had to feed the rescue efforts, non?" She threw the non in with a wink, but Chef Feta proved immune to her charms.

"We? We? Who iz ziz 'we'?" he cried.

Sanji poked his head out of the kitchen and immediately regretted it, for a moment later he found himself with a face full of the finest Cheese Wiz.

Chef Feta lowered his elbow, from whence the projectile had sprung. For a moment Sanji was so shocked, all he could do was stare as orange globs dripped from his curly eyebrows onto his black suit.

"Now it iz your turn for punishment, Gloriadne," the bizarre Chef said. "Feel ze wrath of ze Cheese Cheese Fruit!" Raising his elbow, with his other arm supporting it like a rocket launcher, he loosed another gloppy round.

Sanji leapt into action, attempting to kick the flying ball of Cheese Wiz back at Chef Feta. The gooey mass of orange slime exploded all over his foot, showering both himself and Gloriadne in the pungent ooze.

"How dare you treat a woman like that?!" Sanji snarled. "You disgusting excuse for a cook!"

He attempted to dash toward Feta, but lost his footing on the slippery orange gunk now coating the floor. In the time it took him to regain his balance, Feta had skated across the cheese on his leather sandals, slamming into Sanji and ramming him into the wall.

"Sorry!" Gloriadne started apologetically to the other pirates, "He's really defensive about his kitchen…. And his cooking…"

"What did you sey about maaaaaaai cook-ING?" Chef Feta cried, and Gloriadne had to dodge as a stream of slime plastered the wall behind where she'd been standing a moment before. It followed her as she spun and danced evasively, right into the middle of the group of pirates. Soon everyone was soaked in goo.

"I'm sorry-!" Gloriadne started again, but Luffy was laughing.

"I like this guy!" he said, "He's funny."

"Captain, your hat…." Robin pointed out.

Sure enough, Luffy's hat had also been smothered in the stinky cheese. His expression changed dramatically. Letting loose a swear, he wound back a fist and slammed it into Chef Feta, launching him across the room.

Sanji caught the chef in a kick before he could smash into the opposite wall. He launched him back in the direction from whence he'd come. Again, before Feta could hit the wall he ran into Luffy, who hit him with a gum-gum gatling, sending him back to Sanji. They continued the game of catch and toss until the French chef launched two streams of cheese wiz from his fingertips, smashing them into the opposite walls. They were both swift to retaliate.

Soldiers passing by dashed into the cafeteria upon discovering the brawl. "The pirates are attacking Chef Feta!" they cried.

They launched themselves into the fray, and soon the Straw Hats were forced to defend themselves. Meanwhile, the soldiers and laymen who had witnessed the start of the fight shouted desperately to their colleagues to stop. They too were swept into the battle, which confused their countrymen. Weapons were thrown aside, and all resulted in fist cuffs.

The fight spilled out of the mess hall and onto the palace lawn, gathering fighters and momentum. Soon the commotion drew General Hector, whose attempt to stop it only drew him into it. Branches, rubber limbs, cheese, and fists flew as the sun rose on Ilium.

Somewhere in the midst of it all, someone recognized the ridiculousness of the situation, because he started laughing. His laugh made his opponent laugh, which made the people around him laugh. Finally everyone was laughing, but that didn't stop the fight, just changed the timbre in the air.

With the rising sun came a heat wave that made the cheese stink to high heaven. Still the fight continued. From the looks of things it was a long way from stopping.