THE DARKEST TIMELINE
Ivy Reeds walks into the study room as a drunk Shirley, one armed Jeff, and a slightly blue haired Britta storm out. Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes are wearing a felt Goatees. Ivy's gone fully goth and appears to have been crying. Mascara is running down her face.
IVY
I can't believe I had another father die. I should have come to your stupid party.
ABED
I should have caught the die.
IVY
I don't even know what that means.
TROY
(with the assistance of an artificial voice box )
We can't go back now.
ABED
We're going dark. We're Evil Troy and Evil Abed.
IVY
I don't get it.
TROY
You will.
ABED
Be evil with us, Ivy. Avenge your father.
Abed slides a felt goatee to Ivy. She puts it on.
IVY
I could be evil.
ADVANCED GAY
INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM
Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Abed Nadir, and Jeff Winger are sitting in their respective seats at the study table. Ivy Reeds walks in.
IVY
Mail delivery
JEFF
You deliver mail now?
IVY
Only to Annie
Ivy slides a package across the table. Annie squeals and begins unwrapping it.
BRITTA
Who's that from?
IVY
My brother. He's in Iceland for six months
JEFF
You're still dating that clown?
BRITTA
Yeah, I really dodged a bullet there.
Ivy smacks Britta's arm.
BRITTA (CONT'D)
Right. Your brother. Sorry.
ANNIE
We aren't doing long distance but...we still talk.
Annie holds up a pair of green jewel earrings.
ANNIE (CONT'D)
Look! They're locally made. Stanley chose green because it makes my eyes pop.
JEFF
Whatever. I've told you that like a thousand times.
ABED
(to Ivy)
Have you heard about Pierce?
IVY
(singing)
You mean how he has "a pocket full of Hawthornes?"
ABED
Right now he's preparing a case to sue Ubrana.
IVY
He's going to have a big problem with that.
JEFF
You think?
IVY
Urbana got permission from one of the shareholders.
ANNIE
How did she do that?
BRITTA
Yeah, aren't all the Hawthorne Wipe shareholders all white racist old dudes?
IVY
Except for one.
Ivy smiles and the group makes the realization.
JEFF
He actually gave you shares?
IVY
He wanted me to feel like part of the Hawthorne family.
The group doesn't say anything, but they exchange looks with one another.
IVY (CONT'D)
Don't look at me like I'm evil. It's catchy. Maybe it makes Pierce mad, but sales are through the roof.
ANNIE
I guess it's not so bad. As long as no one gets sued.
IVY
(to Abed)
Are we still on for tonight?
ABED
Yup.
IVY
See you later.
Ivy exits. The group turns to Abed in surprised.
BRITTA
Are you back together?
ANNIE
She forgave you and not me?
ABED
I don't think we're back together. We're just friends.
BRITTA
But it's a start.
Abed shrugs but gives nothing away.
INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY
Pierce Hawthorne is walking down the hallway with his father, Cornelius Hawthorne. Ivy Reeds in talking to Todd in the same hallway.
IVY
How's the turtle? Does your son like him?
TODD
Oh yes. I've got some adorable pictures of -
Pierce Hawthorne guides his father towards them.
PIERCE
(interrupting Todd)
Ivy! Meet my Father, Cornelius Hawthorne. Scram Todd.
Pierce and his father stand with Ivy, as Todd exits.
IVY
I was talking to him.
CORNELIUS
My oh my. Is this the girl?
IVY
Your father is Cornel Sanders?
PIERCE
This is my daughter, Ivy.
CORNELIUS
I see the resemblance to that woman you were seeing, but she's got the Hawthorne eyes.
IVY
But luckily not the racism.
CORNELIUS
And quite the mouth.
PIERCE
We wanted to let you know the party is off.
IVY
The Gay Bash?
CORNELIUS
Hawthorne Wipes will not have it's name sullied by the actions of a depraved community.
IVY
Pierce, come on.
CORNELIUS
Why does she not call you "father"?
PIERCE
It's a long story.
CORNELIUS
Does she have no respect?
INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY
Annie Edison is sitting at a desk, studying. She has a textbook open, a notebook, three different color pens, and two highlighters. Ivy Reeds throws herself in the chair next to her.
IVY
Do I need to be finished?
ANNIE
What?
IVY
Pierce's dad gave him a check to send me to finishing school. I'm mouthy and unladylike.
ANNIE
Yikes.
IVY
My first father didn't really like me, my second father is Pierce, and my new grandfather thinks I need to be finished.
ANNIE
Yikes. What's the female version of the "edible" complex?
Ivy laughs.
IVY
I missed you.
ANNIE
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about what Pierce said. I just thought he was making things up. Friends again?
IVY
Yes.
The girls hug.
ANNIE
So are you dating Huey or Abed?
IVY
Neither.
ANNIE
Who do you want to date?
IVY
Dating boys is the last thing on my mind right now.
INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO THE GAY BASH
The Greendale Cafeteria has been turned into the Gay Bash sponsored by Hawthorne Wipes. There are streamers and glitter everywhere. It is more packed than any other Greendale dance. Pierce Hawthorne is talking to Jeff Winger when Ivy Reeds enters.
IVY
Pierce! I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you for doing this.
PIERCE
Really?
JEFF
(shocked)
Really?
IVY
Yeah. I know your dad was against it, but you stuck to your guns and threw an awesome party. So yeah. That's cool.
Ivy walks off towards Troy and Abed.
JEFF
See? Isn't that worth sticking it to your father?
PIERCE
Sticking it? Gay.
Pierce looks around.
PIERCE (CONT'D)
Which I fully support!
Pierce runs off into the party.
FUNERAL PARLOR - CORNELIUS'S FUNERAL
At the funeral of Cornelius Hawthorne, the study group sits in chairs, all wearing black. Next to Ivy Reeds is Annie Edison. Annie grabs Ivy's hands.
ANNIE
Are you okay? He was your grandfather.
IVY
I think so. I didn't really know him.
There is an uncomfortable pause. Both girls stare at the casket.
IVY (CONT'D)
My life has taken a weird turn.
