your-fault-your-fault-your-fault.

Each footfall seemed to expound on his failures. Guy had nightmares about that sound – about steps that sounded like his missing student's voice laying all the blame for his vanishing at his sensei's feet. You knew he wasn't in the right place for a mission. You fought for Neji's promotion. Competition drives pupils to better heights. What a load of crock. Mocking faces circled around Guy as he pleaded his case, but still their taunts drowned out his words. The Hokage, Kakashi, Tenten – their faces twisted in disgust as the tears flowed down his cheeks.

Jerking upright, the jōnin wiped almost frantically at his wet face.

Another sleepless night led Guy to the streets of Konoha. The warm night air felt wonderful on his clammy skin after his tossing and turning. After six months of this peculiar habit, not one of the handful of souls batted an eye at his ceaseless jogging around the village in the wee hours of the morning. Each simply watched as he made his laborious laps. And laborious they were.

His failures often grew heavier and harder to manage after each and every lap, and by the end of the five hundredth, he felt like he could barely drag himself back to his apartment. But he managed, much to his own chagrin. This is what you deserve, he had told himself in the early days of Lee's absence. You have failed your students! You failed Lee! You're not fit to be a sensei, the quiet voice that nagged throughout the day would continuously scream as he carried out his self-imposed punishment. He allowed that guilt to weigh more heavily on him than his chakra weights.

But now, Lee was home. Everything was going to be different now – normal again. No more pushing past even his rival's boundaries for self-loathing. Or so Guy told himself. And yet, mere days after his student's safe return, he was back on his now-normal beat.

Have I failed Lee? he asked himself as he began his laps. The discomfort Lee felt had been obvious in the Hokage's office, and yet, Guy had been unable to bring himself to visit his student. On some unspeakable level, he knew that he was afraid of what he would find when they were face to face once again.

He had tried to see the boy the day after he returned, but either he had been out or was refusing visitors – both were understandable. And Guy couldn't deny the niggling relief that had flooded his chest when his knocking had gone unanswered.

He is my student, dammit! He had to scold himself over this cowardice. But there was that part of him – that tiny little piece buried deep within him – that feared his Lee would turn into a Sasuke. The mark that Lee was keeping hidden away – how long until it called him back to that village?

How long until they lost Lee again?

Guy swallowed the lump growing in his throat at these painful thoughts. That doesn't matter, he told himself as he allowed himself to veer off-course. His feet mechanically deviated toward Lee's apartment. He had promised Lady Tsunade to try to help Lee adjust, and he owed it to the boy himself as well.

He just had to remind himself: All that matters is now.

Casting off the invisible cloak of his own culpability, he made his way down the boy's street. Open up your heart, Maito, he commanded as he stopped before the building. His eyes slowly traveled to the windows of Lee's living quarters, but they were dark. As he thought about knocking anyway, his eyes were drawn upwards by some fractional motion on the roof.

Lee's shaded face turned toward his own, and immediately his breath was forced from his body. How had he so easily forgotten that the four years had actually changed the boy physically? The moonlight fell in such a way that his student's eyes were hidden, but the shape of his face was not. The years had worked away the roundness of youth and left a strong jaw and a hint of gauntness that was foreign to Lee's face. His mouth was set in a pensive line that made the jōnin wonder what was going on in his mind. Did he really want to know though? When the thoughts had the possibility of breaking his thoughts, no he didn't.

Guy had to forcibly inhale before he sprang onto the roof. "Care if I join you?" he asked as he plopped down cross-legged beside the—his student. Not the boy, he had to remind himself. "I was wondering when I would run into you." He kept his tone conversational and hoped his pounding heart could not be heard.

Lee didn't seem surprised at the intrusion. "I would not call this running into me. This is my apartment," he pointed out, and Guy forced a chuckle.

"Indeed. I just meant that I wanted to see you. If you're ready for company," he added, glancing to see if he could read his student's once-expressive face.

"I am."

Guy suppressed the tremor of disappointment at Lee's reticence. It was making this so much more difficult for the jōnin. What was he supposed to say? What could he really say?

"Are you excited to start training here again?"

Lee's head rotated slightly toward Guy at his tactless question, and Guy quickly tried to backtrack. "I meant, talk to me. Tell me how you feel." He sighed and ran a calloused hand over his face. "I feel like I'm shoving my foot in my mouth."

The corner of Lee's mouth quirked upward as he leaned back against the roof. His hair fell away, and the moon shone brightly in his eyes. "I am glad you showed up," he admitted. "I—keep getting lost in my thoughts."

Progress! Guy smiled in what he hoped looked to be an understanding manner. "I understand. After a big event, they're easy to get lost in." He looked Lee over, trying to phrase his next words. It had been so easy to talk to him before he disappeared. Why was it a struggle now?

"You know you can talk to me, right Lee? I'm still here for you, just like before."

Lee looked up at him, and Guy was relieved to see that they still held the same softness that Guy knew and loved. His Lee had not disappeared entirely, it seemed.

"I know," his student assured him. "I am—I—" Lee floundered for a moment while Guy waited. He remembered other shinobi, ones who had experienced great events that had left them struggling for words. He himself had gone through the process. A gentle touch to his student's arm was meant to convey these thoughts without interrupting his thoughts. With a grateful smile, he managed to explain haltingly, "I am trying to piece together my thoughts before I can truly explain. It—it is easy to tell where I went and what it was like. My emotions, they are an entirely different situation, I think."

Guy nodded and lightly petted Lee's wrist. "I know. It sounds like you were returned quite suddenly."

"Yes!" Lee exclaimed with apparent relief. "We did not expect this attempt to work. It was almost like a routine—like we all just wanted to be able to say we were trying."

"You'd given up on coming home."

"Yes."

Guy's heart welled with sympathy and tenderness toward his poor student. He had disappeared as a boy, a genin that was not emotionally ready to move up in the shinobi world, and in that single word, Guy could almost hear that little boy breaking – and his heart broke with him. He couldn't imagine what Lee had gone through. Konoha and his team had been his whole world.

And now he was -seemingly- this man that Guy hardly knew.

Tears streamed down the older man's cheeks, and to his surprise, Lee sat up to wipe them away with a soft laugh. "Still the same Guy-sensei," he murmured. Guy felt the first tinges of embarrassment's warmth creep through him as he nodded, but Lee simply shook his head. "I missed that."

His soft eyes turned sad, and he gave an obviously fake yawn. "I am so sorry, but it is very late. I should turn in. It was really nice talking to you, Guy." He forced a smile and leapt down without another word.

Guy was left in silence with tears still streaming down his face.


A.N./ Have a long chapter since I was late! Also, reviews give me life (please don't let me die).