Another normal day in Dauntless. Life has settled into a fairly predictable pattern. It's just simulation training, meals and free time. I spend my time with Four and Shauna. We're all very different. I'm cheerful, optimistic, and I love playing pranks on people. Shauna's generally cheery, except in the mornings, and would rather watch a prank than play a prank.
But Four is an entirely different matter. He comes from Abnegation, so you'd expect him to be like a Stiff. But he isn't. Four is incredibly brave, only four fears, and often serious and pessimistic. He likes to think about things before doing them, the complete opposite of me. He's amazing at his fights; he won every single one. But the weirdest thing by far is that he goes through his fear landscape every day. I thought that was brave originally, but the amount of times he's done it is just completely masochistic.
When I was looking for Four one evening, I asked Amar where he was. Amar told me he was in the fear landscape room. The next day, he'd disappeared again. Tori gave me the same answer - fear landscape room. And the next night was the same scenario. The night after that, confronted with the same answer, I now assume he's in his fear landscape every evening. I'm not in his dormitory - Dauntless-borns and transfers sleep separately, but I know he gets into bed very late - I see him walking down the corridors late at night, hoping no one will notice.
He gets up really early as well, always first one into the arena by miles. Looking exhausted but warmed up by the time we get there. But that's no different to any other time; he's always exhausted. Even though Shauna's the one that falls asleep on the table at breakfast.
We're all so different, but we get on so well. Since I invited Four to our table, he sits with us all the time. He'll spend much more time with us than with the rest of the transfers. Sometimes we'll train for fights together.
But there's no training for the simulations. No way to prepare for them. Lauren says it's all about emotional training, not physical training. We have Amar for the simulations, rather than Lauren, but she told us about them. I suppose it shouldn't make much of a difference, but it's still strange. Lauren is more about getting things done in a methodical, strategic way, whereas Amar, with his open, easy smiles, would rather we do them well than at all.
I sit down with Shauna and Four, as usual, at the breakfast table. Four has dark shadows around his eyes, and he looks tense and exhausted. I think it's the simulations; he's never been like this before. Or maybe it was that evaluation. I don't know the meaning of the word, but Lauren explained it to me. Some sort of test. A week ago, some Noses came into the Dauntless compound, and asked to evaluate Four and Amar. Something to do with simulation results? I wasn't paying attention, I never pay attention to anything that ever goes on. I know Amar was worried, and Four was very worried, but that's all I saw. For the first time, I regret not watching closer.
Amar's been a little less jokey and funny since, but it seems to have affected Four just as much, if not much more. 'You okay?' I ask him. 'You look…exhausted.'
'I'm fine,' says Four tersely, even though he obviously isn't.
'Oh, clearly,' I can't help smiling. 'It's okay not to be okay, you know.'
'Yeah, right,' he replies. Although he's smiling a little, I can tell he could do with some help. As we walk to the Pit, I try to come up with some good ideas to amuse him, but I keep drawing a blank. I've already taken him to a lot of interesting places in the Pit, including one almost behind the chasm that I discovered a week ago. That's it, I'll ask someone. Shauna, or Uriah…They would know what to do. Well, I hope they will.
Amar. That's it, I'll ask Amar what to do. He'll know. I'm already picturing his expression when Uriah runs up to us. There's a look on his face that I've never seen before. He usually looks like he's just about to make a joke, but not now. 'Amar,' he says, completely breathless. 'I'm looking for him. Have you seen him anywhere?' I ask him. He shakes his head. 'Amar is…' What is it about Amar? I'm going to see him in a few minutes. I suddenly feel worried. Uriah begins again. 'Amar is dead.'
What?
Four laughs incredulously, derisively. 'What do you mean, he's dead?' I can tell that he doesn't believe Uriah. He thinks this is just one of his little jokes. After all, it's just the sort of thing Uriah would joke about. But, for some strange reason, I don't doubt it. Uriah wouldn't joke about this, he knows what's funny and what isn't. And the expression on his face, the crowds in the Pit, it all adds up to one thing…
'A Dauntless woman found a body on the ground near the Pire early this morning. They just identified it. It was Amar. He must have…'
'Jumped?' I say. There's a death in the chasm once a year. Or more, sometimes.
'Or fell, no one knows.'
I look at Four. There's a look of shock, horror and something else in his face. I barely have time to register it, let alone decipher it, when he spins around and starts running towards the Pire. I watch him push his way through the crowd, something completely uncharacteristic - Four never pushes anyone - until I can't see him anymore.
I don't see him again for hours.
A/N: AARGH, THE FEELS D: I've been putting off this chapter for a while because I really, really like Amar (just pretend I haven't said that a thousand times before!) Sorry this was a bit short, but I can't think of anything else to put in this…
…except for the disclaimer! I haven't mentioned this for ages, but I don't own Divergent *cries* This goes for all the chapters, because I know I'm not going to remember again for a while.
I'm also thinking about doing a 30-day OTP challenge for Divergent, what do you think? I could do with some prompts, though…
Please review! I love getting feedback from readers, it means everything :)
