Nine: Recultivate

Author's Note: You know what's a great song? Loretta Young Silks by Sneaker Pimps. I was listening to it on accidental loop when I figured out what I was going to do with this story next, and now it's irrevocably tied to InoSaku. Damn it.


Sakura stepped out into the street and began weaving her way through the crowd, keeping her head down and her gaze low. Someone brushed up against her, too close, knocked into her shoulder; she didn't react. The entire world around her was dead sound upon her ears, her eyes unfocussed, walking emptiness. Sakura was so heartbroken and exhausted that she just wanted to find some place to lay down and die. Motivation, inspiration, love, all had abandoned her. She didn't even have vengeance to turn to, since there was no one she hated nearly as much as she hated herself. Stupid, she thought to herself. Weak, cowardly. She hadn't changed, hadn't grown. She was still that annoying cry-baby who got in everyone's way and never had anything real to contribute.

With half a mind to simply go off and drown herself, Sakura turned off the main road and headed to the edge of the village, intending to walk along the river bank, if not to try to calm herself down then to at least get away from the other villagers and to put off going home for as long as possible.

She had almost reached the river and its bridge when she heard someone's footsteps behind her. Choosing to ignore the unwelcome interruption, Sakura wandered onto the bridge, folded her arms atop the railing, and stared down into her own jagged reflection in the meandering waters. Whoever had been following her stepped onto the bridge beside her, thumped their elbows down on the railing in a perfect mirror of Sakura's own pose, and leaned over the waters. Sakura caught sight of brown hair pulled up in odango-style buns, a softly grinning face, a rippling slash of pink.

Sakura looked up, caught Tenten's eye, and had only a grim expression of mildest surprise to offer.

Tenten kept her smile light, though from the way her eyes darted back and forth horizontally across Sakura's face, the pink-haired kunoichi knew she was concerned. "Yeesh, Sakura," she said. "I've been following you since you left the Hokage's mansion. It would have been nice if you stopped when I called you."

Sakura leaned back over the water. "You called?" She didn't mean to sound so rude but she couldn't help but be uninterested.

Tenten shook her head slowly, gripping the edge of the railing and leaning back, her chin lifted to the sky, and watched the slow progression of the clouds as they marched from horizon to horizon. Sakura cast a sideways glance in her direction. She noticed that the other girl was sporting a rather fresh scar along the side of her neck, wondered briefly what it was from. Sakura's mind wandered; Ino, too, had scars now, an ugly dissection of her perfect skin, criss-crossing her torso, rippling across ribs, reading like a journal of failure and pain. Sakura looked away quickly when Tenten lowered her gaze again.

They all had scars. Some just managed to bear them better than others.

"So, what are you doing back in Konoha?" Tenten asked.

Sakura didn't answer.

Tenten turned to her, that familiar conspiratorial gleam in her eye. Ever the gossip-monger, she nudged Sakura lightly. "You're not supposed to be here, are you?"

Sakura still didn't answer.

Tenten's face fell perceptibly. She looked off over the waters. "Does Ino know you're back?"

That got a reaction. "Yes," Sakura mumbled, and she could taste the bitterness in her own voice. Tenten was one of the few people that ever knew the true nature of Sakura's relationship with Ino. Either that, or she was one of the few people who had the nerve to ask them about it. Everyone else seemed to be either completely ignorant of the truth, like Naruto and Lee, seemed to be willing to dismiss it as mere sisterly affection, like Hinata and Kiba, or remained silent with their assumed knowledge, like Neji and Shino. Tenten had taken note rather quickly, and true to her nature, had asked them almost immediately; Sakura had blushed and stuttered, while Ino reacted to Sakura's loss of nerve with characteristic confidence and pride. Tenten had been thrilled, supportive, throwing ridiculous winks at the two girls from across crowds, as if to let them know that their secret was safe with her.

Sakura had always very much liked Tenten. She wondered now if that had to change.

"I just got back myself," Tenten went on calmly, simply carrying on the conversation. Sakura was glad that she was pretending that everything was alright. "Neji got hurt," she paused, looking away from Sakura briefly.

And you weren't there to heal him, Sakura beat on herself silently.

"We thought it best to bring him back to Tsunade, rather than risk losing his eyes."

And you will never be good enough to do the job, Sakura reminded herself bitterly.

Tenten rubbed at the scar on her neck distractedly.

Sakura stared down at the waters, trying not to cry.

"We all understand," Tenten told Sakura quietly. "We don't blame you for running away."

Sakura turned away so suddenly, as if she had been physically struck by the other girl, as if she had been bitten too deep. Immediately apologetic, Tenten reached out but Sakura yanked her arm back out of the other girl's comforting grasp and stepped off the bridge.

The entire weight of all her grief came crushing down at her at that moment. Kankurou's contempt, Tsunade's disappointment, Tenten's condescension, Ino's insane rancour, she deserved it all because she had let them all down. She deserved it because all that she had ever done was run away, from fear, from truth, from love. She was a coward, through and through, and her militant upbringing had forced her to believe that there was nothing lower than a coward. People like her were supposed to get killed in wars so they didn't have to live with their shame. But Sakura couldn't even manage that.

Twenty-fifth clause, Sakura reminded herself. A shinobi must not show any emotion in any situation. A shinobi must have a heart that will not allow him to cry.

But Sakura could not stop crying.

Tenten, awkward, unsettled, gave chase. "Sakura, wait."

"I don't want to talk to you," Sakura snarled, unforgiving.

"Sakura, please!" Tenten caught Sakura by the wrist and managed to turn her around, revealing furious tears in her eyes and teeth grit hard in a desperate attempt to keep them in check. "Let me help you!"

"I don't want anything from you," Sakura hissed.

Tenten crossed her arms defiantly. "Things will work out, Sakura."

Sakura gave her a bewildered and vaguely disgusted look. "What? You don't know anything, do you? You can't just---"

"You came back," Tenten cut her off and Sakura felt her heart fall still suddenly. "That's all she ever wanted from you."

Sakura froze for a moment and then turned away again. "She hates me," she said, no longer trying to outpace the other girl. "She hates everything about me. She drove me away."

"You hurt her pride," Tenten murmured. "She'll get over it."

Sakura stopped suddenly and turned partially towards the brunette, wanting to punch her for trivializing the rift between Ino and herself, but found her hand stayed by unconquerable emotional malaise. Instead, she simply stared at Tenten for a long moment, wondering exactly how much the other girl knew and how much she didn't.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Tenten asked her quietly.

Sakura shrugged. "I could always ask my parents for my old room."

"You can stay with me," Tenten told her. "I still have my apartment here."

"I almost think I would rather go home."

Tenten laughed lightheartedly, waving away Sakura's mild antagonism. "No, no. I promise I won't ask anymore questions."

Sakura didn't believe her, but when Tenten stepped back and waited, Sakura nodded and stepped up to follow.