Thanks for all of your reviews! I love hearing that people think I'm a good writer. It makes me feel awesome.
What doesn't make me feel awesome is the way Derek treated Addison in "Yesterday." Lindy said it just right. "He's now officially McAsshole." I agree. But I did think George was getting in some good lines. Like, "Sorry, I was just choking back some McVomit", and then when Cristina said, "I don't know what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her" and Alex said, "She's McHot", George made me totally die by saying, "McYEAH she is." Pretty much hilarious. I think.
Anyway, read and review, and I hope you like this chapter!
Chapter Title: "Things We Go Through" by Hawk Nelson
Half Love
"Things We Go Through"
These are the things we go through
Let's take control and be ourselves
Let's not waste time wondering about
How we're gonna make it out
Wake up everyone around you
Let's rock until the clock strikes two
Stand up for what you believe and shout too…
Save me I'm all alone as I'm coming to the surface
Tell me I've got to know what is my meaning and my purpose
Show me I'm far from home lost with no sense of direction –
"Things We Go Through"
By Hawk Nelson
February 5th, 2006
8:00 A.M.
Mark Sloan made his way slowly through the hospital, trying to find Ellie and avoid Derek at the same time. He'd done what she'd asked, he had gone back to the hotel and he had stayed away. He had stayed away for four days. But now it was the fifth, and they always went out to dinner on the fifth.
"Can I help you?" The tall blonde that had stopped Derek from beating him to a pulp stepped in front of him.
"Yeah." Mark smiled. "What's your name?"
"Stevens."
"Just Stevens?"
"Dr. Stevens."
He nodded. "Right. Well, Dr. Stevens, I'm looking for Eliot Grey." Izzie's face paled. "Is she here?"
"Uh…"
"I'm going to assume by the look on your face that she is here, you just don't want to tell me where she is. Is that right?"
Izzie swallowed. "Look, I'm sorry, sir…"
"Dr. Sloan."
Izzie nodded. "Dr. Sloan…I can't help you."
"Why not? Is it because she's not here, or you don't know where she is, or is it because the Shepherds wouldn't want you telling me where she is?"
Izzie cleared her throat. "I just can't help you." Izzie turned and headed down the hall and Mark sighed. He was leaning against the wall, waiting, although for what he didn't know, when Meredith came up to him.
"What are you going here?"
"You're the sister, right?"
"Meredith."
"Right. Meredith. The sister; and the one that was sleeping with Shepherd, right?" Meredith stared at him. "What is it with you people and not answering questions?"
"What do you want?"
Mark sighed. "Eliot. I want to see Eliot."
Meredith looked down. "I don't think I can help you with that."
"Why can't anyone help me? I just want to celebrate her 30th birthday with her, because I won't be here on the 13th."
Meredith sighed. "I'll talk to her. That's all I can do."
Mark smiled. "Thank you." Meredith nodded and walked around the corner, only to run directly in to Derek.
"Hi." She said.
He smiled. "Good morning."
"Mark's back."
Derek cringed. "Bad morning."
"He wants to see Ellie."
"Of course he does."
"He keeps calling her Eliot."
"He always has."
"I want to hit him."
"So do I."
"You should have punched him days ago."
"Your friend is the one that stopped me."
"You can hit her too."
Derek laughed. "I don't think that's a very good idea, Meredith."
She shrugged. "Whatever. I told Mark I would talk to her."
"Then talk to her. She's awake. She may actually want to see him."
Meredith nodded. "Did you finally get your wife to go home?"
"No, but she did agree to go to the on-call room and get some sleep. And she said Ellie should be able to go home tomorrow."
Meredith smiled. "Good. Mark's around the corner if you feel like giving someone a black eye."
"Don't tempt me." Derek said, laughing. Meredith grinned and headed down the hall to Ellie's room. Ellie was sitting up in bed, looking out the window when Meredith walked in to the room.
"Hey." Ellie turned and smiled. "How are you feeling?"
Ellie shrugged. "Okay, I guess." She smiled. "I was pretty much asleep last night when you came in, and I didn't get the chance to thank you."
"For what?" Meredith asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"For calling Addison and Derek. I know I didn't want you to, and …well, thanks for not listening to me, I guess."
Meredith laughed. "Sure." She sighed. "So, uh, I, uh…I have to ask you something."
"Okay…"
"There's someone here that wants to see you, but…"
"It's Mark, right?" Meredith nodded. "It's the fifth…the four of us always went out to dinner on the fifth…" Ellie sighed. "Where's Addison?"
"Asleep in the on-call room."
"And Derek?"
"I'm not sure. Do you want me to find him?"
"No. I want you to keep him…keep them away from my room."
"You want to talk to Mark?"
Ellie nodded. "I want to talk to Mark."
Mark sat down next to the hospital bed and sighed. "Why didn't someone call me?"
Ellie shrugged. "Probably because most of the people here hate you."
"Gee, thanks for being nice about it."
"What exactly would you like me to say, Mark?"
He sighed. "I don't know. So, uh, what happened?"
Ellie looked down at her legs. "I was pregnant."
"Was? As in, you were pregnant? Like, past tense?" Ellie nodded. "Okay, well…was it mine?"
"Yeah, it was."
"How…I…did you have a miscarriage?"
"Yeah."
"Why?" Ellie cocked one eyebrow. "I mean, was it predestined, or…?"
"I don't know, Mark. It could have been, but I think falling on my stomach when you hit me made it worse."
Mark cringed. "God…I am so sorry, tesoro." He said, reaching for her.
Ellie pulled away. "Tesoro? Don't call me that. You stopped being able to call me that the day you called Addison tesoro."
"What? I never called Addison…"
"Yes, you did. The day I yelled at her in the hospital and told her I never wanted to speak to her again…she flew out of the hospital, and you ran after her…" Ellie sighed. "You fell in love with her, didn't you?"
Mark shrugged. "I…"
Ellie nodded. "Of course you did. Why wouldn't you?"
"Look, Eliot…" Mark sighed. "So what if I did? As if you're one to talk."
"Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?"
"Oh please. As if you're not in love with Derek Shepherd."
Ellie's eyes widened. "Uh…I'm not."
"Well, you were."
"No, I wasn't." Ellie sighed. "Did you think that?" Mark nodded. "Did Addison…?"
"It's not like you were subtle about it."
"There was nothing to be subtle about!" Mark raised one eyebrow. "I am not in love with Derek Shepherd!"
"If you say so."
Ellie sighed. "Is that why you and Addie…?"
Mark nodded. "We wanted a back-up plan."
Ellie scoffed. "A back-up…a back-up plan? You figured, hey Ellie's the kind of person that would jump her best friends husband so we'll just jump each other first so that we don't get hurt?" Mark shrugged. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get out. Get out of my hospital room, get out of the hospital, get out of Seattle…just get out."
"I was just being honest…"
"I don't want you to be honest with me, Mark; I want you to get out!"
"Okay, fine." He stood. "You should know, Addison still thinks you're in love with Derek."
"You don't know that."
He nodded. "You look at him the way you used to, you run to him like you used to…it's pretty obvious, Eliot."
"Get the hell out."
"Fine." He backed out of the room. "Just don't be surprised if Addison freaks out on you eventually."
Ellie glared. "GET OUT!"
Mark smirked. "Take care of yourself, Eliot. You're going to need it." Mark left and before the door had even shut, Ellie was in the bathroom, throwing up.
"Ellie?" George came in to the bathroom. "Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah, George, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Ellie flushed the toilet, rinsed her mouth out in the sink and made her way back to the bed.
"Is that normal?" Ellie raised her eyebrows. "Throwing up after a miscarriage?" George asked, sitting down in the chair next to the bed.
"Oh. No. But it is normal after a visit from Mark Sloan."
George gave her a confused look. "What happened?"
"It's a long story." Ellie leaned back in to the pillow and closed her eyes.
"Do you want me to get Addison?"
"No."
"Derek?"
"No."
"Meredith?"
Ellie reached her hand out. "Just stay, George." He took hold of her hand, scooting the chair as close to the bed as possible. "Will you stay?"
"Yeah," he said, squeezing her hand. "I'll stay."
12:00 P.M.
"Why won't you talk to me, Ellie?"
"Just do the check up."
"I don't get you…what did I do now?"
Ellie sighed. "You didn't do anything, okay?"
Addison sat down on the edge of the bed. "Your sister told me Mark was here this morning. Did he say something?"
"It's not important."
"Look, I don't want you holding this in. It's what causes the nightmares. Would you rather talk to Derek?"
Though Addisons tone was fully of worry and completely without disdain, Ellies heart began to beat rapidly. "No…" She said her voice shaky. "Why would you think that?"
Addison stood up, shut the door to the room and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Ellie looked down. "I…I don't want to talk about it."
Addison sighed. "Ellie…please. You know that holding things in is what causes the nightmares…just talk to me."
Ellie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Addie…do you think I'm in love with Derek?"
Addison stared. "Huh?"
"Do you think I'm in love with…?"
"I heard the question. What…no, Ellie, why?"
Ellie looked down at her legs. "Forget it."
Addison sighed and moved to the edge of the bed. "Mark told you." Ellie looked up, making eye contact with Addison. "When Derek started being really absent, it was really hard, because I was just as absent as he was…but then every time I saw him, he was with you, and you two were always laughing. You looked like you were having so much fun. And then every time he and I talked, we fought. He looked at you like he had once looked at me, and you looked at him like I had once looked at him."
"Addie…you were seeing things. I looked at Derek as my brother…I still do. And he…I can't exactly speak for him, but I'm pretty sure…in fact, I'm almost positive, he saw who you used to be in me. We were in a surgery once, and when it was finished, he said, 'You're a fantastic surgeon. I don't know what I would do without you, Addie.' Once he realized that he'd called me Addie, he corrected himself, but…Addison, he missed you." Addison looked down. "There's a reason that Derek and I laugh so much. It's what our relationship was built on." Ellie took a deep breath. "I was never going to tell you this, but I might as well. Remember the first week we met, and I told you about the really gorgeous guy that I talked to at the gym I was working at on the weekends?"
"Yeah…"
"The one you tried to convince me to ask out?" Addison nodded. "Be thankful I refused to. I would have stolen your fiancé right out from under your nose."
Addison gaped. "Seriously?"
Ellie nodded. "Yeah. We joke about it all the time because the day before you brought him in to the catering company, he told me that I reminded him of his fiancé, and I told him that my friend had tried to get me to ask him out and I was really glad that I hadn't because it would have been ridiculously embarrassing. The next day, the two of you came in together, and it was all I could do not to die laughing."
Addison shook her head. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Ellie shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it was something Derek and I could share, that's all."
Addison smiled. "That's pretty funny, I guess."
"It's one of those, 'you had to be there' things."'
Addison nodded. "Yeah. Look, I thought a lot of things and made a lot of assumptions last year, and most of them were wrong. But no, I don't think you're in love with Derek."
"Good." Ellie smiled. "I hate to think that you ever did."
Addison shrugged. "Like I said, a lot of assumptions were made. Anyway, I have your Day Five gift, if you want it."
"I've got yours too." Ellie watched Addison out of the corner of her eye as she reached for an oddly shaped package. "Addie…you're lying."
"What? No, I'm not."
"You think I'm in love with him."
Addison shook her head. "I don't. I really don't. It's just that…someone convinced me that the two of you were in love, and I wanted to hurt you before you hurt me."
Ellie looked down. "I never would have hurt you." She said, looking down at her legs. "Look, obviously I had a crush on Derek when I first met him, but for Gods sake, I was 18. I got over it in like a month. I love Derek like a brother…no more than that. It hurts that you thought I would actually make a move on Derek."
Addison sat down, an oddly shaped package similar to Ellie's in her lap. "I know…I…I never even thought about it, and then…Mark pointed it out, and I couldn't stop thinking about it."
Ellie nodded. "Well, will you forget it? I'm not, nor have I ever been in love with your husband."
Addison smiled. "Okay."
"Okay." Ellie smiled and handed Addison her gift, receiving a similar, oddly shaped package. "Hey, uh, how soon can I come back to work?"
"Well, you can go home tomorrow, and as soon as you're feeling better you can come back."
"So, like, Day 7?"
Addison laughed. "Sure, but you won't be cleared for surgery until Day 9."
Ellie nodded. "Okay." Ellie pointed to the package Addison was holding. "Open it."
Addison ripped off the wrapping paper and pulled out water guns, two that looked like regular hand guns and a third that was large and brightly colored. "Oh my god." She said, laughing. "Open yours."
Ellie ripped off the wrapping paper and pulled out identical water guns. "Oh my god."
"I got them because Derek destroyed yours last year."
"He destroyed yours too."
Addison nodded. "I know."
"Tomorrow was supposed to be M.I. Day."
"I know. We'll just have to move it."
"Day Seven?"
"Don't you think that's a little soon for M.I. Day?"
"Addison Forbes…no day is too soon for M.I. Day."
Addison laughed. "True. Okay, Day Seven…and I've got back up guns."
Ellie smiled. "Good. I was so mad last year."
Addison nodded. "Me too."
"Do you need to clear this with Richard?"
"Already did." Ellie smiled. "Now, let me do this exam, or there won't be an M.I. Day."
Ellie laughed while spinning the two hand guns on her fingers like a cowboy in an old western movie. "Oh, Addie…there will always be an M.I. Day."
4:00 P.M.
Meredith walked in to Ellie's room for the first time since 8:00 that morning. Ellie was looking through a Good Housekeeping magazine when Meredith reached the bed.
"Good Housekeeping? Seriously?"
"Hey, you sit in a hospital bed all day long, and we'll see what you end up looking through."
Meredith laughed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Are you doing okay?"
Ellie nodded. "Yeah. Now that Mark is gone…I'm fantastic."
Meredith grinned. "Was the conversation with him terrible?"
"No…it was a conversation with Mark. I used to love talking to Mark, but, you know, after the affair…things between us got pretty bad."
Meredith nodded. "Uh…not to drastically change the subject or anything, but why do you have water guns under your bed?"
"Sssshhhh!" Ellie smiled. "I'll explain it to you later, but if Derek finds out…it's a bad thing. A bad, bad thing."
"Uh…"
Ellie sighed. "Shut the door. It's time for you to learn."
8:00 P.M.
Addison stumbled up the steps to the trailer, her body weak. She hadn't been home since the night Meredith had called, and she was exhausted. She opened the door to the trailer and came face to face with her husband, clothed only in a towel.
"Uh…Hi…"
Derek smiled. "I know you normally like hot baths when you're exhausted, but we don't have a bathtub, so I got the next best thing." He said, motioning to himself.
"Uh…I am not having sex with you tonight."
Derek laughed. "Good, because that's not exactly what I was thinking."
Addison cocked one eyebrow. "Then what…?"
Derek pulled her in to the trailer and pulled her coat off of her shoulders. "Get in the shower, Addie."
"Um…"
Derek sighed. "Will you just trust me?"
Addison nodded. "Okay, okay." She said, moving towards the bathroom.
Derek waited until the shower was running before walking in to the bathroom. "Feel good?"
"Fabulous." She said. Derek shed the towel he was wearing and slipped in behind her. "Derek, what are you doing?" She turned around to face him. "I already told you…"
Derek laughed and brushed the water out of her eyes. "Addie, just let me take care of you."
She stared at him, looking deep in to his blue-gray eyes, and then smiled. "Okay."
"Okay." Derek kissed her nose and then spun her and dipped her head under the water and ran his fingers through her hair. Addison closed her eyes and relished the feeling of Dereks right hand in her hair and his left hand resting on her lower stomach. It reminded her of when they were first married, when they would do anything to take care of each other, and when she realized that making love had less to do with sex and more to do with showing the other person how much you loved them. And boy was Derek good at showing her.
Okay. So I needed Addek fluffiness to compensate for the fact that Derek was a McAsshole in Sundays episode.
Hope you liked it. Much thanks to Kendel17…she knows what for…but if I tell you what for…I'll be giving away something I can't give away. ;)
Review please!
Mel
P.S. Tesoro means lover in Italian. Loosely translated. And there will be an explanation for all the different language nicknames soon. Promise.
