A/N: As promised... Sorry for the cliffhanger, but sometimes it's fitting and necessary. But here you go...some answers and pretty intense moments.


JULY 4 - PART 2

"Have a seat," he said. "You and I have a few things to talk about."

Olivia slowly sat down, caught off guard by what felt like it was getting ready to be an interrogation – an interrogation where she wasn't asking the questions. She clenched her teeth and nervously swallowed.

John took a swig of his drink, then sat it down, leaned forward and looked at Olivia. Olivia was familiar with the technique.

"I take it Alex already told you that I wasn't exactly thrilled when she told me you two were dating," John said.

Olivia cocked her head to the side and gave him a weird look. Alex hadn't told her that and now she was even more nervous than she was a few minutes ago when she expected just a "you hurt her, I hurt you," talk from the elder Cabot.

"Um, no, she hasn't," Olivia said. "Have I done something to offend you?"

John laughed, picked up his drink and finished it before pouring another glass. Olivia followed suit. She had a feeling she would need it. He tilted the bottle toward her glass and she lifted her glass for a refill.

"You know, at one point, Alex's mother, Caroline, and I were certain our daughter had feelings for you," he said. "In fact, Caroline often subtly encouraged it because from meeting you, and what we knew about you, we knew you cared deeply for Alex. We could see it."

Olivia nodded. "I do care about her. I always have," she said.

"I believe that you do, but…" John said, then paused, leaving Olivia holding her breath. He took another sip, smaller this time. "Losing Alex to Witness Protection was the worst thing our family ever experienced. I hope you never have to experience losing a child. I spent some time with Noah tonight. He's a great kid. All kids are. But a parent should never have to bury their children."

Olivia grew more nervous. She was starting to see where this was going.

"I can't imagine your pain," she said.

"Don't get me wrong," he said. "Finding out my daughter was alive was…well, surreal. It's not something you ever consider and I've made sure to not waste a single moment with her since then. But Alex's mother…"

Olivia dropped her head.

"Caroline never recovered from that. She cried daily. She stopped eating. She stopped going out. She stopped caring. And while she tried – for Alex – to go on…she couldn't. Losing Alex killed her. The stress it put on her body, her heart, she just couldn't carry on."

Olivia stayed quiet, despite wanting to vomit. Even still, she took another drink…maybe it would numb her emotions for the next few minutes.

"You came to Alex's funeral," he said. "You and your partner – Stabler was it?" Olivia nodded. "I think all of SVU was there and Caroline and I were so touched by how much Alex mean to your unit, and how devastated everyone was by losing her. Your Captain nearly broke down in tears when he was talking to me about her.

"But you and Stabler remained stoic. Numb, even. I just figured you were in shock. I mean, you were there that night. I'm sure you even felt guilty for not protecting Alex," he said. Ouch. Olivia felt a stabbing pain in her side.

"Caroline and I never blamed you, though," he said. "I know you're a good cop. I respect what you all do and how you put your lives on the line for people every day. I have no doubt you and Stabler would have done that for Alex. I never blamed you, and I still don't."

Olivia nodded, she was doing her best to hold back tears. "I would have," she whispered.

"But…there is one thing I haven't been able to get over yet, and to be honest, I don't know how I can," he said. "You knew Alex was alive, you and your partner. You knew the entire time that she was alive. You came to her funeral. You expressed your sympathies for our LOSS. You basically lied to our face.

"And you…you and your partner…you are partially responsible for her mother's death," he said. "You could have said something. You could have told us. Why is it that you got to have that peace and not her parents? And how on earth could you wake up and look yourself in the mirror knowing how we were suffering – an emotional suffering greater than most anything else."

"I…um…," Olivia was at a loss for words.

"Olivia was protecting me."

Both John and Olivia turned around, surprised to see Alex standing near the entryway of the room. She heard everything.

"And how dare you question her?" Alex said.

"Alex, it's ok," Olivia said. "He has a point."

"No, he doesn't," Alex said. "Daddy, Olivia didn't tell you because she was protecting me – and you and mom."

"We didn't need protecting," he said. "We would have taken any risk to know you were safe."

"And jeopardize your own safety?" Alex said. "Who knows how long Velez was watching you and mom?"

"It would have been worth it," he said.

"What, so Velez could have killed mom and not my 'death'?" Alex said. "Olivia and Elliot couldn't tell you. Hell, they didn't even tell Casey when they arrested Connors in court for my murder. They perjured themselves for my safety."

"Yeah, and jeopardized your safety in the process making you come out of hiding," John retorted.

"Would you have rather me stayed dead those next few years until I was able to leave?" Alex said. "Would you have rather not known I was alive?"

"I would have rather known you were alive in the first place!" John said, tears began to fall. "And Olivia could have changed that. SHE could have said something. You mother would still be here if she would have said something."

Olivia began to quietly hyperventilate. Not obviously, but she was sure she was about to throw up or pass out.

"You don't know that," Alex said. "Heart problems runs in mom's family. You know that. And yes, it would have been easier knowing I was alive, but how much stress do you think it would have caused her knowing she still had to worry about me every single day, and wouldn't even be able to talk to me or see me to know I was ok? I mean, it caused me stress. I looked over my shoulder every moment of every day. Do you think that constant fear for my life would have been any better for mom?"

John got up and put the scotch bottle back on the shelf, sitting is glass down and standing with his back to Alex and Olivia.

"Daddy, I know this was traumatizing for you and for mom," Alex said. "I miss her every day and I'd do anything to have one more moment with her. But it's not Olivia's fault and you know that. Look, we all were traumatized by this. I know you were. I was. Olivia was, too, for that matter."

"I just…" John started but Alex cut him off.

"No, listen to me," Alex said. "I love you, but…I also love Olivia. I'm in love with her. And, if I'm lucky enough, my future will be with her…and Noah."

Olivia's mouth dropped open. Suddenly she felt less sick, but no less in shock at Alex saying she was in love with her.

"I'm sorry," John said. He sounded sincere, if not also defeated. "It's just when I found out you were alive, I couldn't believe it. And then I found out that Olivia knew and I felt…betrayed. All of the pain and anger I felt at the entire situation just…I guess projected toward her from that moment on."

"Why didn't you say something then? I mean, when I talked to you, basically told you how I felt about Olivia when I found out I had to leave again. I even left her letter with you to give her," Alex said.

"Wait…what letter?" Olivia asked.

Alex's head snapped toward Olivia, a bewildered look, then a moment of realization that turned to anger. She turned back to John who was looking at the floor.

"You never gave her the letter," Alex said matter-of-factly.

"I couldn't," he said. "I couldn't bear to even look at her and her partner."

Now it was Alex's turn to hyperventilate. "Oh, my god," Alex said. "All this time…and you never gave it to her?"

"What letter?" Olivia questioned again.

Alex finally turned back to Olivia, and took a deep breath. "I…I wrote you a letter before I left for witness protection the second time, before I went to Georgia," she said. "I…well, I said some things that…didn't expressly tell you how I felt, but I left instructions for how you could contact me if you wanted….and when you didn't…well…"

"I didn't know," Olivia said. "I thought you just left…without saying goodbye."

John suddenly realized what he had done. What that letter could have meant for the both of them.

"Allie…I'm…I'm sorry, I didn't realize…" John said.

Alex was in tears and Olivia nearly was.

"I want to go to bed," Alex said. "We can talk about this tomorrow, Daddy."

"I'd like that," he said. "I really am sorry, Alexandra. I didn't do it to hurt you. I just wanted to protect you."

"Yeah, kind of like Olivia wanted to protect me," Alex snapped. "We're going to bed now."

John nodded and Olivia followed Alex out of the room and into their bedroom.

#

Alex quietly got ready for bed and Olivia followed suit. There was no talking, just silence. When they were done, they crawled into bed.

"Do you want to talk about this?" Olivia said. She wasn't sure what "this" mean, since there was a lot they now needed to talk about.

Alex shook her head. "I don't have the emotional energy tonight," she said. "Is that ok? If we wait until tomorrow."

"Of course, sweetheart," Olivia said gently. She pressed her lips to Alex's forehead and gave her a kiss. Alex closed her eyes when Olivia kissed her.

"Just one thing, though," Olivia continued and Alex opened her eyes. "I'm in love with you, too, Alex."

Alex smiled and put her head on Olivia's shoulder, relaxing into the detective's arms for the night.

#

After Alex and Olivia had left John alone in the living room, he poured another glass of scotch – this one bigger. He slowly nursed it over the next half hour, thinking about how badly he had screwed up; how misplaced his anger was.

He knew it wasn't all anger though. He was sad. He missed his wife and he never knew how to deal with it. He'd loss Alex, then he lost Caroline. His entire world was taken from him for a time.

Alex being alive should have been enough for him, he knew that. But it wasn't. In all that time, he had let his world collapse and grew bitter day by day at everything. When Alex came home, for good, he slowly moved out of that, but he had held on so long to this phantom blame on Olivia that he hadn't even realized how wrong he had been.

John knew he had to fix it – he would never risk losing Alex again. He just never anticipated this situation. When he finished his drink, he got up and went straight to his office. He sat down at his desk and opened his top right hand drawer, then his middle center drawer. He pulled out a small key from the center drawer, shut it, then reached into the right-side drawer.

He had a large lockbox in there and unlocked it. He looked down in there. His gun was there. The gun he'd never even used aside from firing it at the range a handful of times over 10 years ago. He looked down in the lockbox then reached in and pulled out an envelope bundled with several other envelopes and documents – all things Alex would need when he died someday. His will, estate information, bank information, passwords. He'd always been prepared; always had his affairs in order for Alex and Caroline, then just for Alex.

After Alex left for witness protection again, however, John added something to that pile of documents – the letter Alex given him to make sure Olivia got. He kept it. He wasn't sure why. He always knew Alex would be angry with him, but he assumed, the day he died, that Alex would be married to someone else and it wouldn't matter.

John reached in and pulled out the envelope. He locked the lockbox back up and closed the drawer. He'd never read the letter, and he wasn't going to start now. It was still sealed.

He waited a while longer, then, after he was sure the two women were sleeping, he slipped it under the bedroom door.

The plain white envelope lay on the floor, blue ink, very obviously in Alex's handwriting. All it said was "Liv."


A/N: There will be more July 4 weekend - Alex and dad have to make up; and we have to have more Lex/Noah time, right? :-) Perhaps Olivia and Alex will get some "adult" time, too. Oh yeah, you'll find out what was in that letter.

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