Hermione stared at the massive ticking clock in the Great Hall, watching it count down the remaining minutes to the end of the Potions exam. She and Draco had successfully completed their project, thanks to the extension granted by Professor Snape, and with the questions she had just answered, she was certain she was going to get an Outstanding for the subject. As she read through the parchment one last time to check that she had answered everything she thought about Draco, wondering whether he was thinking the same. She hoped he was because he deserved it after the amount of hard work he had put into the project. Having assured herself that her examination paper was complete, she focussed once more on the ticking clock, although her mind returned, as it always did at some point, to her erstwhile boyfriend.
She had only two more exams left to take and then it would all be over, the stress of the last few weeks gone in a heartbeat, almost as if it had never existed — although unfortunately, the fall-out of that stress would still be there. With the project finished and so little time remaining before their exams, she and Draco had gone their separate ways, agreeing that revision and the tests themselves were a priority over any possible relationship. Neither of them had the time required to devote to rebuilding what they had lost when exams were hanging over their heads, although she knew Draco would have been happy to continue to spend time with her even though there was now no need for him to do so.
Draco was a good partner for her, and with the exams almost on top of them, his work ethic was now a match for hers. Hermione had briefly considered whether they could be study partners for the upcoming exams but realised almost immediately that it wasn't a good idea. Ron and Harry had been complaining about how little time she spent with them still, needing her help with their revision and she suspected Draco's friends would be feeling the same. They had already accused him once of being a blood-traitor just for spending time with her when they were working on the project, how much more would they believe that to be the case if they stayed working together now the project was over?
But now they weren't spending any time in each other's company Hermione couldn't stop thinking about the intimacy they once shared, and she had spent almost the whole of exam time trying to fight the craving for more. She hadn't completely forgiven Draco for his betrayal with Pansy because the pain was still too raw, but he had gone some way towards redeeming himself with his behaviour during the last few days of the project; he had never once tried to push her into accepting him back or tried to force himself on her physically, and she had come to respect him for that.
It was true that they had kissed a couple times; Draco automatically pulling her into a triumphant hug when the final potion was successfully brewed and again when the project was completed and the potions and paperwork had been handed over to Professor Snape — this last a kiss that turned into a snogging session that lasted for about fifteen minutes before Hermione finally pulled herself away, embarrassed at her lack of control. Draco was disappointed then, clearly hoping that this was the start of a reconciliation between them, but he hadn't put up much of a fight when Hermione asked him to wait until after the exams were over.
Hermione wasn't sure what the future held for her and Draco. Although her heart was still sore from what he had done with Pansy, she knew she loved him. Of course she did, that was why it still hurt so much. But now that he had been back with his friends with almost no contact with her for nearly a fortnight would he still want her or had he regained his old perspective as nasty Death Eater? And more to the point, had Pansy drawn him back into her toxic web as she always seemed to do so effortlessly? Hermione wasn't entirely sure which she would prefer. She knew that even if she and Draco became a couple again they still had the problem of being on opposite sides in the war that was beginning to be felt outside of Hogwarts.
Voldemort had so far held off from attacking the school, despite the fact that he must know Harry was there, but with his strength growing and his takeover of the Ministry of Magic now complete and out in the public domain it couldn't be too much longer before he tried to take out his opponent. Hogwarts was the ideal location for it as it would punish those like the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, who had never accepted Voldemort as their leader.
Throughout the year, Harry and Professor Dumbledore had continued in their quest to find and destroy the Dark wizard's Horcruxes, those little pieces of his soul he had hidden away to ensure he couldn't be completely killed. Harry had told her that the Headmaster was now convinced that Voldemort's snake, Nagini, was the last Horcrux and if that was the case they had no chance of killing it until the battle began; if they ever actually could.
Hermione knew that the nearer war came, the closer she came to losing Draco for good. It was all very well for him to insist that he loved her but that wouldn't make any difference when he had to line up with his family and the other Death Eaters at Voldemort's side. Hermione had once harboured the hope that she might be able to save Draco from the fate she was certain awaited him at Voldemort's hands as a blood-traitor, sure she could convince him to swap sides despite his hatred of Harry.
But with so little time remaining before school ended, even if the war didn't come, how was she supposed to get close enough to him to enable that to happen, especially when she felt no nearer to being ready to have a sexual relationship with him? She suspected it would be much easier to achieve if she was willing to let him go all the way, as she had heard it euphemistically termed in magazines.
Unfortunately, Draco's indiscretion with Pansy when he was supposed to be Hermione's boyfriend had removed any thoughts in that direction and would do for quite some time to come. There was no way she was going to get sexually intimate with him when she couldn't even convince herself that restarting the relationship was a good idea.
Despite all this Hermione missed Draco, and a little part of her still urged her to try to rekindle the relationship. There were three weeks left before the end of the term, it was saying, so why give up when you could be partaking of those kisses you like so much, and enjoying the feeling of Draco holding you?
Hermione knew that if she could talk to Rachel about it, her best friend would insist she go for it, would tell her that love was worth the risk, but Hermione knew that part of the reason she was holding back was because she was scared that Draco would break her heart again. It was still so tender from the last betrayal that she couldn't stand him to hurt her again.
She sighed, then realised with embarrassment that she had done so out loud. The mournful sound seemed to fill the otherwise almost silent hall, only partially covered by the ticking of the clock and the desperate scratching of quills on parchment. She looked up to see Professor Snape staring at her, his expression unreadable as always. As she watched, he moved towards her.
'Have you finished your examination, Miss Granger?' he asked her quietly, looking down at the completed parchment.
Hermione nodded, worried about keeping her voice quiet as she hadn't spoken for a couple of hours.
'Then you may leave the hall if you wish,' the Potions Master said. 'Although be aware that once you have left you will not be able to make any changes to your paper.'
'I don't need to make any,' Hermione told him in a whisper, the idea of being able to leave the room and get some fresh air suddenly appealing.
Professor Snape held out his hand for her parchment. Hermione handed it to him, and as he made his way back to the front of the room to join the other teachers who were adjudicating she packed up her writing equipment and slowly slid back her chair, careful not to make a noise that would disturb those around her who were still writing. She picked up her bag and made her way out of the room.
A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she pushed the door shut after exiting, glad to put the tense atmosphere of the exam room behind her. She glanced at her watch. There were still twelve minutes of the exam left. Twelve minutes for her to get some fresh air and calm down before she rejoined Harry and Ron for lunch and no doubt a rundown of the exam questions as her friends looked for confirmation from her that they had done okay.
She walked across the Entrance Hall, heading towards the door of the castle. A few minutes in the sun should restore her mood to something approaching normal.
'Hermione, wait.'
Hermione turned to see Draco coming towards her. He, too, had finished his exam early and been given permission to leave. For a moment Hermione wondered whether it had any significance — after all, Professor Snape was aware that their project partnership had gone deeper than purely professional — but she dismissed the thought. The idea of Professor Snape playing cupid was ludicrous. She was certain the man didn't even know the meaning of the word love. All he was interested in was getting them to successfully complete the project he had set them, and he had used any means at his disposal to do that.
Draco came alongside her as they walked down the stairs and out into the grounds.
'How did you find it?' he asked.
'Rather good, actually,' Hermione said. 'I quite enjoyed it. How about you?'
Draco smiled. 'I'm pretty sure I'm going to get an Outstanding.'
'Me, too.' Hermione grinned back at him.
'Do you think we could go somewhere a bit quieter?' Draco asked, looking around at all the students who were out in the grounds enjoying the sunshine.
'Like where?' Hermione asked. 'The exam finishes in ten minutes.'
The smile dropped from Draco's face to be replaced by something more serious. 'I know that, but I'd really like to talk to you and I don't want an audience watching us.'
Hermione's heart fluttered at his words and she smiled at him again, helping the slight frown on his face to disappear.
'Come on, then, let's find somewhere. I don't know where, though.'
'Come with me,' Draco said, his optimistic mood restored. He caught hold of her hand and led her down towards the greenhouses.
'Why are we going this way?' Hermione asked.
'I thought we could use Professor Sprout's potting shed,' Draco told her. 'She won't be down until after lunch, as she's adjudicating.'
Hermione didn't look convinced but she followed him anyway.
'What if there's someone else there?' she enquired.
'Like who?' Draco asked. Hermione stared at him archly. He shrugged. 'Well, if someone's already using it we'll apologise and go somewhere else.'
'We only have eight minutes,' Hermione reminded him.
'Then we're going to be a bit late for lunch,' Draco said.
They stopped talking as they reached the greenhouses, although the area did appear to be deserted. Draco pulled his wand from his bag and opened the door to the potting shed, checking inside before letting Hermione in.
'It's all clear, just you, me and a stack of flowerpots,' he announced, sounding gleeful as he pulled the door shut behind him.
'So what did you want to talk to me about?' Hermione asked him, cutting straight to the chase.
Draco smiled and moved closer to her. 'The exams are over . . . well, almost. I know you've got another two and I've got one, but they'll be finished in a couple of days and I was hoping that we could think about restarting our relationship now.'
Hermione looked unsure. 'I don't know if that's a good idea, Draco,' she admitted.
He wrapped his arms around her waist; he was still smiling.
'Why don't you think it's a good idea?' he asked smoothly.
Hermione thought about pushing him away, but if she was honest she was enjoying Draco holding her, even if they couldn't ever really be a couple again.
'You're talking about us having a secret relationship again, aren't you?' she said. 'Which I understand, but it seems a bit pointless when we've only got another three weeks or something at school.' She saw the dissatisfied look on Draco's face and added, 'We wouldn't be able to keep the relationship going once we leave school and I'm not willing to put my heart through the wringer again, not after last time, I'm sorry, Draco.'
'But I love you, Hermione,' Draco said sincerely. He pulled her closer. 'I've never stopped loving you . . . or hoping that you would come back to me. It wasn't me who wanted to have a break during the exams.'
'I know that, but we needed it,' Hermione said. 'I just don't think there's any point in torturing ourselves for three weeks . . . or less, if Voldemort decides to attack.'
'You don't love me, then.' Draco sounded demoralised. 'If you loved me you couldn't do this to us.'
'You know I do,' Hermione answered, feeling hurt at the accusation. 'But I'm also still hurting from what you did before, and that's not going to go away quickly. I can't open myself up to more pain not when the relationship is going nowhere. I'm sorry, Draco, but I have to protect myself.'
'I don't know why you think it has to end,' Draco said. 'We're only leaving school. It's not like we're moving to opposite sides of the world or something.'
'We might as well be,' Hermione told him sadly. 'When school ends I'll be joining Ron and his family at the Burrow, along with Harry.' She ignored the grimace of distaste that crossed Draco's face at these words. 'From there we'll be joining the Order of the Phoenix. Harry has to fight Voldemort and I need to help him. You're a Death Eater, Draco, and you'll be going home to join your family and Voldemort. There won't be any chance we can see each other; it's just not going to happen.'
'I don't want to let you go,' Draco admitted miserably. 'I love you.'
He bent to kiss her and Hermione let him do it although she knew she should be stopping him. She understood Draco's desire, indeed she felt it herself, but a relationship between them now was pointless. There would never be enough time to convince him to join her, she could see that now.
'I'd rather have these three weeks with you and have something good to remember than knowing that I have to spend the rest of my life away from you without us having made up,' Draco said. 'Please, Hermione — three weeks is better than nothing.'
Hermione almost retaliated that he could make the decision to change, that he could be with her forever if he would just leave the Death Eaters and join her and her friends in fighting Voldemort with the Order of the Phoenix. But she knew she couldn't ask it of him. How could she ask him to betray his family for her? His love wasn't yet solid enough for that. But he was right: three weeks of kisses would be better than three weeks of tears and mourning for her lost love. There would be enough time for that once they left school when hopefully she would be too busy working towards helping Harry to have much time to dwell on everything she had lost.
'Three weeks,' she whispered as her lips found his, pulling him tighter as they kissed.
'You won't regret this,' Draco promised once they finally came up for air several minutes later.
'I probably will,' Hermione retorted. 'But I can't stop myself.'
'I suppose we should go back to the castle,' Draco said. 'I expect everyone will be wondering where we've got to. They must have seen us both leave the exam at the same time.'
'I know you want to get this relationship going again, but I don't know when we're going to have time to see each other if we have to keep it a secret,' Hermione pointed out.
Draco grinned. 'We need to visit the Room of Requirement.'
Hermione shook her head. 'Oh, no. I don't mind a bit of kissing, but you still have a lot to make up for and I can tell you right now that sex isn't going to feature anywhere in this relationship. If you don't like it, then I suggest we stop now.'
Draco looked disappointed again. 'I know you're still unhappy with me about what happened before, but I promise I haven't been anywhere near Pansy in the last few weeks and have no intention of going there again. I know it's difficult, Hermione, but you have to start trusting me.'
'I do trust you, Draco, but three weeks isn't enough time for me to feel comfortable about getting intimate with you again, not intimate enough to have sex anyway.'
Draco sighed. 'Then I'm just going to have to spend the next three weeks trying to change your mind. If I'm going to lose you, I want to know that we enjoyed the best relationship we possibly could in the time we had together, and you already know how much I want to make love to you.'
'It's not going to happen,' Hermione assured him.
'You don't know that.'
Hermione pulled out of his arms, stepping back and wrapping hers around herself as if to protect her.
'Yes, I do. I honestly want so much with you, Draco, so much that I've dreamed about, but while you remain on Voldemort's side it's never going to happen. You know we talked about this before and I explained to you then how I felt. If you really love me and you really want to make a go of things you need to consider that. The Order of the Phoenix would help you. I know they would be willing to take you in and protect you,' Hermione told him. 'We could be together. We could fight together, stop Voldemort from keeping people like us apart. Surely if you love me you can see it's the right thing to do.'
'But I don't have any choice in the matter, Hermione. My family is aligned with the Dark Lord, you know they are. I can't just abandon them, and if I did what would happen then? Not only would I have put them in danger but my life would be forfeit as soon as the Dark Lord discovered what I'd done, and I have no doubt he would find a way to kill me,' Draco said.
'It's already forfeit,' Hermione retorted in frustration. 'As soon as the Dark Lord discovered your thoughts about me you were doomed as a blood-traitor. I told you that at the time. What do you think he'll do to you when you join him? He's not going to let you live just because your family is close to him. He'll want to scare his Death Eaters into obeying him.
'Punishing you for daring to fall in love with me is a given, especially when your father is still trying to recover from what happened at the Ministry of Magic. At the very least he'll have no qualms using you against me in the worst ways possible. Are you going to kill me because he tells you to?' She broke off for a moment to let that sink in, then continued, 'What happens when he tortures you to get me to betray Harry?' Hermione's voice wavered as the tears started, her voice more miserable than ever. 'I love you, Draco, but Harry is the only chance I have of continuing to live in the wizarding world. If you can't see that, then there's no point in us being a couple because you're never going to understand where I'm coming from.'
'You want me to give up everything I am for you and yet you offer nothing in return, Hermione. How can I leave my family, especially if, as you say, the Dark Lord already has me marked? They need me . . . my mother needs me. I might be a blood-traitor because of you but I can't give up my family. It's not going to happen.'
'How do you think your mother would feel if you died or if you were tortured by that madman to make me do something I could never do? If you honestly still believe in all that Pure-blood supremacist crap, then fine, go and join your family and forget that we ever had anything between us except hatred and disdain.
'But if you no longer believe that I'm a Mudblood and you understand that Muggle-borns have as much right to exist in the wizarding world as everyone else does, then I'm asking you to stand up for yourself and make your own decisions . . . not blindly follow your father. This world is full of people who believe as I do, that's why we're fighting, but only you can know whether you truly believe in what you're fighting for, Draco.
'How can you say you love me and then join Voldemort in trying to wipe out people like me? It makes no sense, and I can't be in a relationship with you if you really do believe what that madman says. How could I?'
'It's easy for you because you've got nothing to lose,' Draco retorted coldly. 'My whole family are over there, and although I understand what you're saying and I believe you're probably right, I have to stand or fall with them. It's expected of me. It's not fair of you to expect me to give up everything to help someone I can't even stand on the vague off-chance I might get a shag out of it.'
'If you're only interested in me for the sex then you can go away now,' Hermione replied, the tears now flowing freely. 'I will never sleep with you as long as you're on Voldemort's side. I don't even want you touching me if that's how you really feel. Anyway, all your family didn't stand on the same side as Voldemort. I've seen the Black family tree with all those people crossed off it. Sirius was completely against Voldemort, and your aunt Andromeda—'
'Blood-traitors,' Draco said dismissively, his nose wrinkled in disdain.
'Just as you are,' Hermione reminded him, her voice quiet. 'You're a blood-traitor now, too whether you like it or not, and nothing you do will ever change that as far as the Dark Lord is concerned.'
'You ask too much of me, Hermione,' Draco said.
'And you don't think you ask too much of me?' Hermione stared at him as she asked the question.
'I just want what I was promised,' Draco said bitterly, 'what you told me I would get.'
'I never said I would have sex with you, not once,' Hermione told him unhappily.
'No, you were very clever with what you said, weren't you, Hermione? You made me think I was going to have a sexual relationship with you in order to save yourself . . . but all I ever get from you is frustration and disappointment.'
'Why can't you understand that I need you to not be a Death Eater?' Hermione pleaded. 'I love you, Draco, I freely admit that but I can't stay with you if you're not willing to make the move. It's not like I could join you, is it? And you're wrong about me having nothing to lose. I've already lost my parents. I know that Voldemort wouldn't hesitate to torture or kill them the same way he will with you but I'm not willing to put them through that risk so I've removed their memories of me and sent them far away where they don't even know they've got a daughter. I've put a charm on Rachel and her family, too, so they don't remember me either, just in case Voldemort picked up on her as well.'
Draco stared at her in surprise then held out his arms to offer her a hug. 'Hermione, I'm so sorry.'
Hermione shook her head. 'I don't want to hear it, Draco. The bottom line is that if you really loved me you wouldn't be able to let Voldemort do the things he wants to do, regardless of who else is on his side. Be honest with yourself: you just want sex and you've convinced yourself you love me in order to try to make me believe it, too. But it's not true, so go back to your Death Eater friends and Pansy and try not to feel too bad when Voldemort orders you to kill me.'
Before Draco could say anything else to her, and more hurt than ever, Hermione ran for the door, the tears streaming down her cheeks like rain. Draco watched her go, feeling like he had been slapped hard, especially with her final words.
His heart constricted with pain and the urge to hit something rose in him like a wave. He looked around and spotted a large unopened sack of fertiliser. He thumped it hard and felt a little better so he did it again several more times, needing to get the anger out before he did something incredibly stupid, something he would probably end up regretting for the rest of his life.
Draco rubbed his sore knuckles once he had calmed down enough to stop pummelling the sack. He couldn't decide whether he was more angry or hurt by what had just happened. Hermione wasn't the only one affected by his stupidity with Pansy — he had hurt himself more badly than she obviously realised, and her refusal to continue with their relationship in the aftermath caused a pain that he had only just recently managed to get under control.
But his hopes that he had finally done enough to get them back together were dashed and he was back where he started . . . no, he was worse off than when he had started, because at least then he had hated Hermione and couldn't have cared less what happened to her. Now he was in love with her and cared about her more than his own life. He had become a blood-traitor for her and she had thrown it back in his face and left him.
He looked at the fertiliser that was spilling from the split bag. He needed to do something about that so Professor Sprout didn't know anyone had been in here. He pulled his wand from his bag and repaired the sack, then without so much as a backward glance he left the potting shed, locking it with his wand. He stuffed his wand roughly back into his bag, still annoyed.
As he walked slowly back up towards the castle he examined his feelings, trying to establish whether Hermione was right in her assertion that he had only convinced himself he loved her because he wanted to get her into bed. While it was true that he did want to make love to her and would quite happily use any means at his disposal to make that happen, Draco didn't believe that what he felt for Hermione wasn't love. It hurt too much to be anything else. But the only way it seemed he could convince her of that would be to do the one thing he couldn't do.
As a Muggle-born, Hermione had no idea how important family was in the wizarding world, although Draco had to admit he hadn't been thinking clearly when he fell in love with her. Whatever happened between the two of them, and however far things might have gone sexually, he would never be able to marry her; his parents would make sure of that. They wanted him to marry a "nice" Pure-blood girl like Pansy, even if it made him unhappy. Blood and breeding were more important than anything as far as they were concerned.
Even if Hermione and her friends got their way and the Dark Lord was defeated there was no way his father would change his mind about a non-Pure-blood being admitted to the family, even if his mother might conceivably be open to such a proposition. He had been an idiot to become so involved with her and knew now that he should have just kept his distance but he had found her so easy to get along with and he had ended up making a fool of himself, not once but twice.
Draco was under no illusions. He knew this latest argument had hurt Hermione every bit as much as the previous one and the stupid thing was that it was about the same bloody thing. Nothing had changed except that he still had his mistake with Pansy to live down and the knowledge that he was going to have to spend the next three most miserable weeks of his life watching the girl he loved grow further away from him.
It wasn't even like he could keep out of her way. They shared almost all the same classes and they sat opposite each other in the Great Hall, even if they were at different tables. Hermione Granger would be everywhere he went. It was going to be a nightmare knowing that she was almost close enough to touch . . . and kiss . . . yet further away from him than she had ever been.
The one thing he had to do, he told himself, was to keep his temper. There was no way he wanted a repeat of their previous argument and its fatal aftermath, even if there was no chance of him and Hermione ever getting back together.
