The Shooting Of Frank Donovan: A UC Novella

Frank gets shot in eerily similar circumstances as Keller. The team deals with the psychological repercussions of his shooting. Alex reveals a secret to both Jake and Frank. Jake has to do something against his ethical system and Monica reflects on her brother. Cody discovers Frank is more human than he acts and Frank discovers a new friend.


Chapter Eleven: Frank Talks With Alex

"You spent several hours with your punching bag," Frank stated the next day after Alex had shown up in response to his page. He'd paged just after lunch, and Alex had hurried over to the hospital.

Alex started. How did he know? How does he always know when I do that? she thought to herself and opened her mouth to say so but Frank beat her to it.

"And now you're wondering how I know you spent several hours with your punching bag," Frank said, taking a sip of the hazelnut coffee which Ann-Marie had deposited for the two of them a few minutes earlier.

Alex looked a bit sheepish. "Yes, I spent several hours with my punching bag," she confirmed, mentally cursing him. Her blue eyes flashed annoyance.

"You did the same thing after I allowed you to be taken as a hostage," he replied, taking another sip of his coffee. "And don't curse me," He levelled an annoyed look at her and settled back into the very comfortable looking chair and Alex wished she was similarly arranged. She could only perch on a metal stool which was in front of Frank's chair. He was now gazing at her, life back in his cognac brown eyes.

The thought ran through Alex's head that he had designed the seating this way. The big chair, the little chair. The big chair meant power, she remembered from her reading of his psychology books. The little chair--the uncomfortable chair--screamed 'subordinate'. Alex felt a little like a child being reprimanded, a thought which Frank was astute enough to pick up.

A smirk went across Frank's face as he said, "This is not a reprimand, Alex. I know how frustrated you felt, how upset you were when I got shot. The circumstances were very similar to Keller's death," he sipped his coffee again.

His mug was large, thick and cream colored and the smell emmanating from it was delicious. She reached for her own cup, never before having had hazelnut coffee. She took a sip, and instantly agreed it was her favorite coffee. Coffee and cigarettes, now I've become a real bohemian, she thought to herself.

Frank said softly, "I know you loved him, and I know you had a sexual relationship with him."

This time Alex wasn't surprised.

She sipped her coffee. "Yeah. He started the relationship a few weeks before he di--was murdered. I hadn't known I was in love with him until he asked me out to dinner. We went to Ruth's," Alex said, taking another sip. She had to admit, the half and half really brought out the flavor of the hazelnut. She'd never been much of a coffee drinker, not even in law school studying into the wee hours of the morning.

She looked at Frank. Frank's color looked much better today. His cheeks had regained their ordinary color, he was even a bit flushed, Alex noted. Frank seemed to note her eyes on his cheeks.

"They gave me a little too much blood. Have to remember to thank Bloom for that," Frank said dryly, the steam from his coffee lightly shrouding his face as he blew on it to cool the coffee a bit.

"Are you okay with what happened?" Frank asked next.

Alex considered her response, narrowing her eyes a bit. Frank's statement of her sexual relationship with Keller was not unintentional. He wanted her to examine her feelings for Keller and to also examine her feelings for Frank. She had grown to care for Frank--as the rest of the team had done: he was dependable, yet highly aloof. He didn't want to be a team leader but the stress of his previous job had led him to beach himself for six months. Still, when offered his choice of jobs by Justice, he'd chosen one he hadn't done before.

He hadn't done undercover work before. Alex thought on that as she too copied Frank and blew on her coffee to cool it. Ah! He'd been stalling for a bit, gathering his thoughts and was expecting her to do the same.

Frank was unskilled in undercover work. She had skill, several years experience. She was more of an expert than Frank. He was looking for a challenge to his skills, his high intelligence and low tolerance for boredom telling him that beaching himself was not an acceptable alternative. So he'd chosen their unit.

And Frank's getting wounded and bleeding out, then depending on his team to assist him told Alex that he could be dependent upon them. He knew the risks the job entailed, as did Alex and Jake.

He'd carefully explained about their trip to Bolivia, wanting Jake and Alex to know what could happen. She'd been okay with the thought of potentially dying in a remote jungle in South America. She'd even looked at the assignment as a challenge.

And her current feelings would be a challenge. She'd loved Keller, loved Carlos, and although she didn't feel attracted to Frank, she had grown to care about him--and she cared about his life.

"Yeah," she said after what seemed like an eternity. "I can handle it."

"Are you sure? You took a bit longer than I expected to answer."

Alex thought for a moment. "When you said the bullet had nicked an artery, Keller flashed through my mind. I saw Keller lying there instead of you, and all I kept hoping was that I could save you, and by doing so, I'd be saving Keller. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. You felt guilty by not being able to save Keller. By staying with me, and crying into my shoulder, you were able to hold yourself together. When I pulled through, you felt relief: although you were unable to help Keller, you helped me live."

Frank could be surprising. Alex didn't think Frank had remembered her crying into his shoulder. But evidently he did. His next words confirmed this.

"In your mind, you were comforting yourself on Keller's shoulder. You were saying a final goodbye, the goodbye you couldn't say when he died so quickly after being shot," Frank's voice was soft and he was looking at her, a soft light in his eyes.

Alex felt tears coursing down her face. "I never had enough time to say goodbye properly. I wanted a long goodbye. I knew he would have a quick death when I heard all the gunshots, and I wanted to be selfish," Alex said as she took another sip of her coffee and held the cup near her mouth to smell the pleasant aroma. She lowered the cup a little and looked hard at Frank, swinging her hair as she did so, "I wanted to be selfish and have Keller alive long enough to say a longer goodbye."

Frank nodded. He said softly, "Did you say goodbye this time?"

It was Alex's turn to nod. She had said a final goodbye to John Keller for a half an hour, crying softly into Frank's shoulder as they flew the final half hour to Chicago Memorial. She'd thought Frank wasn't conscious of her, that the pain had taken over and the inevitable dizziness from the extensive blood loss. But she should have known he'd been aware.

Frank had not moved much from the time he got shot. He knew excessive movement would only excaberate blood loss when there was a gunshot wound and he had lain quietly, moving and speaking little, allowing Monica and Alex to help him and then allowed the medics to assist him.

Alex looked at Frank again. "Yes. Yes, I got my goodbye." She took a deep breath. It felt good to breathe, to be alive. She was still sad over Keller's death, but she knew she would adjust. She'd never forget John, never forget his eyes, the way he'd breathed after love, his voice in her ear. But she could now accept his death, and Carlos's going away.

"I wanted to have his baby," she said softly. "Now there's nothing left of him in the world with his father dead," she finished.

She glanced up and saw Frank gazing at her.

"Is that what you wanted?" Frank asked quietly.

Alex looked away, and thought for a moment, remembering the conversation she'd had last night with Jake. "With Keller. I wanted a baby with Keller," she admitted.

Nurse Chilton came in the door. "The bandage machine again?" Frank asked. Nurse Chilton chuckled. "Yes, and I'm afraid you'll have to escape from here awhile," she said to Alex, who'd finished her cup of coffee.

"I'll see you again at five," Frank told her. "With the rest of the team." He gave her a look which dismissed her but at the same time was filled with understanding. She started for the door as Nurse Chilton started washing her hands.

"And no punching bags this afternoon," he said after her. Alex lowered her head and tried to hide a grin. "I can tell that's what you were planning on doing this afternoon. Go to Hester's Spa instead," he said as Alex stopped by the door and swung her head around to face him.

"That's an order, young lady," he told her sternly and looked at her sharply. Nurse Chilton had finished her hand washing and had donned her gloves. Frank had moved to the bed and was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I want to see the receipt from the spa when you get back here at five pm."

"And I saw that grin you tried to hide," Frank said behind her, his voice dry. Alex's next step was a bit hesitant. But she carried forth the motion so Frank wouldn't notice. "Don't think I don't notice your actions, Alex," he said. She swung around again to look at him, but he was intent on looking at Nurse Chilton's ministrations.

"All right," Alex said as she stepped out of the door into the corridor.

Damn him, she thought, as she walked down the hall to the bank of elevators, the heels of her boots clicking softly on the tiled floor.

Behind her, Frank allowed Nurse Chilton to attend his wound. From her clucking her could tell his wound was healing nicely.

Nurse Chilton finished her ministrations. "All done until the evening, Frank." She looked up to see Frank smiling at her. She smiled back.

"Until then, Nurse Chilton," Frank's deep voice said as she pushed her cart out of his room. She'd had to attend to another car accident victim in the room across from Frank.

Which reminded him of his standing appointment with Danny Montalto. He still had plenty of time--two hours--so he leaned back on the pillow and gazed out the window, organizing his thoughts about how to present his job to Danny.