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Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews last chapter! I really appreciated it!
As usual, please Read and Review and Constructive Criticisms are very much appreciated. Hope you'll like this chapter!
-imsonotagirl93 ;)
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Chapter 11: You're supposed to be My What?
The kiss they shared formed a slight rift between James and Lily. Well, they still speak to each other, much to his delight, but when they do, there was an air of awkwardness present every time they do, making their conversations civil, not friendly, like they used to. The two would only talk about homework, head duties and nothing else. Well, except for the day after they played spin the bottle, where Lily planted dungbombs in Sirius' bed as he slept, no girls were walking with him to classes that day.
Soon enough, it was five days before Valentine's Day and for the first time; he didn't know what to do when this day comes. He can no longer ask Lily out for the rest of day, hoping to get a date from her; he can't really afford another screw up. And Sirius would sure have a date that Saturday and all Remus would do was study, especially on weekends and Peter would probably be in detention or studying with Remus.
As he sat in the common room, alone, in a Monday night, supposedly finishing his Herbology essay, he heard a very flirtatious giggle, followed by a very flirtatious voice.
"Hey James, I was told to give you this," James turned around to see Camilla Vane holding out a purple envelope, batting her eyelashes. James took the envelope from her and opened it.
Dear Mr. Potter,
I would be pleased to invite you to a Valentine's Day party, this Saturday, in my office at 9 o' clock pm.
I hope to see you there!
Professor H. Slughorn
Of course there would be a party; there was always a party during special events. He was distracted by another flirtatious giggle. He looked up and saw that Camilla was still there, twirling a strand of her hair on her index finger.
"What?" asked James rather rudely.
"Well, that invitation says that there will be a Valentine's Party on Saturday and Professor Slughorn said that you can bring guests, so I was wondering if you'd like to ask me, I'm free that night. At least you won't have to be rejected by Lily Evans again, I'd agree to go out with you anytime!" said Camilla in a flirty voice.
The bit about Lily made his irritation grow more. "No, I don't want to take you, and if you don't know yet, Lily Evans is way better than you," growled James, and he gathered his things and left, leaving a very shocked Camilla Vane behind. He heard her yell, "I don't know what he sees in that Lily Evans, I'm way prettier than her!" as her cronies of girls approached her.
James snorted as he climbed the staircase. There were a hundred reasons why Lily was better than Camilla Vane. At least Lily Evans wasn't a flirt.
He opened the door to their dormitory, to see Remus, his invitation remained close on his bed, playing exploding snap with Peter and Sirius was reading the same invitation that James received a while ago as he lied upside down in bed, his head dangling from the tip of the bed.
"You got the invitation too?" asked Sirius, getting up from his position.
"Yeah, Camilla Vane even tried to ask me out," said James, crashing onto his bed.
"What did you say?" asked Sirius.
"No," stated James simply.
"Aaw, why not? She's hot! You don't want to be a virgin forever, do you?" asked Sirius, waggling his eyebrows.
"I'm not like you Sirius," muttered James, slightly exasperated.
"I wish I could go with you," said Peter, who wasn't a member of the Slug Club, or that's what Slughorn calls them, anyway.
"Don't worry, Pete. It says we could bring guests," said Remus as they ended their game.
"Hey! How did you know we could bring guests? You didn't even open your invitation yet!" said Sirius.
"I read yours," said Remus.
"So, who're you going with, Prongs?" asked Peter and James sighed loudly. They have arrived at the subject of dates
"No one," said James.
"Oh come on, James! You can ask Lily out," suggested Sirius.
"Can't," he stated and the three boys raised their eyebrows.
"Why not?" asked Sirius.
"Yeah, you don't exactly know if she'll agree with you or not right? I mean, you haven't asked her out for months! Who knows? Maybe she'll finally agree," said Remus and Peter nodded enthusiastically.
"I don't want to ruin anything between us. You very nearly did, Sirius," said James exasperatedly.
"Well, I already paid for that, didn't I? I stank for the whole day after that!" said Sirius.
"Yeah James, maybe she'll agree to go out with you. You'll never know if you never try!" said Remus.
"She likes somebody already," said James.
"How'd you know?" asked Peter.
"I eavesdropped on them, remember? She said 'have you ever liked someone who doesn't like you back?' which only means that me is out," said James.
"Well, what if she thought that you don't like her anymore? I mean, you've been asking her out every day before, but now, you don't. Maybe she thought that you were over her," Remus reasoned. Well he does have a point but –
"Yeah right, like a guy that like her so much would stop liking her that easily. Even Professor Dumbledore knows that I like her," said James.
"Yeah, well, you really can't tell, right? You did stop asking her out, maybe she did thought that you got over her," said Sirius.
"Look, can we change the subject please?" asked James, unable to take this talk about his love life anymore. "Like… who're you going with, Remus? There's still Mary," suggested James.
"I already told you, we are just friends," said Remus exasperatedly.
"Yeah, whatever you say, Moony," said Sirius.
"Who are you going with?" James asked Sirius, sure enough, there was already someone.
"Camilla Vane, of course!" said Sirius.
"What? what did she asked me for?" said James incredulously.
"Well, I haven't asked her yet, but I'm sure she'll go with me, since you declined to go out with her," said Sirius confidently and the three boys threw a pillow at him.
Sure enough, the next morning, Sirius asked Camilla Vane to the party, in which she gladly agreed as she batted her eyelashes.
As James walked out of the Great Hall, he saw Ethan Sparks talking with Lily Evans; he didn't see Lily's expression though, for her back was turned on him. He felt his blood boil and made his way towards them, only to be dragged to the Charms classroom by Mary.
When Lily entered the classroom, though, James was glad to see that she was looking disgruntled and flushed, which only means that their conversation didn't go too well.
But his joy of Lily not enjoying a conversation with Ethan Sparks was quickly shunted away. As he went over to Lily's armchair in the common room, during free period, he was about to ask her about their Transfiguration homework when –
"Hey, Lily – " but he was soon cut off as Lily looked up with a panicked expression, flushed and quickly walked away.
"I just wanted to ask you about the Transfiguration essay!" James shouted after her as she went out of sight.
Just then, Mary entered the common room, appearing beside James. "What are you shouting about?" she asked a crestfallen James.
"I was going to ask Lily about the Transfiguration essay and… and… She ran away from me!" said James, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I mean is it wrong to ask for an essay? Am I some kind of monster or something? Do I look okay?" continued James, suddenly conscious of his face, touching it to make sure that its fine.
To his surprise, Mary laughed loudly beside him. He looked wildly at her. "Why the bloody hell are you laughing?" he asked, slightly disgruntled.
"Oh…" She said, trying to stop her laughter. "If only you knew," she managed to choke out in between laughs. "And your face is fine," she reassured James.
"But why - ?" he started but Mary cut him off.
"I don't think I could tell you that, try asking her," she said, looking like she was trying very hard to hold on to her laughter.
"Fine," he grumbled and left to the library, wondering why Lily has been acting so strange.
Following Mary's advice, he sat quietly beside Lily, to avoid her running away again. She was doing her homework as she ate her lunch. James was bewildered, how could she possibly study that much? Even he doesn't study like that and he was one of the best students in their year.
"Hey Lily!" he said brightly and Lily almost jumped a foot in the air.
"Hey, James," she said and James thought that there was an air of embarrassment, or was it nervousness, in the air.
"I was wondering –"he started but Lily cut him off.
"Sorry, James, I have… something to do," said Lily, still flushing heavily, and her tone made James think that she was lying. With that she strode off, out of the Great Hall.
He sat there pondering what Lily's actions could possibly mean. It was quite offending. She was avoiding him for some unknown reason. Well, he knew it was nothing bad, since Mary actually laughed when James asked her about it, but her avoiding him without even telling him what's wrong was sort of… irritating. He was ignored without even knowing what he did. Even if he liked Lily Evans, he couldn't help but to feel slightly mad at her. He never did anything, and yet here he was pondering what he could have done. He didn't bother her, right? A sudden thought came to him. What if…? No, it couldn't. But the blushing, but something tells him that it isn't. But what if it is, and what if it isn't? Can Lily Evans really fancy him?
Crestfallen, he ate his lunch, rather slowly. Soon, the Marauders joined him. Getting desperate, he asked Remus, since he was the only Marauder that Lily was close to, except for James of course, but know it seems like James was not close to her anymore, seeing as she was avoiding him.
"Moony, do you know why Lily's been acting weirdly?" he asked, waiting for Remus' reaction. To his surprise, Remus, like Mary, laughed.
"What? You know?" James asked his friend incredulously.
"Yeah… We've been trying to make her tell you all day!" said Remus, in between laughs. James felt disgruntled.
"How did you know? Tell me what?" asked James exasperatedly.
"Mary told me, and sorry, can't tell you," said Remus shortly.
James turned to Sirius, who was, to his relief, looking questioningly at the still laughing Remus.
"Do you know too?" asked James.
"No, I don't. How weird was Lily acting like, anyway?" asked Sirius.
"Well, a while ago, I talked to her to ask about the Transfiguration essay, and then she looked up at me like I'm some kind of Blast-Ended Skrewt or something, blushed and… ran away," said James.
"She blushed and ran away? Hey, maybe she fancies you James. Lily Evans doesn't just blush that easily," said Sirius as he wiggled her eyebrows. This did lighten James' spirits up, but then he remembered that Lily was avoiding him right now, which really didn't help his irritation.
"No, it's definitely not," said Remus, and James' heart fell. So the theory that Lily likes him was officially proven as a non-factual statement.
"What is it?" said James, half-excited, half-nervous. Excited, because he'll know why Lily was avoiding him and nervous because, what if it was bad? What if it was something that would totally ruin their friendship? That was the one thing he was afraid of, ruining their friendship, because it seems that it was the only thing that James would have with her: friendship.
"She let something slip while she talked to Ethan," said Remus simply as he began to eat.
"What?" asked James excitedly, knowing that it wasn't something that would totally ruin their friendship.
"Sorry, I can't tell you, it's not my place to tell," said Remus. "Though I'll try my best to convince her to tell you," he added at James' scowl.
"Fine," he grumbled as he turned to Sirius to talk about their chances at Quidditch. After lunch, he went straight to Potions. When he got there, the whole class was only beginning to settle in and Professor Slughorn and his enormous belly was walking towards the teacher's table.
James' face brightened as he saw that the only available seat was beside Lily. He made his way to that seat; finally having an opportunity to ask her what she's hiding that could make her avoid him so badly.
Class was a bit boring today, because they were not really going to do any potion work. Today, they were only going to discuss Polyjuice Potion and how to make it, because that's what they're supposed to do for half of the term, giving more time for James to talk to Lily.
He pulled out a spare bit of parchment from his pocket and wrote:
Lily, why are you avoiding me?
He then slipped the parchment in front of Lily. He watched Lily's expression closely but it was unreadable. He watched her emerald green eyes move from side to side as she read quickly. To his delight, she pulled out her quill and ink bottle and wrote in the parchment.
Seconds later, a parchment appeared in front of him.
Nothing really, why would I avoid you?
James frowned; she was denying it, which only means that whatever she said to Ethan Sparks was a big thing.
Really? Then why did you ran away from me when I was about to ask you a question for Transfiguration?
Did I? Sorry, I didn't notice you there.
There was a slightly panicked expression on her face as she slipped the parchment in front of James.
You looked straight at me, Lily. Besides, Mary and Remus told me that you have something to tell me.
They did? Oh, I am so going to get Mary. Really, James, you don't want to know.
Yeah I do, what is it? Could you please tell me?
NO, it's too embarrassing. Besides you'll probably get mad if I'll tell you.
No, I'm not going to get mad! Please, please, please just tell me! Do you have a problem or something? 'Cause if you do, I'm pretty sure that I can help you :)
You can't James, well actually, you can but I'm not 'gonna let you.
James wrote back immediately, his brows furrowed. What was her problem and how could he help?
What? Why not? You said it yourself, I can help, so why not? It's okay, please? I'm pretty sure I'll be madder when you don't tell me.
Just drop it, James, okay? There's nothing you can do, honestly, so stop bugging me about it!
James was about to write back when Professor Slughorn's voice boomed through the room. "Ah, Ms. Evans, would you like to explain to us what the consequences you'll experience when you use non-human hair in the Polyjuice Potion?"
"Certainly, Sir…" and Lily droned on and on and on about how the misuse of Polyjuice Potion can be dangerous. James wasn't really listening, he tuned Lily's voice out; his mind seemed to be stuck on wondering what Lily's problem was.
James thought that after that their note passing would stop Lily from avoiding him but, clearly, he was wrong. After Potions, without even looking at him, Lily gathered her things and without a word to James, she left the classroom.
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday passed and James still had no clue on why Lily was avoiding him. He tried to ask Remus and Mary but they said that it was really not their place to tell him… again. They did try to convince Lily to tell him, though, to no success.
As James searched about books for his Herbology essay in the library in a Friday night, just the day before Slughorn's Valentine's Day Party, he heard voices, very familiar voices, in fact.
"… Lily, I don't understand, why don't you just tell him? I'm sure he'll understand, and what would you tell Ethan when you show up alone?" hissed a voice, which he recognized as Mary's.
"Do you want me to look like a slut to him, Mary? Besides, that's easy, I won't show up for the party," Lily hissed back, looking flustered.
"When did you start caring about how he sees you?" whispered Mary, smirking.
"I – I – Oh, just shut up, Mary," hissed Lily, looking down at the book in front of her. Though James had the impression that she wasn't really reading.
James listened closely, wondering who they were talking about, though he had a vague idea who the "he" was.
"James is a nice guy, Mary –" but whatever Mary was supposed to say, they never knew for James chose that moment to appear from behind the shelves, upon hearing his name, taking it as a confirmation.
"What're we talking about, ladies?" he asked in his most winning voice as he sat beside Mary.
"Nothing," said Lily quietly, who quickly averted her gaze from Mary as Mary said, "Lily has something to tell you," at the same time, smirking
"No I don't," argued Lily quickly.
"Yeah, I think you have something to tell me," said James in anticipation. What was the thing she was hiding that she was very embarrassed about?
"You don't want to know," muttered Lily, covering her face with her hands.
"Come on! I do! I do want to know! Whatever it is!" complained James in a loud voice as Madam Pince shushed them.
"You really want to know?" she asked, her voice muffled for it was still buried in her hands.
"Yeah," answered James, almost jumping in his seat, but he couldn't help but notice Mary smirking.
"No, never mind!" said Lily, her voice still muffled.
"Oh come on!" James complained loudly, making Madam Pince shush them again angrily. "Just please, please, please, tell me! I won't get mad, I promise," continued James in a whisper as he leaned closer to Lily.
Lily removed her face from her hands and stared at him. He smirked as he saw that she was blushing heavily. She looked down at her lap and played with her fingers, entangling and disentangling them together. James waited for her to say something patiently and Mary was still smirking.
She let out a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Come on, Lily!" Mary urged her when she didn't speak and with every second that she hesitated, James became more and more anticipated.
"Fine," she muttered. Then she turned to James, her cheeks still tinted pink. "Well, I talked to Ethan Sparks a few days ago…" she started and James nodded, remembering seeing them in the corridor last Monday, talking.
"Well, he was part of Slug Club, you know?" continued Lily and James nodded, his expression darkening, already expecting the worst.
"He – He asked me to go with him…" continued Lily in a nervous voice.
"And?" James almost growled, though he was surprised and bewildered to see Mary smirking widely. Girls, he thought as jealously began to spread over him.
But James noticed that there was more into this, for Lily was still fidgeting uncomfortably. "And?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows.
Lily hesitated, and then drew in another deep breath, glared at Mary, who was still smirking at the two and began, "Well… I kind of – sort of – I kind of told him t – that…" she stuttered, still fidgeting, looking at anything but James.
"That?" James pressed on.
"That – that…. OH! That we are dating!" she almost screamed.
"I swear one more shout and you three are banned from the library!" they heard Madam Pince's voice sternly, but the three ignored her. James' jaw was hanging open; Mary was beaming and was resisting the urge laugh and Lily was looking horrified, blushing profusely, watching James' expression.
James was speechless. She told Ethan Sparks that they were dating? That we are dating, he repeated the words in his head. Oh, how beautiful it sounds. He just wished that it was really happening though; it was really nice to think that they were dating, even though they weren't and even to think that Lily Evans told a guy he hates that they were dating. It brings joy and happiness to his every being.
Lily clearly misread the expression on his face because she quickly went on in a very fast speech. "I'm sorry, I mean, I didn't meant to. It was just that… I don't really want to go with him and he insisted and you were the first guy that came to me. I'm sorry; you don't really have to pose as my boyfriend or something. I don't really need to go to the party. Maybe I'll tell him that we broke up or something. Not that we were ever together – "
"Lily," James tried to cut her off, but failed, amused.
"I know you probably think I'm some sort of desperate fan girl – "
"Lily," he said, a little loudly, but not loud enough for Madam Pince to hear. This time Lily stopped, still blushing. "It's okay. I don't mind… I don't think that you're a desperate fangirl," he said, grinning.
"Really?" she said, her voice slightly breathless because of the very fast talking she did. "You don't really want to do this you know," she said.
"Oh, yes he does…" muttered Mary and the two glared at her. "Fine, I'll go now…" she grumbled as she gathered her things and walked out of the library.
"What? Are you sure? I'm really sorry…" said Lily still avoiding his eyes.
"No really, it's fine. I mean, that's what friends are for, isn't it?" he said. If only she knew how hard it is for him to say that, to remind himself that they'll be nothing more than friends. He just wished that his hopelessness didn't show in his voice.
He then noticed that Lily was looking down, and her face was covered with her hair, so that he couldn't read her expression. "Yeah…" she finally said after a few seconds.
"So… I'll meet you at the common room at nine?" he asked, grinning.
"Yeah," she grinned back, looking up at him. Their eyes locked and for a moment, they could've been the only people in the world. Something was in Lily's eyes that just kept him trapped every time he looks at her emerald green eyes. They've been friends for months now, and a small part of him still hoped that something would change, a small part that was willing to wait, even if it takes forever.
"Come on, we'd better go," he said, breaking his gaze from her. They walked together, out of the library to Gryffindor Tower, their hands and arms brushing together with every step they take. They entered the common room. James followed Lily to the staircase that leads to the girl's dormitory. He stopped just in front of the first step and Lily did the same.
It seems like his hand was acting in its own accord. He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and leaned down so that his mouth was just beside her ear. "I think we should get used to this…" he whispered to her in a low voice and kissed her cheek.
What the hell?
Suddenly he became aware of what he was actually doing and he pulled away, to see a blushing Lily, her expression unreadable. He forced his mouth into his most winning grin; he just hoped that he wasn't blushing. He waited for her to hex him or something, but it didn't come. Lily just stared at him with an expression James hadn't seen in her face before.
"See you at our 'date' tomorrow," said James awkwardly, wishing that the embarrassment in his voice didn't show.
It took her a few seconds to answer. James didn't know why, but there was something in her face, something so familiar to him, he just couldn't put a finger on it. "Right," she finally choked out in a small voice. She turned around and walked toward her dormitory. As soon as she was out of sight, James buried his face in his hands, groaning. He nearly screwed up again, though he was wondering why Lily was not shouting at him right now.
Something changed, something definitely changed, he thought to himself as he made his way to the stone staircase, to the boy's dormitory.
When he opened the door, he found his friends inside. Peter reading Transfiguration through the Ages, Sirius was throwing a ball at the wall and catching it, every time it bounces back to him and Remus was flipping through Standard Books of Spells Grade 7. James sat on his bed with a sigh as he threw his bag onto it.
Sirius turned to him and grinned. "What're you blushing about?" he asked.
"Wha – What?" asked James, blushing even more. Was he blushing that much?
"I suppose Lily told you about tomorrow?" said Remus, looking up from his book, grinning.
"What about tomorrow?" asked Peter in his squeaky voice as Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"Lily told Ethan Sparks that they are dating," said Remus, sniggering.
"Shut up," muttered James as he threw a pillow at Remus.
"Evans told Sparks – wait – what?" said Sirius incredulously.
"Lily Evans told Ethan Sparks that she and James are dating," repeated Peter.
"Yeah, I know," said Sirius, waving Peter off. "Why did she do that?"
"She said I was the first guy she can think of," said James shrugging.
"But James! Doesn't that mean that she fancies you? I mean, you were the first guy that came to her mind, it has to mean something, Prongs!" said Sirius and Remus and Peter nodded their agreement.
"Yes it does, it means we're really good friends," reasoned James. But to be honest, he liked the idea of him being the guy that Lily first thought about, but he didn't want to get his hopes up.
"Don't be so thick, James. For all you know, she might actually like you back, I mean, you haven't really asked her, right? You don't even ask her out anymore, what if – what if she thought you don't like her anymore? What're you going to do?" said Remus, slightly exasperated.
"I don't know, but I know something changed, something changed but I don't know what…" said James, not looking at his best mates.
"Which proves our point," muttered Peter, rolling his eyes.
"Look, could we just changed the subject?" said James stubbornly.
"Fine," said Sirius, knowing that James was too stubborn for them to continue their previous subject. "So, what did you do when you knew?" he asked.
"Nothing," he lied quickly, a little too quickly. He was not about to tell them what he did just a while ago.
The three looked suspiciously at James but let the subject go. "So it's like a date?" asked Peter.
"Yeah," answered James. "But a fake one," he added uncertainly.
"So what're you going to do tomorrow?" asked Sirius.
"Honestly… I don't know…" answered James, lost in thought. What was he going to do tomorrow? He just wished it wouldn't be awkward. But the thing that changed… it keeps on bugging his mind. It was like it was shouting at him to realize what it is, but he just couldn't. Maybe he was thick, because he couldn't read an expression but you couldn't blame him, boys tend to get thick at some times.
James looked up to see his friends looking at him expectantly. "I…" James started, but he honestly doesn't know what to say, "I think I'm going to bed." He finally said as he got up, changed into his pajamas, placed his glasses on the nightstand, shut the hangings from his bed and sank into his bed.
Sometimes he just feels like he's numb. He's been ignoring feelings for a very long time now that it almost makes him feel nothing at all. But as he remembered what he was about to do tomorrow, all the things that he's been hiding inside him crashed. Jealousy, anger, hopelessness, confusion came crashing together, caused by a single girl and he sighed deeply. He didn't know what to do or how to deal with it exactly. He covered his face in his hands.
"What am I supposed to do?" he asked out loud, groaning.
"Talk to her, I don't think that you'll be able to get her if you just sulk and give up," came Remus' voice. For once, James had forgotten that they were there; he was so lost in his thoughts that he forgot that his friends were here. He suddenly remembered what Lily said to him, when he lost his parents, months ago. "Well, I was just saying that how could you expect your friends to help you if you don't let them…." She had said. Really, he could be so thick sometimes.
"I'm being a jerk, aren't I?" he asked as he pulled the hangings from his bed open, grabbed his glasses and shoved it on.
"Well, you are a jerk, so it doesn't really matter," commented Sirius and James glared at him.
"So what am I supposed to do?" he asked.
"I dunno… just tell her how you feel," suggested Remus with a shrug.
"And? What if she doesn't feel the same way?" said James.
"Walk away," said Sirius simply.
"Walk away? Why would I do that?" said James incredulously.
"Because you need to let it out, if you don't you're going to burst. At least you let her know what you feel, at least she knows there's someone waiting for her when she falls," Sirius stated seriously.
James laughed. "Okay, Padfoot, where did you read that from?" asked James. Sirius was actually saying things about love and it actually seems like he's right, even if it's too cheesy.
"Hey! I know… things!" said Sirius as he Remus and Peter exchanged significant glances.
"Fine, I'll tell her…" muttered James. Tomorrow was going to be a long, long day.
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Is it good? Because I honestly don't know. Tell me if you love it or hate it, just do it nicely, okay? I'm only thirteen! You have to give me some consideration, right?
BTW, this is going to be the second to the last chapter and I'm SORRY because I don't think I can do the sequel, school is starting and I always have a busy school year. What with cheerleading practice and maintaining my grades, I don't think I'm going to have time to write it, sorry guys… I'm really sorry
Review, please? ;)
