Spend
all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that
will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good
enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some
distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They
may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In
the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel
room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the
wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here
"In the Arms of the Angel" Sarah McLaughlin
Story:
The Untold True Life Adventures of Jacob Carter, The Very Model of a Modern Major General
Let Me Go Home – Part 11
Rating: PG-13 Jake and Sel do curse a bit, and two souls get rather friendly.
Synopsis:
Jake Carter is snug in his bed in ICU and Selmak is in her tank, believing that her host is safe, but the USAF and the NID have other things in mind for the problematic Jacob Carter.
? Bold Italics ? Is when Selmak is thinking to Jacob so he can hear her.
Note: Some Minor Revisions/Updated 1/15/05
Naturally, after all the excitement of the previous day, Janet found that she couldn't sleep. She didn't know why, as it was just another typical day for her.
Day in, day out, year after year, mouthy colonels got repeatedly bit by very pissed off, extremely provoked symbiotes that had been vomited by two star generals who had coded on the ramp in front of family, friends & whatever category O'Neill fit. Counting hypodermic needles didn't help, even imagining sticking Jack O'Neill full of a dozen or so holes because of his God given ability to piss off Jake and Selmak failed to bring her any rest.
Ok, perhaps she was enjoying the thought of O'Neill wincing too much.
Jab! Owww! Jab! OWWW! Jab! JAB!
So after seeing Cassie off to school, Janet Frasier found herself back at SGC, dealing with her favorite patient at the ungodly hour of 0715. It was especially ungodly early as she hadn't retired to her bed until 0300. Naturally, Jake was awake, his dark eyes pleading for her to free him from his confinement and from the various assorted tubes that were inserted in the most intimate of places.
"General Carter, good morning. I hope you slept well last night." Janet smiled pleasantly at him, and tried not to laugh at what his eyes were telling her.
Cut the shit already, Doc. FREE ME!
She took a long sip of her coffee, savoring the taste, while she flipped through his latest round of assorted lab works and ABGs even while listening to the night nurse's report. Every lab result from his hemoglobin to his C02 level had been rock steady for the last few hours, and his multitude of chest x-rays were clean without even the smallest of suspicious smudges that might suggest aspirated related pneumonia. Under normal circumstances, Jake would have already been weaned from the respirator. But not only was Jake's illness not a "normal circumstance", Janet had a terribly pragmatic reason for taking extra care of her patient.
Killing a two star who was a personal friend of her current CO was an excellent way of obtaining a one way, economy class ticket for a long term stay in Antarctica.
Again, she gleefully noticed his expressive eyes that were literally begging for a sip of coffee. They were following the cup to her lips. While some men made love with their eyes, Jake Carter's eyes were vicariously savoring every single drop of coffee she drank. Ah ha! A fellow caffeine addict! No doubt he was dying for a cup, so she decided to attempt a promise of good behavior from him while he was weak from the lack of caffeine.
Cruelly, she waved the cup in front of him.
"Want a cup?" Janet questioned in a teasing voice. "From my own personal, private stash of coffee beans as I don't drink the stuff in the café. Nice, hot, fresh coffee, General. You want some?"
For good measure, she took a long sip of her coffee and swallowed it very, very slowly.
Jake nodded his head, his dark eyes ablaze with a burning lust for a single, solitary drop of coffee.
Oh… he had it bad.
"You have to promise to behave. That means no running around, no collapsing on the ramp, and…" Janet paused, decided that the chance to order a two star around was far too rare an opportunity to let him off too easily. "You have to do everything I tell you to do. Without any lip."
He attempted to gesture with his hands that were still securely tied down, plainly saying, "Who me? I'm a good little boy."
"Yes, you," she cooed. "Swear by your stars, General."
Like she expected, he capitulated quickly when she asked one of her nurses to get him 500 mls of caffeine. Becky, the night nurse, seemed a little startled by how she was treating Jake, but Janet just motioned for her to assist.
"Ok, let's get the suction ready. General, I think it would do your daughter a world of good if you were actually sitting up and talking when she visits you today." Janet said in a conversational tone, as she quickly deflated the cuff balloon, extricating the endotracheal tube from him before he even had a chance to gag. Becky had the tent face mask blowing humidified oxygen in his face almost before Janet had removed the E/T tube from his throat, successfully slipping the mask's straps over his head even while he began coughing loudly. Janet continued talking to her patient calmly as she knew from her years of experience that being extubated was a frightening event for every patient, no matter how many stars or stripes were emblazoned on his shoulders. Sometimes just having someone talk to them during the extubation process would calm them down.
But not always.
For good measure, she rubbed Jake's shoulders while he attempted to breathe on his own.
"General. Breathe. Slowly. Don't fight it. Don't fight it. Inhale….Exhale…" She continued talking to Sam's father, even as she took his pulse. Quite happy with the rate and quality of Jake's pulse, she patted his hand. "Inhale…. Exhale…. Relax…."
Her patient looked at her, pursed his lips before licking them, and she wondered what the first thing he would say to her. Would he ask about Selmak? His daughter? Would he promise her his undying devotion for taking such wonderful care of him?
"Coffee…" he growled; his voice rough and scratchy from the trauma of being intubated. "You promised me…. Coffee…BLACK."
"When you're sitting up and presentable, General, you'll get your coffee. And not a moment before."
"I'm getting…all… wet…" Her patient's voice cracked again, and his look of disgust at the cold, wet oxygen blowing in his face made her chuckle.
"From the humidified oxygen. Now I hate to remind you General, but you agreed to be a good boy and not complain," she teased even as she glanced at the multitudes of monitors above his head. She made a few more inane comments before deciding that she felt comfortable with her patient's vital signs, and she patted his hand again. "Becky, we're going to get some of the tubes out of him now. Let's close the curtains, and maybe, if the General is a good patient, we'll get him dressed."
"And the coffee?" asked another nurse.
"Yes, the coffee," Jake reminded her.
"Make a fresh pot for the General," she decided.
"You're an angel," he mouthed at her.
"That's what they all say," Janet agreed.
"How about a shower and a shave?" Jake questioned after he was de-tubed… un-tubed… extricated from the tubes and his hands had been released. He was sitting up in his bed, neatly dressed in fatigues, looking deceptively complacent.
Naturally, Janet wasn't fooled.
"No. A sponge bath," she retorted, placing her hands on her hips. "I don't want you passing out in the showers, General. The last thing I need is for a stubborn two star general to take a nose dive in the shower and crack his head open."
"Never mind," he growled. "Where's my coffee? Did they have to go to Brazil and pick the coffee beans? Juan Valdez and his donkey are delivering it personally? What does a man have to do to get a cup of coffee?"
"They're making it," Janet reminded him.
"Now, Doctor, I want to see Selmak. Right now," Jacob ordered in a 'don't-even-think-of-refusing-this-request' tone. "Did her new host show up yet?"
"No… no host," Janet informed him before she slowly admitted, "Jacob, I'm not sure that there's going to be…"
"There will be one," he insisted as he extended his hand, the palm facing her as he gestured for her to shut up. He then put his legs slowly and experimentally over the side of his bed. After wiggling his legs for a bit, Jake stood up carefully – his arms extended slightly as though to balance him. Gingerly, he began shuffling over to the tank where Selmak was slowly swimming.
"Get back in bed!" Janet protested.
"Need to check on Selmak," Jake insisted stubbornly. "I don't trust anyone here with her… except for you…So what have I missed, old girl?"
You better be talking to Selmak, two stars or no two stars, Janet thought dryly even as Jake stuck his hand in the tank. He grabbed Selmak before Janet could warn him about how many people Selmak had maimed with her razor sharp teeth. Some wise ass on the night crew had taken a wax pencil and had put five lines, four straight and one crossing through them, on the side of the glass signifying Colonel O'Neill's five bites.
Like she feared, the symbiote reacted quickly, her teeth bared for an imminent strike before abruptly sounding and deliberately splashing her former host. Selmak whistled cheerfully and then began a very complicated, oddly syncopated song of assorted squeaks and clicks which echoed throughout the room. Janet tried not to smile when she realized that all her medical staff had stopped what they were doing to watch Selmak's show.
"How's my girl doing? Uh oh, the tank's a little cool, so I better have them raise the temperature a few degrees. So has everyone been nice to you? What happened? Did you like the roses? I knew you'd like the roses because I left the thorns on them… Now… Selmak… You bit O'Neill?" he questioned in a very soft, teasing voice. "Where? No, no. I'm sure he deserved it so I'm not mad at you. Just where did you bite him? On the hand? Sel, you should have gone for the jugulars."
Damning herself for being a complete and utter fool, but Janet would have sworn that Selmak was laughing. Selmak then leapt at Jacob, quickly disappearing beneath the neck of his t-shirt causing the General to jump as though he had been goosed. Jake gyrated uncontrollably for several minutes while Selmak explored.
Janet had to bite her lip to prevent herself from laughing out loud because… Jake Carter, the cranky, fear inducing, fire breathing, two starred dragon, was extremely ticklish.
"Selmak, that's tickles! Get back in the tank," Jake ordered, before starting to curse fervently. "Come on! No nipping, Sel! Back in the tank! Back in the tank!"
He extended his left arm over tank, allowing Selmak to shoot out of his sleeve and back into the tank. The symbiote entered with a very big splash that just had to be deliberate as she had slapped her flippers and tail hard against the surface.
"Thank you, Selmak. You had to do that didn't you?"
Jake then staggered over to the bed, and got back into it without a pip of protest, meaning that he had definitely overdone it, and was trying not to bring it to her attention. He grabbed a towel and he dried himself from Selmak's overenthusiastic greeting.
"General, here's your coffee," Janet informed him, as she wheeled the tray table over. "Selmak and you had a nice conversation. I didn't realize that humans and symbiotes can understand each other."
Her patient laughed softly, "I have to admit that I have absolutely no idea what she was saying to me. She seemed pretty happy though, that's what's important."
Her Jacob had visited her, and he had seemed rather amused by her bad behavior, as she had known that he would be. Jake had then stroked her and talked to her, and she had conversed back to him, even though the two of them couldn't really communicate directly. He had seemed in very good humor, and so she had been happy.
Then she had decided to make sure he was ok by examining him. His body chemistry seemed normal from what she could scent and taste of him, and so she had returned back into her tank, but only after she had splashed him. She giggled to herself imagining his reaction. No doubt he was glaring at her, hands on both hips with a very annoyed expression on his face.
Janet Frasier was also in the room, and her scent was intermingling with Jacob's as they were spending more and more time together. Hopefully that meant Janet would continue to keep a very watchful eye on her Jacob.
She did a few energetic laps around the tank, just in case her Jacob was watching her, and then she slowly descended to the bottom of the bank. Her surroundings were warming up, so her Jacob must have instructed them to increase the water temperature. He was so considerate like that!
And Selmak closed her tired eyes gratefully, and dreamed of times long past.
Jake had drunk two carafes of coffee, and since he was completely wired due to the caffeine, he was noticing inane stuff now that normally he would never have noticed.
First the coffee, he had taken a sip, instinctively waiting for Selmak to wiggle. It was automatic, his pausing for Selmak to wiggle, even though there was cold, lonely silence where her warm, amusement had once been. She had always wiggled and jiggled inside of him whenever he drank coffee, always asserting that her involuntary movement was due to the hot liquid.
Now he knew the truth! Selmak had been lying to him!
Selmak wiggled because she couldn't stand the stuff, and she had been trying vainly to get the taste out of her mouth!
Secondly, he was noticing that Janet Frasier was rather attractive woman. She was really attractive AND young enough to be his daughter, he reminded himself. Selmak had pointed out Janet's prettiness and her sweet, caring disposition several times to him and he had ignored her comments, but now, he perceived his lovely doctor's attractiveness anew. He even had a few new, rather illicit thoughts about Janet. He knew perfectly darn well that they weren't his own, as though they had been planted by a certain match-making symbiote.
No, Sel wasn't trying to set him up with Janet, he reminded himself.
Selmak thought of Janet as a dear friend, nothing more. She had teased him about Janet's attractiveness because Sel loved to fluster him.
It was strange, because he felt closer to Selmak now that they had separated. There was a lot of assorted stuff still in his head, shades of emotions, strands of memories that weren't truly his, and sometimes, it was like she was still there, so he found himself commenting to her.
But Selmak never answered as she wasn't really in his head anymore; she was sleeping in her tank a few feet away from him.
"Dr. Frasier, was there a silver pyramid?" Jake questioned from his hospital bed where he was being a Very Good Boy. "Selmak apparently has left a mental sticky note on my brain to remind me to ask about it."
"A sticky note?" Janet commented dryly even while she grinned at the General. "On your brain?"
"It's the only way to describe it. She smacked this hot pink sticky note right on my short term memory, so I wouldn't miss it."
"We met a few of her previous hosts," Janet informed him. Then she couldn't resist teasing him. "They made quite the impression."
"Uh oh," Jake said with some concern, as after all, he knew Selmak's former hosts intimately. "And… who got hurt? Kaydia behaved herself?"
"Soran tried to punch out O'Neill and I had a medical consult with Mara, Jeralt and Norak. Plus you saw Selmak… or Mark…" Janet answered, wondering if she would ever find out who the older Mark in Jacob's life was. Perhaps he had been a particularly inspirational teacher at the Academy?
"Jerry and Norak were her mates," Jake explained. "Oh good, Kay didn't show up. She's rather… single minded in certain pursuits. I'm glad as I don't think George would ever let me live that down."
"Who's Kay?" Janet asked with the slightest bit of asperity, as Jake had blushed ever so faintly when he had called Kay single minded.
"Possibly the most beautiful woman in the entire universe," Jake informed Janet, his mind a billion miles away.
Fortunately, he didn't see Janet Frasier's face when he was describing the most beautiful woman in the universe as he would have realized that he was a dead man walking…errr… sitting in a hospital bed.
He shook his head, and continued. "Some people have notches on their bed posts; Kay had notches on her tunnel wall."
Jake shook his head and barked a laugh. "I don't think she ever slept. She was dangerous, as she could infiltrate any place, with just a smile and a look of promise. Well that was until they caught her that last time."
His voice had shaken slightly during that admission, but then it grew stronger. "Sel's done something when she left. Most of her memories are still here inside my head, but her emotions aren't. I can tell you how Kay died, but Selmak's removed all her emotions, so it's like watching a horror movie. I mean, I can feel something, when I think about how Kay died, but I don't feel Selmak's overwhelming grief and guilt in my head. I mean, I know how Selmak felt when Kay died, but…"
Jake stopped, and drummed his fingers on the table tray for a bit.
Hesitantly, Janet put her hand on his, and softly asked, "How did she die, Jacob?"
It took him a moment for him to answer, and he grimaced before he finally admitted the truth in a rather shaky voice.
"They burned her to death."
"Oh my God, Jacob," Janet said in a very soft voice.
"Mara's neck was broken, Taryn died from a staff weapon wound, Nadie was poisoned, and I told you about Jana already. Saroosh and Soran's deaths were natural because a symbiote can only maintain a human body for so long and no more. It's a little overwhelming," Jake admitted softly. "Selmak also gave me some good memories though. I know how much she loved Norak and Jeralt, and how much she treasured each one of her hosts… including me… for some odd reason."
That last comment was spoken in a self-deprecating tone and Jake gave her a crooked, bitter grin, even as Janet realized that Jake truly didn't understand why Selmak had loved him. Unexpectedly, Janet comprehended that she had been given the key to understanding Jacob Carter.
What a lonely, emotionally scarred man you must be, Jacob, to be unable to accept love when it is offered to you so freely. Have you always had your walls up? Or was the first brick your wife's death?
"I have the pyramid," she informed him. "I'll get it for you as I know Selmak would want you to have it."
Janet handed him the small pyramid, and he thanked her. Then, instinctively, he turned the device on, and a warm female voice questioned, "Who do you wish to speak with, Jacob?"
He paused, and then he felt Selmak's presence as she recommended a host.
"Taryn," he decided. "I wish to speak to the one known as Taryn."
George Hammond stormed into the infirmary like a Red-Headed Texas Tornado. His complexion was a tad green, his eyes were slightly bloodshot, and he was carrying his stainless steel thermos--a gift from his granddaughters--in one hand and his briefcase in the other. The grimace on his face had scared several Airmen into running in the opposite direction down the hallway and even Sgt. Siler had felt a tremor of fear.
Expecting the worse, he paused before entering Jacob's room.
Would Jacob still be on the vent? God above, if Jake had died, they would have called him, wouldn't they?
Gathering his courage, he walked into room, not sure what to expect, but no way in hell had he imagining the scene that he saw next. Jake Carter was sitting up in bed, dressed in fatigues and drinking coffee. There was a transparent figure sitting next to him, and they were playing… chess.
CHESS?!?!
CHESS!?!?!!
THEY WERE PLAYING CHESS!!!!
He dropped his briefcase, and the commotion caused Jacob to look up. His face lit up and he smiled at George. Jake smiled his shit-eating smile, the one he always wore when he knew George was about to stroke over their latest misdeed of biblical proportion.
NATURALLY.
"George, why are you blaming me about the seventy two geishas in your room? I don't know what you did? But, by God, George, they were really impressed with you!"
George growled, mentally. Or so he thought until one of the nurses glanced in his direction and immediately fled the scene. Perhaps she was worried about the fact that he was holding his thermos in such a way as to bludgeon Jake with it.
REPEATEDLY!
"George," Jake questioned in a very insincere voice. "You look hung over. Are you hung over? I really hope that's Aunt Madge's hangover remedy in that thermos bottle. Dr. Fraiser, I think George needs a handful of aspirin."
For his quip, he was rewarded with a narrowing of George's icy blue eyes.
"Is there any chance you might be dying?" George rumbled.
"I don't think so," Jake answered.
"Then I'm going to kill you."
"I don't think that she'll allow it," his old friend said easily.
"Dr. Frasier will understand, I'm sure," George informed him in a very quiet tone.
Jake put his feet over the bedside and he spoke to his chess partner. "Another time, Taryn? George wants to yell at me, and I'd prefer if he didn't do it in front of you."
The dark skinned woman shook her head.
"I was given instructions to keep both eyes on you. I cannot leave you, Jacob nor can you turn me off."
Carter sighed, "Are all of you going to baby-sit me?"
"Perhaps, if the perception is that you need someone to keep an eye on you, Jacob, we will… baby-sit you." Taryn retorted.
Jake rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Selmak, Selmak, Selmak. You're going to be the death of me. George, this is Taryn D'Shai, Selmak's third host. Taryn, this is General George Hammond. She's the real computer whiz among Selmak's previous hosts, so she can probably explain to you why they're not acting like the type holograms we're familiar with."
"We are not holograms. We are digitally stored database matrixes with various alternating diametric flows of positive and negatively charged…" Taryn continued to explain at length in highly detailed techno-babble until she realized that both George and Jake were staring at her, with jaws slacked and eyes glazed.
"Yeah, whatever she said, George, that's why Soran could knock Jack's teeth out," Jake explained helpfully when Taryn had paused in consternation.
"Oh. Ok. That explanation was clear as mud, Jake," George protested.
"Think Sammy could explain it to a bunch of Desk Jockeys?" Jake questioned George.
George sat down heavily in a chair, and accepted the bottle of aspirin from Janet gratefully, "I've got a headache the size of Texas. Listening to your daughter explain that would be like standing at Johnson Space Center when they're launching rockets. I'll pass."
He threw several aspirins in his mouth, and poured a reddish colored liquid from his thermos in a cup.
"Hair of the dog," he toasted Jake before chugging the mixture down and grimacing at the taste.
Samantha Carter waited anxiously for her ride. Sgt. Davis had informed her that he would pick her up promptly at her house at 0843 hours. It was 0839 hours, and she wondered where her ride was.
At 0840 hours, she checked her watch making sure that it hadn't stopped, and hit the watch face twice with her fingers to confirm that it was still working, even though the minute hand continued to chug along. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
She had called twice during the night to see how her father was doing, and Janet Frasier had gotten on the phone after the second phone call, and ordered her to STOP CALLING and get some sleep. What was it with Frasier and Hammond? If it was their father, she was sure that they'd be concerned.
0842 hours, she heard an earth-shattering roar, as a 1980 Harley Davidson Low Rider roared over the horizon.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," she thought, as at 0843 hours, the Harley Davidson stopped immediately in front of her house. The driver revved the engine for a bit, waking up the entire neighborhood who had decided to sleep in as it was a Saturday. Sam noticed that the little old lady across the street was peering out her window and shaking her fist at Samantha in a disapproving fashion.
Sgt. Davis took off his helmet after he turned off the bike.
"I'm sorry, Captain. My car's in the shop and Siler got called in early to work. You've got your own helmet, right?"
Hammond gratefully turned his problem child over to Jacob's daughter when she arrived. Then he walked back to his office but he was stopped by Sgt. Davis.
"Yes?" He questioned.
"Lt. General Vidrine just called. He'll be here in about ten minutes. He wants to speak to you regarding General Carter, Sir," Davis insisted.
Vidrine? VIDRINE? Oh Christ, of all the goddamn days to be hung over.
"Very well, you will escort him to the conference room. I'll meet him there, I'll want…"
"Coffee, black, lots of it, for you and tea for the Lt. General, Sir. Real lemon and sugar cubes, also. It's already been prepared," Sgt. Davis interrupted.
Damn, Davis was good, Hammond thought as he prepared for the argument he knew was going to occur. Vidrine was the Hatchet Man from the Pentagon. No doubt they were really pissed when they found out what had happened.
He greeted Vidrine politely, but Vidrine wasn't having any of that shit. First, Vidrine did a spot inspection of the SGC, from top to bottom, and only after crawling around dusty ducts for a few hours, did Vidrine get to the point of his visit.
"General, needless to say, the President is not happy with what we had to tell him," Vidrine snapped.
God, sometimes when O'Neill pissed him off, he wished Vidrine was O'Neill's boss. He was too easy going with O'Neill, and Vidrine would have done wonders with him.
"George, did you willfully hold back information regarding this?"
Both hatchets were out, and Vidrine was circling.
"No, I did not. I was not informed of the situation until a few days ago. I thought the matter was going to be resolved differently until I was informed that the two of them had agreed to be separated," Hammond reminded him.
Shit, doesn't anyone ever read my reports?
"George, he's your friend. Convince him that it's in Earth's best interest not to separate," Vidrine ordered him.
Hammond had enough of Vidrine's highhandedness.
"I won't do that! Jacob was on the verge of losing his mind. I can't...I won't put him under that kind of pressure again! Put me up for a court martial, but Jacob Carter had to be separated from Selmak because the two of them were having severe difficulties adjusting to the situation. Selmak made the decision…"
"Then you leave me with no choice. The Joint Chiefs are demanding that General Carter take back the symbiote. We need all the allies we can find in our battle against the Goa'uld, this alliance with the Tok'ra must not fail! Tell Carter to buck up and deal with it," Vidrine argued.
Shaking his head, Hammond continued to argue his point, "There must be someone else?"
Vidrine barked a laugh. "No, there isn't. We don't have any one with his security clearance, with his background who just happens to be dying of a terminal disease with his limited family ties that we can easily cause to 'disappear'. Why do you think I'm here?! There is no one else with Carter's qualifications! He's the perfect man for the job! Now, get him in here...right now!"
Hammond hesitated before reaching for the phone, and Vidrine's eyes narrowed, "Are you disobeying a direct order, General Hammond?"
"No, SIR! I'm just trying to ascertain how much of an escort I should provide for Jacob from the infirmary to here. If he gets wind of you being here, he'll elope from Cheyenne Mountain, Sir," George said quietly.
And I hope to hell he does.
Janet had watched while Sam and Jake had conversed for several hours. Jake kept assuring his daughter that he felt wonderful. The retired General was in a very good mood, as he had even been pleasant to O'Neill. Then Jake had claimed, a trifle bit overdramatically, that he really wanted Italian for a late lunch as he couldn't eat the slop in the cafeteria, and Sam had agreed to get something for the three of them.
Janet had glared at him when he had ordered the Fettuccini Alfredo, but he had just laughed.
Good God, was he trying to have a heart attack?
Realizing that she was watching him, Jake waved at her and she shook her head. Fortunately the phone rang then, so Frasier grabbed the phone and she listened for a bit. She nodded her head in agreement with whatever was being said, and then she answered, "Yes, Sir. He's still here. I was going over the test results before releasing him..." Long pause. "No, his daughter just went to get him lunch as he didn't like what they were serving in the cafeteria. Is that really necessary, Sir? Understood."
She hung up the phone and shook her head.
"George?" Jacob questioned, and he laughed when Janet nodded her head in agreement. "Well, I need to go talk with him anyway. I have to thank him for putting up with my shit and for saving my six! And I really appreciate what he's done for Selmak!"
He talked to Taryn and the hologram agreed to be turned off. Taryn then waved goodbye at Janet before slipping in a sly wink, and Janet tried not to smile as she realized that it was Selmak who winked at her.
She's always keeping an eye on you, Jake. I hope you appreciate it.
Jake walked over to Selmak's tank and then placed his hand inside the tank. He began stroking Selmak on her crest, and he began cooing to Selmak like a proud father, "How's my little girl doing?"
He turned to face Janet, "Wow, I never realized that Selmak was that big. How did she fit all of herself in me? She must have been really cramped."
Janet glared at him, and Jake gave her a big smile, "What?"
"What am I, General? Chopped liver? What? Don't I get a thank you?"
Jacob laughed again and gave her a big smile, "Well, you were really cruel to me, torturing me with your coffee!"
Janet laughed, "Well now that you're discharged, General Hammond wants you up in the conference room."
Jacob's smile fell, and he shook his head. "Vidrine must be here. I'll be there… but…"
"No if, and or buts, he wants you up in the conference room. You're to be escorted up there," Janet informed him.
"I need a shower first, and a clean set of clothes. Then I'll go up there," Jake assured her.
"I don't trust you, Jacob, " Janet informed him.
He laughed, "You're a very smart woman, Janet, besides being extremely pretty."
His eyes darted back and forth quickly even as he flinched in disbelief after saying that.
"That's what Selmak always thought about you," he explained quickly.
Sgt. Siler escorted him from the infirmary to the locker room, where he showered and changed quickly. If he was meeting with Vidrine, he wanted Vidrine to wait for him, as Vidrine had no patience.
Shit. Shit. Shit. His separation from Selmak had been too easy; he should have realized that the Joint Chiefs of Staff would never let him go willingly.
Outside of the conference room, he thanked Sgt. Siler for the escort.
Siler smiled and informed him that it had been Hammond's orders as he didn't want Jake to get lost on the way there. Jake then knocked, opened the door, and immediately greeted George and then Ignatius.
"Hello, Iggy, what has you here in the Mountain?" Jake asked innocently.
Vidrine's nose flared as he hated being called Iggy.
"Don't call me, Iggy," he ordered Jacob.
"You forget, I'm retired, I can call you whatever I want," Jacob reminded Vidrine before pausing and stabbing him with a razor sharp, "…Iggy."
"General Carter, I'm delighted to inform you that you've been recalled to Active Duty," Vidrine said in a very pleasant voice, meaning that being called Iggy had really pissed him off.
"I hope you're sending me someplace nice," Jacob retorted. "Some place temperate? Not too hot, not too cold."
"General Carter, the Joint Chiefs would like you to take back the symbiote in the interest of peaceful relations with the Tok'ra," Vidrine informed him.
Jacob was really getting annoyed, and he decided to let Iggy know that, "You've got to be shitting me! After what Selmak and I just went though to separate ourselves? Besides, it's pointless...Selmak already has a new host. She would be more than a little pissed to arrive for the implantation only to find there's no symbiote to implant! She's going to be here in another day, so no, I won't do it."
Vidrine looked at Hammond, wanting to confirm what Jacob just said. "The Joint Chiefs were under the impression that there was no new host...and that the symbiote was dying."
Jacob interrupted, "Her name is SELMAK, notSYMBIOTE. But where did you hear that load of crap, George? You know it's not true. I told you and Selmak told you there is a new host for her. That's why I agreed to separate from her."
George sighed and shook his head. It was one of his rules in life never to get involved in an argument between a man and his wife, and he believed it was doubly true between a host and his symbiote. When George finally spoke, it was in a regretful and reluctant tone, "Jacob, I regret to inform you that Selmak has made her final arrangements...she wants to die...there is no new host."
Jacob got into George's face and pointed his finger at him. "I don't believe you, George!"
"Jacob, it's the truth...I wouldn't lie to you about this!" George protested, knowing full well it was useless. Jacob was being pushed into a corner, and he wouldn't listen to anybody right now.
"Oh...I get it...the Joint Chiefs are worried about losing their new liaison to the Tok'ra...so YOU try to guilt me into becoming Selmak's host again!
"Jacob, I'm not trying to guilt you! But I am not fucking lying either!" Hammond snapped.
"She told me there was a new host, because Selmak knows that I wouldn't agree to this if she was going to get hurt," Jake argued.
"Listen to me. For once in your goddamn life, stop acting like a mule and listen to me, Carter. There is NO host. Selmak is dying," George repeated. "Why would I lie about that? I'm trying to help you!"
"George, help me? Help me? I know you have to toe the company line but fuck, George, I never thought you'd use our friendship against me," Jake spat.
Vidrine decided to interrupt, as the situation between the two men was getting ugly.
"Jacob, please...," Vidrine interrupted. "George is telling you the truth. The Joint Chiefs aren't blaming you, but it's in his reports that the symbiote decided…"
"No, you listen to ME! Selmak would never do what you're saying. SHE knows that if she dies it would fucking kill me, George! I was a miserable fuck up as a liaison with the Tok'ra, just like I was a miserable fuck with Annie!" Jake roared that at George.
"Jacob, shut up before you say something you'll regret," Vidrine warned him.
"SIR! IN ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR, FUCK YOU! George, you of all people know Annie's death was my fault...if Selmak died it would also be my fault. I couldn't live with that, George! And you know how I feel! I can't believe that you're using our history together to push those buttons...Fuck you, George! You had to fucking report me to the Joint Chiefs didn't you?"
"FUCK YOU, GEORGE," Jake roared, before turning to Vidrine, "AND FUCK THE GODDAMN AIR FORCE TOO!"
Vidrine shook his head, "General Carter, I understand that you're upset and I want you to calm down. I'm giving you until 0900 tomorrow morning to make the only correct decision in this matter. The symbiote should remain viable until then? Correct?"
Vidrine questioned Hammond, who agreed by nodding his head slowly, "We believe that the symbiote has another 48 hours or so."
"Her name is Selmak… Selmak…" Jake said quietly. "Why can't anybody use it?"
"General Hammond, General Carter, at this time I will leave, as I believe both of you need to talk. General Hammond, I will see you in an approximately one hour in your office. General Carter, I expect you to make the correct decision."
Vidrine walked out, and Jacob just gave George a very long look.
"I trusted you…. Loved you like a brother… I can't believe that you'd sell me up the river, George…."
And then Jacob Carter left.
George Hammond sat down in his chair, and stared at his cup of coffee, mourning the loss of his best friend.
He had given Jacob fifteen minutes to calm down, and then George Hammond began searching for him. He couldn't locate him, and George knew that he had deliberately given Jake enough time to escape. George found Captain Carter in the infirmary, and she was more than a little annoyed.
"Is Dad with you, Sir? I brought him and Janet lunch, and I can't find them," she said.
"I was hoping he was with you," Hammond growled, before he called the sentries at the gate.
"Hammond here, did you see a black 'vette leave?" He paused… "How fast was he going? No, you did the right thing, thank you."
"Elvis has left the Mountain," Hammond snapped.
"I'll go to his house, see if he's there," Captain Carter offered.
He won't be, he's running away, Hammond thought, but instead, he thanked Captain Carter and requested that she call him immediately if her father was there.
I hope Vidrine doesn't stroke, though it would be the perfect ending to this shitty day, to lose one two star and kill a three.
Vidrine looked up at Hammond and sighed, "He's not with you. Do you know where he is?"
"Lt. General Vidrine, I have to inform you that it appears Jacob Carter has left the building," George said bluntly. "His daughter went out to get him lunch, but that was before our little disagreement. When she came back, he and his 'vette were gone."
"I know," Lt. General Vidrine assured him. "I'm keeping an eye on him, George. He and your Doctor are together. I think they're on their way to Denver right now."
"You're having him followed?" George questioned.
"Yes, George, I am. I don't think either of you realize what the problem here is. The Joint Chiefs wouldn't have ordered him to take back the symbiote except for the fact that it's in his best interest."
"For the Pentagon," George snapped.
"No, George, it's in his best interest. While he was host to the symbiote, no one could really touch him. George… the NID wants Jacob. They want to examine him, George," Vidrine explained.
The Lieutenant General shook his head slowly. "Harry Maybourne is on his way here, and he's going to take Jacob Carter with him when he leaves, unless Jake is a Tok'Ra. And since there is no host for the symbio…Selmak, I'm sure Maybourne would love to get his hands on her dead…or alive. The only way to save both is for Jake to become a Tok'ra again."
"Thank you for inviting me," Janet thanked him as they sat down in their seats.
"I won the tickets at a fundraiser," he admitted with a self-depreciating shrug. "I didn't think I'd be around to enjoy them, but it was for a good cause."
The man who had invited her… might she even use the term… her date?.. picked up his libretto, and pretended rapt fascination.
Yes. Maybe this was a real date, Janet decided. Ever since she had divorced Mickey, her ass of an ex-husband, she had focused her personal energies on her career rather than her social life. With her crazy schedule and long hours, she had long since given up her foolish daydreams of having a personal life. The highlights of her absolutely chock-full social calendar were the infrequent times when she and Samantha got together for a Girl's Night. They usually had a few drinks and bitched about the difficulties of being females in a male dominated workplace.
Oh, and Friday Night Pizza Night with Cassie was another high water mark in the secret life of Dr. Janet Frasier, Major, USAF, Party Animal.
But she hadn't been on a real date with an actual man in … far too long.
Well except for that one "incident"--she refused to call it a DATE--with Fred, who had attempted to paw and grope her, right after she had said "Hello". Hopefully by now, Fred was actually able to eat solid food rather than sucking blended food through a straw. She hadn't really meant to break his jaw, but he had been a really big boy, necessitating quick thought and an even faster right on her part.
But this was a real date with a (retired) officer and a gentleman. Jake had opened the car door for her, and did a thousand other small things that separated the adult men from the boys. He had dutifully commented that she looked pretty in her dress. No groping, no pawing, no wandering hands - nothing more than his hand resting gently on her elbow as he had escorted her from the car to the door.
Plus the stray, accidental, all-too brief touches of his hand against her knee when he had shifted the 'vette into higher and lower gears on the ride there. Good Lord, those few incidents of inadvertent physical contact had earned her an immediate apology.
He had acted like a man who had been extremely well trained by his wife.
Sit, Jake! Stay! Roll over! Fetch, Jake!
And the woman responsible for his behavior had been Samantha's Mother.
Say it real fast, Janet, she chastised herself. Repeat it a few times. You are pretending that you are on a real date with Sam's father.
That was problematic, combined with a real ICK factor as Sam was her closest friend. Yet, to be completely honest with herself, Janet had to admit that she had felt herself being drawn to Jacob for some time.
Originally, she had dismissed her feelings as merely those of a concerned healer. Hadn't her talent for keeping the much stressed Jacob and Selmak calm been God sent? She had just dealt with Jake and Selmak like they were regular, sane people. But now that Jake wasn't her patient any longer, she could admit that she had been rather… intrigued… by him.
And Selmak.
What was that quote from that old movie? It isn't that I don't like you, Jake; because after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you; but, well, there haven't been any quiet moments!
Well, maybe she'd consider this a date after all, Janet decided. She could tell her mother that she had dated a Two Star General, making sure that her mother realized that it wasn't George Hammond. It would be her little secret that it wasn't really a date….
Jacob was a hundred, thousand, million, billion trillion light years away, even though he was sitting on her left in the Denver Center for Performing Arts, ostensibly listening to a tenor sing VESTI LA GIUBBA from Ruggero Leoncavallo's opera Pagaliacci. It didn't really surprise her, as he had been in a rather fey mood since his no-holds barred, angry enough to knock down Cheyenne Mountain quarrel with George Hammond.
His head was propped up his left hand, and he looked like he had lost his very best friend.
In a way, Janet supposed that he had lost two of his best friends, as Selmak was slowly dying in a tank in Cheyenne Mountain and the rift between George and Jake had occurred that afternoon with the unexpectedly sharp snap of breaking ice. The severing of that long term friendship had occurred because Jake had refused to believe George when George had told him that there wasn't a new host for Selmak.
The two old bulls had thundered and roared at each other in the conference room in front of Lt. General Vidrine, until things that were best left unsaid, were spoken. Then there had been an unexpected, almost deadly silence. Then Jacob had the last word, she knew, as she had been standing in the hallway, keeping everyone else away.
"I trusted you…. Loved you like a brother… I can't believe that you'd sell me up the river, George…."
She had fled the scene quickly, thanking her lucky two stars that she could run in heels, just as fast, if not faster, than in flats. "Accidentally", she found herself in the elevator with a visibly rattled Jacob, and she had pretended that nothing was amiss. She had made idle chitchat, and he had answered in monosyllables until he unexpectedly reached for her shoulder.
"Janet?" Jacob questioned softly, "Do you…like… opera? I've got two tickets to tonight's show in Denver. Box seats in fact. George…" His voice had trembled slightly and then strengthened as he got his courage up. "George… he doesn't like opera, and Sammy, she'd go if I asked her, mainly to humor her old man. It would be nice to go with someone that actually… likes it… instead of going just to indulge me."
Janet had smiled her brightest smile, "I love opera, Jacob. I'd be delighted to go with you."
It wasn't a 'real opera'. It was more of a Greatest Hits of Opera concert, but it didn't matter. As always, the music brought him away from the real world and into the world of his own thoughts.
"You, a soldier, drunk and swearing, grow a mustache; prove your daring, you, a captain, practice shooting with your privates, all saluting. It's an honor—defend your nation, but alas, no compensation! Instead of dancing for enjoyment, you'll be marching toward deployment! All that marching, all that training, when it's sunny, when it's raining, on you go with your campaigning…" Figaro, The Marriage of Figaro
"Jacob, Celeste and I want to have a serious conversation with you," Mark Sorrentino informed him one day while he was working on their lawn. "Forget about the damn tree, just come inside. Celeste has made some lemonade, and I think she's made some cookies, too."
He had agreed, and he had sat nervously at the table, wondering what the subject of the serious conversation was. Maybe the Sorrentinos couldn't afford to pay him anymore? His mom had disappeared a few days ago and he needed the money for food. God knows what he would do when the rent came due, but that problem was for another day. Celeste gave him an encouraging smile, and his heart rose slightly – to somewhere near this ankles.
Mark tapped the table with his hook, and stopped only after Celeste rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Tell him," she commanded her husband. "Or I will. You've got him terrified, Mark. He's probably thinking the absolute worst."
Mark grimaced at her, and Celeste laughed.
"OK, Carter – let's cut to the chase. Your deadbeat of a mother has flown the coop, probably to drink herself to death in a back alley. Good fucking riddance to bad rubbish. Now, Celeste and I want you to live here. We've got the room already set up and decent clothes for you to wear so when the hell are you moving in?"
"Jacob, go to your room, "Celeste insisted. "Please."
Celeste gave him a rather shaky smile, and literally began pushing him toward his room.
"I heard someone at the door," he protested. In fact, the voice had sounded like his mother.
"Mark's handling it, it's a salesman. They're trying to sell us something and they won't take no for an answer. If you hear Mark yelling, it's because the salesman been here before and he won't take no for an answer. I don't want you to learn those words yet. You're going to be an officer in the Air Force, remember? And officers don't use that type of language."
"Mark uses them," he protested.
"He's a special case, now go. To your room, Jacob, please!"
He went to his room, only because Celeste had requested him to do so but he wondered what really was happening. Celeste had been acting very strangely, even repeating herself and while he never disobeyed Mark or his wife, Celeste hadn't said that he couldn't open his window. It was a warm spring afternoon, and his room was a little stuffy. Quietly, he opened his window, and he sat next to the wall underneath the window. If he was quiet, he could probably hear the conversation.
He was right. It WAS his mother.
"Marge, Marge, Marge," Mark growled. "Drunk again, I see. What do you want now? I'm outta bottles, I'm afraid."
"Aren't you going to let me in?" Jake's mother slurred and stumbled over the words.
"Nope, trash day is today, but you're free to stand by the curb, Margie. Maybe somebody will pick you up."
"I want to see my boy," Marge slurred.
"Nope. Not part of the agreement, Margie. I told you to get the fuck out of his life, I gave you enough money to drink yourself to death and you agreed never to see the boy again. So you ain't seeing him, not while I've still got breath in my body."
Marge had protested, and then he had heard Mark call for Celeste. Mark's voice held a cold anger he had never heard before.
"Celeste! Get my wallet, and give me enough money so Margie can go buy a couple bottles. Oh the hell with it, give me everything that's in the wallet, so I can give it all to Margie. Margie, I am not letting you ruin that boy's life. I fucking told you that the last time you showed up stinkin' ass drunk. Here's some goddamn money, I hope you drink yourself to death. And I hope you do it soon for Jake's sake. I detest drunks like you as you're bound and determined to pull everyone down to your level. Well, I crawled outta that particular gutter a long time ago and that boy ain't gonna have to do that."
Mark had slammed the door shut with such fury that the house had trembled. Mark had banged a few more doors shut and then Jake had heard Mark's stereo. He was playing Italian Opera loudly, a sure sign that he was in a foul mood, as Jake had been at the Sorrentino's long enough to know that particular sign. Jake sat underneath the window for a time, trying to piece together what he had overheard. His mother had given him to Mark and Celeste in exchange for a few bucks to buy booze. It shouldn't hurt, but it did. The best thing that had ever happened in his life was when Mark Sorrentino had taken an interest in him. He knew that, accepted that, but it still fucking hurt. Celeste came into his room while he was wiping the damning tears from his eyes, and she had cookies and a cold drink balanced on a tray.
"What are you doing by the window, Jake?" She questioned.
He shrugged, trying to appear innocent. "Mark sounded angry."
"He's in a lot of pain today. There's a weather front moving in, and it makes his arm and head ache something fierce." Celeste put the tray on his desk, and then she sat on his bed. "You overheard, didn't you? Come sit next to me."
Jake nodded and then moved to sit next to her.
"Don't be angry, Jake. Mark and I wanted to make sure you had more opportunities than you would have if you were still living with her. We were worried that you were going to drop out of school to support her."
He had nodded his head, like a good boy, in all the right spots and he had been surprised when Celeste had put her arm around him.
"Jake, you probably don't know this, but Mark and I can't have kids," Celeste admitted shakily. "It really bothered Mark, until you came into our lives. You're our son, Jake. You might not be our son in blood, but heart and soul, you're the son we always wanted. And you always will be."
"All that I know is she, with her innocent charm has entranc'd me. Almost transparently fragile and slender, Dainty in stature, quaint little figure, Seems to have stepped down straight from a screen"
Pinkerton, Madama Butterfly.
He was wearing his wedding suit, staring at the most beautiful woman in the entire universe who had agreed to marry him. HIM. Not the most popular guy at the Academy, but him, Jacob Samuel Carter, a boy who had been repeatedly denigrated and verbally abused by his drunk of a mother and the very same Jacob who, thanks to Mark and Celeste Sorrentino, now wore the insignia of a commission officer in the USAF. The priest, barely older than he was, gave him an encouraging head nod, even while Annie gave his hand a quick squeeze.
I love you, she silently mouthed at him, realizing instinctively what dark thoughts he was thinking. You and no one else will I ever love.
"I." His face flushed when his voice cracked, so he tried it again, "I, Jacob Samuel Carter take you, Anne Marie Maloney, for my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"Jacob, hold out your arms," Annie instructed him. She was exhausted, gingerly sitting in a hospital bed, and she was holding a small baby in her arms that mewled, cooed and gurgled.
"What if I drop him?" Jake protested, holding his hands away from his son. "He's so small. You better hold him."
"Jacob, I've been carrying him for the last nine months. I can assure you that Mark Carter is not a very small baby. In fact, the way I'm feeling right now, he was biggest baby ever!"
He had given Annie a shaky smile, and she had then realized how nervous he was, not about dropping Mark, though he was a rather squirmy and wiggling baby, but about other things.
"Come on, Carter, sit next to me on the bed," Annie instructed.
"I'm not supposed to," he protested again. "The signs specifically say, no sitting by visitors on the hospital beds."
Anne had sighed loudly, and rolled her eye dramatically. "Jacob Samuel Carter, put your ass on the bed," she snapped.
When you were in the military, you learned to always obey your superior officers quickly and without question. Therefore Jacob found himself sitting on the bed, holding his sleeping son.
"What if he doesn't like me," Jacob questioned Annie in a very soft voice.
"Jacob, we've had this discussion for the last eight months, he'll love you. You're his father and he will love his father, trust me," Annie promised.
"What if something happens and he hates me," Jake repeated.
"It will never happen, Jacob. I will make sure it will never happen." Annie assured him.
"What if you're not there? What if something happens, and you're not there to fix everything and make it better?" He had contemplated that dark thought, and Annie, his telepathic Annie who could read his mind so easily, grabbed his chin and forced her to look at him.
"Jacob, I will always be there for you. I swear to you, I will be."
It was after Annie's funeral, and he was standing in the grassy backyard of their small house on the base, surrounded by dozens of mourners. Annie's family had shown up by the busloads, but they were definitely giving him the cold shoulder, though George had insisted that they weren't. There were men from his current assignment with their wives, a few people from Annie's church and some parents from the school's PTO group that Annie had never managed to shanghai him into joining.
It didn't matter – there could be a hundred billion people there, and he'd still be by himself.
"It's your fault she's dead! Your fault," His son screamed at him, causing the roar of the conversations around them to sputter and to die. "I wish we had buried YOU instead of Mom!"
He didn't react, because well… it was true.
"Son," George Hammond said in a very quiet voice as he deliberately stepped between Mark and Jake.
"I'm not your son. I'm HIS. And he should be in the coffin, NOT MOM!" Mark was crying so hard that it was almost impossible to understand what he was saying but it didn't matter because Jake knew what he was saying.
Because it was true.
Dear God, Annie, you promised never to leave me. I knew this was going to happen – that Mark would hate me and you wouldn't be here to fix it. Sammy blames me. I'm so alone, Annie. Why? Why?
"You should be glad you're not my son, as I'd tan your ass with my belt for saying that," George drawled. "Apologize to your father."
"George," Jake inserted in a monotone voice. "He doesn't need to apologize, because it's true. Everyone here knows that the reason why Annie's dead is because I got stuck at a meeting, and I couldn't pick her up from the airport. So it's my fault. Everyone knows it. Everyone…"
Jake then walked over to the picnic bench, and jumped upon it, knowing that just about every single eye was upon him. He waved his hands to attract everyone's undivided attention, and he spoke loudly. "My son blames me for what happened, and he wishes that I was dead instead of his mom. Everyone that agrees with Mark, please raise your hand. Come on, come on, you're all thinking it!"
Jake raised both his hands, even as George strong armed him gracelessly off the bench.
"I think everyone agrees that both Mark and Jacob are under a great deal of stress and both are saying things that they wouldn't normally say. Everyone, please keep eating," George ordered before lowering his voice to speak with his wife. "Tess, could you please keep an eye on Mark?"
"Yes, absolutely," Tess promised. "He doesn't mean it, Jacob. He's just really upset right now. His grief is making him say crazy things."
In
fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and
"ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from
a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more
wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by
"commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has
been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a
novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of
elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never
sat a gee.
"The Very Model of a Major General" Gilbert & Sullivan
The doors to the hearse were opened, and he was gestured to take his place. Grunting softly from the weight of the casket, he helped carry Theresa "Tess" Hammond to her final resting spot. George was in full uniform, staring blankly ahead, his broad shoulders slumped with an incapacitating grief, even as his daughters wept loudly.
Comes
a train of little ladies
From scholastic trammels free,
Each a
little bit afraid is,
Wondering what the world can be!
Is it
but a world of trouble--
Sadness set to song?
Is its beauty but
a bubble
Bound to break ere long?
"Train of Little Ladies" Mikado, Gilbert & Sullivan
"George, I've got a great idea," Jake informed him. "I know this little bar; it'll be a lot of fun."
"Good Lord, Jake, I'm jetlagging something fierce," George protested. "Besides, you don't drink. Jake. You wouldn't know a good bar if you fell over it."
Still, he had managed to get George absolutely soused in Seoul, get him on a plane to Tokyo, and he continued getting George absolutely hammered.
Aha!
Now the best part of the plan. George would wake up, surrounded by geishas, who had been specifically bribed to participate in this little adventure. He helped Hammond off to their bedroom, and fortunately George managed to get into his bed without too much help. Then, he went to sleep in his own separate bed.
He had a perfect view of what was going to happen, as the shoji screen was set up perfectly. And then Jake Carter slept the innocent sleep of the truly depraved, waiting for the next morning.
It was gonna be good!
He woke up when the geisha entered the room. As one, they snapped open their fans loudly, then he tried not to laugh at Hammond's strangled gasp of surprise, as there were two dozen geishas in Hammond's side of the bedroom. They waved their fans in front of their faces, and then they cooed and giggled.
Oh, the giggling was the best part, as Hammond was obviously wondering what the hell had happened and why two dozen women were giggling.
Everyone he had depended upon during his life was gone. Annie, the Sorrentinos, Selmak, even… George… who had been through hell and back again for him; who had been there during the worst days of his life. Annie, the love of his life and the Sorrentinos were long dead, leaving nothing but fading cherished memories of happier times that tore like tissue paper when he examined them too closely.
George was alive, thank God, but he was there for him no longer. Not after today.
He was completely and utterly alone.
It was almost laughable, that during his solitary life, he had never been truly alone before. Even his mother had been there, pissed assed drunk and comatose in a corner most of the time, true, but she had been there.
And for the first time, Jake realized how frightened he was by the idea of being alone.
He had Sam, yes, but he couldn't talk to his daughter. Their repaired relationship was still too new, too fragile for him to easily confide in her. Besides, how could he tell his own daughter that he was… lonely?
God, how depressing and utterly pathetic.
In the past, when his assorted emotional scars would tear open, the old wounds bleeding anew, and he'd be aching, he'd call George and bullshit about old times.
Well, that bridge had been burnt and the entire damn town too.
Unexpectedly, he felt Janet squeeze his hand. She was so much like his Annie. Annie would have jumped into the 'vette, feet first, on that day he had been trying to escape from everyone.
As a widowed commissioned officer in the USAF, he had experienced numerous flirtations and passes made by various females, married and unmarried alike over the years. Some offers had been rather discreet and sophisticated, while other propositions had held all the subtly of a twenty ton boulder and a slipped hotel key. He had ignored them all.
Tonight, tonight, he would have taken the slipped hotel key with a modicum of grace and a great deal of heart felt appreciation.
What was he saying? Tonight, he'd take a mindless grope under the stars in his 'vette.
Yet the woman on his right was squeezing his hand, allowing him his feeble attempts at preserving his tattered dignity and self-respect with a few softly spoken lies. He was disheartened because of the music, he claimed. Pagliaccio always depressed him. So much like his Annie, Janet just smiled to let him know that she knew he was lying, but that she wasn't going to press him for more information.
Just like his Annie.
So much like his Selmak.
Dear God, forgive me for what I want to do, he pleaded.
Hesitantly, he made a very small, a very painfully awkward pass at Janet. Not a flamboyant one, nothing too splashy, just a little discreet hand holding, a slow caress of her hand even as he cursed himself for his weakness. She could ignore the offer like he had done all those years gone by, simply pretending not to understand what offer had been presented, or he could be very well ruining the very last friendship he had in the entire universe.
He truly doubted that she'd agree to what he was offering.
To his absolutely astonished surprise, Janet smiled and nodded her head.
"Turn into banter all your pain and sorrow, and with your clown's face hide grief and distress... Laugh loud, Pagliaccio, forget all of your troubles, Laugh off the pain that so empoisons your heart," she whispered to herself.
Hesitantly, she took his right hand in hers, and she gave it a gentle squeeze before letting it go. The human contact seemed to startle him out of his introspection, and he gave her a brief, crooked smile that failed to reach his dark eyes. Then he placed his left hand on top of hers, the gold of his wedding ring glinting softly from the lights, and he gave her hand a gentle rub.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"No, thank you," she teased, trying to break him out of his melancholy. "What's the problem, Jake?"
"It's nothing, Pagliacci's always depresses me," Jake informed her. "The music is phenomenal, but it's depressing as hell."
She gave him a slight smile, letting him know that she knew he was lying, but for now, she was going to let it slide. To her surprise, Jake didn't let go of her hand, instead he began stroking it with his thumb, slowly and deliberately. At first Janet wasn't sure if he was aware of what he was caressing her hand.
Confused by his reaction, she looked at him, and he raised his eyebrows slightly even as his slight, almost bashful smile grew more crooked.
In answer to his unasked question, she smiled back giddily, even as she felt her cheeks flush.
At her age! Acting like a schoolgirl!
Jake put his right arm around her, unhurriedly and yet deliberately, as though he still wasn't sure of her response. Carefully, she put her head on his shoulder, enjoying the sensation of his arm around her.
"That feels nice," she whispered in his ear, even as she intertwined the fingers of her right hand with his.
The two of them sat like that for a few songs. Janet couldn't have told anyone what arias had been sung even if the future of Earth had depended on it, as she was aware only of the gentleman who had his right arm around her, and whose left hand was exploring her with a gentle, teasing touch. Jake moved slightly and then turned to face her even while his questing hand slid beneath her waist band. His dark eyes peered into hers even she began uncontrollably squirming from his hand that teased and stroked her.
Thank God the theater was dark, as hopefully nobody realized that the two of them were concentrating on making their own music.
"Easy," he whispered before he kissed her gently on her ear. "You don't want the little blue haired ladies that are sitting behind us to know."
"Easy for you to say," she murmured, before gasping. "You are an evil…evil…man."
"You want me to stop?"
"No…. I don't… want you to stop…" Janet admitted, ever so slightly annoyed at the smirk that was plastered on his face.
Selmak must have taught him a few things, she thought in the very small spot in the back of her mind, the only place where she could still think coherently, as he was making her absolutely crazy with desire. She hadn't been a virgin on her wedding night, but this was the very first time that she was experiencing a partner who knew exactly where to touch her.
Selmak was female, and all her previous hosts had been female, so did that mean Jake understood implicitly what women liked? She'd be finding out shortly, but dear God, it was stress inducing, as what if she didn't compare favorably to all of Selmak's previous lovers?
She gasped loudly and arched her back uncontrollably against the seat back when she discovered that Jake knew quite a few fun new places also…
Oh dear God, it was a very good idea that she had taken tomorrow off from work. She'd need it to recoup, as he wasn't slowing down. No… if anything he was warming up.
"Good…. I wasn't planning on it…."
They kissed at first, slowly and awkwardly, then with an increasing desire even while the singers continued to sing their laments about love, death and betrayal.
"For the love of God, Jake, get a hotel room," someone hissed. "I'm trying to listen to the music, not watch a porn video!"
Jake stopped for a moment, and he looked around. Whoever the person was who had hissed that advice, it had sounded like a rather disgusted Selmak.
"Did you hear something?" He whispered.
"No," she answered, a trifle bit breathlessly. "What did you hear?"
"I thought I heard someone tell me to get a hotel room," Jake admitted.
"I think that's a pretty good idea," Janet answered with a wicked smile. "Let's go now, shall we?"
Spend
all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that
will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good
enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I
need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my
veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some
peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From
this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You
are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the
arms of the angel, May you find some comfort here
