"I really missed you," Katana said for the billionth time as she hugged her brother and sister. It had been a good couple of months since they'd left for school and Kat was overjoyed that her Mommy wasn't sending them back to Portland and that they'd be living back at Lake Mead with her and Louis.
"Missed you too, sis," Jasper replied, playfully ruffling her hair. It was hard to play at being happy considering that they were at a funeral.
"Missed you, munchkin," Arianne answered simply, before trying to see if she could spot Adrian. It had been three days since he and her father and been released from the hospital and although Ari had been there practically twenty four seven to make sure he was ok, she still worried about him. Adrian and Gerwyn had been close, especially when Adrian was young. Adrian had been very quiet the past few days, he hadn't even crack a joke once.
The kidnapping and attack had affected all of them badly but most of all Louis and Great Auntie Ceri and Uncle Rhydian, Arianne reflected. She wasn't at all surprised that her father was able to keep it all together- he had spent years training psychologically to withstand something like this- but she still worried about him- Auntie Ellie had only woken up the day before and only for a few minutes, and then there was Uncle John who was slowly trying to make amends with her father. Her mother however, well Jana was Jana, she worried about Rhydian and Adrian and Louis and just about everyone.
There was good reason to be worried about Uncle Rhydian, Arianne thought, he had demanded that the execution be brought forward and had been part of the team that killed the members of the Howling Rage. That seemed to help him find peace for a short while. But he refused to speak to her Grandmother or her Uncle Pedr and he'd even been a little cold towards her Mom, which was freaky.
Arianne felt someone punch her on the arm playfully and spun quickly, smiling sarcastically.
"Little birdy told me you were looking for me," Adrian began.
Arianne nodded, "How are you doing?"
Adrian took a shaky breath, "Mum and Cass have been nagging me to rest. But I feel like I just have to do something. Finally, managed to get Louis to eat something, thought it might make Dad a bit less stressed. How is Kat doing?"
"She didn't see much," Arianne began, "She hid before things got too bad. She has nightmares, but Kat often gets nightmares anyway, so. It's too early to say. She's all zen like Jazz, though, so she should be ok. I hope Louis and your Dad get better soon."
Adrian shook his head, "My Dad's a mess. I've never seen him like this before. Gran says he's going to have the morwal in him this month, but we probably all will anyway. It's just any time anyone mentions you or Jana or Pedr or Great Aunt Arianne- especially the last two- his eyes start glowing and his veins go dark and Mum and Cass have to pin him down before he wolfs out."
"It's ok to be afraid," Arianne said, putting a hand on Adrian's, "Mum and Dad would let you stay if they thought it might make things easier."
"You don't need to worry," Adrian said, "It's about time I got my own place anyway. Cass and I have been talking with Olwenna, we're thinking about finding a house together. Olwenna actually likes Lake Mead and she wants to stay here- just a soon as she knows her Mom and Dad will be ok."
"Sounds great," Ari said, "I just wish… well it's understandable I guess."
"What?" Adrian asked, "Ari, don't cry."
Arianne let Adrian hug her as she began to sob, "I wish Uncle Rhydian didn't hate Mom. I can understand if he hated me, I've always been so naughty and I can't help but think that if I have this power maybe I could have done something… so I understand. But Uncle Rhydian and Mom have always been close. It's like if I lost you forever."
"Dad doesn't hate you," Adrian reassured her, "And he doesn't hate Auntie Jana either. It's just hearing your names, it reminds him of what your Grandma and Uncle did. They lied to you for years, just because they felt they didn't need to tell you about this power that you have. They didn't even bother to tell your mom. Arianne hid behind this idea that if the Howling Rage was to find out you could do magic they'd use your power to resurrect their old members and create a super army. In fact they just wanted to create super obligate babies and she let Uncle Pedr walk straight into all of that. Don't beat yourself up about not being in the right place at the right time, or about not knowing how to use your powers- according to what Segolia's managed to find out the powers can be incredibly inconsistent in newly transformed wolfbloods."
Arianne half smiled, "Thanks, Adrian. I'll try to convince Mom that everything's going to be ok with Uncle Rhydian. She keeps on blaming herself for not being in two places at once."
"I think that's the problem with Auntie Jana," Adrian replied, "She always feels that she has to be in two places at once just so she can help everyone all at once."
Jana walked cautiously towards Rhydian, aware of Xander watching her from where he was seated at the front of the church. She looked back and Xander smiled at her supportively. She knew he was worried about Ellie and really wanted be back at her side, but Jana was happy that he was beginning to trust John a little more. Jana hadn't been able to talk to John much but she believed that he had changed and if he was a better person now she wanted her cubs to get to know him.
Rhydian stood completely still next to the coffin. Ceri standing next to him, talking to Bryn who was flustered (he hated being away from Ellie for more than five seconds but felt he had to be at the funeral). Maddy was talking to Louis who seemed to be a little chirpier than he had been the day before and Cass was huddled in a corner talking to Olwenna.
Jana stood next to Rhydian waiting for him to speak. She had noticed him avoiding her and overheard him saying to Ceri about how he couldn't stand to be around her. But Jana felt she had to be there for him, that it was only fair considering how many times he'd been there for her. No one ever really noticed or knew what to do when Rhydian got upset, and that mostly was because Rhydian was expected to be the strong one in the pack, always completely ok. But there were times when he had need Jana- when his Dad left when he was a toddler, when they'd been taken into care, when his Dad was on the run from Segolia. Yes, he had Maddy and his Mom but sometimes he needed to talk to someone who could remember those early days with the wild pack back when everyone was happy and life was good.
Rhydian took in a deep breath, "You're not going to leave, are you?"
Jana shook her head, "You know I'm clingy."
Rhydian smiled sadly, "I was just remembering our life with the wild pack when we were toddlers. I wonder how much of that was a lie now. Alric harbouring this big secret about being part of the Howling Rage, Arianne being a witch, Dad running off after some women he didn't even really like all that much. Our parents barely knew who they were when they had us and now I'm finding out that everyone's been keeping secrets. We were made to believe that everything was perfect when we were cubs that our parents were perfect and would be there for us forever. But none of it was ever true, was it? Your parents constantly stabbed you in the back and mine- Mum's actually ok, I was too hard on her about leaving me alone to go hunting, Dad was ok too- he just made some big mistakes. But it was all a lie. I don't know what to trust anymore. Even you are different now, Jana. If people had been honest, none of this would have happened."
Jana put a hand on Rhydian's, "I'm still me, that hasn't changed at all. I still trip over my boots and overcook casseroles. I still let Kat eat too many cookies and walk all over me. I still have no idea how to use a sandwich toasters or how to drive a manual car. A bit of magic isn't going to change that. I wish I could have done something, apparently it would have been too dangerous- using the magic has a cost. I passed out afterwards and I think Arianne passed out during her first transformation too because of the magic. No one really knows anything about it."
Rhydian nodded understandingly, "I get it. But your Mom and brother should still have said something. They didn't even tell you who Pedr's mother was at first. If we'd had more time to prepare and if Arianne had told you about your powers we might have been able to do something."
"I know," Jana said, "But we have to accept what is. I've enrolled Ari and I in some classes to see if we can train our powers. Mum said she didn't want to use hers at all- I don't know why, I guess she's afraid of them or something, but that's her business. Rhydian, you don't have to be the alpha now, it's ok to be upset and confused and all of that, Maddy and your Mum and I we're all here for you."
"But I have to be there too," Rhydian argued, "For my Mum and Bryn and Maddy and you, and Adrian and Cass and Louis. I know I've freaked them out the past few days. You know I overheard Louis and Adrian talking earlier- Louis's been off his food since the attack, and Adrian told him to eat because it would make me feel better and less likely to snap. Then Louis ate so much so quickly that I thought he'd throw it all up again. I don't want Louis to think of me as a terrible father who just snaps and is angry. He's only five, he doesn't understand at all. And as for Adrian and Cass- I know they're not my little babies anymore and that they've been planning this for months but I can't help but feel they're only moving out because of me."
"You're a great father to them," Jana replied, "And you always will be. I've found a play therapist for Kat and she's agreed to help Louis too if you want her to. I think it would be good for them. As for Cass and Adrian- Cassidy's always been independent, but there's no way she's going to be happy living with Adrian without Maddy to nag him, and as for Adrian, he might like the idea of eating nothing but takeout for the rest of his life but give it a week and he'll be coming every night for dinner. You won't lose them Rhydian, and you won't lose me either. Or Xander, or any of us. It's ok to be upset. We're a pack, Rhydian, and I never abandon my pack. None of us do."
Rhydian hugged Jana before looking at the coffin miserably, "Those councillors helped you, didn't they? Back when you thought you had to fight Elgar all by yourself."
Jana nodded, "And they could help you too. Xander even goes to them too- mostly so he can be as mentally sharp as possible on missions, but now also because of what happened with John. There's no shame in reaching out to others, Rhydian."
"I know," Rhydian smiled, "I'll bear that in mind. I know this might sound crazy but I can kind of imagine Dad walking through here as a ghost, pulling faces at Kat and stealing the food, and trying to ruffle Arianne's hair and start a play fight with Adrian. It's crazy I guess."
"Not at all," Jana said, "But you left off the part where he tells you how amazing you are."
Bryn stood on the stage, aware of his legs shaking and the writing on the piece of paper becoming blurry as he tried to focus. He took a deep breath and began to speak, aware of the hundred or so faces looking up at him.
"I didn't know my father until I was thirteen," Bryn began, "Before that I thought he'd abandoned my mother and her cubs. I thought he was terrible. I couldn't have been more wrong. Dad was an amazing father and an amazing grandfather too. He was there for all of us whenever we needed him. I wish I'd told him more often that I loved him and that I was grateful for everything he did for me, for all of us. I wish I'd told him that I liked his cheesy jokes, because I know we all did really, although we pretended otherwise. I'm going to miss him every day, and I know we all will. I love you, Daddy."
Rhydian hugged his brother as Bryn cried and whispered a well done to him before taking to the stage.
"I was lucky enough to know Dad before he left the wild pack," Rhydian began, "I can remember being on his shoulders and racing through the woods and Mum yelling at us to slow down whilst my Dad just pulled funny faces until we both fell to the ground laughing. A lot of people will remember Dad for his jokes, and I'll admit they weren't that bad for Dad jokes. But I'll remember Dad as someone who I could always trust to be there for his family and his pack. As someone who died protecting the ones he loved. I love you too, Daddy. Life's not going to be the same without you."
Rhydian raced off the stage trying to hold back his tears, and flung himself into his mother's outstretched arms.
"You did so well," Ceri whispered, before walking towards the stage.
Rhydian hugged Maddy tightly before she led him to the seats at the front of the church.
"When I first met Gerwyn I thought the whole world had gone insane," Ceri said, "My father had told me that we were betrothed and I could barely face the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone who never took anything seriously. But in the end I did end up falling in love with him, and he ended up falling in love with me- it took a while for us to realise it and even admit it to ourselves. Because everyone had told us that our parents were crazy for putting us together, that we would be too different to really get along. But I was able to teach Gerwyn how to take things seriously, at least some of the time, and he was able to teach me how to laugh and enjoy life. Gerwyn, I love you and I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss your jokes, I'm going to have to get used to having a tidy house and eating food that doesn't contain a ton of chilli powder. I'll never forget you. You'll always be a part of our pack."
Ceri nodded to Rhydian who looked at the crowd expectantly.
Then they all let out one loud almightly howl- one pack altogether.
