A/N: Please don't hate me, I was ill for a week and my writing was consequently awful D: I refused to post this until someone proof read it. Sooo here we go! Enjoy!
Chapter 11
"Don't be mad."
Blaine hated starting a conversation like that, and as he looked into the sceptical eyes of his parents, he knew it wasn't going down well with them, either. He was usually incredibly calm under pressure, but for whatever reason, this had him in a rut. His dad was sat in a very practised position; his hands folded carefully in his lap while his eyes watched him attentively, eyebrows slightly raised in interest… It wasn't hard to see where Blaine's strain to keep composure came from. His mom, however, was a little less guided - she sat with her back straight as an iron pole, her lips pursed together and her brow furrowed. Blaine had to force himself to hold her eye so he didn't shy away under her gaze as he continued.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and, um… I-I came to the conclusion that I… I wanna… My education is important, right?"
"Of course it is, son," Mr Anderson said, smiling in such an annoyingly generic way that Blaine was sure his dad saw him as a potential customer he was trying to sell to, not his own son.
"Right, so… And it's my last year, and that's important. So I… In the interest of my education… I thought that maybe, in order to get the best out of my school experience… because really, this is my last chance, I should… I mean, McKinley's okay, but… if I transferred back to Dalton, I could really benefit to my fullest potential. Right?"
He felt time stand still as he tried to decode the expressions on his parent's faces; his mother's mouth had fallen slightly open, looking at him like as if she was trying to work out if he was being serious or not, and his dad was scarily neutral. As soon as his gaze met his dad's, he couldn't look away – it was almost like being spotted by an animal that you weren't sure wanted to kill you or not. He gulped, doing all he could to not tense up or show any sign of feeling insecure. That would only make his dad worse.
"This is no time for jokes, Blaine," his dad said dismissively, finally dropping his eyes and picking up a newspaper from the rack next to him.
"I… I'm not joking, Dad," Blaine said helplessly. "I really want this."
"Do you know how much tutoring alone at that school costs?" his dad asked calmly, not taking his eyes off the paper. "And then there's boarding fee, of course. Now, if I remember rightly, Blaine, last year when you transferred to go to that public school you told me it was partly for financial reasons. Of course, you were lying, but it's nice you thought of that."
"It's my last year, and all my friends are at Dalton, if I can just-"
"Friends?" Blaine's dad repeated, finally looking up. "You didn't make any at the public school so you want to crawl back? Is that it?"
"N-no!" Blaine stuttered. "Dalton is… It's where I belong! Academically, socially… in terms of challenging myself… Please, dad. Wouldn't it sound better to everyone as well to say I was a Dalton graduate?"
Blaine's dad was silent for a moment, his eyes falling back to the paper in front of him as his mouth twisted in contemplation. Blaine tried not to show how bothered he was that of all factors, the reputation one was what got his dad thinking.
"Do you really think I'm that simple, Blaine?" Mr Anderson asked, tilting his head and looking at Blaine sternly. Blaine swallowed – he knew that look.
"No, sir," he mumbled.
"You think reputation is all I care about? Do you perceive me as some money grabbing villain who is disgusted by their son going to a public school?"
"No, sir."
"Then tell me the real reason. Please. Why you suddenly want to jump ship again. It wouldn't have anything to do with Kurt moving, now, would it?"
"…Dad," Blaine began, his tone obviously hurt.
"I'm sick of having to fit my bills around your love life, Blaine. That's not how we do things."
"That's not it! Really, dad, I just want to-"
"Blaine," his mother's voice cut in, her tone carrying off her level headedness and apparent care all at once. "Honey, you're getting a little frustrated, aren't you? But you can see why we're frustrated. We've barely seen you for weeks. Aren't we your family, Blaine?"
"…Of course," Blaine replied, a little thrown off by his mother's contribution. "But can't you see why I'm frustrated?"
"What you need to understand, dear, is you can't click your fingers or flutter your eyelashes and expect us to give you what you want. We're not just providers to you, Blaine. We're people. And your father and I really aren't fond of being lied to."
"Mom-"
"Now, don't get me wrong. Although you may not be telling us the full reason, I appreciate that you came and talked to us about this, and perhaps your father and I can consider it. We do want you to be happy, sweetie. We're not monsters."
"I know, mom," Blaine sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, honey, you haven't done anything."
Blaine smiled, happy to see his mother smiling back at him and let his shoulders slump. "Thanks, mom."
"Don't mention it, dear. But you know, it wouldn't hurt for you to be home a little more. I'm struggling to keep up with you."
"I… I can try," Blaine stuttered, biting his lip. His mom frowned slightly, tilting her head with a questioning glint in her eye. "I guess sometimes… the house can feel a little… stuffy. With Cooper gone and you guys working so much, it just doesn't feel like home."
His mother's eyes dropped, and he immediately knew it was a mistake. He could talk like that with his mom okay, but his dad wasn't even half of what she was on the understanding scale. And with the way his mom had apparently bowed out of the conversation, he had no hope of redemption.
"So, with the Hummels? That's your home?"
"I didn't say that, da-"
"You didn't have to. It's written in every one of your mannerisms. Or there lack of, considering you and your mannerisms spend more time in that house doing God knows what under Burt Hummel's roof."
"Dad!"
"It's okay, Blaine. But shouldn't you be going home, now? It's getting late."
"I… What?" Blaine looked into his father's face, seeing nothing but the same cold, concentrated expression he was all too used to seeing. There was only the slightest glint of hesitation in Mr Anderson's eyes, but it seemed he'd made up his mind.
"I don't want you in this house as long as it's not home to you. And I'll send you to Dalton to save you lodging in a stranger's house. Seems all your wishes have come true, doesn't it, Blaine?"
"That's not what I want," Blaine whispered, looking between his parents to try and find some understanding to grapple on.
"And I'll get my wish," his dad continued. "I won't have to endure you lying to me anymore."
"I'm telling you the truth!" Blaine said desperately. "Dalton is where I belong!"
"And I'm giving you what you want. That appears to be all you care about, anyway - yourself."
Blaine shook his head, his hands reaching out to accompany the words on the tip of his tongue but all he could do was sigh feebly. "You're my dad," he said quietly, more like a plea than a statement. His dad merely glanced up at him once more before returning to the paper on his lap, wordlessly dismissing Blaine. He looked at his mom, who gave a quick glance to his father before getting up and leading Blaine out the room, a look of concern over her face. Once she'd felt they were far enough from the living room, which consequently was right by the front door, she spoke.
"Your father's been having a hard time at work," she begun, looking Blaine in the eye with a gaze that demanded understanding. "He's stressed at the moment, Blaine. He doesn't know what he's saying. Perhaps you… Just for a few days, maybe it would be best to keep out of his hair?"
"What are you saying?" Blaine asked quietly, reaching up to hold his mom's arm.
"Is there somewhere you can stay for a few days, sweetie? The Hummel's, maybe?"
"You mean you're really kicking me out?!"
"No! No, honey, no, that's not it. I just think you should give your dad some space to let him cool down. I'll let you know as soon as I think it's safe to come back, but if you want to come back sooner you just tell me."
"Mom…"
"You know your father will just do something over the top if you stay. He'll realise soon enough what he's done if you go."
Blaine looked into the hazel eyes of his mother, his hand squeezing her arm subconsciously but he realised what he was doing when he felt his mom's hand on top of his. Gently, she took Blaine's hand away from her arm, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before straightening up.
"I'll miss you," she added. "But this will work. I promise."
Blaine hesitated a little longer before he realised neither parent was going to be okay with him staying, and he sighed, nodding and resting his hand on the handle of the front door.
"I'll miss you, too," he replied, smiling sadly. "Love you."
"Love you, too," Mrs Anderson said, reaching out to squeeze Blaine's free hand. "Call me, okay? Every night if you can."
Blaine nodded, forcing himself to open the door and kept his gaze away to keep from lingering. He was sure his mom was watching him walk out to the car, but every part of him was concentrated forward, opening the door and driving away from the house without so much as a glance back. He didn't let himself think. The whole car ride he just felt numb, not even turning on the car stereo as he drove back to Lima.
It wasn't until he pulled up outside the Hummel household he finally allowed the scream of frustration to escape.
The sky had long ago lost its light when Blaine finally got out the car. The day felt like it had dragged on for hours, just sitting in the car that felt too big and trying to get all his emotions out before he saw Kurt. After all, he was still Blaine Anderson –the boy who clung desperately to composure, something that only got worse when life got harder. But he couldn't sit there forever. It was a wonder no one had come out and said something.
He waited patiently for five minutes for the door to open, only ringing the bell three times in case he was being an annoyance. He'd began thinking of alternatives to Kurt's house, and was just about to step off the door step when the door finally cracked open, revealing a very dressed up Kurt. Blaine smiled, feeling relief along with his own emotions coming back and hitting him a little harder now he was standing in front of someone he knew could care about him.
"Hi," he said, sounding nothing like his usual self. Kurt just looked shocked, frowning slightly but stepping out of the way to let him in.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, closing the door. Blaine didn't answer straight away; just surged forward and wound his arms around Kurt's waist. He immediately noticed Kurt was wearing some kind of fragrance, and it was a little stronger than what he was used to but it was still Kurt. He buried his face in his neck, feeling much better when Kurt circled his own arms around his shoulders and happily ignored how hesitant he was.
"I'm sorry I just sprang up out of the blue," Blaine murmured, holding him a little tighter. "I should've called, but… It all happened so quickly."
"It's okay… What happened?" Kurt asked, sounded a little hurried. Blaine tried to ignore that, too.
"My parents kicked me out," he whispered. "My mom doesn't think it'll last, but… It's… It's still kinda heart breaking."
"Kicked you out?" Kurt repeated, pulling away to look Blaine in the eye. "Why would they do that?"
Blaine hesitated for a moment, suddenly realising he hadn't even mentioned the Dalton thing to Kurt. "I… Well, I mentioned the idea of transferring schools to them, and one thing lead to another and I ended up accidently calling here 'home'. My dad got angry because of how little time I was spending there, and then he told me to 'go home'… I can't go back until my mom says I can."
Kurt looked at him sadly, but Blaine also caught something else in his expression that he really couldn't work out. It almost seemed like reluctance. "I'm sorry," he said. "That sounds terrible."
Blaine nodded, although he was rapidly beginning to feel like a nuisance. "If it's not too much trouble, could I… maybe… stay here? Just for a few days. If I become any trouble, just say the word and I'm gone, out of-"
"Blaine," Kurt cut in, squeezing his shoulder and offering him a tiny, reassuring smile that washed over the other boy. "This house is home for as long as you want it to be. Besides, it's good to have you around. At least someone can understand Dad's sport's talk."
A smile of his own grew over Blaine's face, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he let himself relax. Maybe he didn't have his parents, but Kurt's caring for him was all the 'home' he really needed. He looked at his boyfriend gratefully, reaching out to take his hand and run his thumb over his knuckles. It had felt like such a long time he'd actually got to spend proper, intimate time with Kurt, and not necessarily in a sexual way – just the small gestures, tiny glances and sweet touches that were silent reminders to each other of their love. But his hopes of rekindling that broke when Kurt looked towards the door and sighed, shaking his hand out of Blaine's grasp.
"Blaine," he started, the boy in question stepping back slightly as he took in how dressed up Kurt really was.
"Are you going somewhere?" he asked.
"I-I was," Kurt stuttered.
"Kurt," Blaine began, realising how much of a bother he must have been. "I know… I mean, I don't wanna be a burden, but… I really need you right now."
Kurt's mouth twisted, like he was going to say something else but bit back his original response. "Yeah?"
Blaine nodded, wanting to reach out and take his hand again but thought against it after remembering how Kurt shook him off. "I know things have been a bit weird between us, but we always support each other, and… I could really benefit from being with you tonight."
"What do you mean by things being weird between us?" Kurt asked, his gaze suddenly a little icy.
"…You can't tell me you haven't noticed."
"I can when it's perfectly true, Blaine. Why do you think things are weird?"
Blaine just looked at him for a moment, a little insulted that Kurt was playing this game. He folded his arms, feeling small and looking at a spot on the floor. "It just feels like… Lately… You've been a little…. Distant."
"Distant?" Kurt repeated, eyebrows raised.
"You've been going out so much, more and more, because you need girl time with Mercedes or something, and you know I have no problems with that but… I-I feel like she's gotten to see you more than I have, lately."
"So, what, you don't want me seeing my friend's now?"
"No! That's not what I-"
"Then what else is it, Blaine? Because right now, you're just being petty over me going to Mercedes's. She's one of my best friends. Of course I'm gonna see her a lot."
"I know, Kurt, but-"
"Can we just stop talking about this? I think I've heard enough-"
"Kurt!" Blaine yelled, his breathing uncommonly heavy. "Will you just listen to me?! Maybe I just miss you, and I feel like you just don't want to be around me anymore, or… we're not the same."
"Oh, so now you're trying to make it sound like-"
"You're doing it again!" he cried. "You're not even listening to me, you're just making excuses to be even more angry and I end up being the bad guy! Do you even care how much I miss you?"
Kurt exhaled loudly, folding his arms and looking nothing less than irritated. "Does that make me the bad guy?"
Blaine just looked at him, sure that this whole thing just couldn't be happening and that he'd wake up from this nightmare any time soon. Time stood still for a moment, his pleading eyes locking with Kurt's ice cold ones. There was no doubt something had changed. He wondered if there was any inch of love at all in that gaze. "Do you even still care about me?" he asked quietly, voice coming out quiet like a secret he was ashamed of. Kurt's eyes widened, looking completely offended and scoffing almost a little too much.
"How can you ask me that?!" he asked. "You are my boyfriend, Blaine! Of course I care about you! I can't believe you would ask me that!"
"I can't believe I felt it necessary to have to ask," Blaine admitted. "Why can't you see how this is hurting me?"
"Well maybe it's hurting both of us. I'm going out. Don't wait up."
"…What?"
"I just… can't do this right now."
"Kurt!" Blaine said desperately, unable to believe what he was hearing. "You can't leave now. I wasn't kidding when I said I needed you. Please."
Kurt just bit his lip, looking at Blaine with some sort of fight in his eyes that the other boy had no hope of understanding. He didn't get why it was so complicated, or why Kurt had a sudden aversion to listening to him. Surely Kurt wouldn't really walk away from him now. He felt like it was almost some kind of bad joke.
"Just stay, and talk to me. We don't even have to talk, if you don't want to. I just need you now, Kurt."
Kurt's eyes dropped to the floor, the same, suddenly guilty expression coming over his face Blaine was sure he had seen earlier. He stepped away from the door, looking up at Blaine and hugging him in a way that scared him; reasonably physical, yet very little feeling. Blaine had to wrap his own arms around Kurt tighter just to push out the scared feeling.
"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered, his vague tone not helping Blaine shake off his anxiety.
"Just tell me you'll stay," he replied. "Just tonight, can we just… forget everything else?"
It took Kurt a while to reply, his arms faithfully staying around Blaine like a badly tied noose. Blaine refused to move, though, closing his eyes and trying to fool himself into feeling the comfort he'd usually find in his boyfriend's arms.
"I'll stay," Kurt murmured, pulling away with a soft smile on his lips. Blaine smiled back, his own smile wide and genuine as he reached out for Kurt's hand and holding it like a lifeline.
"Thank you," he breathed, feeling his eyes tear up. Kurt just nodded, squeezing his hand before leading him up the stairs. The two of them remained in Kurt's room, Kurt replacing his former outfit with comfier attire but still smelling strongly of whatever fragrance it was. Blaine giggled fondly at how his boyfriend wouldn't take the product out of his hair just yet, far too proud of how he'd styled it. They stayed, and cuddled, and watched The Breakfast Club together before Blaine asked if they could turn in, happily thanking Kurt again and smiling when he attempted to reverse their position so that his head was on Kurt's chest instead, but Kurt just wouldn't have it. He fell into a deep, comforting sleep, his heart swelling as Kurt rubbed soothing circles into his shoulders to help him relax. There were no thoughts of the home situation to terrorise his mind, and that was added to now be able to convince himself that Kurt still really cared about him.
He slept dreamlessly but peacefully; Kurt's bed was a familiar place to him, and although it had caused trouble with his parents, he really did feel at home. It was a surprise how deep he could sleep, after everything he'd been through that day – but there was no way he could ignore the screams of Sebastian coming through the wall.
This time, however, it wasn't the first thing he realised when he woke up. For as he turned over in the bed, he realised he was alone.
Kurt was gone.
For one guilty moment, Sebastian's terror was background noise to him, his arm stretching across the width of the bed and not even feeling any warmth where Kurt should've been on the mattress. Wherever he'd gone, he'd gone there a long time ago. Blaine pressed his lips together, curling into a foetal like position. He couldn't believe how easily Kurt could betray him. Especially now, more than ever. He looked around the room, arms curled tight around the duvet like it could substitute the warmth of his boyfriend, but they might as well have been the same thing; Kurt brought no real warmth to him, anymore. Blaine wondered sadly if it was actually his intention to see him suffer.
When the silence settled in around him, Blaine turned his attention to the boy sleeping in the next room. The quietness just weighed down on him more, realising he'd let Sebastian suffer the whole time while he'd gotten wound up over his own heart ache. Of course, he didn't know what caused the night terrors, but he was sure that Sebastian's reason for them cut a lot deeper than his own boyfriend leaving in the middle of the night. He waited, straining his ears and feeling his heart clench hard in his chest when he caught Sebastian's muffled cries, indicating to Blaine the dreams were far from over. Although he'd not been in the same room, he'd noticed a pattern start to occur; he'd start off with a lot of mumbling, which would get hastier and more frantic as it went on, which soon transitioned into desperate pleas and then came the screaming. But what followed that was perhaps the most heart breaking, and that was the soft, heartbroken whimpers and tears that begged for something Blaine was sure he couldn't give. He could, however, take away the dreams.
Without so much as another thought, Blaine threw the duvet off of him, walking to the door with soft feet so as not to wake anyone. The hall was dark, but he knew where to step to not catch a creaky floor board, and as he approached Sebastian's room he drew a deep breath. He only hoped he wouldn't make things worse, this time.
He opened the door, refusing to let himself hesitate as he silently crept into Sebastian's room. He just took him in for a moment, sighing sadly at the state Sebastian had worked himself into – the duvet was tangled around him, his forehead glistening with sweat and his breathing still heavy. He lowered himself down on the edge of the double bed, scooting round so he was sitting next to Sebastian. He had no hope of understanding what he was saying, but he noticed that there were tears pricking in the edges of his eyes and his eyebrows were drawn together far too tightly for someone who could be having a good sleep. He swallowed, trying to find the courage to do what he knew he had to do.
He shuffled closer, first just reaching out a hand to brush some of the stuck hair from Sebastian's forehead. The sleeping boy immediately followed the touch, and Blaine was surprised at how responsive he could be just in sleep. The touch alone had caused some change, but he didn't want to stop there; he'd come too far. He was murmuring something new, now, something that sounded a little less terrified but a lot more confused. Blaine bit his lip, gently lifting Sebastian's arm so he could carefully wind his own around his torso, stopping himself from gasping just in time when Sebastian's own arm held him closer to his chest. He looked up, but Sebastian's eyes were still closed, so he did his best to relax against the other's body. It felt intrusive, that was for sure, but something about the way Sebastian held him back made him realise how much he needed this. He moved his head a little so his ear was pressed against his chest, his eyes closed to the sound of Sebastian's decreasing heartbeat. Eventually, it was just a soft, steady thumping in his ear, and Blaine didn't even realise he was smiling as he continued to listen to the sound like it was his favourite song. Sebastian's arm remained tight around him, and as he watched his own hand subconsciously stroking soothing patterns against Sebastian's skin, it occurred to him that maybe he needed this, too. It had started to feel like a long time since the crying, and Blaine was happy to have caught it before a second wave happened, or before the crying got too aggressive. He knew that he'd saved Sebastian's voice from being sore the next day, but even better than that, he'd saved him from his worst nightmare. He suddenly felt very good in Sebastian's arms.
"You came," Sebastian whispered, causing Blaine to freeze up considerably. He didn't dare move, his hand stopping mid motion and even his eyes remaining on the same spot they'd been on before the silence had been broken. He didn't mean to be caught. Not really. It hadn't been something to occur to him, but now he was here, faced with words he didn't know how to deal with, he felt himself start to panic.
"I'm sorry," he replied, barely audible even to himself. No response came, and he looked up again to see Sebastian's eyes hadn't opened. He whispered the other boy's name, but he remained asleep, not even twitching at Blaine's voice. Blaine wondered if he'd even been talking to him.
"Sebastian?" he whispered again, receiving not so much as a stir in reply. A tiny smile grew on Blaine's lips, not taking his eyes off Sebastian's face. "I take it back," he grinned. "I'm not sorry, Bastian."
For all visible proof, Sebastian could still be completely ignorant of Blaine's words; but Blaine was sure he could feel the arm around him tighten, and he smiled, deciding that even if he had heard him, he didn't mind at all.
