Chapter 11

Jesse and Amanda watched in horror as Steve plunged the scissors into Mark and then collapsed. Jesse ran to Mark, and Amanda ran to Steve, both completely shocked and appalled by the unexpected turn of events.

"Call 911, we need to get them both to Community General." Jesse tried to stem the Mark's blood flow. Even though the Hampstead Institution was a hospital, it was a psychiatric hospital, and he knew Mark would need the state-of-the-art operating theatres of Community General, and he just wanted Steve well away from it. God only knew what they had done to him to cause him to stab his own much-loved father. He didn't let himself think too much, knowing he had to focus on Mark and that Amanda would be taking care of Steve.

Amanda was trying to ward off the people from Steve. "No! Leave him alone! He's going to Community General too."

"He's a dangerous man and he belongs here. We can treat him." One of the other doctors had come in but Amanda glared at him.

"He's not a dangerous man, something has happened to him and I will not be leaving him here. He's a police officer and has been working undercover and there was nothing wrong with him until he got here. Now leave us alone!" Amanda snapped angrily.

"I'm sorry, lady, but he just stabbed a man! There's clearly a problem with him." the doctor tried to push his way towards Steve.

"GET BACK!" Amanda was furious. Jesse looked up momentarily, but it was clear she had things under control. "I'm not sure what's gone on here, but he is not violent or dangerous, and he will be taken to Community General! Please, Captain Newman, clear this room!"

Newman nodded to his officers who commenced moving the crowd away. He too was stunned by the scene and he could only hope that the Sloans would survive.

"How is he?" After checking Steve's vitals and making sure he was breathing, Amanda could do little until the paramedics arrived to take him to Community General. She had no idea what drugs were in his system and as long as he was stable, she couldn't do much until he was safely away. She stroked Steve's forehead gently, as she watched Jesse's frantic first aid motions to help Mark. She looked down at the now peaceful face of her friend, shuddering to think what would happen when he realized what he'd done, and even worse, if Mark didn't make it. Having no idea what Steve had been given, she wasn't even sure he would make it. His breathing rate was shallow and rapid, although currently stable.

Jesse was pale and tense as he looked up. "He's losing a lot of blood…"

He was interrupted by the arrival of the ambulance.

No one tried to stop Jesse as he assisted with loading Mark in the ambulance, but it wasn't quite so easy for Amanda. It was clear the institute staff didn't want Steve to be taken away.

"For the last time, he's a dangerous man, he needs to be here!"

"Forget it, he's going to Community General too." Amanda snapped.

The Chief Medical Officer of Hampstead said they hadn't heard the end of this.

"You bet your life this isn't the end of it! But it is the end of Steve's time here!" Amanda hissed back.

oooooo

Amanda sat by Steve's bed, holding his hand, still utterly horrified and shocked at what had happened. Steve had started showing signs of regaining consciousness and she needed to be there when he woke up. She couldn't even imagine what he had been through and, with Jesse still in surgery with Mark, she knew it was important that a friendly face was there when he did finally open his eyes. The vial she'd brought back had been tested and it was an extremely volatile mixture of anti-psychotic medication that was not designed to be taken together and Steve's blood tests had shown a high level in his system. His heart monitor showed his vitals stabilizing slowly, although his pulse and blood pressure was still far too high. The fact he was showing signs of waking up, seemed promising although it was still a waiting game, and the emotional damage caused by his outrageous treatment was a whole other ballgame. She looked at him sleeping, and wasn't sure how they were going to help him understand what had happened and why he'd stabbed his father.

Jesse finally joined them. He looked exhausted but he managed a weak grin.

"Mark's out of surgery. He lost a lot of blood but fortunately the stabbing missed vital organs. He's going to be sore and sorry for awhile, but he'll be okay." Jesse whispered, also looking at the inert face of his best friend. They were all going to have a rough time coming to terms with this one.

Amanda sighed. "Thank God… hey, Steve…" She leaned forward as she saw Steve trying to open his eyes.

Steve looked at Amanda and Jesse, completely baffled as to what happened. He felt heavy and dazed but he looked around the room. His dad? Where was his dad?

"Dad? Where's dad?" Steve could barely whisper. "What happened…"

"It's okay, Steve, really it is. Everything is going to be fine." Amanda spoke soothingly. Steve was slightly agitated but relaxed under her calming voice.

Jesse moved quickly over to him. "Hey, buddy, how are you doing?" Jesse asked, but Steve was fading out already.

"Dad….where's dad…" Steve whispered as he drifted off again. Jesse and Amanda exchanged concerned glances.

"I'm going to run a few checks on him," Jesse buzzed the nurse to come in.

"Not entirely surprised he doesn't remember what happened, but at least he did wake up." Amanda nodded in agreement and she thought that it was probably best if Steve was stronger before he did recall the horrific events. She continued to hold his hand as Jesse examined him.

After he finished, Jesse wrote a few notes in the chart.

"Jess?" Amanda was concerned at his serious countenance.

Jesse sighed. "His blood pressure is still very high, as is pulse rate, but until he's fully awake, it's impossible to know what's been done. Have you heard any details about his treatments? Or what happened to him?"

"No, Cheryl is still talking to the institute and getting details. But he's been through hell, that's obvious." Amanda stroked Steve's head as he stirred.

"I can't believe he stabbed Mark…" Jesse's voice broke.

"But it wasn't his fault, you know that!" Amanda rebuked gently.

"I know, but I just spent a tough couple of hours in surgery with Mark. I'm sure he's going to be okay but the injuries he sustained are nothing to sneeze at, especially in a man of his age. I was so angry…" Jesse faltered. "but then I remembered the condition Steve was in and I….I never thought I was capable of killing anyone but if I had a chance with that quack who did this….I don't know how Steve is going to forgive himself."

Amanda stood up and hugged him. "I know, I understand your confusion and emotions. But we've got to be strong for them both. Mark won't blame him, but Steve's certainly going to blame himself."

Amanda sat down again, taking hold of Steve's hand. "I don't know how we're going to get through this, but we will and Mark will help Steve. I have to believe that."

"I'm going back to check on Mark in Recovery. I'll be back once I've made sure everything is still okay." Jesse said softly.

00000

When Jesse returned, he found Amanda still sitting by Steve's bed, holding his hand and whispering to their sleeping friend everything would be okay. She looked up at his arrival and he grinned weakly.

"Yeah, he's still fine, everything is stabilizing nicely."

Steve was becoming aware of voices and he slowly opened his eyes. Although his vision remained blurry, he could see the outlines of his friends talking softly.

"Dad?" he whispered.

"Just relax Steve…." Amanda gently touched his forehead. But Steve's mind was a bit clearer this time and he had a sinking feeling that something was very wrong. Images were flashing through his mind, memories of his captivity although he couldn't quite get his mind to work. He looked at his bandaged wrist knowing something truly appalling had happened.

He shook his head. "Where's dad? He's always here when I'm sick or hurt." A violent and vivid flashback hit Steve and he recoiled from Amanda's gentle contact.

"Oh my God! I stabbed him!" Steve sat up, fighting against the dizziness and weakness. "Where is he? Please, oh please tell me I didn't kill him." Steve was aghast at the memory as images started to weave through his mind. No….No….his brain screamed as realization returned but when Amanda pulled him into her arms he made no initial attempt to pull away.

Jesse bit down on his lip at Steve's obvious distress and shock. "He'll be okay, Steve. He's in Recovery right now as we had to operate, but he really will be okay."

Steve pulled away from Amanda's embrace and lay back down. The expression on his face was stricken and horrified. "I stabbed my dad, Jess, how will everything be okay?" After a couple of minutes uncomfortable silence, Steve spoke again. "I need to see him. I don't know what to say to him, but I really need to see him."

Jesse nodded his head. He wasn't surprised and he also knew if they tried to stop him, Steve would find his own way down to Recovery. He brought in a wheelchair that had been sitting outside his door but he wasn't prepared for Steve's strong reaction. Steve looked at it in revulsion and shook his head.

"I'm not using that!"

"Sorry, Steve, hospital rules. Besides which, I think you'll find you don't have the strength to make it on your own. Please, humor us." Jesse's face was uncharacteristically serious with no teasing in his voice at all.

Steve knew he was being stupid as he sat up feeling very dizzy and he was also astonishingly weak. He was aware that he almost certainly couldn't walk any distance unaided so he may as well give in gracefully as he wanted and needed to see his dad. Amanda and Jesse helped him out of bed and into the chair, exchanging glances at Steve's flinching as he sat down. They wondered at his reactions, but they weren't about to ask him any difficult questions.

"What happened to me?" Steve's words were soft as he was wheeled out of his room.

Amanda responded equally quietly. "You were given a mixture of psychiatric drugs that were never meant to be combined. You're lucky to be alive…" She couldn't continue.

"Yeah, real lucky…That's why I stabbed my dad." Steve went silent, still grappling with the enormous repugnance of what he had done.

"It wasn't your fault, Steve. No one could have resisted those drugs and you thought Mark was attacking you. You were probably hallucinating," Jesse spoke up, wanting to comfort his best friend but knowing it was impossible.

"My dad, the best dad in the world who has never hurt a living soul. How could I be so drugged that I would hurt him?" Steve bit back a sob. The whole scenario was a nightmare.

"Steve, it was the drugs, not you. You know your dad won't blame you and the important thing is you're both going to be okay. It might take some time to come to terms with…." Amanda spoke firmly.

"Come to terms with stabbing my wonderful dad! Yeah, it might take some time. It would have been better had I not made it. He wouldn't be where he is if I hadn't." Steve couldn't be comforted and didn't want to feel better, especially as he was wheeled into the room where his father lay recovering. He gasped at the machine Mark was hooked up to, and the IV drip and the fact his father looked every bit his age.

"Steve, don't think that for one moment. None of us, especially your dad, would ever think that." Jesse said strongly. He exchanged a worried glance with Amanda. "You know that's true, so don't go there, buddy."

"Jess, he looks terrible…" Steve whispered, giving no indication whether he heard Jesse's words.

Jesse was well aware of the lack of acknowledgement but he was also aware that it was going to take Mark to get through to Steve, so he didn't push the matter. "Don't panic, Steve. We've got him hooked up to a heart monitor as a precaution. We have no reason to worry, he's come through surgery with flying colors."

Steve shook his head. "I guess this is what he feels like when he sees me lying helpless in bed."

"Yeah, and he's had to see that lots of time!" Jesse quipped.

"But I've never been in the hospital because of him. I did this, Jess; it's my fault he's here. He didn't want me to take the case but I just had to." Steve took hold of Mark's hand and rubbed it gently. "I wish I could turn back time."

Jesse and Amanda exchanged another sad glance. They knew there was little more they could say. It was going to take Mark to help Steve through this. They both knew he wouldn't blame Steve for his injury, but it was going to take him to convince his stubborn son of this fact. They decided to leave them alone for awhile.

Steve drifted off to sleep holding Mark's hand. Mark opened his eyes, startled and confused at the pain he was in. He looked over and saw his son and memories came flashing back. He squeezed Steve's hand and Steve was awake instantly.

"I'm sorry, dad." Steve whispered.

Mark just grinned tiredly at him. "It's okay, Steve…." But he drifted off almost immediately.

Steve watched him sleep and for the first time he understood how his father felt when he was in the hospital. The helplessness, the frustration and the fear. Maybe it was time to make some changes.