Greetings to our beautiful readers! We just wanted to warn ya'll that there are going to be some triggers in the chapter dealing with cutting.
Sam sits quietly with Mae for several long moments after Dean walked off; her hand still in his, her head still resting on his shoulder. "You know, I think you're right. She really is a foul woman." He says in an attempt to get her to look at him.
Mae sits up and turns to face him before she replies in a very defeated tone, "Today was actually a pretty good visit, all things considered. Lilly didn't even get assaulted." With that, she slumps forward onto the table, her head coming to rest on her crossed arms.
"Mae?" Sam leans forward to check on her. "Mae, what's wrong?" He asks as he shakes her gently.
"I'm just really tired. Confrontation drains me." She rolls her head to the side to look at him. "Sorry Sam, I just really hate having today start like this."
"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He apologizes, attempting to use a different approach to cheer her up.
Mae sits back in her chair, "You didn't. I mean, I know you were just pretending for Regina's sake. But I thought it was fun. You'd make a great boyfriend." She says with a smile, putting a great deal of emphasis on the word boyfriend.
"Oh yeah, sure I'd make a great boyfriend." Sam snorts, taken aback with her assessment. He had nothing to offer a girl like her.
Mae watches him for a long moment, carefully reading the emotional current of his mood. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
"Mae, I think you're amazing, but the kind of life I'm leading isn't really a life that uh, lets me have the things I want. I've always wanted a normal life where monsters under the bed were simply the product of a child's imagination and not something that can actually kill you. But, I tried to get out. And the more I think about it, the more I realise that Dad and Dean have always been right. You can't get out of the life. So, it's not fair for me to admit that I like you."
"You kind of just did." Mae points out with a growing smile, throwing out all doubts. "The thing is, I like you too… and I'm ok with not defining us. I don't need a title for us. I can be a bit of a free spirit like that. So yeah, I like you. And I'm ok with that being enough for now. I'm ok with the distance that you'll travel. I'm ok with the times we won't get to talk. I'm ok with you knowing where I am and coming home when you can. And later on when things change, I'll be ok with that too. I'll always be honest about my feelings if you will."
Sam just looks her deep in the eyes. "Mae, you're so beautiful. I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm going to wait until you're not tired from an emotional… whatever that was." Instead, he pulls her out of her chair and into his arms, content to simply hold her. "I'll always be honest with you too."
.12.
Hufflepuff where are you?
Lilly, Don't make me play this game.
Lilly I'm giving you three seconds to text me back.
Lilly I swear I will drag dirt all over the carpet…
Hufflepuff? Goddamn it, Just tell me where you are.
Dean texts Lilly, very concerned for the girl. He really hadn't gotten the full picture that Mae had been painting until that super awkward tea time. This was just another reason to hate mornings. He does a sweep of the bottom part of the house; finding no traces of the girl before he trudges upstairs.
Lilly stares at her phone upset that she had managed to break two this week, that was a record, even for her. She had seen that it was Dean calling a second too late and had already slammed it onto her table thinking it was her mother, but was just too far gone to care.
Lilly worries with a panic as she grabs a post-it note and quickly writes a note, leaving it and her phone outside her door. He's gonna to be so mad.
Sorry thought it was Regina-
Lilly
Of all the shit Regina had ever pulled, that was by far the lowest. It wasn't even surprising at this point; Regina always found a way to get under her skin.
Lilly simply didn't know how to handle it. So like any other sane person she locked herself in her room. Then preceded to lock herself in the bathroom for good measure. She turned on the tepid water and sat under it in fetal position where she and her razor had a staring contest. She told herself it's like every other normal, well-adjusted human would do.
Really it had been months since she had cut, and she certainly didn't feel like doing it with two extra pairs of eyes in the house. She was over it. Well, she had thought she was. Maybe her therapist Marie was right; addiction never truly went away. She pulled herself into a tighter ball and cringed when she wrapped her arms tighter around her middle. Her wrist now pulsing with pain, she frowned; it had just started to get better too.
Her good hand reached for the razor several times only to be reigned back in, fighting the temptation. She shrugs, wondering if anyone would even be able to tell the difference. What was one more scar marring her already ugly skin? She could always just lie about it. It's not like the brothers knew, and Mae hadn't caught her in years.
"God's damn it!"
She finds her razor somehow gripped in her hand, tightly as one would hold a life line. She stared at it. Contemplating how easy it would be to pop the blade out of it's holder. Alright how about this… if I really need this, it can wait til later, the last thing I need is a Winchester up my ass about this too. I don't think they would understand...
Suddenly, she hears a loud knock. Not really so much a knock as a loud bang. Cursing to herself she quickly puts the razor in the soap holder, out of her 'reach'.
"Fuck off!" Lilly calls out eventually.
"Lilly! open this damn door, or I'm inviting myself in." Dean calls out even as he kneels down and starts picking the lock.
She groans and pulls into herself tighter. "Gods…" She breathes out before screaming back. "Dean, I thought you were anti-chick flick moments. Fuck off!"
Dean glares at the voice coming from behind the door as the last tumbler falls in place. "Yahtzee." Ignoring the girl's yelling he gives her one last chance. "Hufflepuff, open the door or I'm coming in."
"I'm showering Dean! Fuck! Gimme a damn break. I'll come out when I'm fucking ready." Lilly shouts back angrily, no doubt in her mind that he would just bust down the door like the uncivilized dick he is.
Dean shakes his head. "Not on your life, Hufflepuff, not after that scene." Though, if he were honest, he'd feel better if Mae were nearby. He was still reeling from how angry he'd gotten at Lilly's Mother. "You have two minutes. I'm gonna to be right back." He says as he takes off downstairs to go find Mae.
He skids to a stop several feet behind where Sam and Mae were sitting together. Happy for both of them, he sends his brother two thumbs up. "Finally!"
Sam just glares at him, not amused. Mae was curled up in his lap, her face tucked into his shoulder while he rubbed her arm. He didn't want the fragile moment to end, but he knew Dean wouldn't have just abandoned his search for Lilly.
Dean, realising he was interrupting a moment, turned and walked back into the house.
Sam stares after his brother quizzically for a moment before the pieces click. If Dean found Lilly, how was he talking to her without Mae. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten, but then looking to the girl in his arms he smiles sheepishly; holding Mae was quite the distraction.
"Do you mind if we do this upstairs? Dean's trying to talk to Lilly." Then thinking about what he just said blushes and sputters out. "Not like that though…"
Mae giggles quietly, "I knew what you meant. Yeah, we should go and see if we can help. At the least I need to be nearby." She stands up reluctantly, reaching a hand back to Sam with a happy smile.
.13.
Lilly sighs and takes the full two minutes to drag herself out of the bathroom and quickly change into new clothes. Her irritation with the whole situation and herself was palpable. I could just quickly relocate myself and not have to deal with this… I think I would be cool as a hermit. I could never talk to anyone again. I don't really need them… But I'd miss Mae. And Bobby. And the kids from the home… Damn it. This is super awkward… She thinks as she shoves her face into the pillow containing her childhood blanket, it's familiar scent sooths her frayed nerves.
"Alright hufflepuff you better be out of the damn shower…" She hears Dean grumble more to himself than her. Storming past her to the bathroom door when he notices the shower is empty, nothing out of place, but her razor and a knocked over shampoo bottle. He frowns at it for several moments before he storms back out, only to spot her curled into a small ball blending into her comforter.
"So? Ready to talk then?" He asks her as her golden eyes shine from behind her pillow case.
"Not particularly…" He barely hears her mumble as she ducks behind her pillow once more. "What's up?"
"What's up? That's all you gotta say?" Dean asks. He crosses his arms and stares down at the girl in question in utter disbelief.
Lilly sighs and nuzzles into her pillow. "Sorry. That was an awkward situation. My bad. Regina is awful most times, but today she was quite literally the worst, so… Cuntastic."
"Well, we all have parental issues don't we?" He raises one eyebrow questioningly.
"I don't have parental issues." Lilly mumbles into her pillow, still only peeping at him from behind it.
"Sure you don't, Hufflepuff. Is that why you agreed to more one-on-one time with Mother Dearest?" Dean asks, his face projecting all of the disapproval.
She groans and hides behind the pillow again. Dean schools the smile spreading across his features back into a hardened frown. As he stares, he recognizes that he getting more annoyed with her and it could easily become anger. "I'll be right back. You. Stay. There." He demands and rushes out to find Sam and Mae lounging on the stairs. "Hey guys" he says hands on his knees as he takes gulping breaths of air trying to temper himself. After several seconds, he feels back to normal, so he salutes the other two and walks back to Lilly's room.
"Right.. So you were telling me why you agreed to that." Dean asks and resumes his arms-crossed, hovering, glaring at her.
"Cause she's family... I mean, She's my mom Dean. What'd you want from me? Is she perfect? No, not by a fucking long shot, but.. Yeah." Lilly says as she adjusts on the bed, shifting to sit indian style and hugs the pillow to her chest.
"For starters, you could listen to the people around you that you trust." Dean says, his face set in unusual seriousness.
Lilly frowns. "That's not fair. Dean she's my mom, I trust her too, to a certain point, at least… I mean as much as I can trust anyone who isn't Mae."
"You didn't seem too happy earlier when Mae was insisting on not letting her in the house." Dean points out.
"It's just easier to do what she wants." Lilly mumbles into her pillow, shoving her face into it. "She's tenacious as fuck."
"Is that where you get it?" He smirks.
Lilly immediately sits up at that, looking as if she had been slapped. "I am not that bad." She defends.
"Rii-iight. Anyway, look, after what I just saw out there, I'm not comfortable with you being alone with her." Dean raises his hand defensively, as if shoving something to the side. "I know you love her and she's your mom and all, but your curse or whatever it is requires a few boundaries. An' she's either completely oblivious or sees them and doesn't care."
Lilly frowns. "It's not like most people readily accept curses Dean, and she even apologized a couple'a times. I don't care. I can't care. When people do what they do, I wouldn't even be having this conversation if I held grudges for everyone who's ever decked me…" She pointedly comments and eyes him indignantly.
"I get it Lilly. I know you don't hold people responsible for the effects. But…" Dean holds up a finger at her, "One sec." He turns and walks out of her room, being sure to not even let the 'vibe' get beyond irritation.
Lilly tilts her head. Where the hell does he keep running off to? Wait, he hasn't gone off the whole time he's been talking to me. Oh Gods! He's taking breaks. Huh. That's too perfect…. Lilly thinks sardonically, even though she finds it endearing that he's making the effort. Not many really bothered when it came down to it, it was pretty much an unspoken fact that any time spent around her was going to set people off.
Dean takes a few breaths outside in the hall.
"Everything going ok with her?" Mae asks quietly.
"Yep, everything's apple pie ok. Mmmm, pie…" Dean shakes his head and turns back towards Lilly's room.
"Alright Hufflepuff. I know you blame yourself, but come on. River accepted this- whatever it is- and went out of her way to make life easier for you. Bobby wouldn't admit this, but has spent hours researching and trying to figure out how ta help you- cause you're his family."
"River was immune and Bobby's a hunter. Regina and Dale are as far removed from those two things as possible…" Lilly counters quietly even as she thinks about how nice that was of Bobby to do.
"Just cause she was immune doesn't mean it was normal for her to believe in curses. I mean, they aren't a common day occurrence. But, anyway, my point is that the people who love you don't wanna see you getting hurt. An' sure as shit, they don't go shoving you into those situations. I-"
"But, most people who care end up doing it anyways… I mean, try as they might, I'm like a breathing punching bag. It sucks sure, but I mean, half the time I don't even care anymore. I just avoid other people like the plague. Regina needs me to do this stupid thing. An' honestly, I want her to get governor regardless of the costs to me because it means getting her out of this stupid town. It's a win-win for Mae and me." Lilly interrupts as she places her chin on the pillow.
"Lilly. One, I wasn't finished explaining my point. Two, no one is saying that you can't go do what she wants you to do." Dean lists out on his fingers in exasperation.
"Well honestly I don't want Mae near Regina. They can't stand one another. Personally, I don't get it. No one ever dislikes Mae, I'm actually baffled to how that ever happened, it goes that far against nature. I hate how Regina treats her."
"Thanks, that's actually my point. Everyone around you knows that things're better with Mae around you. But for some reason, your mother absolutely can not tolerate Mae and works to get the two of you separated. One sec." Dean says as he hurriedly walks out of the room.
"Ok. Pow-wow time." Dean says as he walks over to help His brother and Mae to their feet.
"In her room?" Sam asks, worried about setting off another OCD episode.
"She hasn't moved from the bed since we started talking, so... Yep. In her room." Dean whispers as they get closer to the door.
Lilly digs her fingers into her pillowcase thumbing her blanket for comfort at she waits for Dean to cool down. When he finally comes back, she notices her two other roommates accompanying him. Lilly twists the blanket in her hands and grips it tightly.
"Hey Lilly, it's cool if Sam and I come in too right?" Mae asks not wanting to invade her friend's privacy.
"Why not? It's not like this will be any less comfortable with two more people." Lilly mumbles as she shoves her face into her pillow.
Mae smiles at her friend's tone, pulls Sam into the room with her and takes a seat on the bed next to her friend.
"Right. No more interruptions. Straight to the point. Lilly, you already know that we think the problem you experience is a curse. What we need you to consider is that we also think Mae is cursed."
Lilly picks up her head and folds both her hands over the pillow and stares at Dean blankly. Blinking at him. "What? Are you an idiot? She ain't cursed."
Mae also gives the brothers a blank stare, "What?"
The brothers exchanged a glance before Sam walks over to kneel next to the bed. "Think about it. Even if River and Mae were immune to your curse, don't you think it's strange that she was able to figure out the best way to balance it, or even accept how strange it was? Maybe it's because she herself had been cursed."
"No, River was just awesome like that. She always, she knew things intuitively, just like Mae does. I just think she was like a complete badass or something…. Ooh maybe she was a hunter too? Maybe psychic? Fuck if I know…. Plus wouldn't it be super improbable that two families in Sioux Fall of all Gods-forsaken places, are cursed? And so differently? And on top of all that; I wouldn't exactly call Mae's and River's abilities a curse..." Lilly adds, skepticism clear in her tone.
"The things that can cause curses can hold grudges for different reasons, or maybe you were both cursed by different things. Look, we haven't worked it all out yet, but we are working this theory. It's harder to pin Mae's curse because she tries to always be with you." Dean adds as he leans against Lilly's bookshelf.
"Okay… But you two have been left alone with her, way more than you've been left alone with me, for, you know, obvious reasons." Like her not being cursed… wait unless, Mae, you didn't tell them about your empathy did you? Gods Damn it. I thought we weren't going to tell them about it or something. "You told them? I thought we weren't..." Lilly whispers frantically to Mae, confused.
"Tell them what?" Mae asks in confusion, finally speaking up.
Lilly looks around the room seeing everyone's confusion. "Um, nothing. Never mind." Oh shit biscuits.
"I'll let that slide for now, back to the point. Mae's been talking to us for a while now. You're right, we both get to spend a lot more one-on-one time with her than we do with you. And something we've noticed is that she has a pull about her. I feel protective, like she's my little sister. Bobby says he treats her like a niece or daughter when he's alone with her. And Sam… well, we can talk about that later." Dean glares at Lilly as she interrupts him, again.
"Are you sure that just isn't you guys not being able to recognize normal people emotions… Cause I mean, pretty sure those are normal emotions… I see her as a little sister. Bobby's her Gods damn god father, why wouldn't he feel protective of her? He was one of the few people in this town River spoke highly of..." Lilly asks tone completely skeptical, at a loss for how that's a curse.
"The flip side is we know of a few times where Mae was confronted by people who were not friendly. She doesn't incite anger or rage, but she does... Something." Dean continues, ignoring her comment.
"I mean I get it's shocking, I do, cause honestly I can't wrap my head some asshole wanting to hurt my sister either, but sometimes people can be just as bad as other monsters…" Lilly interrupts again still at a loss for how bad timing is a curse.
"Here's another strange thing Lilly. I get angry a lot. I mean like, I'm angry all the time. But Mae seems to cancel it out." Sam adds trying to explain it to Lilly.
"And how exactly is that a fuckin' curse?" Lilly asks slowly still trying to understand, what they were getting at.
"We think Mae enhances people's natural instincts. I have something wrong with me that has lately made me angry all the time, but Mae helps me to be who I really am. But, someone who has, I don't know, a sociopathic personality would have bad instincts enhanced." Sam says, grabbing ahold of Mae's hand. Though he's unsure if the action was more for his sake or hers.
Lilly tilts her head, baffled at the Winchester's logic. "That's stupid. An' you dicks can't prove it right or wrong. But, I mean come on. Does Mae look like the manipulative kind to you? And why in the world would that be a curse? That sounds like the stupidest, most ineffective fucking curse ever. You two are idiots."
Dean gives her a squelching glare. "Whatever, your belief or disbelief in this isn't the important thing right now. Our point is that it all comes down to this fact. There is something wrong with the way Regina interacts with the two of you. So you should never, ever be alone with her. You are going to go do the things she's asked of you, because you're you. But please, for the love of God, don't get separated." Dean says, attempting to get back on track.
"That means you too Mae. I heard what she said to you." Sam adds, gently turning her to look at him.
"I just don't think it's fair to subject Mae to that. Well anyone to that reall-Wait, what did Regina say now?" Lilly starts before she catches Sam's words and redirects her statement, guilt twisting her insides.
"Don't worry about it Lilly. I can deal with it." Mae says softly. "Did you get to look at your letter yet?" She adds, trying to distract her.
"Well you shouldn't have to." Lilly says frustrated. "And no, I didn't think about it. I'll look at the stupid thing later. It couldn't have been that important if it got sent there, she was probably just looking for an excuse to guilt trip me and check on us..."
"Hey, I need a promise from you both that you will very clearly set the boundary of not being separated while you're with her. Tell your mom straight that Mae helps to keep people from going crazy around you. I want her to understand that this is for your well being. And the first time she tries to separate you, you leave. Both of you. That's what I need to hear and believe you'll do, and then we can go get this day started right." Dean says, his tone and stance booking no arguments.
Mae frowns but says the words. "I promise."
Lilly shrugs. "Fine."
"Ah ha uh, no I need the promise." Dean says .
Resisting an overwhelming urge to roll her eyes Lilly sighs out a "Fine. I promise."
