Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.

~Kelly Clarkson, Because of You


He had never told anyone, never trusted anyone else with what he was telling her. Chewie only knew back as far as Dewlanna, but that was all he knew. He didn't know the in-betweens. This is what he and Bria had never discussed; what Xaverri had craved so much. Leia had never even asked when he knew he wanted to tell her. He knew instinctively that she would understand.

"My father was an abusive alcoholic," he said, "to put it nicely." And the rest slowly poured out of his soul. Slowly and painfully the memories that he had kept suppressed came out of his mouth, spilling into the open air. She never pressured him as he told her every detail of his life. "He killed my mother, and arranged for my brother…he sold him.

"His name was Jase, he was my best friend, my sidekick. We did everything together. We didn't have anyone else. The kids in my neighborhood were told to stay away from the Solos, we were a bad lot. It wasn't our fault, but that's the way it was. I hope he's dead, or that he escaped. I can't imagine what it would be like for him to have ended up…" he trailed off.

He told her about running away and how Shrike had picked him up off the street after he had stolen a swoop. "He thought I had potential. He was right." He told her about the races, how he let all his anger towards his father out during them, how he won. He told her about Dewlanna and Taren, how Shrike found out about his relationship with them. Dewlanna was like his mother, and Taren was his love interest. He told her how Shrike had demanded that he kill Taren, and how he had said no. He told her that Shrike had killed Dewlanna as he ran away. How Taren was gone too. He told her about rescuing himself and Bria, and about the Navy. He told her it was his only choice at the time. He was a good pilot, and a good officer, and it paid.

She knew who Bria was, because of the Rebellion, though she didn't let on how well she knew her. She didn't know he was in the Navy.

"Look up Vykk Draygo in your Imperial records," he said. "It's all right there."

He told her how he rescued Chewie, and how he was royally booted out of the Imperial Navy for the act. He told her how he and Chewie were a team after that, and they took to smuggling for a living. When she asked why he chose that, he answered her the same way he answered the Rebels. "Because I'm good at it." He told her about some of his bigger runs, the narrow escapes. Then he told her how Bria double crossed him when he met her again. She told him the truth.

"Bria lied about her orders," she said, suddenly interrupting him.

"She lied?" Han asked. "I should've known better…but how do you know?"

"Because I gave them to her. The first major operative I commanded. I picked the best. Bria and her Red Hand Squadron were just that, the best we had. I didn't know that she stole your profit. By the time she returned, I was away, doing other things, and someone else had taken over my position as her commanding officer. I would say that she would be demoted, but she died, committed suicide rather, a few months before you rescued me."

"Sounds a little bit like you," Han muttered, "except she was a bit more careless than you've ever been."

He told her about how he won the Falcon. "Most glorious game of Sabacc ever played." He told her about Xaverri and how he told her to leave rather than hurt her the was his father had hurt his mother, all the way up to rescuing her. But he didn't tell her why he came back.

She had listened to every word. When he was finished, she kissed him. A long slow kiss. And when she pulled away, she said, "I love you."

"Leia, I'm sorry," was his response.

If she was taken aback, she didn't show it. She stood up and walked out to the railing that surrounded the balcony of their Ewok hut. The mist clung to her, he smiled at the view. "For what, Han?"

"For hurting you," he said, in a way that made it clear she should've known. But she didn't turn back to him. "All those times, it's just—"

"—hard to trust after everything that's happened to you," he saw the corner of her mouth turn upward into a smile. "I know."

"I shouldn't have done that to you. But you had to know, what you were getting into," he said.

At this she did turn around to face him, "And who, Han Solo, says I was the one getting into anything?" She smiled. "Maybe, that was you."

He smiled and kissed her. They watched the forest for a long time in silence, letting the sounds of the night surround them.

"Han," she said softly, "remember that night? When I came to the Falcon in the middle of the night, and you were awake?"

He nodded.

"What I wanted to say, I'm sorry."

"I know."

"Han, why did you come back?"

He looked into her eyes for a few seconds. "For freedom."


Freedom was why he was now a general. Freedom was why he was in a suit. Freedom was why he was on the bridge of this damn ship, while she was on Coruscant. Freedom for her people, her cause. Freedom was in her eyes. That's why he had come back, and that's why he was here now.


There's the next four installments. Eight more. Loving every minute of working on this again.