Lifeless

Chapter 11

Choice

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"Where have you gone? What have you done?
A voice commands from high above this earth.
From the soil I hear your blood cry out to me."


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Inuyasha.

Why did you leave me?

WHY!

Kagome's eyes surged open as a tidal wave of emotions consumed her.

Hate.

She knew it was wrong. She knew it was unfair. But she knew it was inside her. All of this was Kikyo's fault her hate told her. If it wasn't for her she could be with Inuyasha. Inuyasha would be with her. Inuyasha would love her. Not the woman she had killed. But no, her heart would reply. It was her own fault. If she'd never been captured by Urasae... If she'd only been smarter. If only... But no, the past could not redone, even with her powers she couldn't change the circumstances that they were forced into.

Loneliness.

For so many decades, she had not felt the embrace of a friend, let alone a lover. Thirty years had gone by, and not once had she really, truly smiled. Not once, had she really, truly, been happy. For Kagome couldn't be happy on her own. To be happy meant to be with someone. Whether family, friend, or lover. And now that she had the opportunity. The opportunity to need someone, to be needed by someone. How could she refuse?

Loss.

She had lost everything. Friends. Family. The boy who would never return her love. Even herself. And worst of all, she could never have it back. Time had taken it all away. Time, fate, and perhaps Destiny. The memories taunted her. Like the schoolyard bully you dreamed of beating but never could. How long had she wished to reunite with the monk and demon exterminator? Forever. How long would she continue to wish for the inevitable? Forever.

Why couldn't things have stayed as they were? Why did Sesshomaru have to tempt her so?

Anyone who passed by would not see her inner turmoil. They would only see a twenty year old girl.

Covered in blood.

Kagome had cut herself. It was the only way. The only way to free a little bit of the pain, a little bit of the agony. And yet, it hadn't made her decision any clearer. If anything it had only cluttered her mind more. But she had continued to cut herself. She couldn't stop. It was like smoking back in her world. One would endure all the pain, just for a little bit of freedom.

And that freedom meant the world to Kagome.

Glancing up, she saw the sun was halfway through its journey. How long did she have left? Who even cared.

Kagome did.

How was she supposed to choose between a lifetime of loneliness or a chance to be the brother's mate of the boy she loved.

The boy she would love forever. But the boy she couldn't and wouldn't let herself have.

Her claw quickly sliced her arm lightly and Kagome's eyes darkened as the small bit of release filled her. But the question was still in her mind: What was she going to do?

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"I've come here to kill you,
Won't leave until you've died.
Murder born of vengeance,
I'll close my brothers eyes tonight..."