AUTHOR: atlas-workbench
11th of September, 2014 - Verse by the Side of the Road
The endless ribbon of road stretched forever onward before them. The blue sky was infinite and the warm tar smell with a hint of honeysuckle wafted through the car. The idyllic landscape did nothing to improve the mood of the two occupants of the vehicle.
"This is stupid," said England pointedly glaring at the driver.
"It's not my fault," America shot back.
"Clearly it is – the world meeting is in America."
"And as much as I love all of me," said America. "Even I don't like it when the boss fingers a smaller town for the conference … especially not when one of us decides to put up a fuss about things."
England rolled his eyes and redirected his ire at the passing landscape.
"Especially when it is you without your tea," America said. He reached over and gave England a pat on the knee to try and make them both feel better.
"I am not that bad," England said.
"You almost elbowed Germany in the face today."
"He was looking a bit off and I didn't appreciate his attitude toward certain subjects," England said.
"You were tea deprived and now I have to drive us to the next town over to see if they have anything "cultured" enough for you," said America. "It's for the greater good. I am such a hero."
"If we even make it to the next town," England said as the car took on a railroad crossing without slowing down. "You drive like a mad man!"
"There's no one around … we're good."
"I feel like your car is going to fall apart."
"And here I thought you enjoyed my Packard with its fun bright red hexagons on the hubcaps! Sure it's a bit 1920s and it's not new like my Ford V-8 but it's still a good ride."
Not wanting to delve into that kettle of fish the duo drove on in silence until England noticed the scenery take on a more discernable blur.
"Why are you slowing down?" said England.
America's grin just kept getting bigger as the car continued to slow to a much more manageable pace.
"Alfred what is going on?" England said. He tried to follow where America was looking but couldn't tell what was so interesting about the upcoming stretch of road.
Then out of the corner of his eye he saw it - one lone red sign with white letters about 20 feet from the road.
"KEEP WELL," the sign read.
England cocked his eyebrow.
"That was odd," England said. "Do your people normally wish well to strangers on the road in the middle of nowhere?"
Before he could get his answer, he could just see another sign coming in to view.
"TO THE RIGHT," the sign read.
Before England could question again, America said, "I haven't read this one before!"
He did a series of funny taps on the steering wheel and wiggled around in his seat as if he wanted to be dancing instead of driving.
"OF THE ONCOMING CAR," the next sign read.
Not one to wait, America sped up after they read the sign and as soon as the next just barely came into view he slowed down again so that they could read the latest red and white sign.
"GET YOUR CLOSE SHAVES," the sign read.
Again America sped up and slowed down as yet another roadside sign came into view.
"FROM THE HALF POUND JAR," the sign read.
After this sign America returned to his previous break-neck speed. England figured the whole bizarre event was over.
"What the heck did we just – "
England cut himself off as another sign went whizzing past the car. He could barely read this one but the under-his-breath chant that America gave as they passed it gave England little doubt as to what it said.
"BURMA SHAVE."
"A crummy commercial," England said in disbelief.
"Hey!" America said. "They're awesome. You drive around in the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden – boom – there they are. I like looking at amber waves of grain as much as the next guy but they really help liven up the ride."
"Don't you think it odd to have roadside advertizing?" said England.
"Nope!" said America. "I think my favorite is "He played – a sax – had no B.O. – but his whiskers scratched – so she let him go – Burma Shave."
England sat in silence blinking owlishly at America for a few moments before commenting, "You do realize that my army just recently dropped the requirement for compulsory facial hair?"
England himself has sported a very nice mustache for almost 50 years because of those laws! He'd even kept it up during the Great War when most others decided it wasn't worth the trouble in such a mess and the laws changed. 1915 wasn't too terribly long ago. England absentmindedly stroked his upper lip in reminiscing. He barely caught the turn the conversation took.
"Yeah. That was awful," said America. "Kissing would have sucked."
The temperature of the car rose a little bit from the blushing both suddenly were doing.
"You wanted to kiss me even then?" England said.
"Especially then."
England hummed in appreciation. He shimmied closer to America and gave him a good long look.
He patted America's cheek and said, "You're just jealous that you can't grow one well," before sliding back over to his side of the car.
"I can too!" America said. His blush has spread all the way to his ears and the back of his neck.
"Sure thing love."
Author's Notes: Let it be known that Burma Shave signs are awesome. They were the first controlled effort in widespread highway advertizing in America. The signs always came in sets of 6 – a witty line divided in such a way to add suspense followed by the obligatory "Burma Shave" at the end. They started around 1926 and didn't stop until the early 1962 when TV and radio shook things up in a big way. This fic is set in 1935 – the year that the jingle on the signs in the fic came out. The jingle that America picked as his favorite is from 1933…it is probably not his favorite jingle but he's in his 1920s car, probably thinking about the 1920s because car radios are just starting to become a thing right about now (a very expensive thing that doesn't get cheaper or really take off well until the 1950s or so), and jazz is big in the 1920s so the one with the saxophone player is at the forefront of his mind. Also note that because this fic is set in 1935, World War I is called the Great War because there's no way the War to End All Wars was going to lead to another war. Lastly to be honest, I don't know much about facial hair in the military in a historical context other then for the Brits the transition is usually blamed on the Crimean War and WWI was such a mess that by 1915 there just wasn't time to bother with something so trivial as compulsory facial hair. For a full listing of all 600 official Burma Shave jingles read, "The Verse By the Side of the Road" by Frank Rowsome, Jr. – it's a super fast read and the jingles are so very worth it – it is also what I decided to name this fic after.
