Away from Atlantis

Disclaimer I don't own John, or Ronon, or Rodney, or Sam, or Teyla, or anyone... yet. I don't own Reunion. Simple I own nothing but how I torture the characters.

This story starts up after The Game and ignores Irresponsible. So Kolya is still alive.

Chapter 11 song The Pretender by the Foo Fighters

(Week fifteen of his change)

The last week had been hard, John had been interviewed by the IOA about the circumstances around Elizabeth's death, that had not been fun, at least it hadn't been Woolsey interviewing him, he would have made it worse somehow.

It once again struck him as worrisome about how easy it had been to walk into Elizabeth's... well what use to be her office, and download all the files she'd pulled from Carson's computer about his change and all the research done on it.

He then hid the downloaded files in his golf club bag, no one would look there he figured.

Colonel Samantha Carter had taken over the Atlantis post, he wasn't really sure what to think about that, but he was glad he hadn't been made leader of the expedition, that would not have worked well at all.

He'd also discovered why Michael had asked what he was, he'd had a nightmare about shooting Elizabeth and got up to wash the sweat off his face, but he was still upset over the dream, he'd looked up in the mirror after rinsing his face and found he had gold eyes. And they got even brighter gold as he freaked out. So, yeah, he hadn't got any more sleep that night. Once he calmed down some, he realized his eyes faded, so he tried meditating till he was calm, then he looked in the mirror, they were back to their normal color.

He came to conclude he shouldn't get angry unless he wanted someone to see them like that.

One big relief was that no matter how the IOA had treated him no one in Atlantis had held it against him, he'd gotten sympathy cards from many, some had tried to treat him normally, others like Dr. Keller had just given him hugs. The hugs were nice no matter how awkward.

Elizabeth's send off, had been the worse part. Everyone in Atlantis had showed, as he, Rodney, Lorne, General O'Neill who'd come from Earth simply for this, Zelenka who was chosen because he was a senior member of the expedition, Dr. Keller, and a guy John didn't remember his name from the cultural department, whom if rumors were right had dated Elizabeth for a brief time. All of them got to carry the empty coffin back to Earth.

They went to the funeral where a great many heads of state showed, but she had only a few friends on Earth that she didn't know through work, he thought that was the really tragedy. No real boyfriend, not many friends, he may count himself among them, but few here had ever seen her tease, or laugh a real laugh... or relax.

It was tragic.

But life or his went on.

(Week fifteen and two days)

He hated paperwork, HATED it! he really did. But with his job it was a necessary evil, oh, but it was evil. Really evil...

He sighed a sigh of relief, his financial report for the month was done.

Now he could do his normal check in with the training Marines.

He sent the laptop down, and stretched, then groaned he'd been at this for hours, ok only two and half, but still.

He left his office at a jog, it felt nice to move, as he jogged he said hi to a good number of people, who he thought of as friends. Stacie, she like him came from a more politically alined family, but she had gotten in to science rather than military, and no matter what Rodney said he could have friends who were girls whom he'd not slept with.

He stopped to talk to Jim Red-hawk, he really was a fun guy to talk to, he could talk about fighting the Goa'uld before he'd taken a finishing hit to the knee, he could walk just fine, but he could only run for maybe a minute before falling because his knee gave out, and on top of that he'd taken a staff shot to the chest and had limited mobility in his right arm. Jim had come with the expedition because he hadn't quite been ready to retire so he was offered a support staff position on the expedition.

He considered it a bit ironic that he had not considered coming to Pegasus galaxy until General O'Neill had threatened him, but now that he had, despite some major draw backs he had more friends then he'd ever had on Earth, he had a good post, and just about everyone on Atlantis respected him. Life was funny like that, till he thought about of the draw backs.

Watching the Marines was always fun, but today he felt the need to step in and correct the one of the men who was trying to do a throw. Sgt. McCoy had tried to throw Lt. Slomski over his back, it worked sort of, but the way he threw him almost sent him to the mat, because he'd overbalanced.

He normally didn't spar much with the grunts, mostly because if they beat him it would be hard to respect him as a CO, his exceptions being sparing with Ronon, Teyla and upon occasion Maj. Lorne. All of them phenomenal fighters if they beat him, well they beat just about everyone. He'd started taking lessons from Teyla on stick fighting so the other men wouldn't hesitate learning something that could save their life, but now it was a way to prove in a mission they didn't have to worry about him letting them down.

"Sergeant, do you know why that didn't work like you planned?"

Sgt. McCoy stepped back from the Lt. Slomski breathing a little hard, "Not really Sir."

He kicked his boots off, time for a little demo. "Come here Lt. Slomski, Sgt. McCoy you watch my feet closely and I'll show you."

McCoy backed off the mat, and Slomski bent his knees getting ready.

After a couple of fast blocks and feints Slomski landed a hit, but John got him in a hold, which he broke with a combo move of an elbow and kick.

They backed off and circled slowly, John had to admit if only to himself, this was fun.

Slomski thought he saw a chance, he charged. John knew this was the moment to use the throw, he slid his right foot forward and centered his weight over the knee, bracing himself with his left foot, he rolled his right shoulder down to take Slomski's weight, then he waited for him to reach him.

Slomski hit him, trying to bowl him over with his superior mass. John caught him with his shoulder in the chest and he straighten his supporting leg to throw Slomski to the ground, winding him.

The other men watching clapped, John leaned over Lt. Slomski, offering his hand.

"You okay Lt.?"

He watched the pained expression fade from the man's face, "Yeah I'm good Sir, just winded."

"Sorry," he might have used a little to much of his real strength.

Lt. Slomski expected his hand up, John pulled the man to his feet, who was unable to hide the grimace of pain at the motion of straightening, he curled in a little on himself holding his ribs.

"Lieutenant? Are you sure your okay?" Now he felt really guilty because he was now sure he'd cracked the Lieutenant's ribs.

"No, now that I'm on my feet I think you cracked a rib... or two."

John winced, "Sorry."

"Yeah, don't worry about it Sir, this isn't the first time it's happened sparing. But I think I'm done sparing for the day...or week."

John only caught the last part because of his hearing, that would teach him to spar hand to hand with anyone other then Ronon and Lorne. Lt. Slomski gathered up his stuff, refusing John's offer to carry his gear, and he left walking carefully.

John watched him go, when Sgt. McCoy came over to him. "Don't worry about him he's cracked his ribs four times already in the last six months, his bones heal crazy fast. Anyone else would have to be careful with their ribs for a month his are better in a week or two, he has the medical staff puzzled because he's broken ribs and been healed in three weeks rather then six." McCoy nodded seriously to his raised eyebrow, "It's true sir ask Dr. Keller."

"Well, back to the reason I cracked the good lieutenant's ribs, did you see what you were doing wrong with you feet?"

"I did Sir..."

(Three Hours Later)

John was meeting up with his team mates for their normal dinner get together, and from what he could see from the line for the mash potatoes Rodney had arrived first, which was unusual Teyla was normal the first one there.

He got his potatoes and joined Rodney, "Where's Teyla and Ronon?"

Rodney looked up from his Laptop, "What? Oh, right. They went looking for some more Satedans. Remember the rumors?"

Now that he thought of it, he did remember, it slipped his mind today, but Rodney had gone on.

"Now that you mention it they should be here, I heard they got back like an hour ago."

"And your sure nothing went wrong?" he asked, worried.

"Yes, it went well." Teyla's voice came from behind him, "Ronon found some long lost friends." she sat down next to him.

He turned to ask her if so where Ronon was when he saw her face, "Gee Teyla what happened?"

She had the beginnings of a black eye, and a badly split lip with a butterfly bandage on it, and a vivid purple-red bruise on her cheek.

She grimaced, "Ronon's friends did not like my asking questions without identifying myself."

"As in multiple people, who fight like Ronon?" he asked.

"Yes."

Rodney snorted in laugher, "Man you should have guessed who they were when they attacked. I mean think about how we met Ronon."

Teyla gave him the evil eye.

He stopped laughing.

John had to fight to contain his smirk, he focused the conversation. "If so, where's Ronon?"

Teyla sighed deeply, "He's trying to convince Col. Carter to let him bring his friends here."

"Why?" Rodney broke his silence.

"Well first, because their his friends, and secondly they claim to have intel on a Wraith Lab," she said quietly.

"Oh..." Rodney said.

Ronon joined them before any of them could say more, he set his tray down more firmly then strictly needed. They all knew that meant the meeting with Carter had not gone as well as he would have liked.

"So I take it, that the answer was a no?" he asked, knowing Ronon would either answer or flip out.

"We go back in two days to see how good their intel is." he growled, digging in to his plate full of food like it had done some great evil.

The table was quiet till Ronon asked about the rumor that said John had broke someone's ribs in a sparing match.

"Hey! I didn't break his ribs, I only cracked them and I'd didn't mean to either," he protested.

"So it's true?" Teyla questioned.

"Not really, one of the Marines tried to use a throw, he wasn't centered and over-balanced so I thought I'd show them how to do it. End result his partner cracked his ribs." He was well aware of how sheepish his voice sounded, but them laughing at him wasn't very nice. But he could stand being the butt of a joke if it helped his team relax, because he had a feeling times like this wouldn't last.

(Week fifteen and three days)

Ronon had mentioned to Teyla this morning that he was thinking of leaving Atlantis, for his Satedan friends.

So come lunch time, he joined Ronon for lunch. God he hated doing stuff like this, talking was not his strong point. He probably wouldn't be doing this if Teyla hadn't insisted. And when she insisted, he'd rather go with it then fight her... most times.

The first thing Ronon said, when he sat down was, "Teyla's talked to you, didn't she?"

Denying it would be pointless so he agreed, "Yes, we did talk."

"-Mmm. So let's hear it," Ronon said skeptically.

That tone almost hurt, it sounded like he'd already decided to leave. He sipped at his juice, "What do you mean?"

"Whatever you've got to say."

"I'm not going to say anything."

"Really?" his tone was so sarcastic, John had to defend himself.

"Really, 'cause you already know what I'm going to say."

Ronon stared at him.

"Fine. Since you want to hear it so badly..." he cleared his throat. "You're a valuable member of my team, it would be very hard to replace you..."

"Mmm-hmm."

"And you may think that going back will be just like old times but it won't," he finished.

"And I knew you were going to say all of what you didn't just say?"

"Yep."

"Look, this isn't about me trying to bring back the past."

"Then what is it about to you?"

"They need me, they always have. I'm the one who took care of them, got them home alive after a battle."

That he understood, that he understood too well, that feeling was the one that almost ruined his career, and almost killed him more times then was fair. "You're one guy, Ronon. You can't protect them forever."

"Probably not. But I can try." Ronon got up and left the team to him and the lunch he wasn't hungry for.

"Colonel Sheppard to the control room," Came Rodney's voice.

He left his uneaten lunch there on the table and hurried up there. Once he arrived he found Rodney almost bouncing up and down in glee.

"What's going on?"

"A fleet of Replicator ships left the planet and just headed for a Wraith Planet." Rodney said, happy the code had finally been uploaded.

He looked over at Col. Carter and found she too looked relived that the Replicators had someone else to focus on for now.

(Week Sixteen)

Ronon had finally gotten everything together for the trip to his friends, in hopes the intel on a Wraith target was still good.

As they walked through the gate, John had the feeling, that this meeting was going to be awkward, and probably wouldn't go according to plan.

Week sixteen and two days later he'd been proven right, it had gone FUBAR.

He was pretty sure he had take four hits before he went down, but he wasn't sure what happened to Rodney, but it didn't surprise him when he woke to find Teyla standing over after all she had gone down with one hit.

"John are you alright?"

"Not really, I have a hang over and if I'm right we're in a Wrath cell."

Teyla frowned, "Unfortunately your right about where we are."

John forced himself to sit up, he knew there were now more Wrath then there had before he was knocked out so he had a feeling that even though Ronon and his friends weren't in there with them things weren't going to get better. As a matter of fact the wrath actually had a standing guard down the hall, which was pretty dang unusually. "Well at least Ronon and his friends aren't here." he said out loud trying to be positive.

Rodney crushed that faint hope, "No not really. Ronon's friends set us up."

Teyla turn to him as he sat eyes wide, John knew how she felt, betraying people to the Wrath, couldn't get much lower then that.

"Are you sure Rodney?" Teyla asked sounding horrified.

"Yeah pretty hard to mistake someone's intentions when they stun you and you wake up in a Wrath cell."

John blinked if that was the case why wasn't Ronon here with them? "Rodney was Ronon with them?"

Rodney blinked at him still a little fuzzy, "No, if he was I didn't see him."

Okay so they had Ronon on their side... they could be worse off.

John found himself becoming sick to his stomach as more Wrath approached, he stood, there was two drones and a one... smarter one. He knew they were referred to as lords but he didn't want to call them that.

The lord pointed to Rodney, "That one."

John stepped forward, "Hey guys... ugh." he fell back as they blasted him with a low setting stunner, he pretended to be out, he couldn't help Rodney at the moment and he had said he wouldn't give his secret away.

It hurt to hear the panic in Rodney's heart rate, and to hear Teyla's distress, and it got worse as she called after Rodney trying to encourage him.

He lay there trying to think of a way to take the guard down the hall out, and rescue Rodney without a weapon, his knives even his hidden one was gone and he knew Teyla likely wasn't any better off.

He had nothing, after a good ten or so minutes he groaned pretending to come to.

Teyla went back to standing over him expression concerned but also some what resigned, "John that was foolish of you, you knew that would happen, what did you hope to accomplish?"

He shrugged, it was instinct, one that had got stronger since Kolya had caught him and fed him to... John stopped that thought, he didn't want to think about him that only lead to him being confused.

Five painfully long hours later; John looked up as the dim lights flickered, what was going on? Rescue maybe? He stood up and looked to Teyla, she nodded proving she thought the same. He grinned, it was damn nice to be loved, he thought to himself.

Another fifteen minutes from the first light flicker and their guard down the hall died from a rapid controlled burst of P90 gunfire, and couple seconds later Col. Carter stood in front of him opening the door with another burst of gunfire. John ignored the pain from his ears, he could deal with his stupid advanced hearing. He smiled at her and took the P90, "Good thing you didn't take any longer or we would have had to rescue ourselves."

Carter smirked as he checked over his new gun, Teyla brought him back with her question. "Did Ronon make it back to Atlantis?"

Carter nodded as she answered, "Yes."

"Then where is he now?"

"We split up to cover more ground."

Teyla looked at him, while he mental groaned, if Ronon made it out of here he was not going to be in a good place, he met Teyla's look with one of his own.

"Secure the entrance," Carter ordered the two marines down the hall, "Lets go."

John jogged after her, hoping Ronon was still okay, or even better hadn't met his friends yet.

Ten Minutes Later

He ran down the hall leading the way, he could tell there was a guard down the hall and knowing the Wrath like he did he was betting Rodney was down there, he wasn't the sort of prisoner who would fight back, sabotage maybe but not fight physically. He shot the Drone down and went in the room already knowing it to be clear a second later he stated it for Teyla and Carter's befits.

Rodney stood up and started complaining, telling him Rodney was fine, if he wasn't he wouldn't complained about being danger of being shot. Then there was a worrying fizzing sound he turned, but as he did so he took note of Rodney's worried look that meant it wasn't good. It wasn't, a replicator was no longer being held back by a forcefield.

He reacted bringing his gun to bear, aware that it wouldn't do much good, he tuned out Rodney's chant of; Oh, no, no, no. Of course he might have been doing the same thing if he didn't have a gun too. As it walked towards them he, Teyla, and Carter started shooting, it took the hits and kept coming.

But then it ignored them, walking out the door, he looked to Rodney, "It's the programing."

"Okay then..." he looked to Carter, she shrugged and then headed out the door.

John smirked a little as they went past a hallway and he heard the distinct sound of a body hitting the wall. It was nice to not be the one making that sound.

He shot down the two Wrath drones that came around a corner, Carter and Teyla took the other down.

They continued looking for Ronon, and as they went along he had the feeling his hope that Ronon hadn't found out about his friends betrayal seemed to grow less and less likely.

Five hall ways later, John felt his heart sink, he was smelling blood on top of the normal Wrath musk. They turned the corner. Two of Ronon's former friends lay on the floor, both dead by knife wounds. John turned gun ready at the sound of foot steps from a dark corner, Ronon stepped in to the light; knife wound on his face, split lip, and blood on his hand and clothes. He winced, seeing the rage and betrayal in Ronon's eyes, as well as the guilt, wether it was because he brought them into a trap or because he had been forced to kill two old friends. John wasn't sure, but he did know Ronon wouldn't be the same.

John flinched in sympathy when Carter asked the worst thing possible, then it hit him they couldn't see his injuries.

"My friends are right here."

Carter looked confused, but everyone else there knew and felt for him.

John knew it was bad when Ronon said, almost shuffling, "Lets go home."

Back in Atlantis (week sixteen and four days)

John sighed, Heightmeyer hadn't given up trying to get him to talk about Elizabeth's death at his hands. "Dr. Heightmeyer I know you think I'm not dealing with," he swallowed and used her words. "My frustration and grief over the circumstances of her death, but I have. It may seem strange considering I shot her, but I..." what would it take for her to understand. "I dealt with it shortly after getting back, you may have been more right to worry had Col. Carter not spoken to me right after landing."

He fidgeted, it helped and made it worse that he and Elizabeth had gotten closer after his change, he knew her mind and her asking proved it, but he still missed her. "Col. Carter said some stuff that made a lot of sense, and not to offend you but it means more coming from her then you."

He saw the carefully concealed annoyance, and hurried on. "She has been in places where she was lucky enough not to have to do what I did, so it..." he struggled to find words. And gave up, he mentally swore, he thought Heightmeyer had been here long enough to have learned cornering him was going to backfire.

Kate spoke, "John I can tell you've been stressed even before what happened yesterday, so if your right and it's not guilt subconsciously bothering you, what is it?"

He closed his eyes and opened them, it was... of course she had noticed, she was good after all at her job, that was why she was here. It was too damn bad he wasn't going to tell her. "Kate I was stressed before because I had some problems dealing with a couple of marines that have since rotated out, and now lets face it you would be more surprised if I wasn't stressed dealing with the new commander, new regulations, and some new cocky guys and on top of that one of my best friends just got betrayed by his former friends who he was going to leave us for."

He looked her in the eyes, "So tell me why I wouldn't be stressed."

She smiled, if he hadn't seen her fists clenching he would have bought it. "By that analyzation your quite right, but unless your over worked and over stressed those things shouldn't be getting to you as much as I have observed. If you need time off I can get if for you, but it likely won't get better unless you tell me about so we can work on whats bothering you."

John sighed frustrated, that she wouldn't give him space. He was fine as long as he didn't have a nightmare and even then during the day, he thought of his secret maybe once a day as long as he wasn't at risk of giving himself away. "If you think I need time off fine, but it's not a problem, it's just a lot of changes at one time."

She gave him a stern look, "I want you to take two weeks off."

He frowned, "Can we make it a week and a half? Because we were supposed to go off world in twelve days."

She stared harder, but he met it and looked harder.

"Fine, but I expect to see you next week."

His hands twitched, but luckily they were in front of him, because he had stood and already turned to the door. "Okay."

He reached up to open the door but Kate wanted the last word, "John, I can tell want ever is bothering you is something you don't want to talk about, but if you don't it's going to effect your calls, and if this continues I'll have no choice but to ask for you to be given extended leave."

He swallowed hard and left, what Kate Heightmeyer didn't know was he knew that he probably needed it, but he also knew it wasn't really an option.