Okay, the antepenultimate chapter! There are only two more to go after this and they aren't so amusing as the rest. For obvious reasons.
I haven't updated Double or Nothing this week but I will soon, I forgot my plot and couldn't understand what was going on, I suddenly seemed to have a week of time to account for with nothing to put in it. But I've remembered now and it all makes sense again.
This chapter is for Fouloldron who suggested – lol, the wobbly stuff XD XD XD
SPOILERS: Up to episode 25 anime/58 manga.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note or its characters, but I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen on Youtube, that has to count for something, ne? Yeah, these remarks are getting more and more random...
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"And this is – " Yagami Souchiro looked across at L in puzzlement.
"Ryuga Hideki," L said. Best to use his college alias here. Maybe it would make the unfamiliar situation more comfortable. He wasn't exactly used to family life – still, Raito wasn't likely to get up to anything Kira-like, should he suddenly take the urge, not with his parents and sister around. Which was a good thing, since the handcuffs and chain had been abandoned for the visit as being too difficult to explain.
"What?" Sayu stared in disbelief. "What? Ryuga Hideki? You mean – did you have plastic surgery?"
"Sayu!" Sachiko exclaimed. "Very nice to meet you, Hideki-san."
"I am not the famous Ryuga Hideki," L explained to Sayu, with a smile that widened her eyes even further. "I am – another one."
"I didn't even know there was more than one," Sayu said weakly.
"I need to do some cooking," Raito said.
"What?" It was Sachiko's turn to make huge, wondering eyes. "You want to – cook, Raito?"
"Yes, why not?" Raito said. "I need to make some cake. For Ryuga. It's what he likes to eat."
"Cake?" Sachiko said. "Cook? Cake? Bake?"
"When did you learn to do that, Raito?" Sayu asked. "You never did any cooking before. Or cleaning, either. Apart from in your own room. Yeah, Ryuga-kun, if you're going to stay in his room, you should be careful. Don't move anything. He can spot if something's one millimeter out of place and then he'll get in a hissy fit and start shouting at you."
"I do not get in hissy fits!" Raito said, pausing half-way to the kitchen.
"Whatever you say, Raito," Sayu grinned. "Don't make me any, I've got a study date."
"Raito-kun does not need to cook dessert!" L said, following his friend. "I have brought ingredients and I will prepare the dessert for tonight."
"You, Ryuga?" Raito looked very like his mother at this point. "You want to – cook?"
"I am extremely skilled at dessert preparation, Raito-kun," L said. "In case there is nobody around to do it for me."
"I'll help you," Sayu offered. "I've got a while before I go."
The two went into the kitchen, L feeling quite relieved now that he wasn't chained to his lover. He didn't want Raito to see exactly what he was going to cook.
"Hissy fits?" L gave Sayu a sidelong glance as he unpacked the bag he'd brought from the HQ building.
"All the time," she said. "He sometimes gets in them when there's nobody else there to have one at!"
"Really?" L said, interested.
"Yeah, he talks to himself. And sometimes he laughs like a maniac."
"How – odd," L gave her an inquiring look.
"Sometimes he yells about weird stuff as well," Sayu confided. "For a while I thought he was taking drugs or something."
"What kind of weird stuff?" L said, fascinated now.
"Oh, just normal weird stuff, really," Sayu shrugged. "About being God and ridding the world of evil, that kind of stuff."
"You think that's normal, Sayu-san?"
"If you're schizophrenic, sure," she said, rolling her eyes a little as L laid out his ingredients on the kitchen table. "I mean, it's the kind of thing crazy homeless people mutter about isn't it? I suppose Raito's just crazy because he's a genius, so that makes it normal for him, right?"
"I, um, suppose so," L agreed.
"He has a lot of strange habits," Sayu went on. "I shouldn't really be saying this to you, should I? It's taken him all this time to find someone, it wouldn't be right if I put you off him."
"Find someone?"
"Yes. Find someone." she raised an eyebrow at L's uncomprehending look. "You're his, you know, his boyfriend, aren't you?"
"Why would Sayu-san think that?" Was it that obvious, L wondered, pouring gelatin into the kitchen scales.
"Duh," Sayu said. "He wanted to make cake for you. This is the person that won't even make himself a bowl of cereal in the morning."
"People change – " L began.
"Not that much!" Sayu said. "As far as I knew, Raito didn't even know where the kitchen was in this house!"
"In that case, I am very flattered that Raito-kun wishes to make cake for me," L said.
"You should be," Sayu said. "So how long have you two been together? Aren't you the guy that got the perfect score along with Raito?"
"Yes," L said. "And I haven't yet agreed that we are – together."
"Pfft, you think I'm stupid?" Sayu said. "So, can I take photos of you two, you know, being intimate?"
"Certainly not!" L said.
"I know girls at school that'd pay good money for photos of two cute guys getting it on!" Sayu insisted.
"Then they can find two other cute guys to ogle," L said firmly, secretly rather taken with that particular description of himself.
"So will you pay me not to take photos of you?" Sayu suggested.
"No, Sayu-san – " L turned in relief as Raito came into the room.
"Is she bothering you?"
"Not at all, Raito-kun," L said. "We are merely discussing you behind your back. Now you are facing us, I imagine it's best if we stop."
"Whatever she's saying, it's not true," Raito gave his sister a narrow-eyed glare.
"Me?" Sayu's look of injured innocence was worthy of Raito himself. "All I'm saying is, you're such a prissy little princess you've never cooked anything in your life, in case you get flour on your nice clothes or chocolate on your pretty face!"
"I have cooked too!" Raito exclaimed. "We both cooked, that time – with the cookies – "
"Decorating cookies with Hello Kitty faces doesn't count!" Sayu said. "And you were eight years old at the time!"
"Hello Kitty cookies?" L said, with interest.
"You like Hello Kitty?" Sayu said.
"I have Hello Kitty pyjamas," L confessed.
"He does," Raito confirmed.
"I prefer Hello Cthulhu," Sayu said.
"No surprises there," Raito muttered. "One hell-spawn to another..."
"Go away, Raito-kun," L said, wanting to proceed with his dessert creation. "Sit down and relax. You're disturbing my concentration."
"I suppose you need to concentrate on something you don't do very often," Raito said rather bitchily as he left.
"What's this?" Sayu started paging through L's cookery book. "It's English... Who's Nanny Ogg?"
"A fictional character, Sayu-san," L said. "But despite that limitation, she has created some very interesting recipes. Do you have an apron I can borrow? I don't want to ruin my clothes."
"Um – yes," Sayu said, looking L up and down with an expression that said if he ruined his clothes nobody would notice.
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"What do your parents do, Ryuga?" Sachiko asked as they sat down to dinner.
"I don't have parents, Sachiko-san," L said, attempting to put the smallest amount possible of the first course onto his plate.
"He came out of a bottle," Sayu said, pausing in her collecting together of the books and papers she needed.
"Really, Sayu!" Sachiko exclaimed.
"I'm an orphan," L said.
"I'm so sorry!" Sachiko exclaimed. "But how are you managing to go to University?"
"My parents left me fairly wealthy," L said, chewing unenthusiastically on a tiny piece of fish. "Also I write articles for various scientific publications and that earns some extra money."
"He's another genius, like Raito," Sayu said. "So you might expect him to start doing something crazy at some point."
Sachiko just rolled her eyes and continued attempting to make small talk, eventually running out of things to say in the face of L's chat-challenged nature.
"How is your girlfriend, Raito?" she turned to her son.
"Girlfriend?" Raito looked up from his rice bowl as if he'd never heard of such a thing.
"Amane Misa," L supplied.
"Oh, Misa!" Raito said. "Yes, she's fine. Just the same."
"You should bring her round to see us again," Sachiko said.
"Well, no, I don't think so," Raito said, shuddering visibly. "It'd just encourage her."
"But don't you want to encourage her, Raito?" Sachiko looked puzzled. "I mean, she is your girlfriend."
"She's more like a stalker, okasan," Raito said. "I don't really want to go out with her but she won't leave me alone."
"She's probably a lesbian," Sayu said.
"Sayu!" Sachiko exclaimed. "Why would you say a thing like that?"
"She's famous, isn't she," Sayu explained her reasoning. "Famous people do that all the time. A gay man and a lesbian get together, pretend they're involved and then carry on their same-sex relationships in secret."
"I hope you're not suggesting, Sayu," Soichiro said, "that Raito is – is a – "
"A lesbian?" L said. "I don't think anyone could mistake Raito-kun for that. Unless, of course, he took up cross-dressing."
"You think he'd look good in something like Misa-Misa wears?" Sayu said as her parents and brother looked on dumbstruck.
"No, he's too conventional for that," L said. "He's more a twinset and pearls type of transvestite."
"I'm not any kind of transvestite!" Raito said.
"You used to wear my shoes, Raito," Sachiko said, smiling. "When you were little – you'd have laughed to see him, Ryuga, parading around in a pair of high heels far too big for him."
"I would laugh to see that now, Sachiko-san," L said, ignoring the black looks he was getting from his lover.
"I think I have a photo somewhere," Sachiko said.
"No!" Raito said.
"There's that one of him naked as well," Sayu said. "Where he took his clothes off in the street when you weren't looking."
"He started doing that at such an early age?" L said, faking a look of surprise. "I thought that was a recent development."
"Excuse me," Raito got up from the table, giving his family and boyfriend a haughty look, "I am going to do the dishes."
"If I'd known it was that easy to get him to wash dishes," Sachiko said as Raito swept out of the room, "I'd have embarrassed him years ago."
"Don't you want dessert, Raito-kun?" L called after his lover
"You know I never eat it, Ryuga," Raito's voice still sounded cross.
"But I made something I thought you'd like!" L put a hurt tone into his voice.
"Okay. If you insist," Raito called from the kitchen. He came back in and sat down.
"Well, I have to go," Sayu said, grabbing her coat. "See you later – don't you boys do anything I might not."
"What does she mean, might not?" Soichiro asked as Sayu dashed out of the door.
"I'm sure it was merely a rhetorical statement," L said, soothingly. "Have some chocolate delight, Yagami-san."
"Oh, thank you, Ryuga," Soichiro raised an eyebrow at the large portion of pudding L heaped on his plate. "I'm not sure – "
"Sauce?" L said, pouring it on before Soichiro could reply.
"Chocolate dessert and chocolate sauce?" Raito said. "Bit of overkill there, Ryuga?"
"On the contrary, Raito-kun," L said, helping his lover to a small slice of dessert, "I think you'll find it's just the right amount of kill."
Dessert was eaten in silence, everyone having apparently run out of things to say.
"Is it warm in here?" Soichiro asked presently.
"I do feel a little – overheated," Sachiko said, rather breathlessly.
L glanced sideways at his lover, found Raito's eyes on him. The boy didn't look angry any more, he was relieved to see. In fact, he looked as if he was undressing L with his eyes. Good.
"Time for the second dessert!" L exclaimed.
"There's a second dessert?" Sachiko asked. "You're certainly an excellent chef, Hideki-san!"
"I need to open a window!" Soichiro started to stand up, glanced down at himself then resumed his seat. "Or maybe not."
L hurried through to the kitchen and took the second dessert out of the fridge, hoping it had had time to set. He carefully removed the four cylinders of pink gelatin from their two-part moulds, relieved to see that only one of them was sagging a little, and proudly took them into the dining room.
"What?" Raito's eyes widened until they were as big as L's own.
"What are those?" Sachiko leaned forward to peer at the desserts.
"They look like – " Soichiro fell silent, unable or unwilling to say exactly what they looked like.
"Strawberry Wobblers," L informed them, sitting back down next to Raito and smiling as he felt the boy's hand wander onto his thigh.
Sachiko suddenly burst into high-pitched giggles. "Look, Soichiro, that one's like you!"
"Really, I don't think – " Soichiro leaned forward to look. "Is that what I look like?"
"What the hell?" Raito muttered under cover of his parents' sniggering. "Ryuu, what did you do? Why are my parents laughing at jelly penises?"
"What else would someone do with a jelly penis, Raito?" L asked. "Don't you think they're funny?"
"Yes, but my parents shouldn't!" Raito exclaimed.
"This poor little guy looks a bit sad!" Sachiko pointed out the jelly that was wilting a little. "We should put on the porn channel and sit him down in front of it!"
"He's just going to get eaten anyway," Soichiro said, with a suggestive look at his wife which caused Raito to put his hand over his eyes and groan.
"He might if he's lucky," Sachiko winked at her husband and picked up the dish with the sagging jelly, raising it to her mouth.
"I really, really need to do the dishes right now!" Raito leapt up and rushed into the kitchen.
L smiled and ate his Strawberry Wobbler, congratulating himself that his evening was going exactly as planned.
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"Your mother and father have gone now, Raito!" L called through to the kitchen. "You can come out."
"Where did they go?" Raito stood in the kitchen doorway, looking as though he wouldn't be surprised to be told his parents had spontaneously combusted.
"They went to bed, Raito," L said. "They seemed to think it was a good idea to have an early night."
"What the hell did you put in that dessert?" Raito demanded, coming into the room. "I looked through the recipe and there's nothing that bad in there!"
"In the stories about Nanny Ogg," L explained, "all her recipes contain aphrodisiacs. But for the purpose of the recipe book, they were, shall we say dumbed down a little, no doubt due to the publisher's aversion to being sued for sexual harrassment. I merely replaced the missing ingredients."
"You gave us all a – a love potion?" Raito said, face torn between anger and amusement.
"It seemed the best way of keeping them busy while we, um, got busy ourselves," L said.
"I'll have you know I've just spent the last half hour in the kitchen, uh, fondling myself!" Raito said. "And I'm still horny!"
"Then perhaps we should also have an early night?" L suggested.
"Good idea, you pervert!" Raito said, grabbing L's hand and dragging him up the stairs to his bedroom.
"I can't believe you drugged my parents," Raito said as he flung off his clothes, throwing them to the floor in a completely different way to their normal tidy disposition.
"They're happy," L said, taking off his shirt.
"I'm happy too!" Raito exclaimed. "And look, Mr Happy's happy as well! Uh – Ryuuzaki – "
"Yes?"
"My cognitive abilities seem to be deteriorating to some degree. Is that normal?"
"It always seems to happen to me in the presence of a high degree of sexual excitement," L said, pushing his jeans off quickly and dropping to his knees.
"Mhm, Ryuu – " Raito began, then lost his words in a gasp of pleasure as L's tongue ran up the length of his overheated shaft.
"Yes," Raito murmured, hips bucking forward, fingers reaching out to lace through strands of ebony hair. "You're a bad, perverse man, Ryuuzaki, look at the state you've got me into!"
"I'm prepared to alleviate it," L said, trailing kisses over the swollen, weeping head of Raito's member.
"You'd better," Raito pushed L's head down, and the detective took the hint, letting Raito's needy cock slide into the warm cavern of his mouth. He rested his hands on the boy's thighs, stroking the soft flesh, sliding his fingers underneath to grip his lover's legs, lifting them onto his shoulders. Raito slumped back onto his elbows on the bed, watching L, his eyes half lidded and glazed with desire.
L reached behind him for his jeans, found the lube he'd put in his pocket when they left Headquarters and smeared it over his fingers. His hand found Raito's entry, rubbing over the soft, puckered folds as his mouth worked on the boy's shaft, his lips squeezing around it, tongue flicking around the ridge of his glans. Raito moaned and lifted himself toward the older man, demanding pleasure.
L gasped, his own need becoming urgent, but he held himself back, sucking on Raito's cock lovingly, moaning around it, the vibrations of his voice making the boy whimper and buck his hips upward then give a low cry as the detective pushed a finger into him.
L looked up at his lover, admiring Raito's flushed face, the way his sweat-dampened hair stuck to his forehead. He added another finger, the boy twisting and writhing on the bed now, riding the detective's hand as he sought release, his cock swelling in L's mouth. L slid his lips right down the shaft, feeling the head deep in his throat as Raito groaned and thrust upward, his hot seed filling the detective's mouth as he climaxed, shuddering and gasping, clutching at L in ecstasy.
L let him finish, swallowing the first jets of cum, letting the rest pool in his mouth before spitting it into his hand. He quickly wiped it over his dick and leaned forward, pushing Raito's legs back toward his abdomen, entering the boy in one long, smooth movement.
"Hahh, Ryuu!" Raito moaned, face somewhere between pain and pleasure. "Yes!"
"I want you, Raito..." the detective muttered, leaning over the boy, driving into him, slowly and deeply, pulling out nearly all the way then back in until he was buried in his lover's body completely. "I want you to be mine."
"Ohhhh... yes, Ryuu... you have me – I'm yours," Raito muttered incoherently, tossing his head, cinnamon hair whipping from side to side.
L groaned in pleasure, his whole body tingling and hot, centred on his thick shaft that moved inside Raito's tight, slippery passage, causing the boy's own cock to stiffen again. L reached for it, his hand grasping around its length, fingers moving over it lovingly, teasingly.
"Hhnn, again, yes, touch me!" Raito begged shamelessly, his eyes fixed on the wild-haired detective's rhythmically moving body. "Fuck me, L!"
L leaned forward pumping himself hard into his lover's body, Raito arching his back off the bed and crying out as he was mercilessly plundered by the detective's huge hard cock.
"More, L... harder! Faster!" Raito's nails dug into L's shoulders as he moaned, and L felt himself reaching his limit, the sight of his gorgeous, sensually sweating lover, the sound of his urgent demands, all too much to bear. He grasped Raito's cock tightly, hand moving on it rapidly as he felt himself tipping over the edge, giving a yell of pleasure as he released deep into his lover's body, as Raito screamed with delight, his own cum shooting from his overstimulated member, spattering them both with showers of warm, thick fluid.
"Come... to bed..." Raito reached down for the limp form of the detective who was half kneeling on the floor, half lying across his beloved.
"Hmh," L struggled over the edge of the bed, flopped beneath the covers that Raito held up for him.
"Wicked Ryuu-chan," Raito muttered.
"Not wicked," L disagreed. "Just playful."
"Mm, Ryuuzaki, I love you." Raito murmured. "Even if you are a crazed poisoner."
"Hardly poison, Raito," L demurred.
"Giving my parents an aphrodisiac, it makes me wonder what else you slip into people's food when they're not aware of it."
"Nothing, Raito-kun, you know that would be illegal," L said innocently.
"What did you give me?" Raito's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"SP-17," L said, wondering if Nanny Ogg's chocolate pudding was perhaps the ultimate answer to the quest for a perfect truth serum. He certainly hadn't meant to answer that question honestly.
"The drug the KGB were supposed to have invented?" Raito asked.
"They merely tested it, Raito-kun," L said, rather smugly. "And if I may ask, how did you know I was lying when I told you I hadn't given anyone any drugs?"
"You called me Raito-kun," Raito said. "Not just Raito. You always back off when you're getting all detective-y. If you call me Yagami-kun, I know you're either pissed off at me or thinking of me as Kira."
"Should you tell me this?" L wondered. "Isn't it more to your advantage to know my behaviour patterns and not to reveal your knowledge?"
"I'll find another way to know what you're thinking, Ryuu," Raito said confidently. "Besides, we're lovers, we're not supposed to have secrets from each other. When did you give me that?"
"When you were confined in your cell," L said. "I put it in your food – the day your dinner was late. I had to wait until everyone else had gone so I could question you without any interruptions."
"I don't remember anything about it," Raito said, frowning slightly.
"You're not supposed to," L told him.
"So what did I tell you?"
"Nothing I didn't already know," L said.
"I didn't tell you I was Kira," Raito guessed.
"No, you insisted that you weren't," L agreed. "But the drug isn't completely reliable. None of them are," he finished with a sigh.
"Must be difficult for you, Ryuuzaki," Raito said, rather sarcastically.
"That whole confinement episode was difficult, Raito," L said. "Seeing you there, day after day, dressed in those slinky black clothes, handcuffed..." he let his voice trail away, visions of handcuffed Raito making him smile.
"Handcuffs," Raito echoed.
"I liked you in those," L said.
"I didn't like it, Ryuuzaki," Raito said, rather grumpily. "It was uncomfortable and embarrassing and – and frightening."
"Sexy, though," L said.
"Pervert."
"Raito is stating the obvious," L said, running his hand slowly down his lover's body.
"So, Ryuu, didn't you get tempted to do anything else while I was drugged and wouldn't remember it?"
"Tempted, yes, Raito," L said. "I thought about coming down to your cell and undressing you. Maybe touching you a little. But I thought it wouldn't be a good idea."
"Why not?" Raito twined his hand into ebony locks, gently stroking.
"For one thing, I had already been questioning you for some time and I was concerned that the drug might wear off while I was in the middle of pleasuring myself with you."
"Hell, Ryuu, you talk about me as if I was a sex object or something!" Raito protested.
"That was how I was thinking of you at the time," L said. "Also I wasn't quite sure what it was I wanted to do with you – "
"That doesn't surprise me," Raito said.
"Well, Raito knows I don't – didn't have much experience with that kind of thing," L said. "Apart from that, I didn't think it was a good idea to involve myself with you."
"Changed your mind about that?" Raito smiled at his lover.
"I was also concerned about Watari noticing me being there with you," L remarked, avoiding the question of what he thought or didn't think was a good idea about their relationship.
"You're avoiding the question, Ryuu," Raito said.
"I think you've just proved what a good idea it is, Raito," L conceded. "Nobody understands me the same way that you do."
"I should think not," Raito agreed. "So – handcuffs? Is that what you have planned for your birthday? Reliving the cell episode?"
"No, the birthday bondage will be something different," L said.
"Good," Raito said.
"I didn't think Raito would appreciate being reminded of such a painful time," L said.
"You knew it was painful?" Raito stared into the detective's eyes measuringly.
"I heard you crying," L said, flushing slightly. "I heard everything – it was obvious that you were suffering."
"But you didn't stop." Raito said. It wasn't a question.
"No," L said. "I hope Rai-chan will forgive me for that."
"I don't have a lot of choice, do I?" Raito said. lying back on the bed. "It's in the past now, L, there's nothing we can do about it. Just forget it."
"Raito?" L snuggled himself against the rather unyielding form of his lover.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry."
"Hm."
"Really."
"Persistent bastard," Raito said, turning on his side and taking L in his arms. "Go to sleep now. With luck, the toilets'll be fixed tomorrow and we can get out of here early before I have to see my mother again."
"Raito loves me," L said, smugly. "He will forgive me anything."
"Don't bet your life on it," Raito muttered sleepily.
L pressed himself closer into Raito's embrace, kissing his lover's cheek before settling down to sleep, reflecting to himself that perhaps Raito's last piece of advice had come just a little too late.
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Thanks to Fouloldron for suggesting Nanny Ogg's Strawberry Wobbler XD It fitted perfectly in this chapter which I wanted to be fairly light-hearted as there is some angst to come in the last two.
And yes, I do think L would be obsessed with rude food – he's already obsessed with sweets, so if he discovers sex as well, what better than combining the two? XD
