They didn't talk on the ride back to Haruhi's home.
The warm summer afternoon sunshine bathed them in red-orange light as they drove. A sizable distance lay between them. Both of them chose to sit next to a window. Haruhi stared off into space while Kyouya made notes. The sound of his scribbling was the only thing they heard.
"We're here, young master," the chauffer said politely.
Haruhi reached forward to open the door. She was surprised when Kyouya beat her to it. The limousine door swung open. A breeze raced past; bringing the smell of summer heat and gasoline inside the air-conditioned vehicle. They stared at each other.
She couldn't move when he was staring down at her face so intensely. Deep blue-black eyes as deep as the ocean, she thought involuntarily. So different from the warm violet of Tamaki's amethyst eyes.
"Thank you," she said curtly.
He didn't say anything.
She wondered if she should thank him for his visit, the trip to the doctor or for revealing the most shocking news of her life. Shock was definitely an understatement.
Haruhi got out of the car and bowed. Kyouya closed the door. As the limousine drove away, he didn't take his eyes off her. She didn't move either until she was sure that the expensive car was out of sight.
With a sigh, she ascended the stairs to their apartment. Ryoji was supposed to stay in his work-related trip for three days. She was going to be alone for another two days and a night. It was just as well. She didn't know how to break the news to him anyway.
Shedding her shoes at the entryway, she put on her house slippers and went to the kitchen. The heavy and sluggish feeling was gone. Feeling unusually energetic, she puttered around the kitchen to cook dinner.
Meat wasn't on the menu. She couldn't stand the smell of it. So she settled for a meal with more vegetables and fruits. It was the healthier choice anyway. The doctor suggested a regular diet of vegetables, fruits and milk for a healthy and safe pregnancy… She blinked and set down her chopsticks.
I'm pregnant.
Haruhi didn't want to believe it. When they heard the news, it felt surreal. She felt like she had an out-of-body experience where she hovered over the scene, cool and detached. The doctor seemed kind and sincere when he announced his findings. She couldn't find it in her heart to question his expert opinion.
It should have occurred to her sooner. What would explain the nausea, the aversion to meats, the vomiting? What was the reason for her mood swings and skipped periods? Only she knew her body best. When all of those symptoms were staring her in the face, did she acknowledge them?
No. Because she thought she was so smart she wouldn't get pregnant when in fact, she chose to be dumb to avoid the inevitable truth. Haruhi rested her forehead on her palm, breathing deeply to remain calm when she wanted to scream, to hit everything. How naïve they were!
She knew that she got pregnant because of two reasons. First, they didn't use any protection at all like a condom or birth control. She blushed with a mixture of embarrassment and anger; she had to admit that though she was well-informed of such things from Health class, she didn't bother getting any birth control from the drug store. Who knew she'd need it? Secondly, she was aware that she fertile but she didn't stop him.
Haruhi used to pride herself as a smart and cool modern woman. She had all the will power, resources and focus in the world to achieve her goals. Her parents raised her to be independent, reliable and strong. They were counting on her to finish her studies. She wanted to make them proud by becoming a great lawyer, like her deceased mother.
She always thought that she was different from the shallow girls in their super-rich school who always got carried away with thoughts of romance and everlasting love. Those girls paid handsomely for an hour or an afternoon with men who can feign interest and affection to inspire such tumultuous feelings. She realized that she wasn't any different from any of them.
Deep inside, she believed in the same things. When faced with the first heartfelt confession from her secret love, she couldn't do anything but rush forward like a fool. She loved him so much; she was willing to throw everything into the air for a night of passion. It couldn't be helped when they were tipsy, alone and in a secluded dark room where anything can happen…
She sobbed. It was a romantic evening that led to beautiful things. In her heart of hearts, she didn't regret any of her choices. But she was in no condition at all to make any major decisions like losing her virginity at that time.
Haruhi laid her head and arms on the low table, crying hard. She tried to stop him. He was ready to back off. But she had to open a whole new can of worms by asking how he felt about her. She was asking for it. Before they knew it, they were in each other's arms and kissing…
She felt so stupid. Why didn't she listen to her instincts? Why didn't she stop it? Why did she even want to lie in his embrace for a night?
There was no excuse for being reckless and careless. She could've asked for him to put on a condom, for God's sake! It was her own stupid fault that she let herself go in the name of love. She didn't think about the huge consequences of her actions. Now she had this to deal with.
Haruhi wiped her tears away and breathed deeply again. She sat up. Blaming him and circumstance was out of the option. It won't help either. Crying relieved her feelings but it will not make things better. So she had to breathe deeply and think wisely.
They wanted it. They created this.
She started. The realization that a tiny, living being was growing inside her shook her to the very core. Slowly, almost reverently, she reached up to touch her abdomen as if to verify the truth. She knew that it was too soon to feel but she didn't care.
Haruhi wanted to cry again.
She was going to have their baby.
Would things get better or worse from now on?
oOoOoOo
Kyouya didn't sleep that night.
As the limousine pulled up in front of the apartment where Haruhi lived, he wondered why he was so bothered. The chauffer announced their destination politely. He nodded, got out and climbed up the steep stairs. Missing a seminar for a visit was out of his character but he had to do it.
He knocked on the door impatiently.
Haruhi opened it with surprise written all over her face. She was dressed in shorts and a t shirt. He raised an eyebrow as she let him in. It was a surprise that she wasn't commenting on how haggard he looked.
She made tea while he sat on the living room. It was quite strange to see her up and about when she could barely get up yesterday. He didn't know what to make of it. Maybe it was a pregnancy scare? He can go as far as thinking that he imagined the whole thing…
Kyouya shook his head. It definitely wasn't a pregnancy scare. The proof of it was locked on his drawer at home.
Haruhi served iced tea and leftover cake. She sat down and looked at him directly. He was quite impressed that her stare didn't waver as they ate in perfect silence. Seeing her back in her cool and composed attitude was somewhat reassuring.
After their meal, he didn't waste any time. "Are you carrying Tamaki's child?"
She looked a bit taken aback. Flushing faintly, she answered. "Yes. How did you know?"
Kyouya sighed as he adjusted his glasses. "I saw you together. When he didn't come back to sleep, I knew."
"Oh," Haruhi said softly.
"Is that all you can say?" he asked testily. "Do you know what this means? Do you even understand the consequences of what you did?"
She bowed her head and clenched her hands under the table. He saw the blush creeping up her neck and cheeks. Reprimanding them was a part of his job as vice president. It was what kept them in line; it showed how much he cared and watched over them. They, all of the hosts, knew of his stern and strict demeanor. And they all had gotten scolded seriously at least once.
Kyouya didn't like it but he had to.
"You're eight weeks pregnant. School starts in less than two weeks. You have exactly six months and two weeks before you deliver a child that was mostly certainly fathered by an idiot president who wasn't even there to hear the news," he started in a serious tone "If I may remind you, you have at least less than six million worth of debts to pay before you graduate next year. You're working as a Host. You can't carry a child if you have to pretend to be male."
Haruhi flinched at his acerbic tone.
"What will our customers say? Don't you think that they'd notice after a few months that you're showing? Can you still carry on the charade?" He was trembling in quiet rage now. "Has it ever crossed your mind how hard I worked for this club? Did you ever think about that? All that hard work will be for nothing when we scare the customers away!
"Your future is also compromised. I understand that you applied to Ouran because you wanted to be a lawyer. You might've been a formidable one if you didn't throw away your chances for this. How will you finish your studies? Do you think the school will still let you continue if news of this leaks out? Your reputation will be shot to hell! No one will hire you! The worst case scenario is that you'll get expelled…
"I'm sure you think that Tamaki will help you. No doubt that he will to the best of his abilities but he's also compromised right now. I'm warning you that you can't expect much… You're a smart girl, Haruhi." Kyouya said darkly "Tell me, how did this happen?"
Haruhi wanted to throw teacups at him. He had no right to berate her like that! He was worse than her father. She was dreading seeing them all after finding out about her condition. Kyouya didn't need to add stress to that!
"It was… unexpected," she answered simply. He stared at her simple dignity. "I am aware of everything that you said and kindly pointed out. There's no doubt that it's going to cost me more trouble than it's worth but I'm ready to face the consequences. I can handle it."
It was his turn to be silent.
"Kyouya-senpai, it's kind of you to be worried about us," she started delicately "but you don't have to. I'm sure that everything will work itself out."
They stared at each other. He saw a strong woman who could handle herself. She saw a protective and fiery man who could handle it all.
"Does Tamaki know already?" he asked directly.
"No," Haruhi shook her head. "I haven't told him."
"Do you want to tell him?" Kyouya pressed.
She averted her eyes.
Sitting back, he assumed that she was still too embarrassed to admit it to the baby's father. Perhaps she was already aware of Tamaki's contract with his grandmother. If she was, he cannot imagine the heartache that she must be suffering for it.
Take care of her, Tamaki had said. Damn him, Kyouya thought. Why am I always stuck in cleaning up his messes?
He stared at her with eyes of an Ohtori. How can he turn this momentous event to his advantage? There was always something to gain. He should open his eyes to see it. "What are your plans now?"
"I'm going back to school," Haruhi said firmly.
"Aren't you scared?" he asked frankly.
She shook her head. "No, I'm not. Should I be?"
He admired her calm and level-headedness. He'd never met a woman who was strong-willed and firm like that. Maybe his father was correct after all… "Can you handle yourself in school? What about your father?"
Haruhi tried to sound confident. "I'm planning on taking an exam to help me move up to your level. So I can graduate early. Or I can take a leave of absence when it's totally needed. Father will be hard but he can be brought around…"
Kyouya blinked then composed himself. Yes, he'd never met a woman like her.
oOoOoOo
"Haruhi! How are you?"
She started when she heard his voice on the phone. An afternoon of talking to Kyouya had completely driven him out of her mind. She was very glad that the Shadow King was gone. Smiling, she answered. "I'm great. You?"
"Wonderful, as always! Mother sends her regards," Tamaki said cheerfully. "She's responding well to treatments."
"That's good," she said quietly. Stepping out on the corridor outside of the apartment to watch the sunset was a refreshing activity. She felt that the four walls were closing in on her.
"You know, she did an odd thing today," he said gently. "She took me to the parlor and got all of her hair cut off. Her eyes were very sad when she told me that she'd rather take away her long blonde hair than let the medicine do it…"
Haruhi smiled this time. Tamaki's mother must be a really strong woman to do that. Her mother had merely cut a lock of her long hair before the chemotherapy made it fall off. She'd seen her father tuck it away on a cream envelope in his bedroom.
"Will she be all right?" she asked sincerely.
"I hope so," he answered, unsure. "I'm doing everything I can for her."
"Please do," Haruhi said in an encouraging tone. Never mind that her heart broke. "Just take your time. She needs you. I'm sure that you don't want to miss out on all the times that you could've been there for her…"
"You're so kind and so sweet, my darling! Daddy is so proud of you!" Tamaki exploded on the other line. She chuckled at the ridiculous image of a teary-eyed blond man hugging the phone to his chest. "You always know what to say to make me feel better!"
Haruhi wished that she could do the same for herself.
"Did Kyouya take you to the doctor?" he asked anxiously.
"Yes," she sighed. "I'm fine. I'm healthy as a horse, as a matter of fact."
"That's good," Tamaki said, relief coloring his voice. She closed her eyes to imagine his clear violet eyes and warm smile. "I can't sleep if I don't know if you're all right. Just tell me if anything's wrong and I'll fly to you…"
I'm pregnant with your baby, she wanted to say.
Instead, she contented herself with "Don't be ridiculous."
He let out a warm and sexy laugh that made her cheeks heat up. It was always his warm and vivacious nature that attracted her. When she was around him, she felt at peace. "Don't I miss your wit? In fact, I miss your smile. I also miss your laughter and your study habits. Speaking of that, I must get to work on my summer homework…"
She listened to him ramble on about homework, Antoinette, beautiful weather and soirees. It was a part of his character to jump off from one tangent to another when in a conversation. She can never predict what subject he'll think up next. If she had to listen to him for the rest of her life, she decided that she needed to brush up on her stock of knowledge first.
"Is Kyouya taking care of you? I asked him to keep an eye on things while I'm away… He's a great man, my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without him," Tamaki continued on obliviously. She smiled in the irony of the situation. Indeed, what will Tamaki do without Kyouya?
Kyouya was the guiding force, the one who pushed for direction. While Tamaki busied himself by charming clients and customers, Kyouya dealt with all the details to run the club as efficiently as possible. Without the dark-haired man's impeccable business acumen and ruthlessness, Host Club wouldn't have lasted long enough to survive. Tamaki might be the light and image but Kyouya was the substance and brains.
"He is," Haruhi agreed.
"Don't hesitate to ask him for help, okay?" Tamaki said as his tone changed. He became more serious. "Don't think about debts or whatever. Kyouya understands, all right? Its his task to take good care of everyone, especially you."
"Hmm," she said. She had no doubt about that.
"I miss you," her lover said sweetly.
"I miss you too," Haruhi murmured just as tenderly. Now that she knew she was pregnant, she felt like she was PMS-ing everyday. She also got emotional and weepy over the smallest things. "You don't know how much I do."
"I used to say that I won't get sad and I'd made lemonade out of lemons," Tamaki said in a gentle tone "But I can't think about that when I'm missing you. It's great to be with my mother and teacher but it will be more wonderful if you were here… I can't see any silver lining in my clouds…"
Romance will never run out when she was with him. Haruhi smiled in spite of herself.
"I want to be with my Japanese family," he said, longing in his voice. "I used to say that I won't break my bonds with everyone… But I'm scared that it will when they find out about us…"
"Everything will be all right," she said reassuringly. "Just smile. Don't be sad, Senpai."
"Don't call me that," Tamaki said in a mock chiding tone. He relaxed when she heard her little giggle. It sent shivers up his spine. "How's the club?"
"They're doing great," Haruhi answered, smiling. "They can't wait for school. It seems that they look forward to club activities more than they'd admit…"
The lovers continued to talk about the regular mundane things that made up their world. They didn't care if they were covering up their sadness and loneliness if they could give comfort by pretending that they were all right. The sound of a happy voice was infinitely sweeter than hearing sad news or depressing thoughts.
Haruhi didn't tell him about her pregnancy yet. She didn't dare. Besides, she didn't want to add to his worries when his mother underwent chemotherapy. It might cut their time short and God knows they needed it. She also didn't want to deprive them of the precious time that they should spend together.
She knew, of all people, how hard it was to lose a mother.
"I love you," Tamaki said before they ended the call.
The phone beeped before Haruhi could even reply.
oOoOoOo
Tsuzuku…
oOoOoOo
