You yawned awake, surprised to see the sun bright, and shining into your face. It mus have been nearly noon for it to already be so bright. A small grunt brought your attention to Cas, gritting his teeth and breathing through them as he held his leg.
"Why didn't you wake me up, you idiot!" you shouted, grabbing the bottle from your pocket frantically before practically tearing it open with fumbling fingers, handing him two.
"You looked so peaceful. You never look like that when you're awake." he answered as if you had asked him the time of day, a simple response to a question of little import.
"It doesn't matter! You're sitting here with a hole in your leg because of me, so the least I can do is make sure I give you your medicine on time." you yelled, scowling at him with a mix of anger and worry, though mostly the latter.
"Maybe I like your calm face more than I like these pills? Did you ever think that I made these choices for me? Because I give a damn about you? You don't have to take care of everyone with nothing in return, you know?" he snapped back, gesturing with the narcotics before dry swallowing them.
"You'd have women busting your door down if you actually had one, so why does my face matter? You're delirious from the pain, moron." you explained, picking up the book which had fallen from your lap in your scramble.
"Because you aren't like any of them. I don't care what expression is on their faces." he said, his eyes full of emotion, even if they still had a light hazing from the drugs.
"You shouldn't, Cas. I'm not the kind of person you benefit from caring for." before he could argue, you got up, walking away. The air was crisp, but of the perfect temperature, and you used to opportunity to go for a run. You used to do it all the time, needing to keep healthy, but after society collapsed, there weren't any spare calories, and you worked out enough as it was making sure that there were enough to keep you and Mary alive.
Now you had plenty of food, and not nearly as much to do and you had to get your metabolism back up again lest you grow to be the only fat person in the end of the world. Not to mention that there was no way the guy with half his leg missing was going to be able to come and make you question everything you knew while you were running. You doubted he could catch you otherwise, seeing as you had always been the fastest at the police station. New guys had to race you when they first got in, just so they didn't have a big head.
And you needed to be away from him, because every word that came out of his mouth chipped away at the wall of sanity you'd built around yourself brick by painful brick. It had taken you years, and now he was destroying all of it and you had to go and see him and hear his voice as it tore you down every four hours. Because it wasn't his fault, he was just trying to help you, and to get help from you, and you couldn't be mad at him for that. You didn't know what you were, really. Anger was your go-to emotion with those other than your sister at this point. Presume that they planned to hurt you, and hurt them first. You hadn't felt anything but anger, suspicion and animalistic protectiveness in so long that you'd forgotten what to do with them. You didn't remember what it felt like to be on the other side of the reassurances, the promises that couldn't be kept, but sounded nice anyway.
"William, if you can hear me, I need you to tell me if it's okay. I need a sign. Please, I don't usually do this but I'm so damn confused. I can't love both of you, can I?" you asked, slowing to a halt and looking into the sky as nothing but a small, brisk flutter of wind blew by. You waited a minute, before cursing.
What the hell were you doing? You never believed in any of this, and even if you did the man immune to croats because he was apparently an angel said that they were all gone. No heaven to be had. He wasn't there, even if there had been a heaven. And yet, even thinking of another man felt like betrayal. The freezer of your heart was starting to melt in the ironic chill of late fall, and the fading numbness hurt.
You sighed, clenching your fists and swinging at the nearest tree, the bark scraping your knuckles, blood welling at the small injury. You cursed loudly, a stream of expletives pouring out as you tried to figure out a way to make this go back to normal. Nothing came but the darkening of the sky as evening began to set it. You were late giving Cas his meds, and you sprinted back to the cabin, hoping that he wasn't in too much pain.
When you arrived, he was in much the opposite state. He had been moved to the rug on the floor, and three women were on top of him, all four of them completely naked. It hurt to see, and you didn't know why. You weren't in a relationship, and he was entitled to whatever he wanted to do. This must have been what you were expected to do as part of the bet, and you bit back tears, realizing that his words of you being different were just lies. The only thing that made you different from them is that you refused to sink to that level.
"Here's your medicine, though it seems like you're doing fine. I think I'll keep it." you spat, all of them jerking up, the girls just curious, as if they expected you to join them. Cas looked like he'd seen a ghost, horror filling his expression.
"No, wait..." he tried to call, but she just left at the same run she'd been at to get to him.
You at least had your answer. What little affection had been growing in your chest for the idiot who had a psychotic break and fancied himself and angel was well and truly gone. Of course he was just a pervert, but damn he was good at it. He almost had you thinking that he was a good person, when in reality he probably had another bottle of pills, and did this to get all those other girls to trust him before he got them addicted to. It was like every European prostitution ring you'd ever heard about but with only one guy, and he kept them all for himself.
This time you didn't know where you were running, as the sun went down and night fell. Everyone probably assumed you were with Cas, and he couldn't exactly get up and tell anyone that you weren't. That, and he seemed to be busy. He wouldn't send his whores away just to report one girl missing. So you ended up in the middle of the forest, at the rusted gate to the camp, and having no idea how to get back. You cried out, angry at yourself and Castiel and everyone and everything for ending you up in this position. You'd never wished to change anything before, not finding a point other than to point out how bad off you were. But now you had time to think, and you were already depressed so what was the harm.
"Why wasn't I the one who died?" you asked no one. "Why not me instead of William, or anyone else. Mom. Dad, uncle, anyone who could have kept Mary safe. They wouldn't have fallen for some crazy guy and lost track of the number one rule."
The number one rule. You and Mary were a team, and no one else was to be trusted. You never let anyone in, and you definitely never hurt for them. Empathy was a dirty word as far as you were concerned, and you stayed as distant as you possibly could while not getting shot. And you broke it, as many times as you'd lectured Mary on it, you broke the rule, and even questioned it's merits for a brief moment.
"I can change the part where you lived, hon." your blood went cold as you felt icy metal go to your throat, a knife held by whatever chain smoker had spoken.
"I have a camp nearby, and they're already looking for me, I can guarantee it." you lied, hoping that the knowledge you were in a group would keep you alive.
"Silly girl. Why would they look for someone who ran away? I mean, maybe the crazy guy, but he'll probably get lost when he sees a butterfly flitting about. No, you'll be part of my group now." on cue, three more men came from the trees, all of them looking like stereotypical thugs, and holding lecherous grins on their faces.
You didn't have your gun, you didn't have anything but your own stupidity, and regret. You were completely powerless as he ordered you to stand. His hands wandered over your body, and as he chuckled his rancid breath nearly made you gag. Your brain was rushing at top speed trying to find a way out of this, but as long as that blade was pressed so tightly to your neck there wasn't much you could do.
"Sis! Sis, you out here?" Great. Now Mary was here, too. You hoped to hell she brought someone with her, or at least the gun. But that was too much to ask for, as she emerged into sight unarmed, alone, and with a shocked expression.
"Mary, run. Now." you ordered, feeling dizzy as your blood moved too fast for your brain to get much out of it. You were panicking, logic slowly leaving you with animal instincts that wouldn't do you any good.
"Hey, let her go!" Mary ordered, most certainly not running. You wanted to hit her, until she opened her mouth again. "Dean! Dean, help!" so she had help, and it was the bad-ass fearless leader no less. You didn't care for him, but there was no doubt that he was one of the best, if not the best, fighter in the camp.
His bullet emerged before he did, and you thanked his paranoid tendency to carry a weapon everywhere he went. It blew the head off the guy holding a knife to you, and you escaped with only a shallow scratch. You grabbed the blade and moved in front of Mary as Dean came into view, firing again and taking a place next to you.
"How dare you even look at my sister, you son of a bitch?" you growled, running at him, frustration and fury fueling you movements. Dean, seeing that, one, you were pissed, and needed to get that out, and, two, you had pride to regain, simply kept aim in case the other guy tried to make a move. When you had beaten all your anger, and your energy out of the thug, you buried the knife in his throat and stood, as Dean shot the last raider.
"Are you okay, Sis?" Mary asked, running past Dean to wrap her arms around you.
"Yeah. Thanks to you and Dean. How'd you know to come looking for me?"
"I went to bring you dinner in Cas' cabin, and he was shirtless and limping toward the door saying you'd run off. You always run straight when you're upset, so it was easy to follow you."
"Mary, I haven't run off like that in years. How the hell did you remember my tendencies?"
"Cause when you were a teenager I always got ten bucks when I found you." She smiled, and you smiled back, hugging her tightly.
"I love you, kid." you kissed the top of her forehead, and made sure to stand close to her as you walked back to camp.
