Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… seriously. I do NOT.

A/N: Ahh! All these reviews! Muchos gracias! And I wanted to address the "harsh" punishment Slughorn gave Lily and her friends. I thought it was a lighter version of what he could've given them. After all, they did destroy his spare dungeon room. They easily would have gotten detention, but I guess I failed to mention that. Mulciber, Avery, and Snape got a worse punishment (house point deduction and one months worth of detention).

Meaning of the Lilyflower

Chapter 11: Crazy Love

Remus, with all the strength he had left, walked down the hallway with determination on his mind. He knew what he had to do, and why he had to do it. He wasn't going to like it, but it felt like the practical thing to do. His feet felt like lead, willing him to stop and turn around, forget this absurd idea.

But he made up his mind a while ago.

"Lemon drops," Remus muttered under his breath, hoping no one would hear. The stone gargoyle sprung aside to reveal a winding staircase. Remus certainly wanted to race back down the stairs and hide under the covers of his bed.

"Morning, Remus." Dumbledore greeted him like an old friend, taking his hand and offering him a seat in front of his desk. Items and knick-knacks cluttered every shelf surrounding him in the circular room. The past head masters glared down at him for disturbing them so early in the morning.

"Good morning, Professor Dumbledore. How are you?"

"Particularly fine today, aside from this early hour."

"Er – yeah, sorry about that," Remus shrugged, sitting up straight in the comfy chair. "But I wanted to do this before class."

"Ah. Well, would you like to explain the reasoning behind this bold decision?" Dumbledore questioned, baby blue eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"That's why I came here. Or else I would have included the badge in the letter I sent you."

"Okay. Continue."

"You must have heard about the huge kidnapping of Alice Prewett yesterday, sir," Remus started, thinking of how he was going to phrase this.

"Of course I did. Particularly dangerous and risky of your friends to go in and save her like that."

"Yes… but… she would be hurt if they didn't do that. I'm giving up Head Boy because I feel I can't do the job of protecting the school."

"Continue," Dumbledore pushed on, waving with his hand.

"I was sick in bed that whole day. And while I was, Alice was in grave danger. My friends… they stepped up to the challenge when I couldn't. And that made me think… what if my friends hadn't been there? What if they couldn't cover, what if they didn't save her? I would be responsible for it, I'm Head Boy… and… I would be forever guilty. I can't live with the worry of harming someone when there are others who are much more suited for the position. Others without… complications," Remus stumbled. He still wasn't too comfortable discussing his condition with Dumbledore.

"I see," Dumbledore thought, stroking his tawny colored beard. "It's very simple reasoning… but who would you dare pass the badge on to?"

Remus relaxed; he knew exactly who would take the position with responsibility and love it as well. "James Potter, sir."

Dumbledore thought long and hard for a while. Remus was unsure how long it was, but it was enough to make him squirm. Was his reasoning selfish? Selfless? Logical? Illogical? Smart? Just plain stupid?

"I have decided to consider your request, Remus," Dumbledore concluded after what seemed like days. Remus felt the weight lift off his chest; he wasfree. "But I want to make sure this is absolutely what you want."

The pride. The happiness. All these feelings of becoming Head Boy were about to be thrown out the window, but Remus knew he needed to. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure."

"Then you are dismissed." Dumbledore waved him off, but there was distrust in his eyes. He seemed to know Remus didn't want to give up his position. He seemed to know that he was insecure about James as Head Boy. And he seemed to know things could only get worse from here. Remus walked out of the office feeling like scum and wanting nothing more to curl up under the covers and sleep without a conscience.

After all, he had never lied to a teacher before.


"James is… Head Boy?" Lily screeched at the top of her lungs.

"Quiet, Lils, quiet!" Alice shushed, noticing all the weird glares they were getting from around the common room. "I just heard it from Remus himself about five minutes ago."

"I heard it from Sirius who screamed down the hallway, 'James is Head Boy! I am free to do as I please! Take that bitches!'" Frank shrugged, grinning. It was just the three of them together during free period on Tuesday. No Aloe, no Marauders. Just them.

"But… but… why? Why would Remus give it up?"

"I have no idea… maybe he was tired of it?" Frank suggested.

"I doubt it," Alice stated, shaking her head. She was surprisingly calm for being taken hostage two days ago. Ever since she revealed her secret, she seemed to be a lot more open to people. Alice had even grunted a thank you to Aloe just today.

"I think it has something to do with James," Lily continued. "You know how he wants to get me and win the name bet. This is just a tactic of his."

"Doubt that too."

"Maybe Remus had a conflict?" Frank was only half interested, flipping through a huge volume on herbs and magical plants.

"Possibly," Alice considered, stretching her head in confusion.

"Guys, let's not worry on the fact on how James became Head Boy, but rather what will happen when he is," Lily spoke. The fact of spending patrol rounds with James was scaring her to death. What would he try? They would be planning the Back-to-School Ball together, punishing together, ruling the school together. Together, together, together. Lily really wanted to meet a person who conspired against them.

"Why should you worry about that? You guys are friends, correct?" Alice sighed, swinging her legs up to rest on the arm of the chair.

"Yeah, but… it's scaring me… I'm sort of feeling like… like… it's not good for me to be around him. He does something to me. Like, I'm digging a hole of hate in the ground, but he keeps filling it up with sweet dirt again."

"It angers you?"

"Well, yeah!" Lily stared incredulously at Alice. "I can't like Potter! It's just against the reasoning of the world."

"Lily… if it happens, it happens. You can't stop it. And certainly don't lie. Lies just build up and you'll lose something you definitely don't want to," Alice assured.

"I know that first hand experience. Losing the love of my life," Frank said absent mindedly, continuing to turn page after page. Lily could tell he was not actually reading it, but trying to find something to do with his hands.

"Oh really? Because Aloe's just a big flirt, she couldn't have been the love of her life," Alice spat, jealousy laced into her voice.

"I wasn't talking about Aloe!" Frank flushed a deep shade of scarlet to match the chair he was sitting on. He glanced down, avoiding Alice's glare.

"Yes, you were! Have you seen the way you drool over her? You so like her."

"What if I do? Why do you care?"

Alice's eyes widened as she spluttered, "I… I… I don't care, not one bit."

"Then why are you so obsessed with my love life?"

"You don't have a love life, unless you count that simple kiss some random girl gave you for saving her from choking!"

"It was a whole chicken wing down her throat, you couldn't blame her!"

"'Oh, Frank, thank you from saving me from the dreaded chicken wing of doom! It was about as vicious as a… a flobberworm!'"

"At least I've actually kissed someone!"

"Guys, guys, shut up!" Lily eased, putting her hands up in surrender position. "Stop, just stop arguing." Alice and Frank were in a deadlock glare at each other. A fight between her best friends was definitely not what Lily needed right now.

"You… you have no idea," Alice cried, storming out of the common room in a huff.

Frank looked puzzled but flushed with the embarrassment of the situation. "What's her problem?" he muttered more to himself, turning his gaze back down to the book in his lap. But Lily could see the hurt in his face and how he really did care.

And Lily? She just hoped that it would blow over.

But she doubted it would without her help.


"Ready for rounds?" James asked as he turned his head and saw Lily dashing down the stairs, her auburn hair in a messy bun.

Lily's breath left her lungs, reminding her of James's new position. She knew things like being appointed to something major could change a person, but somehow, James looked drastically different to her. He seemed more relaxed, his face of a wise man. His hair didn't look so messy now. His robes and tie seemed a little tidier with the badge on his chest.

"Y-yeah, I'm just about ready," Lily concluded, stuffing some books into her bag absentmindedly. Truthfully, she would never be ready, but she knew she had to face him sometime. It would be the first time they were alone since that day by the lake, and Lily couldn't help but be incredibly nervous.

James stood up, waving shortly to Sirius, Remus, and Peter before waiting by the portrait hole. Lily took a deep breath and set out with him.

The first few minutes were safe ground, talking about which routes to take and what classrooms to check. After the planning was done and the walking begun, only then did James attempt to talk to her.

"So… did you like it?"

Lily was stunned. "Like what?"

"Like the lily. Like the proof. Did you before Peter interrupted?"

"Well… umm… no." Lily had no idea where the words came from. She was lying to herself, lying to James. Her heart beat faster in her chest like a wild rebellion, wondering where these words that brought it to shame came from. But just the look on James's face was enough to make her feel immediately guilty.

"You… you didn't?" James's face fell like a thermostat in the winter. His once hopeful expression was clouded by crestfallenness.

Lily kept her mouth shut. She didn't trust it to speak anymore.

"But… but… I was sure you liked it… that look on your face… two days ago…" James couldn't form complete words, only spitting out phrases that were meaningless.

Lily's heart ached with pain worse than anything she felt. Trying to make things better, she decided with, "Why don't we call the bet off?"

"Call it off?" James repeated, dumbstruck. "Why would we call it off? It's my only chance to win you over."

"But… but… it's not working."

"Lily… not working? I thought you would agree in the beginning when I made the bet. You did. I thought you would be honest with me. You weren't. I'm relying on your honesty here, Lily, and I'm putting all my trust in it. But… if you can't trust yourself to tell the truth, if you aren't brave enough, I guess there's nothing I can do."

This infuriated Lily. Her hot-temperedness took over. "I am brave, okay? I admit the truth to myself, and the truth is… the truth is I hate you, James Potter, and I hate your proofs. I hate everything about you, and I have no idea what you ever saw in me with that stupid lily on Sunday. Nothing."

James's sadness morphed into something worse… something angry. "Lily, you're too damn wrong! I know you loved it, I know you're a coward to admit it! Just… just admit it to yourself and get it over with! I love you Lily, okay? Just don't do this to me!"

Lily's heart swelled a million sizes. "You… you love me?"

James's face was covered in shadows, hiding his embarrassment. "Yes, I love you. But I guess you're too blind to realize it."

And he stormed away, not only taking his Head Boy badge with him, but Lily's broken heart too.


A/N: I sort of feel guilty for that chapter… but… NAH! I think this fight is crucial to their relationship. It will be resolved around the next chapter or two, since I'm planning on ending this story at around fifteen chapters. Nothing too long, nothing too short. Oh, and did Remus's decision seem canon?

I would like to aim for at least 100 reviews before I finish… please?

Read and review please!