This is very random and silly even by my standards. Basically, Bilbo gets caught in Mirkwood too, but Thranduil has no clue exactly what Bilbo is. Now, what's beardless, tiny and has hair in strange places (to an Elf)? A Dwarf child, of course!
The Elven palace was misty with a thick, yellow light. It wasn't a healthy, warm golden as Rivendell had been and the Elves were colder, harder and completely terrifying. Bofur kept close to Bilbo as the Elvenfolk would allow and Bilbo felt himself grow dizzy as they walked further through the unbearable atmosphere that lay over the Kingdom.
They were taken to a large room, dark walls surrounding them. The Elves left their sides and moved back, watching them through coldly interested eyes. There was sudden tension as every Dwarrow in the group saw something directly in front of them. Stepping closer to Bofur, Bilbo looked too.
In a tall, antlered chair perched an Elf. He had the same chiselled features as every other Elf that had accompanied them, yet he had long, straight white-blonde hair, upon which sat a crown that looked to be made of twigs with little red leaves curling around them. He had very blue eyes, and wore a outfit that seemed to be made of the stars themselves and upon his finger was a silver ring supporting a white, glimmering jewel.
This was no Elf, it seemed. This was the Elvenking, Thranduil.
"It has been a long time since Dwarves were last in our borders," Thranduil said. "Tell me, Oakenshield, what brings you into Greenwood?"
"What business is it of yours?"
Thranduil stood. His long robes fell from his body, settling by his feet, making him look as though he'd risen from a pool of ice. "It is my business when I have trespassers in my Kingdom."
Thorin was not cowed so easily. "We were passing through."
Thranduil began stalking over. "To where?"
"The other side," Thorin answered.
Bilbo began to see where Fili and Kili got their cheek from.
Thranduil stood a short distance from them. "Very amusing. I shall ask you again.. What is that?"
Glancing up, Bilbo found the blue eyes of the Elvenking fastened onto his own.
Thorin looked as though he'd just invented the sun. "He's a beardling."
'What?!' Bilbo stared at Thorin, unable to believe what he'd just heard. Had the King really just said that?
"Oh, aye," now Bofur, the traitor, nodded his head in agreement. "He's m'cousin Bifur's lad."
Bifur replied to this by dragging Bilbo towards him, holding him too securely around the shoulders with a strong arm.
"Why are you taking him on a journey through here?" Thranduil eventually asked.
Thorin gave a long-suffering sigh. "He's been asking for ages to visit Lake Town. Last year we finally had enough and decided to take him."
"All of you?"
"Aye."
"Why all of you?"
Thorin shrugged. "I thought my nephews might like to come. The others are meeting kin there."
There was a silence while the Elvenking thought this through. Finally he tilted his head, looking back at Bilbo. "What year were you born in?"
Seeing no other way around it, Bilbo, attempting to change his vocal tone, answered, "29..11."
Thranduil seemed satisfied, though he cast Thorin a suspicious look. "Very well. You are free to go."
With a swishing moment, he Elf King left. Bilbo turned to glare fiercely at Thorin, telling the Dwarf that they would all be discussing this soon. Thorin bowed his head, a faint glitter in his eyes when he looked up.
"A child?! A child, Thorin?" Bilbo demanded, thumping at Thorin as hard as he was able. They'd finally lost the Elves and Bilbo had wasted no time in letting his displeasure be known. "You great, hairy fool!"
"Oh, come now," said Dwalin, taking hold of Bilbo and trying to catch his fists. "No harm done!"
"I didn't know what else to do!"
"Well, why not just say... I don't know, but, really? A beardling?!"
Dwalin gave up on trying to grab hold of Bilbo's hands ere the hobbit caused real damage and simply encased him with his arms, finally stopping the attack. "Well, in fairness," he mused, ignoring Bilbo's orders to be released. "You sort of do look-"
"Finish that sentence and I'll break your shin with one kick," Bilbo threatened.
Thorin was starting to look abashed. "I didn't want to upset, I just wanted to leave quickly. What would you have done?"
"I wouldn't have said that! Why couldn't you have said you were taking your youngest kin to look upon the Mountain?"
"Because he would have suspected something," Thorin explained. "He knows Durin's Day is approaching and he knows the heirs to the throne. If we let him know that we'll be facing the Dragon, he would have locked us all up and thrown away the key."
"...Oh."
Sensing the danger was over, Dwalin released Bilbo, grinning over at Thorin. Oh, he'd be telling this one when Thorin eventually got himself married, for sure.
"I'm sorry I hit you."
"It didn't hurt. Though I didn't appreciate being called a 'hairy fool'."
Bilbo looked down, biting back a smile. "I apologise for that as well. Even though it was true."
Thorin gave an amused huff. Cupping the back of Bilbo's head with a hand, he asked, "how are you feeling? You didn't look well while in Mirkwood."
"It was just the air. It wasn't very good in there."
Thorin shook his head in agreement. "I know." Lowering his hand to grasp a shoulder, he bestowed a smile onto his burglar. "We head to Lake Town in ten minutes. Take some rest before we go."
As Thorin left, Bilbo glanced East. Though there was a thicket of trees and a heavy expanse of lake, he could almost see the single mountain, rising high into the pale sky.
Eh, Thranduil isn't stupid, he'd have known what a Hobbit is, I'm sure, but this idea seemed too amusing to refuse :)
Hope it was enjoyed!
Love from Shania. xx
