Hello everyone! Good evening.

For those of you who didn't get the notice, I'd postponed the chapter update to tonight. I want to remind you that, if you stop by the story page on a Monday and there is no update, you should check my profile page. I will ALWAYS put up a notice telling you why I didn't update, and give you the revised date of the post.

One last bit of business: NEXT MONDAY'S UPDATE IS CANCELLED. I am in a musical, and this week is dress-rehearsal after dress-rehearsal, and this weekend is show-weekend. I'll have no time to write. I'm sorry! :( I love you guys!

If you have any question, please PM me, or send me a message on Skype (aWICKEDgiraffe). I love hearing from you!


"So … which one is it?"

Wataru was startled out of his sullen temper. "Huh?"

"The book. You wanted it, right? Tell me which one; I'll get it for you," Kazuki said, pointing to the top shelf Wataru had been trying to reach.

"That's … that's none of your business!" Wataru no doubt felt like a child being told to let the adult handle things. He looked irritated beyond measure, though little drops of sweat had broken out over his skin. After all, if he refused help from Kazuki, then he would have no choice but to climb again—and that had worked out so well the first time, hadn't it? 'So stubborn …'

"You have realized it's impossible at your height, haven't you?" Kazuki asked dryly, aiming the stinger right for Wataru's pride. "And the stepladder's broken, by the way," he added, just in case the junior still had any hope of avoiding Kazuki's help. He saw Wataru cringe slightly, and knew he'd thought right. He laughed inwardly.

"Come now," he drawled condescendingly, pulling Wataru's list out of his loose fingers. "It's better than climbing, isn't it?"

As Wataru sulked, Kazuki scanned the boy's list. Eight books … all the titles were in English, and they were all familiar to the senior. He'd spent ages pouring over all of them—he knew them cover-to-cover.

He pulled the first two volumes off the top shelf. "This brings back memories. I read the same books on these shelves last year, too. Suzuki of grammar made up this list, right?"

Wataru's gaze shifted to Kazuki, his large eyes unblinking as he stared squarely at the taller boy. "You read them? But they're in English …" His tone was breathy and skeptical, but there was praise in his eyes.

Kazuki smiled slightly and held up the collected reference books to showcase their thickness and decidedly un-Japanese orientation. Inwardly he felt happy that Wataru had been impressed with his abilities, and his ego swelled pleasantly. "I used a dictionary, but yeah. Read 'em once through, write one report, and even you might have a shot at a top university."

His expression was friendly as he deposited what he thought was excellent advice on Wataru, and he barely noticed the smaller boy's bemused expression as he handed the books over.

"Um … can I ask you something?"

Kazuki didn't reply; he just let the silence answer Wataru in the positive as he reached for more books.

"Why are you being so nice today?"

Kazuki was taken aback. For a moment he couldn't keep the incredulity off his face as he turned his head to look at Wataru.

Had his actions over the course of the few days he'd been regularly speaking to Wataru been so wrong that a small gesture of kindness as this needed to be called into question?

He turned away from Wataru's piercing stare to hide his face, since he couldn't shake his distraught emotions. Thinking back, Kazuki realized with sadness that every time he'd interacted with Wataru, he'd been vindictive and cold. At the water fountain, in the empty classroom, on the roof … every time Wataru had made his heart ache, he'd retaliated with callous words and unfair rejection.

Damn this feeling that made him lose his stability around Wataru! He'd never experienced this much loss-of-control around anyone else before! The more he interacted with his beautiful crush, the less he was able to distance himself from the strong feelings the dark-haired boy ignited in him. From Wataru's standpoint, whom knew nothing of these turbulent feelings constantly swilling around in Yuichi's body, it seemed like unwarranted bullying.

He felt shame blossom in his cheeks, tingeing them red. Of all the people in Ryokuyo, Wataru Fujii was the only person he'd ever been outright mean to. And of all the people in Ryokuyo, he was the one who least deserved it.

Trying his best to school his face (though his couldn't completely erase the heartache in his eyes), he turned back to Wataru and handed him the last two more books. "They're for the afternoon class, right? What would happen if these reference books weren't prepared? From the looks of it, you were the only one here …"

It was a weak explanation, and judging the way he was looking at him, Wataru thought so too. He set the heavy books down on the floor to relieve his sore arms and attempted to argue. "Yeah … but—"

"I had no choice. I spot a shorty who's having trouble reaching a book. I happen to be there, and also know that the stepladder is broken. So, of course, I have to help."

Wataru's brow furrowed. Yuichi thought he might confess right then and there that he was in love with him, if only to erase the mistrust reflected in his cherished person's eyes. It pained him greatly that Wataru doubted him.

"But you could have ignored me …"

Kazuki felt his tongue get caught up in his throat. He hadn't been expecting such a reply … Wataru was right. If he truly couldn't stand the other boy, as he'd led him to believe, then he would have ignored him. So the sienna-haired junior must at least suspect that Kazuki was lying to save face … but did he realize the reason why? Could he in any way infer that Kazuki not only didn't dislike Wataru, but in fact loved him wholeheartedly? He felt a stab of self-pity as he realized that no matter what he did—confess the truth or keep up the lie—Wataru would see him as the fake he really was.

Yuichi felt color rise to his cheeks in panic, his mind whirling to find a suitable response to Wataru's poignant protest. He felt a bit angry—why did Wataru have to press him like this? It was hard to think on his feet under the pressure of the smaller boy's judging inquiries. Looking away to the right, a bothered look on his face, Kazuki said, "What are you saying? You're irresponsible. If the reference material isn't there, the whole class suffers."

Wataru continued to look at him with wide, unblinking eyes, a reflective look on his face. Kazuki knew he was dissecting his words and trying to find a reason behind the contradicting words of the past and actions of the present.

Still flushing, and feeling incredibly awkward and embarrassed, Kazuki looked down at Wataru's list to avoid looking at that searching stare. He regretted the whole encounter when he noticed Wataru brighten up a bit and smile. Kazuki felt ill. What conclusion had he come up with? Did he suspect the truth? Did he think Kazuki a fool? Was he mocking him?

Kazuki took a breath and tried to salvage what little remained of his neutral mask. He was annoyed when he thought about how easily his mask crumbled in front of Wataru—that selfsame mask which had fooled everyone else, from his teachers to his own parents. He had accidently shown Wataru his true emotions twice now, and each time had been a disaster.

"This is the last one." He pulled one more book off the shelf, and waved it by Wataru; perhaps as a last-ditch effort to distract the boy from his musings. He watched as Wataru grabbed it and stacked it on top of the pile—there were 8 volumes in all. He would need help carrying them … Kazuki debated on how to do it. After all, a line had been crossed, and he couldn't go back.

If he treated Wataru with the same callous attitude, as before, this non-sequitor moment would amount to nothing, and only succeed in making Wataru dismiss him. No … he had to make it seem like he was simply warming up to the junior—it would make the most sense in the situation and hopefully dissuade Wataru from analyzing his words.

"Would you like me to help you carry them?" Kazuki asked, after watching Wataru stare down at the large pile warily. Wataru whipped around, his beautiful cobalt eyes big and round.

"Huh? Seriously?" Wataru shouted, briefly forgetting their location. It was impossibly cute, that expression, and Kazuki couldn't help but grin at him from over his shoulder. He really was like a little kid sometimes …

"If you bow your head and ask me nicely," Kazuki retorted, like an adult speaking to a particularly stubborn child, and then turned away.

He needed a moment to himself. He rubbed the back of his neck where a stress-knot ached, and closed his eyes. 'Breathe in … breathe out …' He had to calm down.

Together, he and Wataru each carried a pile of books up to the third floor and the junior's classroom, avoiding each other's gazes and talking very little. Wataru managed to nudge the door open with his foot when they arrived, and they walked in. In the background he could hear the usual excited trills of girls at the infamous senior appearance in their classroom, but he could barely hear them over the pounding in his own heart.

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise! Good afternoon, Kazuki-san," Suzuki-sensei beamed as the two boys set the books down heavily on the front table. "Helping out a kohai, up to your usual good deeds I see! Good, good!"

Kazuki greeted his old teacher politely, and then headed towards the door. He'd just passed the threshold when Wataru's voice called out to him.

"Hey, wait…"

He immediately turned around; that voice would make him do just about anything, he reckoned.

Wataru gave him a little smile; it was nowhere as brilliant as the smile Kazuki had fallen in love with, and it was tinged with lingering confusion and doubt.

"Thanks for your help."

Never have words of gratitude ever made Kazuki feel more miserable.