A/N: AHHHHHHHH! We are so, so, so, so sorry for the lack of update recently, the only excuse we can offer is that we forgot . To make up for that though, here's a chapter over 5,000 words long! Lol, enjoy!!!
Disclaimer: We don't own Mediator
Chapter 11
"I guess this goes without saying but I just...I want to," I whisper, my head resting against his chest and his arms around me. "I'm sorry."
"Susannah...please, it's all right. Let's end it there," Jesse says immediately, stroking my bare arm.
"You're right," I reply, nodding my head and closing my eyes. "I totally agree." He presses a kiss against my hair and smiles.
"Good," he says softly.
"Hey, so since we have now...christened the bedroom..." I say suggestively, trailing a finger up and down his chest.
When he's silent, I sit up, turning to face him and seeing a grin on his face. "What are you implying, Mrs. de Silva?" he asks.
I let out a giggle and straddle him before leaning down and, taking his face in my hands, kissing him seductively on the lips before getting out of bed.
A minute later, I'm in his arms and he's kissing me all over again. I giggle a little into the kiss and slide my arms around his neck.
"I guess what they say about college boys IS true," I say as I pull him out of the bedroom and into the small bathroom, more specifically into the shower stall.
"Oh really?" he asks as I turn the shower on. "And what is that?" I smirk up at him and pull his face down to mine for another kiss.
"You never run out of...energy. That and you only have one thing on your mind," I say as the water drenches the both of us.
"I hope you're talking about schoolwork, Susannah," he says as the room starts to steam up. "Because I don't have anything else on my mind."
"Uh huh. I would beg to differ," I say, glancing down meaningfully before looking back up at his eyes.
He smiles a little and playfully says, "I liked you better when you were quiet." I laugh a little because...well, I've learned my lesson. I won't take things so seriously from now on.
"I'm serious, it's true," I say, closing my eyes and letting the water fall down over my head and my body.
"You look really, really good when you're wet," he says huskily, leaning down and kissing me intensely.
I let out a loud gasp as he presses me against the shower tile, which is EXTREMELY cold might I add, even though the room is practically a million degrees.
"Cold?" he asks softly and I nod mutely, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths.
He leans down, sucking at a spot on my neck and I let out a small moan, running my hands all over his back.
"Mmmm...OH god!" I exclaim as I feel him touching me...well...down there.
My knees almost buckle beneath me; they actually probably would have if he hadn't been holding me up with his other hand.
I kiss him for a moment before throwing my head back as he continues to pleasure me. "Jesse, oh my God," I moan out.
I feel him smile against my throat as he kisses it, and even though my body is so, SO hot, I shiver.
He peppers kisses all over my neck as his hands keep working their magic. I'm having trouble standing.
"J...Jesse," I moan out, my feet slipping out from under me for a second.
"What? Do you want me to stop?" he asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he pulls his hand out from between my legs. "Because I can if you want."
"No! I...I just...I can't stand up," I say, pouting.
"Should we continue this in the bedroom?" he asks, his hand wandering back between my legs.
"No...not the bedroom," I gasp, my nails digging into his back.
He doesn't say another word, just kisses me deeply though I can barely kiss him back, my mind preoccupied with the feeling Jesse's creating in me.
I gasp as I feel his arms hoist me up and then he's turning off the water and carrying me out of the bathroom.
"If not the bedroom then where, Susannah?" he whispers in my ear, his breath making me shiver slightly.
"Be creative," I reply, grinding into his hand.
He suddenly grins down at me and starts kissing me even more passionately than before, his tongue eagerly exploring my mouth.
"Mmmmm," I moan, kissing him ardently.
"Mmmm...oh querida," he moans softly, holding me even closer against him.
"S...slipping here Jesse," I moan against his lips, his lips that can work WONDERS, as my feet decide to give way again.
He quickly holds me up, laughing a little. "Sorry," he whispers before going back to kissing me.
Somewhere along the way of us playing intense tonsil hockey, Jesse reaches over and turns the shower off with a quick twist of his wrist.
The absence of the water makes me shiver a little, but Jesse's kisses make me feel warmer and warmer by the second.
"Hold on," he whispers before carefully stepping out of the shower, which is probably very difficult for him seeing how it's slippery, he's going backwards, and he has me hanging on to him.
He lets out a deep moan as I start to kiss his neck, grazing my teeth against the particularly sensitive spots.
He doesn't stop walking until we're out in the living room and he's setting me down on the carpeted floor.
I kiss him deeply, running my hands through his damp, messy hair. "Mmmm," I moan into his mouth, feeling his arousal pressed against my stomach.
"You are so beautiful, querida," Jesse whispers in my ear a moment later.
"And I love you," he continues, his lips kissing all along my jaw then down my neck, driving me wild.
"Jesse?" I ask, trailing my hand up and down his muscular back.
"Yeah?" he whispers and I can feel his mouth moving against my neck before he goes back to kissing it.
"Shut up and make love to me," I say in a moan.
He laughs and lifts his head, looking into my eyes. "As you wish."
"Jesse...I think I have rug burn," I mumble as I lay on top of him on the bed later that night.
He chuckles and wraps his arms around me. "Well, that doesn't surprise me," he says softly, giving me a soft kiss.
I give him a little glare before chuckling, "Whatever could you mean?" I ask.
He chuckles too and kisses me again. "I meant nothing," he says before looking over at the clock. "Wow, it's almost one in the morning."
"I guess time flies when you're having fun," I say, running my fingers through his hair.
"I guess it does," he replies, softly stroking my hair as I rest my head against his chest.
"Goodnight," I say a few moments later as I feel sleep knocking at my doorstep.
"Goodnight, querida," he whispers as I roll off of him snuggle up beside him, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.
"Jesse, do you want Mexican or Chinese for dinner?" I call from the main room as Jesse gets ready in the morning. It's been about a month and a half and he's been in school for about a week now.
"Mexican, we've been living off of Chinese for way too long," he tells me and I nod my head silently. A week or two after we moved here, we called my mom and told her about the baby. Needless to say, she was over the moon.
Ever since then, she's been calling almost every single day. Even more now that the big appointment was coming up. My first check up ever. I'm about 4 months along now, so Jesse and I are hoping that we'll be able to figure out the sex of it too.
We've been discussing names lately. Actually, it's the topic of almost every conversation we have. You'd think it would get boring after a while, but it doesn't. Almost everyday, we come up with new ideas. It's kind of hard deciding what name is right, but I think we've narrowed it down.
If we end up having a boy, we've decided that his name would be Jasper Ross. Jesse hated the name Jasper at it, but over time he grew fond of it, and now he loves it.
As for girl names, this was a little harder. Finally, we settled on Catherine Nicole, two names that I absolutely adore. Now that we've picked out names, I'm getting more nervous and excited by the day.
The only thing, well not the only thing but the main thing, that I hate about being pregnant, is the fact that I'm starting to grow. I'm starting to gain weight.
Everyday, Jesse assures me that I'm beautiful and that's not going to change, but he's my husband, he HAS to say things like that unless he wants to sleep on the couch or something.
I've already moved up from my normal size 2, to a size 4, and that's when I'm wearing stretch jeans.
Needless to say, this didn't help my self esteem at all. To make matters worse, Jesse has a new partner in one of his classes.
I know I shouldn't be worried, I mean, this is college. Guys are allowed to have perfectly platonic female friends. No sexual interest at all...right?
And Jesse would never EVER cheat on me. Never. Just the thought of that is ridiculous. But Rebecca...you just look at her and automatically think she's a slut.
I mean, maybe not slut, but she's perfect. And she knows she's perfect too.
The first person I think of whenever I see her is Kelly Prescott: long blond hair, tall, thin. She was probably the queen bee in high school.
Oh, and to add everything else, she's from Georgia. Little miss Georgia, full on with the accent and everything.
And oh my god, Jesse dated Kelly Prescott back in high school. What if this girl reminds him that he HAD a gorgeous girlfriend but he gave it up and now he wants it back and he LEAVES ME for this Prescott-look-alike??
I panic like this about 5 times a day, usually in private because I know that Jesse would worry too much if he saw me like this.
"Everything all right? You're quiet," Jesse says as he comes into the living room and sits down beside me on the couch.
"Yeah, I'm just tired," I lie, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I've said this before and I'll say it again: you're a terrible liar, but I'll let that slide for now," he says, laughing a little and pulling me closer.
"When do you have class?" I ask, even though I know the answer.
"In about...half an hour," he tells me, smiling a little. I let out a sigh and smile to myself. I love how much Jesse loves school. It really makes him happy.
"After class I'm going to catch up on some of my history homework, and then I was wondering if you wanted to go to an actual college party, I hear they're all the rage," Jesse says and I giggle.
"Sounds great, where's it gonna be?" I ask, laying down across the couch, putting my head on Jesse's lap.
"Some fraternity," Jesse says, running his fingers through my curly hair.
I nod my head and close my eyes, breathing slowly and evenly. I feel Jesse reach over and place a hand on my stomach.
"Hmmm, what're you doing?" I ask him, perfectly content right now.
"Nothing," he whispers as he starts to stroke my stomach which is getting bigger. I let out a long sigh, loving the way he's touching me, so tender and gentle.
"I have to go, querida. You rest, and eat some grapefruits or oranges or something, you know, healthy food," Jesse says, his voice somewhat regretful.
I open my eyes and look up at him, nodding my head. "Hurry back," I whisper, sitting up and kissing him.
"I will. I love you," Jesse says, kissing me back softly.
"I love you too," I reply, pulling him down for one last kiss before he gets up, grabbing his jacket and books before leaving.
He blows me a soft kiss before shutting the door softly behind him and I get up, walking over to get the remote.
I just start to get comfortable when of course, the phone rings. Letting out a groan of frustration, I walk over to the phone and pick it up. "Hello?"
"Susie? What are you doing up, you should be resting!" Mom scolds into the phone and I roll my eyes. Is she serious?
"I was, mom," I tell her, plopping back down on the couch and turning off the TV. "I was."
"Well, anyways, I was calling to make sure about the date of your checkup, it's two days from now, right?" she asks and I roll my eyes, again.
"Yes mom, it's tomorrow," I reply. Deciding to change the subject, I ask, "How are things in Carmel?"
"Oh honey, they're great. Andy's already talking about building you a nice, sturdy crib, something strong yet small so that it will it in your dorm," mom starts to say.
"Great," I mumble, wanting to get off the baby subject. That's all people ever want to talk about anymore, especially mom.
"Oh honey, perk up. You're going to be a mother soon! I know the morning sickness, and the swollen ankles, and the urge to pee every 5 seconds..." she says and I tune her out. She's right about everything, except the morning sickness of course, that's been over for about a month or so now, but she thinks I'm only in my first month, not my 4th.
"Why are you going for your appointment so early, anyway?" she asks and I let out yet another sigh. I must have told her a thousand times.
"I just want to make sure everything's alright and see what vitamins I should take," I say patiently.
"Yeah, that's good," she says and I can almost hear her huge smile. "I'm so happy for you and Jesse, sweetie."
"I know, and thank you mom. I should probably be going, I'm feeling exhausted," I say, and I 'm actually telling the truth.
"Ok, you get some rest. Tell Jesse I say hello," she says. I tell her I will and we say goodbye and I almost instantly fall asleep.
These are the moment that I'm starting to love most. Just when I'm about to fall asleep, Jesse's face in my mind, and everything feeling just...well perfect.
I usually end up dreaming about him. Not like that, you pervs, but like just his face in my mind. Like he's watching over me.
That's not saying I don't have dreams like...well, the GOOD ones, but I enjoy the ones where we're just laying down together, just in love.
Sometimes, though, our bliss gets interrupted by thoughts of Paul invade my mind and start to...just take over.
Not so much anymore...but sometimes. It's definitely gotten better though. His image is slowly becoming fuzzy in my mind.
The dreams I love the most, though, are the ones where we have the baby. Like the other night, I had a dream where I was in bed and Jesse was singing to the baby to get her (yes, I saw a girl) to go to sleep.
I can just picture Jesse being the most perfect...amazing father ever. He's just so kind and so compassionate and so patient, especially with me.
Sometimes I think that the fact that the baby isn't his will be a problem, but then the thought just seems absolutely insane. I know that Jesse is going to love this baby as if it were his own.
"Querida, querida wake up," Jesse says to me softly, cupping my face in his hand.
I open my eyes and smile at him. "I was having a good dream," I tell him softly.
"I got the food, if you're hungry," Jesse says, gesturing to the counter where there are about 4 greasy bags full of my favorite Mexican foods, most likely.
"When am I not hungry?" I ask him, smiling a little and sitting up. He laughs and leans down to kiss me before going and getting the food.
"I figured I'd get you your usual. 2 soft tacos, shredded beef, no lettuce, an enchilada, Spanish rice, sweet corn cakes, refried beans, and some tortilla soup," Jesse says, taking the things out one at a time and placing them on the coffee table in front of us.
I sigh and smile at him again. "What would I do without you?" I ask and he laughs. "You'd probably starve," he replies.
"No...but I would be living off of Dr. Pepper and Kraft Macaroni and cheese," I say, picking up a taco.
He shakes his head at me. "Not a very good way to live," he says as he pulls out his notes from one of his classes.
"Yuck, those look hard," I say, glancing over his shoulder at the endless scribble.
He shrugs his shoulders and says, "It isn't, really." I roll my eyes and lean back against the couch. "Maybe not for you, Mr. Smarty-pants," I reply.
"I'm no smarter than you are, Susannah," Jesse says, reaching out and taking my hand in his.
I just shake my head at him. "Yeah, right," I say, taking a bite of my food. "You're going to be a doctor, Jesse; of course you're smarter than me. You always have been."
"I might be smart when it comes to medicine, but there are so many things out there that you know more about than I do. Sales tax for one," Jesse says teasingly.
I laugh a little and rest my head against his shoulders. "You're sweet," I tell him.
"As sugar," Jesse replies, kissing my forehead before returning his attention to his notes, "eat your dinner; we're leaving in about an hour and a half."
"I have NOTHING to wear," I say to Jesse as fifteen minutes later, I'm changing for the party. "Absolutely nothing!"
"Querida, you went shopping 2 weeks ago, surely some of that has to fit," Jesse says patiently.
"Nothing fits," I tell him, pouting. "I'm getting bigger by the day."
"No you're not, and is it so bad, if you are? Just think about what's causing you to...possibly grow, a baby, querida," Jesse says softly to me.
I feel his arms come around my waist and he kisses me on the cheek. "What about this, Susannah?" he asks, releasing my waist and picking up a pair of jeans and a shirt.
"It's alright...I guess," I say, sighing and taking them from him before pulling them on.
"I think you look beautiful," he says as I'm applying my makeup a few minutes later.
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, but I smile anyways.
He smiles back at me and kisses my cheek. "That's more like it," he says to me.
"Let's get going, before I decide that I look too fat to go out," I say after I'm done with my makeup and hair.
He laughs but doesn't say anything, slipping his arm around my waist as we leave the dorm. "Is uhm...Rebecca going to be there?" I ask quietly.
"Yeah, she's the one who let me know about the party," he says casually.
I let out a deep breath and nod my head. Great. She'll be all over him the whole night.
She doesn't do it in the super obvious way or anything, but you can tell that she would be completely all over him if I wasn't around.
"Something wrong, querida?" he asks me, stopping and turning to me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You're quiet."
He smiles back and leans down to kiss me, letting his lips linger on mine for a few moments. "Good, I wouldn't want you to be upset at a party," he says.
"I won't be. Do you know which frat house it's at?" I ask as we make our way across the lawn.
"Uhm..." he says, frowning as he pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket. I assume that had the frat house's name on it.
"Kappa Alpha," he says, before smiling at me.
I smile back and nod my head. "I know someone from there," I tell him.
"Oh? Who?" Jesse asks me.
"His name's Tad," I tell him. "I met him the day that...well, you know." Jesse nods in reply, not saying anything. I reach out and take his hand, smiling at him as we finally spot the frat house.
He squeezes it and pulls me a little closer as we approach the frat house. There are SO many people there.
"Suze?" I hear a deep voice say once we enter the house and I smile, seeing Tad descending some stairs, a beer in his hand.
"Hey, Tad!" I exclaim. "This is Jesse, I told you about him. Jesse, this is Tad Beaumont."
"Nice to meet you," Tad says slowly, probably still remembering the last conversation I had with him.
"Likewise," Jesse replies, nodding his head and pulling me even closer to him.
I glance up at him curiously for a second but then let it pass and turn back to Tad, smiling, "So, how have you been?" I ask him.
He shrugs, smiling a little. "Can't complain, and yourself?" I feel Jesse's hand grip mine even tighter and I realize something: he's jealous.
"I'm good, a little tired and stuff lately, but good. Our first checkup for the baby is tomorrow," I say, smiling.
"Well, I wish you the best of luck," he says, smiling down at me. "Well, I leave you two alone. It was nice meeting you, Jesse. Let me know how the appointment goes, ok, Suze?"
"I will, bye Tad it was nice seeing you again," i say before he walks off.
"You okay, Jesse?" I ask, grinning up at Jesse who finally relaxes his grip on my hand.
"I don't like him, Susannah," he says in a low voice and I let out a small giggle.
"What's funny about that?" he asks and I just shake my head. "You're cute when you're jealous," I tell him.
"I, querida, do not get jealous," he says firmly and I simply look at him before rolling my eyes.
"Then what was the death grip on my hand for?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.
"It was most certainly not a death grip, Susannah," Jesse says but I continue to just look at him.
I sigh and am about to say something when I hear that annoying southern drawl. "Jesse!!!"
"Becky!" Jesse exclaims, smiling as she runs up to us in this micro-miniskirt coughWHOREcough and some halter top that barely covers her boobs. Nice. Classy.
She grins at him and kisses him on the cheek before looking over at me. "Oh, hey there, Susie," she says. That's it. This bitch is going DOWN.
"Hi Bex!" I say, all chirpy-like.
"I hope you two are having fun!" she exclaims, still grinning. Her hand is resting on his chest and her eyes are locked on him. See why I hate her so much?
"Yeah, we are. We met up with this guy that I met a while back ,Tad Beaumont, he's pretty cool...and look, he's coming here now!" I exclaim, locking eyes with him and motioning for him to come over NOW.
He smiles a little before coming up beside me. "Hey Suze, what's up?" he asks.
"Have you met Bex?" I ask, grimacing at him, but I'm at the right angle so that she can't see the face I'm making.
"No, I haven't," Tad says, trying not to laugh. "It's nice to meet you, Bex, I'm Tad." She actually takes her eyes off of Jesse for a moment and looks over at Tad.
"Oh, hey," she says before flipping her hair over her shoulder and looking back to Jesse.
I roll my eyes and mouth to Tad, "Do something!" He chuckles softly and shakes his head.
"So, is everyone having fun?" he asks in an attempt to get Rebecca away from Jesse.
She gives Tad the dirtiest look I've ever seen and says, "I was."
"Ooookay then, so Suze, join me for a drink outside?" Tad asks me and I'm about to say sure when Jesse seems to snap back to life or something.
"Actually, Susannah and I were just going to do that ourselves," he says, reaching for my hand.
"Jesse, I thought you and I were going to, you know, talk about that theorem tonight," Rebecca says almost desperately.
"Later, Becky," he says, his death grip on my hand returning. "Come on, Susannah."
"Oh, well, I guess I'll have to talk to you later, Tad, you too Bex," I say, smiling ruefully before letting Jesse drag me out of the room.
Right before Tad is swallowed up by the crowd, I turn to him and mouth "Thank you." He gives me a smile and I turn back to Jesse.
"Whoa now partner," I say once we're outside.
"I really don't like that guy," he grumbles, letting go of my hand and glaring in the direction we just came.
"He just asked me to get a drink while you and Bex were talking," I say.
He just shakes his head. "I just really don't like that guy," he says after a moment.
"Awww, I think Jesse's jealous," I say softly.
He lets out a laugh and shakes his head. "I am not jealous, Susannah," he says.
"Then why don't' you like him?" I ask innocently.
"He...he just..." he stammers before stopping, smiling a little at me. I laugh and lean up to kiss him.
"You're jealous, but it's cute," I say, running my fingers through his hair.
"I am not cute," he says, slipping his arms around my waist. "I am too manly to be cute."
"Awww, you're so cute with your cheekies and that little nosey!" I say in a baby voice.
"You'll regret that later," he whispers, leaning down and kissing me intensely.
"Is that a threat?" I ask him, pulling back a little and looking up at him.
"And what if it is?" he asks, his face extremely close to mine. "Do I not threaten you?"
"Jesse, please, you couldn't kill a fly if it was being mean to you," I say completely seriously.
"Yoo-hoo! Jesse!" comes that annoyingly perky voice and I swear, if it weren't for Jesse's arms around my waist, I'd pounce on her and claw out her eyes or something.
"Here you are! I was beginning to think you were hiding from me," she says, sidling up close to Jesse.
"Aww, why would we hide from you, Bex?" I ask, my voice dripping with sarcasm but she's apparently too dumb to notice.
"Jesse, I want you to meet a few people, come with me," Rebecca says in a whiny little voice.
Jesse nods his head but before I can grab his hand, Rebecca does. I stop in my tracks because I'm so shocked.
"This way," she says, completely ignoring me.
I just stand there in shock when Tad comes up beside me. "I see she successfully got him away from you," he says to me.
"What? Oh, hi Tad," I say, frowning a little as I see her lead Jesse over to some other Barbies and Bambies.
"It'll be all right," he tells me, putting his arm around me, kinda like a brother. "Jesse won't do anything. He's a good guy."
"He doesn't like you," I say casually, turning around and laughing a little.
"Yeah well, he's being a protective husband," he tells me. I sigh and nod. "Yeah, guess you're right," I say to him.
"Let's get that drink, why don't we?" he asks and I nod my head before following him inside.
"So, your first appointment for the baby is tomorrow?" he asks, grabbing me a soda from a huge cooler.
"Yeah, I'm a little nervous, because it makes it 5 thousand times realer, well realer than the getting fatter and fatter everyday thing, I mean," i say laughing a little.
"Yes well, that sure doesn't slow down your talking," he says, laughing along with me as he takes a sip of his beer.
"Oh, I'm sorry was I talking to fast? I don't know why but I've always talked at like 5,000 words a minute when I'm frustrated," i apologize.
He laughs and shakes his head. "No, that's fine," he tells me. "At least when you talk it's about something important. Most girls focus on their looks or something."
"Yeah, well I've never been one for vanity I guess," I say, "Maybe I should have though, I mean Bex over there is all about her boobage, and she snatches my husband right up."
As I say this, I glance over at Rebecca and Jesse who are sitting on a couch. She's laughing that big, obnoxious laugh with her hand on his knee.
When did they get inside? And why is he smiling at her like that? That's the smile he uses on ME, thank you very much!
Now I realize my eyes have been on them too long because I see Rebecca's eyes flicker over at me and she smirks, leaning forward toward Jesse.
She says something to him and I see him laugh, and I also see that bitch's hand move up his leg a little bit. You don't know how hard it is for me not to break those pretty little fingers off right now.
But what happens next sends me over the edge. I see her face lean toward his, their lips almost touching and I turn away, my vision clouded by tears.
"Suze? Suze are you alr...oh," Tad finishes softly as he clutches my shoulders, obviously seeing what was going on.
"I guess you were wrong, huh?" I whisper, pressing my soda into his hands before nearly running out of the party.
I push my way out of the crowds until I'm outside, my body shaking with grief over what I just saw going on in there.
Once I'm a considerable distance away from the frat house, I sink to my knees and clutch my stomach, feeling like I'm going to be sick.
I rest my head against the base of the tree in front of me and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but I can't...it hurts everywhere, but mainly in my heart.
"Oh god," I whisper, closing my eyes and letting out a shattered breath. "Oh god, oh god, oh god."
"Suze...come on, let's get you inside," I hear Tad say softly from behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Leave me alone, Tad," I whisper, not opening my eyes, still clutching my stomach. "Please, just go." I feel him sitting behind me for a moment but then he leaves.
I stay where I am for a few more minutes, sobbing silently and glad when no one else tries to come up to me.
While I'm in unimaginable pain, I feel really pathetic because the arms I long to feel around me, the voice I wish was in my ear...is Jesse's.
My body finally stops shaking so hardly and I slowly stand up, feeling nauseous once again.
I reach out and grab onto the tree for support, my lets a little shaky. My eyes shoot wide open because if I keep them closed, I'll keep seeing them, sitting so close...about to kiss...
And that, my friends, is when I empty the contents of my dinner all out onto the grass.
I'm not even all that sure of how I got back to the dorm room, changed my clothes and got into bed. All I know is that I cried myself to sleep, hugging a pillow to my chest, wishing it was Jesse but also hating him for what he did.
