Jim tries again


Jim had little time to think of the malfunction incident in the days that followed; with problems ranging from a dilithium shortage scare to an attack from a Romulan Pirate, all personal matters got relegated to the back of his mind.

Once those problems were dealt with, however, Jim's thoughts gradually went back to Spock. Things were going too slow and tentative between them, and Jim had an idea why: he'd jumped into it without any planning.

Jim Kirk wasn't as spontaneous as people might think; at least, not when it came to sex. Human girls (and boys) were relatively easy to conquer (Uhura excepted) but humanoid girls (and boys) required a lot more effort. When Jim had someone in his sights, he did a thorough research; he learned phrases in their native languages, he learned their favorite songs, and finally, he engaged in courtship rituals that in retrospect seemed too ludicrous to be true…

But it worked every time.

With this thought in mind, Jim went to the Enterprise library and, determined to do his best for Spock, he spent a couple of very educational hours there.

.............

Later that day, Jim did a surprise appearance on the bridge.

He expected to find Spock sitting on the Captain's chair, but the Vulcan preferred to stay in the Science area -which only worked in Jim's favor, since he needed a little privacy for his next move.

With the rest of the crew minding their own stations (doubly so, since the Captain was there), Jim crept up to Spock and, without much preamble, reached out and tweaked Spock's left ear.

The article he read said this was how a Vulcan declared his intentions to a prospective mate –a move that guaranteed a passionate response. Jim didn't really expect Spock to melt in his arms right then and there, (a smile or a discreet nod would do -anything that might show that Spock finally understood what Jim was after); what he definitely did not expect was Spock bolting from his chair like it was on fire, or the murderous look he gave him.

Murderous intent turned to incredulity when he saw Jim standing there.

"Captain?" he asked.

"Hey, Spock," Jim said, and he playfully reached out for his ear again, but Spock quickly stepped back. The murderous look was back in his eyes and when he spoke, it was with jaws so tightly clenched it was a miracle Jim could understand what he said.

"Captain. I will appreciate it if you do not do that ever again."

Stunned by Spock's reaction, Jim surreptitiously looked at his hand in case there was something gross in it, but it was actually pretty clean.

He withdrew it, anyway.

"Ok," he said cautiously.

Spock wasn't mollified. Mindful of the others, he hissed, "Captain, what possessed you to do that?"

"What do you mean? It's supposed to be a Vulcan custom."

"A Vulcan custom?"

"I read it in the library," Jim said. "According to the article, Vulcans tweak each other's ears to show their affection, and to -"

"That cannot be true."

Jim's smile froze on his lips. "Are you calling me a liar, Mr. Spock?"

"I am saying that such information cannot possibly exist in the library."

"Really. Why is that?"

"Because to a Vulcan, having an ear tweaked is the worst insult possible!" He said it as if it should be obvious to all. "How could you even think I would want you to tweak my ear, in the first place?"

"Hey, I've seen weirder things done," Jim retorted. "Once, I had to dip my privates in a vat of honey just to -" just to get an Andorian girl, he was going to say, but wisely refrained from finishing. Unfortunately, Spock was so knowledgeable, he probably knew anyway. "Ok, look," Jim said, changing tactics. "I'm sorry I, uh, did that to you. But I was just following instructions. Come on, see for yourself," and he motioned Spock to enter the Enterprise library from his console.

Spock followed Jim's instructions and entered the site Jim had been studying all morning.

"There it is," Jim said, pointing at the screen.

Spock read. And read.

He was shaking his head by the time he'd finished the article.

"Well?" Jim said.

"I apologize, Captain; the information is there. Most of it is misleading, to say the least."

Jim glanced at the text over Mr. Spock's shoulder. On hindsight, he should have probably known the information was wrong, despite the scholarly tone of the article.

"I am understating the facts," Spock added. "This article is downright malicious and insulting."

"But how did it get there?" Jim asked, "Doesn't the computer automatically delete any information that contains mistakes?"

"It does when the information is entered into the Enterprise's official data base, Captain. This, on the other hand, is a public site. One of dubious reputation, by the way," he added, in a slightly patronizing tone. "If you had done your research in the Enterprise's library, then perhaps -"

"I tried," Jim retorted, "But the library's got zero information on Vulcan courtship. Go ahead, you try to find something."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Why would I want information on how to court a Vulcan?" He was perfectly serious but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips. "More importantly, why would you?"

Jim opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. He'd noticed by now the surreptitious glances they were getting from the rest of the crew. They were obviously intrigued by all the whispering.

"We'd better finish this conversation elsewhere, Spock."

Spock had noticed too.

"Agreed, Captain."

Jim straightened up.

"We need to discuss this matter thoroughly, Mr. Spock," he said formally, raising his voice for everybody's benefit. "I'll see you in my quarters in a half-hour."

"I shall ask Mr. Scott to take over for me," Spock said dutifully. Studiously avoiding Jim's gaze, he added, "I am most curious to hear your personal account on the matter, Captain."

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