Me: I think I got off track…
Kyo: Yea, Yuki and I SHOULD be making out right now
Yuki: I agree!
Me: Both of you shut up or Yuki will make leek soup!
Disclaimer: I no own Fruits of the Basket o:
My face shows my hurt because Kyo gets up faster than I've ever seen him before with his hands out asking if I'm alright.
Kyo POV
The sky is pink and purple. The wind blows my hair. The air is cold and sends chills up my spine. It's a relaxing tense sort of feeling.
It's been a week since Yuki and I actually talked in the forest. Every passing minute is hell for me.
Every. Single. Day.
If I'm in the same room as he is, he suddenly has to go. He wont' talk to me and if he absolutely has to it's full of that same hate we held for each other so long ago.
I regret what I said to him. It hurts me inside so badly, I almost want to hurt him back. It's like…I want to make him feel what I feel right now.
How can Yuki be in this much pain over one little statement? A statement that wasn't even the truth!
He won't give me a moment to explain to him. Even if he did I don't know exactly what I'd say. I don't know what I wouldn't say.
There's nothing I need to say to him. There's a million things I want to say to him.
The sky is pink and purple. The wind blows my hair. The air is cold and sends chills up my spine.
I don't feel like going to history class today. It is the last period of the day after all.
So of course, I skip class. I can't necessarily go home just yet, Tohru will get worried if I don't walk her home.
I lay on the roof, half way listening for wandering teachers, half way listening to nothing.
Finally I hear the bell ring after what seems like 5 short minutes.
As I wait for Tohru, I see Yuki in the distance, laughing with his student council buddies. It looks fake though. Obviously fake. At least it's obvious if you know him well enough.
Or knew him.
There was a time when I could make him genuinely smile.
My face falls and I turn away, I really don't want him to see me like this.
Damn Yuki. He's really the only one who could make feel me like this.
I've built up an emotional wall against everything else. I won't shed a tear when I'm hurt. If someone close to me dies, I hurt alone and in silence. I don't let anyone in.
As soon as it involves Yuki I'm an emotional wreck. I can't think straight, my feelings get all jumbled up and crazy. He has the power to just tear me to shreds in the blink of an eye.
And I hate being this vulnerable. No one else can do that. No one else should. Yet I let him take so much of me.
After all we've been through, after all I've done for him and this relationship…or rather the relationship we had. How can he do this to me?
It's not fair.
It's not fair in the slightest.
How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Somehow the cause seems deeper than love. I'm not quite sure what's deeper….if there is even a name for it. Love is the deepest thing I know of, yet it's further than that.
Yet at the same time, here we are going through all this crap when all we really want is to be together.
Is that to much to ask?
Apparently it is since the world seems to be conspiring against us.
Be it fate, destiny, god, some higher being, whatever. It's really pissing me off.
Maybe I should just give up. I mean really, how often do I really make him happy? If I even have to ask then obviously it's not enough. If he's not happy right now then I'm doing a poor job.
But what can I really do to make it better?
Nothing.
There is nothing I can do.
Nothing.
Nothing is a very lonely, sad realization. It's the worst. Even if there was something I couldn't do, at least it'd be something. But I can't do anything.
Nothing.
He deserves much better than that. So much better. If I can't be that "better" than who am I to keep him from getting it?
If I truly loved him, I would let him be. I would let him be happy. Whether it's on his own or with someone else, as long as Yuki is happy.
That should be good enough for me.
If I have to watch from the sidelines while he's enjoying life, then that's how it should be.
Besides, what chances did we really have in succeeding? Slim to none and slim just left town.
Well. It was good while it lasted.
No, it was great while it lasted. It was the greatest. I'll never forget our time together, the good, wonderful, remarkable, amazing times. I can forget all the hard times and remember the best times. And in the end, that's all I can really do. That's all I really should do.
I know I'll always love him, I'll always want him but Yuki being happy is something I want more. I'll need to learn to get past the want and move on.
And don't I deserve something to?
My heart is heavy in my chest.
It beats irregularly.
Tears roll down my face. They're warm.
Nothing.
I can't do anything.
Yuki POV
I've wasted enough time at my student council meeting. If I stay any longer people will begin to get suspicious. I don't want to go home and face that cat again.
I don't know why but his statement in the forest killed me. I swear I think I died a little on the inside.
And I have no idea why.
Really it's not like I expected anything else from him. All he said was that he loved me. It's not like I loved him. At least, he said I did (right?) but Akito says he would lie like this.
Besides if I had loved him I would feel it in my heart. I'm a true believer that real love doesn't ever go away. Either you change or that person has changed. Even then it doesn't matter, the old you loves the person or you love who they were.
It's a lot simpler than it seems.
So why did it hurt so damn much when he basically said he didn't love me anymore?
Maybe it's because I've been having fun, playing with the thought that I'm actually loved, wanted, cared for. That someone would actually miss me if I suddenly dropped off the face of the earth.
Oh and what a great thought that was. Like anyone really, truly cares.
Sure there's Tohru but she's….Tohru, she would care if I stepped on an ant.
The walk home is lonely. I crave the attention of the cat, I know I shouldn't, trust me I know this. But I can't shake off this feeling, like….I'm completely wrong about something.
And I hate that feeling.
AUTHOR'S NOTE! Oh em gee. I'm sorry Yuki's part is so short, and that I haven't posted anything for awhile. Heh…I actually finished this chapter about a month or so ago….don't kill me….just review! I love you guys!!
