Discerning

A Criminal Minds Story


Her eyes were closed.

She didn't want to open them.

Because wherever she was it was so peaceful.

And calm.

A cool breeze blew through her hair as comforting warmth fell upon her. The air seemed clean and smelt of grass with a tint of… sweat. The interesting scent coated her airways as she crinkled her nose.

"Mommy!"

And that was all it took for Jennifer Jareau's eyes to fly open. A bright white flooded her vision, but slowly began to fade into the background revealing a large grassy area.

"Henry," She called out tentatively as she looked around.

She was sitting on metal bleachers and there was no one else there. She looked back out into the grass to find that there were now two goal posts at each end and kids dressed in white and gold jerseys running around the field playing soccer.

Curious she looked beside her to find that she was now surrounded by adoring fans, their mouths open and their hands waving. JJ assumed they were cheering, but she couldn't hear them. She couldn't hear anything.

Turning her eyes back towards the game, she looked at the little faces smudged with dirt and sweat as the happily ran back and forth. She hoped to see that her small son was one of them because she swore she had heard his voice earlier.

Feeling a presence by her side, JJ turned to look, "Haley?"

The late wife of Aaron Hotchner sat beside her, smiling. She looked just like the first time JJ had met her. Beautiful and glowing and full of love, the only thing that had change was she wasn't carrying a big pregnant belly soon to birth a darling boy.

"Hello, Agent Jareau."

"JJ, please. I've always told you to call me that," JJ looked at her happily with a hint of confusion.

"Yet, I still call you Agent Jareau," Haley brushed a hand through her hair as she looked towards the ongoing game ahead of them. She cheered as a bright, dark haired girl in pigtails scored a goal.

"Why can't I hear them?" JJ asked.

"Because you don't need to," Haley shared with her vaguely before she gave her full attention to the blond who nodded uncertainly. Suddenly everything and everyone around them dissolved and they were left, now standing in the middle of the field.

"Am I dead?" JJ asked feeling like a scared child.

"No."

"Am I dying?" Haley just shrugged and JJ was finding her indistinct replies infuriating.

"Then why am I here? Why are you here?" JJ threw her hands up before calming down and adding, "No offense."

"You're in a place where you feel the most comfort, the most joy, pain, sorrow, safety, and love. A place where your mind has sent you to in order to protect yourself," Haley told her as JJ soaked in her surroundings. She had always loved being on a soccer field, even now when she doesn't play she always feels comforted.

"So you're a figment of my imagination?" JJ asked incredulously.

Haley just shrugged.

"So we're not in heaven."

"No," Haley smiled before sensing the incoming question and answering, "But is there one? Yes, and it is beautiful."

JJ gave a sigh of relief for a reason she was still unsure about, "I'm sorry we didn't save you."

"It's okay. I know you tried."

"They miss you, you know?" JJ told her.

"I know."

"Can I see Henry?" Haley shook her head slowly as JJ pouted.

"Some figment of my imagination you are."

Haley laughed.

"I miss them," JJ added softly.

"They miss you."

JJ gave a half-hearted chuckle at the turn of conversation. She inhaled deeply as another warm breeze blew through her. A lonely feeling of longing overwhelming her as she looked back towards her dead friend with a certain unease.

The agent opened her mouth to say something before another feeling cascaded across her entire being, and she felt an urgent call telling her it was time to go.

But she didn't want to leave.

Haley gave JJ a small wave before motioning towards the new found door behind her, "You'll be okay."

But Jennifer wasn't so sure.

"Take care of Henry for me, tell him I love him and that I think about him every day," JJ asked with her hand on the gold doorknob.

"I will. Take care of Jack for me?" Haley choked out.

"I will. And Haley I really am sorry," The older woman nodded.

"Me too."

JJ felt the hot sting of tears trickling down her cheeks, "You sure I can't just go with you?"

"They need you," Haley stated before adding, "Lots of people are going to need you."

JJ agreed reluctantly before she turned back towards the door and opened it and stepped inside.

"Mommy!"

JJ whipped around to see that Haley was no longer there, but her little boy waving at her with one hand while the other being held securely in place by her dead husband. Her shaking hand fled to cover her mouth and she moved to run to them, but found herself unable to.

"Henry…," She whispered in a fragile tone, "Will."

"Mommy," Henry cried excitedly, "Don't cry, Mommy. I'm okay, Daddy too."

"I miss you."

"Don't worry Mommy. I'll watch over you."

"It's okay, Jay. We're alright, you'll be alright. Promise me?"

JJ nodded as she felt sobs wrack her body unceasingly while she gazed lovingly at her boys. Oh, she missed them so much, but she remembered the promise that they had made to each other years ago. That no matter what life brought them they would never give up on it. JJ wiped tears out from her eyes before she returned to find her husband and son fading away.

"No! Wait," JJ screamed her arm reaching out frantically, "Will, Henry!"

"I'll love you forever Mommy."

And they were gone.

As darkness smothered her, Jennifer Jareau curled into herself and cried, "I love you."


So at first, I really was going to kill JJ. But then I just felt like a happy ending would be better. And it seemed like you all mostly wanted one too. So thank you for your reviews and comments and for reading. The story isn't quite finished yet, so please let me know if you have any suggestions, comments, or criticisms. You are the best.

Thanks!

-HCB