A/N: In which Sirius sends another poem, it inspires Vivian to do something she rarely does, and Sirius has mixed emotions concerning it.
Ah, apologies in advance for the long review responses. I know most authors will respond via PM, but this is just how I do it!
a-reads: Yup, Sirius is definitely being two-faced right now. I'm so excited to develop his character through this story. He'll be so different in part 2, after Azkaban. Honestly, I wish I could just skip ahead to that because I have so much in mind for their adult lives, but it wouldn't make any sense without these foundations. Anyway, regarding the love poem prank, as of now I'm thinking she's going to be more angry than humiliated, but I haven't decided yet. Either way, it isn't going to be a public humiliation because Sirius is already going to have fallen for her at that point, so don't be too stressed out!
haleygur7: I was rather proud of that line ;)
elmo: The other Marauders are going to realize his feelings long before he does. James and Remus are already half convinced even now! And yes, it is a cruel prank, but the results of it won't be as bad as you might think. I have plans, and Vivian is a Slytherin which means she knows her way around revenge ;)
remifoster1313: Ah I love your reviews so pardon me while I give a lengthy response ;) 1) His character development is going to be insane in this story. I mentioned this up above, but I can't wait to write the second half of Vivicendium. The drama of their reunion after 12 years, seeing how much they've changed, and Sirius learning about what she's been doing while he's been locked up...I'm so excited to get into it! 2) Glad you like Vivian. I'm on the fence about her character to be honest. I feel like she needs to be darker, but I suppose I'll just have to see how the future plots impact her development. 3) Same! I love Regulus! He's going to be a main character in the story while Sirius is in Azkaban. There's going to be a strange love triangle thing that happens (I think, still working that out) which will definitely complicate Vivian's relationship with Sirius. 4) Regarding the double agent idea: I love the thought of going down that route so it'll probably happen. I'm thinking that might start after Sirius is thrown into prison, so it'll be a while before it's introduced. 5) The wish won't be awful. I know exactly what I'm doing with that plot and I can promise you, you'll like it ;) 6) Angst = if you think TSN was bad, you're in for a surprise. I love your long comments, though I'm sorry for my long response lol! Also don't worry about being too busy to review. It happens and I completely understand. Adult life isn't as fun as I used to think it would be sigh
LoveFiction2019: Well...it'll take a while. Sirius is stubborn af and Vivian hates him still. Also my plan for their initial relationship is to skip the friend stage entirely tbh. It's all very dramatic and angsty
hella-sirius: I live for your word dumps ;) The dormmate banter is really fun to write. Trying to write the Slytherin mindset is hard for me so I'm glad it's coming through properly. Needless to say, I don't think I'd be in Slytherin lol. And Sirius was definitely more ruthless as a teenager. I feel like he's still trying to figure out how he's different from his family/other purebloods. (Also the fact that no one believes he's capable of writing love poetry is precisely why I loved the plot idea so much lol) Thank you for your gushing ;) Also the warts scene made me laugh while writing, which is probably sad on some level but at least I amuse myself
gwenwesley: Yes, he feels very accomplished! He's going to end up obsessively writing love poems by the time I'm through with him. Also James knows these things ;)
Flor Marina: Glad you're enjoying it so far! It's going to be extremely slow burn, so I hope you're prepared for it. It'll take a while for them to stop hating each other for long enough to realize that they're actually in love...they're so backwards lol
Now that I've just basically written another chapter in that author's note alone, please do enjoy some Marauder insanity
Chapter Eleven | Cui fortuna ipsa cedit
[To whom fortune herself yields]
All four Marauders are eager for breakfast the next morning. Peter has spent all night dreaming of pancakes soaked through with hot butter and sugary maple syrup. Remus is anxious to eat as quickly as possible so as to head down to the library before classes start, in hopes of getting ahead on some homework before the full moon in a few days. James is excited to see his lady-love and attempt to engage her in conversation over a plate of poached eggs. Sirius can't wait to witness for himself what sort of reaction he'll receive when Vivian Blair gets his latest love poem.
Oh, it's truly a work of art. James had claimed that it had practically made him fall in love on the spot, and he had broken out into a Celestina Warbeck song –
(Your every wish is my command
My fragile heart is in your hand
And now, at last, I understand
The magic about you - !)
And while the lyrics had been a bit cringeworthy, James has been humming it under his breath all morning, evidently having gotten it stuck in his head, and Sirius does have to admit that it's a tad bit catchy. Of course, it hadn't been quite as catchy when James had tried using it to jokingly serenade Sirius while they were getting dressed. Just the mere memory of the waggling eyebrows and ridiculous kissy faces James had made while Sirius had been pulling on his shirt makes him want to shove him into the bathroom and lock the door again.
In any case, when they all enter the Great Hall, they're probably the only students in the school who are so bright-eyed and merry. Alas, their eagerness to start the day does not last very long, because 1) they are not serving pancakes at all this morning, and so Peter's maple syrup dreams are utterly crushed in favor of healthier alternatives, 2) Lily has chosen a seat that is surrounded on all sides by her fellow females, and doesn't even give James a second glance when he attempts to get her attention, and 3) Vivian Blair isn't even here. Remus is the only Marauder who remains bright-eyed as he sits down and quickly loads his plate with eggs and bacon, still intent on continuing with his library plans regardless of his friends' suddenly downtrodden moods.
"What is this? Where is she?" Sirius hisses, scanning the Slytherin table in case he just hadn't seen her the first time. Sure enough, there is no sign of wavy chocolate curls or arrogant eyes anyway. Well – there are in fact plenty of arrogant eyes, just not the ones he's looking for.
James doesn't even hear him. He's too busy pouting into his coffee and shooting pitiful glances towards Lily, as if hoping that she'll put him out of his misery and at least look at him. (She doesn't.)
"She had better not ruin my morning," Sirius mutters angrily, reaching for some bacon and shoving a few pieces onto his plate. He tears off a bite and chews aggressively, still glowering at the Slytherins as if it's their fault that Vivian's having a late start today.
Remus rolls his eyes. "It's still early, Sirius. I'm sure she's on her way as we speak."
Beside them, Peter asks, "Why are you looking for Blair, Padfoot?"
Sirius sighs impatiently and reminds him, "Because, Wormtail, she's in for a nice little surprise this morning."
"Weren't you around when we helped Paddy here compose his next masterpiece?" James demands, his attention finally drawn away from Lily and back to the situation at hand. And – speaking of hands, Sirius wallops his over the back of James's head in retribution for calling him 'Paddy', a nickname that they all know he loathes because it makes him sound like a leprechaun.
"Hey!" James exclaims, and lifts a hand to rub at his head. Apparently, his yelp is loud enough to finally draw Lily's eyes, which he isn't sure is a good thing or not. The moment he sees that she's looking at him, he suavely runs a hand through his hair as if it was his intention all along, and throws her a charming smile. The slight concern that may have colored her gaze moments prior immediately falls away when she huffs and rejoins her friends' conversation, promptly ignoring him.
James pouts again. "Why does she always have to look over right when you start in with your abuse?" he bemoans, and goes back to rubbing his head, which is still stinging.
"Abuse?" Sirius repeats incredulously, and then pauses, shrugs, and waves the word away as he says, "Anyway, you should be thanking me. I swear I just saw Lily look at you with – dare I say it? – concern."
At this, James immediately perks up to shoot another glance over at his lady-love, his eyes gleaming with hope. Suddenly bright-eyed once more, James grins, "Maybe you should abuse me more often, then, Padfoot. We could work this angle."
Sirius rolls his eyes and mutters, "As much as I'd love to, Prongs, I don't fancy being on the receiving end of Lily's fury. She's got a surprisingly impressive right hook."
James nods in agreement. He had witnessed her right hook for himself back in fifth year, when Lily had used it against a group of Slytherins who had been bullying one of the Gryffindor first years. If he hadn't already been head over heels for her at that point, he would've fallen immediately upon catching sight of her punching a Slytherin right in the face without hesitation. Even now, the memory makes him sigh girlishly as he rests his chin on his palm and stares at Lily with mooning eyes.
Remus aims a kick at him from under the table and says, "Snap out of it, Prongs. You're gonna freak her out."
James jerks back from the kick and opens his mouth to respond, but he doesn't get the chance to before Peter is saying, "Oh – there's Blair." Though, in actuality, considering that his mouth is stuffed with French Toast (at least he can have something with maple syrup), it comes out sounding more like, "Ohm, feeirs bwair." Fortunately, after seven years of friendship, all the Marauders are well-versed in Peter's various dining languages, and immediately understand what he's trying to say.
Sirius's head snaps up so quickly that he nearly gets whiplash. James turns his head towards the doors of the Great Hall, his recently renewed bright-eyed look getting more gleeful when he catches sight of Vivian Blair walking in front of her usual gaggle of friends. Remus sighs and tries to eat faster, unsure if he really wants to stick around to listen to Sirius crow with joy when he sees her reaction to his latest love poem. Peter, now fully cognizant of what's to come and feeling much better about his sugar consumption for the morning, lifts his head away from his plate for long enough to spear the group of Slytherins with an eager, anticipatory look as he swallows his mouthful of French Toast.
"Ah, just in time," Sirius smirks, referring no doubt to the morning post, which is sure to arrive at any moment now. More students have piled into the Great Hall since their own arrival, and the space is bustling with voices and the clinking of silverware. All four Marauders watch as Vivian takes a seat at the Slytherin table. Her three friends pile in around her, followed by several other younger Slytherin students, who have been hounding Vivian for days now in hopes of hearing more news about her secret admirer. Really, Sirius is doing her a favor here. He hadn't meant to make her more popular. She should be thanking him.
Her three friends, who Sirius knows by name because they are in the same year as him and, besides, one of them is technically his relative, are laughing about something. Vivian joins in as she fixes herself a cup of tea and reaches for some sliced fruit. It's good that she's sitting facing him, because it just means that he'll be able to watch her reaction that much better.
Diagonal from him, Remus dryly says, "You're staring."
Sirius hardly bats an eye. "Of course I'm staring. I don't want to miss anything."
James smirks and drawls, "The post hasn't even come yet. Are you sure you aren't just staring because you think she's drop dead gorgeous?"
Remus muffles a chuckle. Peter looks a bit sick. James grins. Sirius rolls his eyes.
"I'd sooner drop dead myself," he snidely tells them, and James bursts out into laughter.
"Ah, touché," James concedes, willing to admit that every once in a while, Sirius does make a half-decent comeback.
Remus shakes his head and says, "You're going to make her suspicious if she catches you watching her like a stalker."
At this, Sirius recoils somewhat and turns to frown at Remus. "I'm not a stalker!" Remus gives him a look, and Sirius quickly demands, "How am I a stalker?"
In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have asked. Remus, as usual, has an immediate answer.
"You're always talking about her. You always point her out on the map whenever we're using it. You always want to change the target of our pranks so that it's her instead. You're writing her love poems for no other reason than to get on her nerves – "
"Yes, yes, okay, you can stop now. You're overthinking this and I fail to see why that isn't a good reason to write her love poems."
"It's not a good reason because it's going to backfire on you," Remus informs him in an almost breezy tone, as if this should be common sense and he thinks Sirius is an idiot for not knowing it.
"You're just being a goody-two-shoes prefect."
Unfazed, Remus returns, "No, I'm being logical."
"Fine. Why will it backfire on me, since you obviously know everything?"
Remus raises an eyebrow. James leans in, resting his chin on his palm and watching the back and forth conversation as if it's a Quidditch match. Peter has stopped eating to instead stare at his friends quizzically, looking equally as invested to hear Remus's response as Sirius is.
"Should I tell him, or should you, Prongs?" Remus asks, and James raises his hands in surrender.
"Oh no, I'm not getting involved in this!"
Sirius raises an eyebrow. "Have you both been gossiping about me behind my back?" he asks suspiciously, though doesn't seem all that concerned about the prospect.
James laughs. "Padfoot, we always gossip about you. You're just so gossip-worthy."
Sirius smirks and buffs his nails on his robes dramatically as he shrugs, "I know, I am pretty amazing."
James snorts. Peter nods agreeably. Remus rolls his eyes.
"Anyway, this is going to backfire on you because once Vivian finds out that it's you sending her those letters, there are two potential outcomes that will most likely occur, and neither one of them is good."
Sirius tilts his head at this and drawls, "Okay. Assuming that she's smart enough to connect the dots – which she isn't – and that she does end up finding out that it's me – which she won't – what are these two outcomes, Moony?"
Remus shrugs and explains, "The first one is that she'll become so furious that she'll hex you so thoroughly, you'll be in the hospital wing for weeks."
At this, Sirius shifts a bit in his seat, clearly envisioning this likely turn of events and recalling, with sudden clarity, the dictionary of hexes that Vivian is always carrying around with her like some insane Slytherin villain.
James nods, apparently being able to envision this possibility pretty clearly, too. "What's the second outcome?" he wonders, lifting his mug of coffee to take a sip.
Remus shrugs. "The second outcome is that she ends up heartbroken because she thought that someone who actually cares about her is sending her those letters. Sirius ends up feeling guilty about it all because underneath his womanizing façade, he actually does have a small shred of humanity, and a part of him must know that playing around with someone's heart like this is a really awful idea. Also, she'll probably end up hexing you to kingdom come either way."
Sirius pauses, staring at Remus. Remus stares back, waiting. He has to wait for several moments, but once Sirius turns his eyes to James, the pair of them both burst out into laughter as if Remus's words are the most hilarious thing they've ever heard.
"Guilty?" Sirius guffaws, wrapping an arm around his stomach and he leans forward.
"Shred of humanity?" James crows, and nearly spills his mug of coffee when his elbow knocks into it.
Sirius's laughter stops at this, and he turns to glower at James. "Oi! I've got at least a shred of humanity! I reckon I've got a few shreds!"
Maybe it's the words themselves – maybe the adamant way he voices them – but it makes James keel over with renewed laughter and even Remus lets out a few chuckles, even though he's a bit ruffled that no one is taking his two potential outcomes to heart. He isn't necessarily surprised by this, though. Honestly, neither James or Sirius take anything to heart – well, except perhaps Lily Evans and the general population of females at Hogwarts, respectively. Oh, and Quidditch, for the both of them.
"Would you all keep it down over there?" Lily snidely demands a few seats away. She leans over the table a bit so that she can see them around their fellow Gryffindors, and frowns, "We all know that Sirius has no humanity – you don't need to be so loud about it as if it's some great shock or something!"
The Marauders all turn to stare at Lily with gaping mouths, their laughter suddenly disappearing. Lily just rolls her eyes and leans back, having said her piece.
Remus grabs his goblet of pumpkin juice and nearly slams it against his mouth to hide his wide grin. Peter tilts his head as if weighing Sirius's personality and searching for some silver lining of character that might put this whole conversation into perspective. James is staring at Lily with extremely worshipful eyes, apparently thinking even more highly of her after her unknowing contribution to their favorite hobby (harping on Sirius, that is). Sirius's mouth is still hanging open, clearly not expecting such staunch words and not knowing what to say in response to them.
His speechlessness is what really tips James over the edge again, and he bursts out into more laughter. He's soon laughing so hard that his face turns bright red, and not even the frustrated glance Lily sends him can put an end to it. Much to Sirius's frustration, Remus isn't far behind, and can't stop himself from joining in with James's laughter. Even Peter lets out a few chuckles, apparently also finding this situation to be genuinely amusing. The fact that he pushes away his plate of breakfast in favor of chuckling is a telltale sign.
Sirius splutters, "Hey – stop laughing – this isn't funny - !" But then the morning post saves him from having to take further action, and luckily, the sight of the owls swooping into the Great Hall is enough to put a stopper on his friends' amusement at his own expense.
"Oh, here they are!" James straightens up, looking entirely unapologetic as he lifts his head to watch the owls begin dropping an assortment of letters and packages on their marks. The Marauders turns back to the Slytherin table just in time to witness an owl swoop down to deposit an envelope right into Vivian Blair's plate of sliced fruit – but then, before they can remark on their excitement, another owl flies over her and drops a second letter, and they frown.
"Which one is mine?" Sirius murmurs, straining his neck to see which envelope looks familiar. Unfortunately, they're both the same blank off-white parchment, and as Vivian casually opens the first one, they don't know if it's Sirius's love poem or the other correspondence.
"You couldn't have picked a better morning?" James hisses at him beneath his breath, also straining to catch sight of her.
Sirius nudges him to make him shut up and mutters, "Well how would I know that Blair is actually popular enough to get multiple letters in one day?"
James, evidently not having a response to this, remains silent.
They all watch as Vivian's eyes scan the contents of the letter, on the edge of their seats. Well, James and Sirius are. Peter looks curious, but he's also preoccupied with resuming his task of finishing off his second helping of bacon. As for Remus, he's scarfing down the last of his breakfast and preparing to head off to the library, still on the fence about whether he wants to stick around to witness Vivian's reaction to the latest love poem or not.
Apparently, he doesn't have time to make a final decision, because it becomes rather clear some moments later that the first letter Vivian has opened is indeed the poem. This becomes apparent when she raises her eyebrows, peers around the Great Hall suspiciously, and scowls with such vehemence that she looks like she's trying to become an angry warthog. (Warts aside – this time.) If that isn't enough of an indication, the way she promptly crumples the letter up in her fist, holds it in front of her, and sets it on fire with a nonverbal spell is pretty telling.
"She's burning my love poem!" Sirius cries, aghast, and James elbows him hard when a few heads turn in their direction. Sirius realizes this, clears his throat, and then lowers his voice to complain, "Prongs, she's – "
"Yes, I know what she's doing, Padfoot. I'm literally watching it happen," James replies.
"Why do you care if she's burning your poem? Feeling guilty?" Remus inquires, though he doesn't actually believe that this is the case. He isn't stupid enough to think that Sirius is upset because he's managed to find that shred of humanity he'd been going on about before.
Sirius ignores that last bit and merely scowls, "It took me days to write that!"
"And nights," Peter adds, recalling the late evenings spent trying to get some sleep but not being able to, because Sirius was either cackling madly from his bed or angrily muttering about it 'not being quite right'.
"I spent precious time crafting such a unique and ardent letter, and she goes and burns it!" Sirius mutters, sounding both incredulous and annoyed. "A girl like her should be thankful that someone thinks so highly of her."
James raises an eyebrow at him.
Sirius scowls deeper and shoves him a bit as he hastily adds, "I don't actually think highly of her, Prongs – it's a prank."
James opens his mouth to drawl out what will probably be a very dry and sarcastic response, but before he can manage to form the words, Peter is suddenly saying, "Her friend snatched it! Look! It's not burning now, Padfoot."
As one, all four of them turn to watch one of her friends waving the letter in the air, evidently having put the fire out upon realizing what it is. The entire thing is smoking a bit and looks charred even from where they're sitting, but apparently it's still legible enough to read because the girl who had grabbed it is currently cooing loudly and has stopped waving her hand at the smoking letter to instead wave her hand at her face. They vaguely hear her say something about being 'so lucky, Vivian!', and Sirius's dramatic reaction melts into a satisfied smirk. He leans back, crosses his arms, and nods happily.
"And that's how you woo a girl, gentlemen," he says, puffing out his chest.
Remus dryly says, "I thought you weren't trying to woo Vivian – "
"I'm not trying to woo Vivian Blair, Moony!" Sirius snaps, and then immediately glances over at Lily to ensure that she hadn't heard him and isn't about to repeat his words again, like the last time they'd had this conversation. Once he decides that the coast is clear, he turns back to Remus to add, "Besides, I was talking about the other one. Blair's got a chunk of ice for a heart. She's more annoyed than wooed. Look at her face!"
They all glance back to do just that, and all start snickering when they see Vivian's displeased expression.
"She looks like she swallowed something nasty," James snorts.
"She clearly knows that something is amiss. No one writes love poems anymore. You're several centuries off, Padfoot," Remus says.
"She probably just doesn't want to admit that it was a good poem," Peter shrugs.
Sirius throws an arm over Peter's shoulders and nods, "I think you're right, Wormtail! It was a really good one, wasn't it? Full of romantic sludge. I have a true silver tongue."
Remus sighs. "Just remember what I said about those outcomes, Padfoot."
As expected, Sirius waves his words away, and Remus just sighs again as he collects his bookbag and stands up.
"Here's what's actually going to happen," Sirius says as Remus swings the strap of his bag over his shoulder. "She won't be swayed by any of these poems because she's a bitchy ice princess. I won't end up feeling guilty or questioning my humanity because nothing bad will happen. I'm gonna prove to you all that Vivian Blair doesn't even have a heart."
He nods, smirking widely as he watches Vivian try to set the letter on fire again, only for her friend to safeguard it by stuffing it into her bag and zipping away from the Slytherin table. The way Vivian immediately growls, grabs her things, and goes after her is greatly amusing to him, mainly because she nearly trips in her haste to get up.
James doesn't look overly concerned about Sirius's rather callous words. Peter doesn't either. But Remus – well, he knows very well that there's nothing he can do to make Sirius listen to him when he doesn't want to, but he can't help but think that this entire prank is more than a little cruel. After all, even a Slytherin like Vivian Blair has a heart, right?
Right. And though Sirius doesn't know it yet, he will not succeed in proving that she doesn't. If anything, he'll prove that she very much does have a heart, and more than that, he'll prove that he does, too.
Oh, but he is playing with Fate, and Fate doesn't like to be manipulated. When it deems that it is being exploited, it has the tendency of overturning every single plan that has been laid down. When it feels wronged, it will ensure that is has justice. When someone tries to wield it for their own gain, it bites back with a vengeance.
The only problem is that in this particular case, said vengeance is a little too encompassing to get into quite yet. No – Fate will step in later, when the hardest lesson must be learned; when the shades of black and white are not so firmly set in place, but rather scattered to the winds in a myriad of grays.
Later, it whispers, when Sirius Black and Vivian Blair begin to truly realize that they indeed have hearts, and that they beat for each other.
Jane Austen once wrote, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." It doesn't matter how many centuries have passed since the muggle authoress penned her first novel. This truth stills exists, at least in her world.
After wrangling the charred love poem back from Rosalind and shoving it into the bottommost corner of her bookbag (in hopes that it will crush the soul of whoever has sent it to her), Vivian escapes to the Quidditch pitch before classes start. It is only once she settles herself on the first row in the stands that she pulls out the second letter she had received during breakfast, and stares down at the familiar penmanship of her mother.
She reads it quietly and with a neutral expression. Her poker face is firmly in place as she gets to the end of the parchment and silently tucks it into the cover of her book. 'A Dictionary of Hexes, Vol III' boldly peers up at her from her lap, until she opens it and flips to chapter eight, where she had left off last night.
Mr. Darcy, though in possession of a good fortune, is currently not in want of a wife – or, indeed, at least in terms of choosing one from the pool of existing possibilities. He turns his nose down on them all, including the woman that he will one day marry. If only Vivian could find a man like that, who would appease her parent's ideals in all ways but not cater to them. Someone who is able to stand firm in his applications – who is, perhaps, willful and strong-tempered in fault, but beneath the surface possesses a kinder heart, a gentler soul, that adds strength to his demeanor. She could not claim to be like Elizabeth Bennet, who is so witty and sure of herself, but she wouldn't mind if a man like Mr. Darcy existed in the man she will end up marrying.
Her mind is a whirlwind, and she flips back to the front cover of the book to stare remorsefully down at the folded letter. She needn't reopen it to recall its contents. The words painted upon the parchment with her mother's usual metallic grey ink burns through her mind's eye even now.
"…several options that your father and I are considering. You would do well to get to know some of your classmates better, Vivian. One of them might just end up becoming your husband…"
"Among them, we are currently considering Theodore Avery and Adrian Mulciber. They come from wonderful families and…"
"…would make for a respectable connection…"
A respectable connection.
Vivian isn't stupid. She's been groomed for marriage since the day she was born. She's been expecting to marry for social reasons over romantic connections. Love does not exist in her world. If she is lucky, she will grow to love her husband, but if she does indeed get paired off with either Avery or Mulciber, she very much doubts that love will ever factor into it. With a bracing shiver, she morbidly realizes that, if this is to be her fate, she would be lucky to maintain even just a small part of herself.
She would have to get rid of any connection she has with the muggle world, which means her secret muggle book collection and any odds and ends picked up during her various, also secret, trips into muggle London. The small pile of random things, some of which she doesn't understand the nature of but had thought them to be fascinating, will have to go. Any self-respecting pureblood husband would never allow such curiosities to go unchecked.
She would have to cast off any lingering ties she has to that world, both in terms of the physical as well as the mental. At the very least, she would have to pretend to hate muggles and muggleborns just as much as her husband. It may not be strong of character, but aligning herself in such a way would be infinitely easier for her in the long run.
Aligning herself – now that is something she has also been groomed for, only for some reason, it suddenly feels so much weightier than it ever has before. Why, Elizabeth would never allow herself to be dictated to in such a way. Fanny, though thrust into a world that innately looked down on her for her poorer birth, would hold herself with dignity and class regardless of it all. Emma would sooner remain unmarried in her own sliver of the world than ever subject herself to the whims of a man.
Why can she not be more like them?
The question spirals through her mind. With every passing moment, it gains momentum, pressing at her from all sides in a suffocating manner. There are so many reasons why she cannot be like them, but suddenly, she can't think of a single one.
She had thrust the charred letter as far into her bookbag as she could, with the intention of forgetting about its existence entirely. Yet when she reaches into the bag, she finds it with relative ease, as if it had merely been waiting for her to discover it again. It is not fate, this time, that causes her to carefully pull open the charred edges; rather, it is a strangely eager need to refamiliarize herself with the hastily read lines she had only skimmed before, when she had been only too conscientious of the fact that her secret admirer could have been watching her read the poem from his seat in the Great Hall, wherever that might be.
She does not hastily read it this time. No, this time, she slowly peruses it, mulling over the words with an unhurried keenness; absorbing the message with all the deliberate faculties she possesses.
'Vivian, your eyes are like little stars that shine,
And steal away a part of me I didn't know was there.
But those eyes hold so much depth that I would be quite bereft,
If you released my heart from your gilded silver snare.'
Her eyes drift over to the small paw that signs off the poem. Once again, she is left confused and bewildered at the odd marking. If she's being honest with herself, it's the entire letter that confuses her, for several reasons.
Firstly, Vivian has always enjoyed reading poetry, and so she is half interested in the verses in front of her (from a scholarly perspective, of course), and half creeped out that said verses are written for her.
Secondly, the presence of this strange dog paw signature annoys her. Why can't she just have a name and be done with it? Why all this secrecy? Why keep her in suspense like this?
And, though she hadn't been fully cognizant of it until now, Vivian realizes that she indeed has been in suspense ever since she had received the first letter some weeks before. She's spent the last few weeks throwing suspicious looks at everyone in her classes and in the Great Hall, wondering who had written her a love poem and why, and how on earth they feel confident enough to liken her to the heavens. She's been living in the suspense, waiting to see if her secret admirer sends another letter. Waiting to see if it had only been a fluke of nature. A one-time thing. A mistake. It isn't until now, as Vivian sits there in the Quidditch stands and gazes down at the parchment, that she realizes what the strange, dull ache in her chest is. It's not disgust at all; it's excitement.
The thought makes her mouth curl up into an incredulous laugh. Is this really an accurate description of what she's feeling? Does receiving a love letter from an unknown person really excite her? It had certainly excited Rosalind, who's been moaning about wishing she had a secret admirer all month long, and Morrigan, who's been prodding Vivian about broom closets and snogging sessions for ages now. There's just something about having someone – anyone – notice her in such a way that makes her stop to consider this. Perhaps it's true. Perhaps she is excited, if only because she's never had a secret admirer before, or even anyone genuinely interested in her. Certainly not interested enough to take the time to craft a poem.
Her smile slips a little, though, when she gazes down into the cover of her book and sees her mother's letter idly sitting there among the pages of it. In light of her recent revelation, the thought of what that letter contains is a heavy reminder that her future does not belong to her in any way that matters. Especially if she ends up marrying Mulciber or Avery.
Well. In times like these, she must ask herself an age old question: what would Elizabeth and Fanny and Emma do, in a situation such as this? All three heroines share a common ground. They all hold themselves with dignity, and do not bend to the whims of predestination.
She glances down at the love poem once more, then carefully folds it back up and slips it into the book with the other letter. Regardless of who admires her, the simple fact that someone does is enough to make her straighten her back out and take in a deep breath.
She can be like Jane Austen's heroines if she makes an effort. Her parents aren't here to witness any of this, after all, and besides that, she's still got a few months of freedom before her life is signed away in matrimony.
If a single man in possession of a good fortune is in want of a wife, good on him, but – what about a single woman in possession of a good fortune? Is she not in want of something, too? And though Vivian does not know, yet, what it is that she truly wants, she does know that it has something to do with exploring this bracing feeling of excitement that burgeons through her chest whenever she thinks of someone admiring her from afar. And it isn't the person himself who makes her excited, but rather the knowledge that perhaps, if only she is courageous enough to try, she might be so bold as to follow her heart instead of her head.
Well there is a relatively simple solution to this. If she can find herself a date for the upcoming Hogsmeade trip at the end of the week, then surely she can navigate around the tempestuous atmosphere of her love life? Like most things do, it merely requires taking that first step. Of course, in her consideration, Vivian does not account for several details:
For every action, there is a reaction. For every success, there is a failure. For every mistake, there is a lesson.
This particular lesson will be one that has long-reaching consequences; such that, as the person she is now, she could never have predicted in her wildest dreams. Nor, indeed, are all of these consequences tempered with happiness, for there is yet another detail that is, for now, lost in the turbulence of her mind:
Happiness is meaningless without first experiencing strife.
"So, as you can see, I think it's best if we change up the schedule every month or so, just in case any mischief-makers get too used to it," Gavin Clarke says decisively, and throws an edged glance over at Remus and Potter, who are standing on the other side of the empty classroom.
Despite it being a month into term already, none of the prefects fully trust their Head-Boy. His Marauding reputation isn't so easy to get rid of, especially when he's made only a few real efforts to straighten out his act. In his spare time, he's still often seen with Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, usually with the telltale Marauder's smirk blazing across his face, as if he's about to burst into laughter at some prank or another. Most people who see that expression know to steer clear of him.
In any case, it isn't as if all of the prefects have an actual issue with Potter. It's mainly the Ravenclaws prefects who don't appreciate his blasé approach to what they consider a highly important responsibility. The Hufflepuffs seem to find more amusement than anything else in the Head-Boy. The Gryffindors still apparently find it hilarious that he had even received the badge at all (with only one person who is still not amused at all). As for the Slytherins, well. Vivian's housemates don't care about very many things, lest of all authority. In her house's perspective, being a prefect is really more of an honorary title that can be boasted about at family functions and used to enact revenge against anyone who needs to be put in their place. Potter's position as Head-Boy doesn't matter in the least. She highly doubts that any of her fellow Slytherin prefects would listen to him even if he tried to give them orders anyway. She knows she wouldn't.
"Hand these out, would you Axel?" Gavin asks one of his housemates. As the new schedules are being passed around the group, he says, "As you can see, we'll all be switching around our patrols, that way we each get to patrol different areas of the castle every week."
Vivian raises an eyebrow. She looks down at the parchment that she's just received, searching for her name among the list. When she finds it, she sees that she's been assigned the upper floor this time around, which means that she'll get to hex all the older students who are canoodling in the shadows of the astronomy tower after hours. With a smirk, she folds the parchment and slips it into her robes, eyes gleaming as she thinks about all the possible spells she might use.
"What're you so happy about?" Regulus mutters at her side. He's been assigned the grounds this time, which he isn't looking forward to because the nights have begun to grow colder.
Vivian snickers and mutters, "Astronomy tower."
Ah yes, the one place in Hogwarts in which all the couples seem to frequent after hours, as if they think it is somehow sacred and they won't get into trouble for being out of bed after curfew.
That's really all she needs to say. Regulus snickers back, immediately catching on, and drawls, "Make sure you take as many house points away as you can."
Vivian smirks wider and nods agreeably. The pair of them are wearing matching Slytherin smirks as they idle around and wait for the meeting to end. It certainly makes quite a few of their fellow prefects give them sidelong glances, though nobody dares to ask them what they're so amused about. Well, most of them don't.
"Something funny, Blair?" Potter snarks from across the room, giving her a distrustful glower. He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at her, only to quickly rearrange his position when Lily sends him a stern look.
Vivian snorts. "You're whipped, Potter." He looks a tiny bit confused, so she carries on to say, "Evans has you on a leash. It's pathetic."
James gapes at her, mouth falling open in outrage. This time, Lily looks a bit perturbed, too, no doubt because of the way Vivian had linked the pair together. She makes an annoyed noise in the back of her throat and shuffles away from Potter, much to his dismay. His grief at her absence only makes him glare at Vivian more fitfully than before, which only further amuses Vivian herself.
Potter barks out a humorless laugh and responds, "At least I don't have a chunk of ice for a heart like you do, Blair. I bet you don't even have a date for the Hogsmeade trip, do you?"
The entire room looks over at her, waiting to hear her response. Vivian has one.
"Please. As if I would subject myself to anyone at this school. Unlike you and your friends, I actually care about my reputation," she breezily informs him, leaning casually against the wall.
James scoffs. "What, you mean your reputation of being a colossal b-"
"James!" Lily hisses. It shuts him up immediately, but not because of her tone of voice.
Mouth dropping open once again, Potter turns to gape at Lily with a shocked expression. Obviously not expecting this response from him, she gives him a weird look as if she's questioning the stability of his mind. He doesn't seem to notice, because he's too focused on –
"You called me James," he sighs dreamily. His shocked expression melts into a boyish grin.
Lily's expression melts into horror.
"What? No I didn't!" she staunchly denies.
"Yes you did."
"No."
"Dearest Lilyflower, love of my life, you absolutely did," Potter beams.
Lily glares at him.
Across the room, Vivian makes a sound as if she's about to be sick, and successfully pulls Potter's attention back to her. His grin leaves his face when he turns back to face her and crosses his arms again, this time holding his position despite the fact that Lily is still glowering at him.
"I bet you wouldn't be able to find yourself a date even if you asked the entire school," Potter snarks. This time, when his grin returns, it's full of dark mischief.
Vivian shrugs, seemingly unconcerned by this bet of his, and merely glances around the room. The other prefects are still watching the back and forth exchange curiously, and with no shortage of wariness, but when Vivian's eyes meet theirs, they turn away quickly. There is only one person who doesn't.
Gavin Clarke is staring at Vivian with a rumpled expression on his face, no doubt brought on by the fact that she and Potter have thoroughly interrupted his Very Important Prefect Meeting, and have overridden the conversation that had been going on prior to their disruption. When Vivian looks over at him, he doesn't turn away. He merely continues to stare at her, looking slightly outraged that he can't continue talking about his perfectly organized patrol schedules.
Vivian raises an eyebrow at him. He's handsome enough, in a gawky sort of way that's mainly due to way his thick-rimmed glasses sit on the bridge of his nose. He has straight brown hair with a slight touch of amber to it and eyes that Vivian thinks are grey, but can't be entirely sure because 1) she's never cared enough to actually look, and 2) the glasses he's wearing makes it difficult to tell now that she finally is looking.
She tilts her head at him and thinks. She doesn't know if he's muggleborn or not, but she pushes those thoughts out of the way for now to instead consider other things. Like the fact that only that morning, she had made the decision to take charge of her life more than she has in the past. To at least try to create her own destiny, instead of bending to the whims of her parent's wishes. Regardless of the fact that she'll most likely end up following that path anyway, the idea of enjoying her freedom while she still has it is one that invigorates her. And, while Gavin Clarke is definitely not the sort that she would normally be interested in…well.
"Clarke, wanna go to Hogsmeade together?" she asks firmly, and smirks when Gavin immediately starts to splutter in shock. She makes sure to give him a hard look around her smirk though, to ensure that he doesn't refute her words. The Slytherin in her must be top-notch today, because despite the way he's still coughing, and the way his cheeks have turned a bright shade of red, and the fact that he looks like he suddenly wants to be anywhere but here, Gavin doesn't immediately say no.
Potter swivels his head to stare at Gavin with surprised eyes, pauses for all of three seconds, and then bursts out into laughter. It doesn't help Gavin's blushing countenance, which is quick to turn several shades darker.
"Oh my Godric," James cackles, wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning backwards on the chair he's occupying. "You've…got to be…kidding…me…!"
At this, Gavin straightens up and snaps, "What is that supposed to mean?"
Beside Vivian, Regulus bites his tongue to prevent a laugh from spilling over, and nudges her quietly.
"What the hell are you doing, Blair?" he whispers to her, sounding half amused and half conflicted.
Vivian shrugs. "Getting Potter off my back. What else?" Then, in a louder voice, she says, "So, Clarke, I'll meet you at 9 o'clock in the Great Hall on Saturday morning, then?"
Gavin, who is still eyeing James with an offended look, immediately turns to Vivian and opens his mouth. He doesn't say anything, though. His mouth flaps open and closed several times before, at last, he swallows tightly and clears his throat. Potter begins to laugh all over again.
"Oh Merlin," he heaves breathlessly, and shakes his head. Catching Gavin's eye, he says, "Well what's it gonna be, Clarke? Feel like selling your soul to the devil today?"
Vivian rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up, Potter."
Gavin, who is usually bursting with words (often of the authoritative kind), just wags his mouth several more times until he finally settles for a wary nod. He looks several shades paler than he had moments before, no doubt due to the fact that he has just accepted a proposition from Vivian Blair herself. It isn't that Vivian is the most outspoken Slytherin in their year, or even that she's the most popular, but still – she's a Slytherin, and she doesn't have the most stellar of reputations. He's probably afraid that if he says no, he'll get hexed into next week. Vivian doesn't particularly care either way. All she cares about is that Potter is now looking a bit ruffled and perturbed that she's just turned his words around on him.
He looks even more perturbed when Vivian throws him an edged smirk and wonders, "So Potter, do you have a date for Hogsmeade, or has Evans turned you down yet?"
Straightening up indignantly, James glares at her from across the room and grouses, "She didn't turn me down!"
"I guess you haven't asked her then," Vivian immediately responds.
James sends her a frosty glower, turns to face Lily, and starts, "Lily – "
"No," Lily promptly denies, and then proceeds to shrilly say, "This meeting is over then, right? I'll be going." Then she nearly runs from the room as if her robes have caught fire, leaving a disheartened and surly James behind her.
Vivian snorts. James glares. Gavin is still spluttering silently in the corner.
"Ouch. Better luck next time. You clearly need it," Vivian says with no shortage of malicious amusement, and then cuts her eyes over to Gavin. Directing her next words to him, she says, "Don't be late, Clarke. I don't like being kept waiting."
And before either Potter or Clarke can respond, Vivian is swishing from the room, feeling rather proud of herself for two reasons.
The first is that she got to watch Potter get rejected again by his one-sided crush. The second is that she now has a date for Hogsmeade. And while she might not be particularly excited for said date, well, that doesn't really matter. The point of it all is that she had tried. She doesn't have to like Gavin Clarke to go on a date with him. It's not as if she'll end up falling in love with him. A part of her, however romantic, isn't sure she even believes in love.
Such skepticism is in her cloistered heart. There within are shadows and cobwebs. Love is a creature that she has never discovered; a path that she has never embarked upon. She doubts that she ever will.
But oh, how very wrong she is.
"You're joking. He's joking, right? There's no way that's true."
Remus shrugs unhelpfully, watching Peter search for smooth rocks to skip into the Black Lake. The full moon is coming up and he's starting to feel the effects of it already. His skin is sallow and pale, and his eyes drooping. The other Marauders had thought it might be good for him to get some fresh air, but to be honest, all he wants to do is go collapse into his bed and go to sleep. He isn't in the mood for Sirius's drama, but he's also too tired to do anything about it, and merely sighs.
"He's not joking, Padfoot," Remus replies.
James nods. "Thank you, Moony. I'm being serious, Sirius."
Sirius pauses to give him a little shove, half amused at his play on words but still reeling from the shock from his news.
"Okay, back up a bit," Sirius demands, holding his hands up as he tries to puzzle out the latest drama. "So you're saying that Godric asked Tosspot Clarke out to Hogsmeade this weekend? And he was stupid enough to accept? I thought Ravenclaws had more pride than that."
James shrugs, "Yeah, so did I."
Remus inputs, "He was probably afraid to say no."
Sirius snorts. "Well of course he was. Blair would've hexed him if he had." Then, turning to his friends, he leans in to confide, "She's got a dictionary full of curses. Probably has a few forbidden ones in there, too, knowing her."
His friends don't look overly surprised by this revelation. This is Vivian Blair they're talking about, after all.
James stands up to join Peter in his hunt for smooth stones, and says, "What should we do this weekend, anyway? D'you have a date, Padfoot?"
Sirius doesn't always get himself a date for Hogsmeade trips. Many times, the Marauders all go together. They'll spend hours in Zonko's, looking through the new products, concocting master pranks, and turning out their pockets for spare coin to purchase as many things as they can. Remus usually likes to head over to the bookstore for a while, and Peter never goes to Hogsmeade without making a trip to Honeydukes. Once their customary shopping is accounted for, the four of them usually get some lunch at the Three Broomsticks and loiter around for a while before heading back to the castle. However, whenever one of them has a date – usually Sirius – the groups splits up. Sirius gets dragged off with his date for the afternoon, and after the other Marauders are finished with their shopping, they end up making faces at him through the window of Madam Puddifoot's, where he oftentimes gets trapped.
Sirius has no trouble securing himself a date for outings like these, but this time around, he hasn't made a move on anyone in particular. This isn't altogether strange. Sometimes, the Marauders like to go rogue. In his humble opinion, they get far more accomplished when they do (their pranks are legendary when all four of them put their ideas together), but James's question enforces a strange reaction in Sirius this time around.
Puffing his chest out, he promptly proclaims, "I will get a date. If Godric is going with someone, then so am I."
Naturally, his adamant words make all three of his friends turn and stare at him.
"Why do you care if Blair has a date?" Peter questions in confusion. James and Remus seem similarly confused.
"Yeah, who cares about her?" James demands.
"Are you trying to one-up her again?" Remus sighs.
Sirius scoffs, "Obviously! I've got to see what Tosspot Clarke is like on a date, and seeing as they'll probably end up in Puddifoot's because they're both so boring, I can't go with any of you."
James raises an eyebrow. "Ah…Clarke, huh?" He turns to send Remus a smirk, and Remus snickers into his sleeve. Peter pauses, then makes a sound in the back of his throat that sounds suspiciously like choked laughter.
"Oi! That's crossing a line, Prongs!" Sirius responds with much indignation, and glowers at his friends.
Questioning Sirius's interest in Gavin Clarke is clearly dangerous territory – not that this stops any of the Marauders from delving into said territory.
"It's just a little strange, is all. Your stalker tendencies are getting a bit scary, Padfoot."
"Shut up, Moony."
"I'm just saying."
"Well don't."
Remus, James, and Peter dissolve into snickers. Sirius rolls his eyes. Then, glancing over his shoulder, he shouts, "Hey Marl! Hogsmeade?"
Marlene, who is strutting past with several of her friends, merely sends Sirius a shrugging nod and purrs, "Sure thing, Sirius."
"Brilliant," he says, and nods happily to himself as he leans back against the trunk of the tree they're gathered around.
"She's gonna be pissed if she finds out you're only going on a date with her so you can stalk Blair," Remus informs him.
"Shut up, Moony."
"I'm just say – "
"Well don't."
