Another Op_Fanforall thing. Prompt: "Fic about Oda...make him interact with his characters. I'm sure a few Strawhats would like to have words with him..."

How could I not think of this?

Warning: Small spoilers for Chapter 544.

I don't own One Piece, Oda, or Weekly Shounen Jump. I'd be uber rich if I was, and if I was uber rich, I wouldn't be writing things like this. I'd be out riding my pony.


Oda stretched and turned off his desk light. He'd been working on the next chapter for the past 10 hours or so, and it was coming along great, in his opinion. He just hoped the readers liked it as much as he did.

He got up and started to make his way to the bedroom when a delicious smell suddenly and forcefully hit his nose. Is that fish? he wondered, and set off to the kitchen instead to find out.

Poking his head through the door, Oda spied a figure standing over the stove. The figure was clearly male, but the room was dark and the mangaka couldn't see his face, and therefore couldn't judge whether or not he was friend or foe, or if he could take him in a fight.

"Today's dish," the man said, "is Spicy Seafood pasta, with a hint of zest to bring out the shrimp's flavor. You must be hungry after working so hard, Oda-sama."

Oda recognized the voice, panicked, and started to back out of the room, but the man was much faster and backed him against a wall before he got very far. Why did I give him such long legs...?

"Oda-sama, I think we need to have a little talk." The man took a drag from his cigarette and blew smoke in Oda's face.

"I...it wasn't...do you no good…can't take it out on...the fans-" A foot embedded itself in the wall a few inches from his head.

"Don't blame the fans for this, Oda-sama. You should take pride in your work with a DON after all." The man reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a copy of Weekly Shounen Jump. His foot was still in the wall.

"It's not...I just...what did you expect me to do with you there?" Oda said desperately.

The man sighed. "You know, I really didn't mind when I lost all that screen time for one reason or another. I didn't complain about my bounty poster. I let you introduce Duval..." he flipped through the magazine pages until he found what he was looking for. "I was even willing to put up with the Okama island for the time being; I knew you were busy with the rest of the plot, and this is a comedy manga after all, but this, Oda-sama," he shoved the page in Oda's face. "This is going too far."

Oda closed his eyes, not wanting to look at it. "T-take it away."

"Oda-sama, you should take pride in your creations with a DON, remember? You wrote those words; shouldn't you practice what you preach?"

"I...the fans...do worse..."

"Oh?" The man smirked around his cigarette. "At least when the fans feel the need to put me in a dress, they pick one out that does my figure justice. This though...what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't...not clearly anyway...I'd take it back-"

"It's already in circulation. Hell, it's already all over the internet! You can't take it back now."

"If there's some way I can make it up to you..." The man removed his foot from the wall and exhaled some more smoke, this time towards the ceiling.

"I want my own movie."

"Pardon?"

"Zoro had a movie. Vivi-chan had a movie. Hell, Chopper had two movies for crying out loud. So I want a movie."

"I...you'll have to talk to Toei about that, I don't get much of a say when it comes to the movies." The foot found its way back into the wall.

"I hear you're having quite a say in the new movie. Besides, you're the creator. I'm sure you'll be able to think of something, right Oda-sama?" He handed him the magazine. The mangaka took it shakily.

"R-right. I'll...figure something out." The man smirked.

"I'm glad we understand each other." The foot removed itself from the wall and a plate of Spicy Seafood Pasta was offered to Oda. "Enjoy your meal, Oda-sama." With that the man turned and left.

Oda slid to the floor, clutching the magazine to his chest with one arm and balancing the plate with the other. Maybe he should rethink the whole 'messing with Sanji' thing...