Phantom Agony

Chapter Ten: One Step forward-Two Steps back

"You want me to what?" Elsa deadpanned as she held a plate in her hand, while looking at her sister.

"Just what I explained; are you becoming deaf or something in your old age?" Anna asked as she too held a plate while giving her sister a wink.

Elsa was thankful that she had her good natured, playful, even if slightly annoying sister back. In the days since their return to the castle, everything had slightly returned to normal. Elsa noticed it in the eyes of the servants, some of the citizens who had come from the city to see her when she held court, and she could definitely see it in Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven. While the sisters still had their tense moments, since their talk in the forest everything felt right to Elsa…that is until this morning's panic attack/nightmare ruined it. However she was thankful that Anna had understood, even if she was still miffed about being almost shut out again.

However in this moment Elsa sighed and shook her head. The adventure she had just taken, Anna had led them to a secluded upper part of the castle that the queen never knew existed. Along the way she had told her about a book she had found a long time ago that outlined the architectural structure of the castle. She also explained that certain parts of the castle had secret passageways and secret rooms like the one they were in right now. Since it was still fairly dark, the morning sunrise not yet reaching its full potential, means that Elsa couldn't quite remember the twists and turns and door counts they had taken to reach (what Anna called) 'Shangri-La', "Anna we can't do this!" Elsa hissed at her as she waved the plate in her sister's face.

Anna groaned, "Elsa for the last time, these plates are already chipped; they would have thrown them out anyway. All I did was ask Kai and Gerda to put them in a box and let me have them…no questions asked; besides no one will hear us up here."

"How do we know?" Elsa demanded glaring at the strawberry blonde.

Anna rolled her eyes, "Elsa like I already told you, I have done this tons of times. Trust me, it will be fine. Now throw it like this!" Anna brought her left arm back and threw it like a discus where it satisfyingly shattered against the old brick wall, "Now your turn!"

Elsa again stared at her sister and then at the wall. The room was rather large almost the size of a study, but it was narrow enough that it could only fit two or three people comfortably. She did not know how Anna managed to move stuff into this room, but now she kind of stopped questioning everything her sister did. So she took a deep breath and brought her arm back just like her sister did and threw the plate…however unlike her sister's plate, it did not travel far and rather lost its momentum causing it to shatter on the floor.

Anna just stared at the plate and then looked at her sister, "Really Elsa?"

"What? You said to throw it and I threw it." Elsa said as she motioned to the mess on the floor.

"You, the Snow Queen, can throw a snowball no problem. Yet I tell you to throw a plate and it didn't even get half way across the room. Seriously?" Anna asked incredulously.

"Sue me ok!" Elsa yelled, "Sue me for finding this wrong."

Anna groaned again and handed her sister another plate, "OK let's think about it like this: what has father always said to you about your emotions?"

"Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show." Elsa repeated automatically and then winced as her sister was looking extremely disappointed in her.

"Well get that out of your brain. I want you to look at this plate." Anna positioned the plate as if there was food on it and Elsa looked at her, "Look. At. The. Plate." Anna emphasized as she too picked up another plate. Elsa looked down at the plate in her hand, "Now instead of concealing and not feeling, I want you to reveal and feel." Anna explained as she looked at her own plate, "I want you to picture what makes you mad, upset, furious, livid, or even depressed. Imagine it all on this plate…just try not to make it snow…" Anna added as an afterthought seeing light and small flurry that started.

Elsa took her eyes off the plate and looked at her sister sheepishly, "Sorry." Taking a deep breath, Elsa managed to make the flurry stop.

"It's ok. Now once you have you image I want you to throw the plate as hard as you can at the wall. Watch again." Anna instructed as she looked at her own plate. Elsa saw her sister give the plate a dark look and then she brought her left arm back and flung it forward. The plate flew through the air and it shattered against the wall. Although this time Elsa noticed that Anna gave it more force than the last time. It seemed whatever her sister had imagined, she was really mad, "Ok it is your turn."

"What did you picture?" Elsa asked trying to avoid what her sister wanted her to do.

"A certain door that hurt my shoulder," Anna said as she waved her hand like it was no big deal.

However Elsa saw right through it, "Anna…"

"Alright fine, it was the door though however it was thirteen years of that door. Besides do you know how long I wanted to ram that damn door down? Like seriously! I always wanted to do that!" Anna said smiling at her sister, but then she dropped it seeing the look on the older woman's face, "Elsa just be a good girl and do as I instructed please."

Despite the joking tone that Anna may have given, it however made her sister give her the darkest look she could imagine. Not once had Elsa ever looked at Anna like she was looking at her now. Anna took a slight step back as Elsa redirected the look at the plate. The temperature in the room must have dropped about ten degrees because Anna could see her breath in it. Letting out a furious growl the Queen drew her arm back and flung it forward. The plate whizzed across the room where it made contact with the wall and shattered with an ear splitting crash. Anna's mouth dropped open and she looked at her sister. She could see slight tears in her sister's eyes as she had her arm extended out still, "Elsa?" Anna called out quietly, "You ok?"

Elsa was still breathing rather heavily, but she dropped her arm, "That felt so good!" She finally said, "Can I have another one?" Elsa asked facing her sister with an excited smile, that made Anna do almost a double-take to make sure she was seeing her twenty-one year old sister, the Snow Queen, and not the eight-year old Snow Princess.

"Before I give you another one of my plates, what did I say?" Anna asked concerned, not reaching into the box like her sister had requested, "To make you mad?"

Elsa's smile dropped and she looked away from her sister and instead at the floor. Heaving a sigh she responded, "Don't let them in. Don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be..." Elsa paused and she gave Anna a sad smile, "Conceal, don't feel. Put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know."

Anna's eyes widened as she thought back to what she had said before Elsa threw the plate, "Elsa I am so sorry. I didn't-"

"It's ok really. It's just that I was told to be a good girl all my life. Along with the conceal stuff too. But no need to be sorry. Instead I should be thanking you." Elsa said smiling and giving her sister a gentle hug, as to not damage the younger woman's shoulder even more.

"For what?" Anna asked stunned as she looked confused as Elsa pulled away.

"For everything: for not giving up on me, for coming home, and for teaching me that love can thaw." Elsa explained look at her younger sister, "Also for this new anger management technique." She gave the young princess a reassuring smile.

Anna was not all that convinced however. What Elsa had explained before only reminded her of that accident that she had caused. Sure they had discussed that it was not just one persons' fault. They both (along with their parents and the trolls) had a hand in the damage that those thirteen long years had caused. However what Elsa did not know in the days that they all had been home, Anna still blamed herself, "Anna?" Elsa called over to her sister with concern, as she saw fleeting emotions on the younger woman's face, "You ok?"

Anna turned away from Elsa and went over to the small window and pushed it open. The morning sun now shone brightly in the room and Elsa gasped at the beautiful scenery and then looked around the room. It was still rather small and narrow, but it was still amazing just how much stuff her sister managed to fit in it. It looked like a smaller bedroom, "I think we should get back downstairs. Kai and Gerda are bound to be up and are about to get us up." Anna said, but her tone was not her usual happy tone as she dodged the question.

Elsa looked at her sister with wariness and was not about to let Anna shut her out that easily, "Anna talk to me. What did I say this time?"

"Nothing Elsa, I am fine." Elsa was not buying it, "Just if you can, can you put the box over there by the trunk?"

Elsa looked at the box and then over at the small trunk in the corner of the room. Hesitantly, she did as her sister requested. She wanted to probe deeper as to what suddenly changed her sister's mood, however just like in that clearing, she knew that asking straight out would only lead to Anna being more closed off. So instead she asked a different question, "I know you told me how you found this place, but how did you manage to come up with this idea? The plate throwing?"

Anna led the two out of the room and down a spiral concrete staircase as she thought about her sister's question. She bit her lip nervously as they found themselves in an older, less used area of the castle, "Uhm…it's kind of complicated." Anna said evasively.

"It cannot be that complicated." Elsa shot back as they took in their surroundings trying to remember the hallway as Anna led them down another flight of stairs.

"Trust me sis. It is kind of complicated and rather involved." Anna replied as they turned a corner, "And I can give you the blueprint to find the room if you want."

Elsa stopped looking around and looked at her sister who was smirking a bit, "What?"

"I have the blueprints for the castle remember?" Anna said as they rounded another corner and entered a room which Elsa was again surprised to see it was another study, "Since I explored the castle so much, I know all the passageways and hideouts by heart. I can give you the blueprint so you can get to Shangri-La whenever you need an escape." She explained as the exited the study and continued their trek down the hallways.

As Elsa looked around she started taking notice at the more familiar hallways, "You would really let me enter your secret sanctuary anytime I needed to?" Elsa asked surprised that her sister would be willing to share something like this with her.

Anna laughed lightly, "Of course I would. I wanted to share the book and its secrets with you when I first found it…" Anna trailed off and Elsa could see that her eyes had gotten a faraway look in them and she also noticed that her left hand was starting to twitch for her nightgown. Elsa knew those movements, as they were Anna's nervous habits to play with her clothes, "I just ask that when you use the plates, you try and replace them." Anna spoke making Elsa jump out of her musings as they approached the doors to their bedrooms.

"How did we get back here?" Elsa asked surprised to find that they were standing outside her now fixed door.

Anna smirked, "You were too busy thinking that you were not being very observant."

"Ha ha." Elsa said rolling her eyes as she opened her door to find her room cleaned and tidied, "Did Kai and Gerda get everyone to clean in here or something during the early hours of the morning? I mean I would have thawed it."

"Probably." Anna said looking in her sister's now neat room and she entered.

"Anna, what are you doing?" Elsa demanded as she entered her room as Anna was writing on a piece of paper that she took from the inside of Elsa's desk.

Elsa looked over her sister's shoulder when she did not answer her right away and let out a small gasp. Anna was drawing the route to the hideout and to Elsa it looked very professional, "Like I said I know all the routes by heart." Anna answered.

"Very professional looking;" Elsa said as she stood next to her sister while leaning on the desk, "I didn't know you had a taste for drawing."

"As I told you, I was not much of an academic like you are." Anna replied still focusing on her task. To her it wasn't that hard to draw considering the drawing was already in her head, "I liked the arts and horseback riding better." Once she was finished, Anna flipped the paper over and started to right out the directions really quick, "There." Anna handed her sister the paper, "Now it is not exactly drawn to scale," she explained as Elsa looked at the quickly drawn map and flipped the paper over to see the directions, "but it should do. Of course I am around if you need me to lead the way." Anna winked and made a move to exit her sister's room.

"Thank you." Elsa said smiling, "You are going to have to show me more of these passageways and rooms of yours."

Anna nodded and smiled back, "See you in a bit."

It was when Anna was leaving did Elsa remember, "Hey!" Anna turned back around as her hand gripped the handle of the door, "Are you going to be ok getting dressed?" Elsa asked motioning to the sling.

Anna looked at her arm and frowned and shrugged her left shoulder while waving off her sister's concern, "Yea like I said I have had worse. And no my heart was not one of them."

Elsa frowned at the thought, "By any chance has one of the worse injuries you had involved in the plate throwing?"

"See you in a bit Elsa." Anna stated with an eye roll as she exited while closing the door.

Elsa ran over to her door and opened it, "You really are not going to tell me are you?!" She yelled across the hall just as Kai and Gerda were approaching.

Anna closed the door to her room in response; Elsa on the other hand released a frustrated groan and closed her door. Kai and Gerda stood in the middle looking at the sisters' doors and then at each other. Gerda held up her hands, "I do not want to know."

"Neither do I." Kai said and they turned around and walked back in the direction from once they came.

Down at breakfast Kristoff and Olaf waiting for the sisters to arrive, Olaf was asking Kristoff some questions about different sports that get played during the different seasons and why some of them can only be played at certain times of the year rather than all year round. Kristoff was trying hard to keep the conversation in his mind, but all his thoughts drew back to Anna, who he had a planned something special to do with her that day. However just as Olaf was going to ask him about something he heard called 'stickball', they saw Elsa and Anna enter the room. Kristoff smiled, but his smile fell as he noticed the state of Anna's right arm, "What happened?!" He gasped out while him and Olaf jumped out of their seats and ran over to the women.

"I had a disagreement with a door." Anna said sticking to her story.

"Anna it is ok, you can tell them." Elsa sighed as she led them back over to the table.

"Tell us what?" Olaf asked concern swimming in his eyes as the four of them sat at the table in their respective positions.

"Yea, tell us what?" Kristoff asked, "Please do not shut us out again."

Anna groaned, "There is nothing to tell." This time Anna stared her sister down, "I had a disagreement with a door. I won and this was the price, end of story."

Despite the finality of the princess's tone, Kristoff continued to pry, "Anna, please what actually happened?"

"I had a night-OW!" Elsa yelled causing mild snow to fall onto the table and around them. Kristoff was slightly thankful that no one had served them yet, but was also looking between the sisters with concern. He saw Elsa glaring at Anna while, he guessed that she was rubbing her shin, and then when he looked at Anna, he saw her also glaring at the platinum blonde.

"What's a night-OW?" Olaf asked oblivious to the tension at the table.

"Nothing." Anna said answering in a hard tone still glaring at Elsa, "Do not worry about it."

Olaf was confused, still not paying attention to the atmosphere, "But Elsa said that she had a-"

Elsa nor Anna responded to the snowman as the snow was magically cleared off from the table just as the servants served the food, "Anna can I talk to you?" Elsa asked standing up.

"Fine by me." Anna said while she followed her sister out of the room. Kristoff and Olaf just stared at each other and each shrugged as Olaf continued to ask Kristoff about the concept of 'stickball'.

"Why the hell did you kick me?" Elsa asked trying not to shout.

"Because you do not need to explain something that was completely my fault." Anna said with a hard voice.

Elsa just stared at her sister in disbelief, "The guy and snowman asked a simple question! I was just answering it considering that you wouldn't!"

"They don't need to know what happened. It is over and done with." Anna said glaring at Elsa, then she turned and stormed down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Elsa called after her.

"Turns out I am not in the mood for breakfast after all. By the way if you start blaming yourself for this," Anna stated as she stopped and pointed to her shoulder, "I will smack you."

Elsa just watched as Anna stormed away from the dining area. Still shocked at what had started off as a nice early morning turned into another argument; she went back into the dining room. Kristoff and Olaf noticed the princess's absence as the Queen sat down, "Where is Anna?"

"She said she was not hungry." Elsa said.

"What just happened?" Olaf asked after sharing a stunned look with Kristoff.

Elsa looked at the two, "One step forward and two steps back. That is what happened." The three fell into an uncomfortable silence, not one of them feeling like eating.