Hola! I am extremely nervous to post this, as it is my first chapter for this story, but I decided hey, what the hell, huh? I hope you enjoy! While reading this though, please keep in mind that while I am following Queen Cocaine's basic plot for this story, that will come into play in the near future. Also, I am not queen Cocaine, so my writing WILL be different. Other than that...Here we go! And so I present to you...Chapter ten of Suicide Girl!

Chapter Ten

Love is something mortals don't understand.

They think they do. But, truly, do not.

Even I, as a human, could not grasp the full concept. Love is the most potent, motivating emotion that there is.

And humans are idiotic enough to put their full faith in it. As a vampire, I felt the same emotions that a normal human would feel. But I only, unfortunately, felt them for one. And I would not be so obtuse as to blindly trust again. The pain I had been forced through, suffered in tormenting proportions, when Edward had left my pathetic living past, still remained within myself, to this day.

Edward Cullen was, indeed, haunting me.

I somehow convinced Heidi and Alice to lengthen our stay in New York. It wasn't very hard, seeing as how Alice was far too intent on her little shopping trip. Heidi was slightly indifferent, but she would be where I was.

As much as it shamed and disgusted me, Bella Suicide, to admit it, I feared going back to the Cullen estate. After what happened with Edward, it would be ... awkward, to say the least. I still hadn't fully forgiven myself for that little incident. Letting my guard down, for a few fucking kisses. Electrical kisses as they were; they had almost messed up my persona.

Was being around Edward bringing out the naivety of my former self? I could not allow that to happen. I despised the guileless adolescent I had been, and could not allow her to resurface, especially this far into my plan.

He had stolen my letter.

Why would he take it upon himself to just take what was mine? What was his antiphon going to be? Could he figure out that it was about him? He had nearly destroyed my plan, as I had not anticipated this. Oh, he would feel my anger when we returned which was, sadly, tomorrow. As much as Alice loved shopping, she was beginning to miss Jasper.

I could understand that. After seventeen years of not viewing his angelic face, feeling his skin that wasn't so alien to me now, seeing him once more had arisen in me a feeling to not be parted with him again. I resented the weakness he brought out in me, but still the need for him was there. Will always be there.

An exasperated sigh escaped my cherry lips, drawing the ever attentive Alice to shift her gaze upon me. "So Bella, are we returning soon? I can't wait to fly again!" Her voice was that of an excited child, making a small smile tug at the edges of my lips.

"Soon, Alice, soon."

She seemed satisfied with that, and bounced off to examine her shopping bags. We'd stayed in the same hotel as the night of my concert, the night with him.

Of course, we'd fabricated the proper evidence to cover up the craters my feet had left in the floor, though there was nothing to be done about the mirror I'd shattered. I supposed my fine tuned voice had just been too much for it.

Funny, seeing as how when I had been...her, I had always found it odd that obese opera performers could shatter glass simply by raising their pitch.

Between Alice, Heidi and myself, a whole half of the hotel room was covered with shopping bags. Mostly brand names. Gucci, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Dolce and Gabbana, Armani, DKNY, Juicy Couture, Manolo, Jimmy Chu, Coach, Seven jeans, which were my absolute favorite to wear when I either wasn't in character or felt like relaxing a bit with a simple corset and jeans outfit.

I was very blatant about my tastes in design these days, unlike when I had been the innocent Swan child, who had been content with flannel shirts and twenty dollar jeans. I almost scoffed at the idea of it.

Had being a vampire for the past seventeen years, on top of my last year of fame and unlimited money, made me arrogant? Why, yes, it rather had.

Even though I had made purchases at those rather elusive and expensive stores, I itched for a trip to London. Craving new corsets, Fairy Goth Mother would be the perfect place. I didn't need the perks of corsets, accentuating the waist as well as slimming it and making it appear lengthier. Being a vampire, I had as perfect a body as could be expected. Not perfect like Rosalie, but perfect the all the same.

Tired of my inner banter, I stood. "I'm famished. Alice, Heidi?"

Heidi, who had been absently inspecting her already perfect nails, looked up at this, indifference still apparent on her beautiful features. "I wouldn't object."

"I'll eat!" Came Alice's bell like tones, and I looked over. Again, fighting a laugh. The small optimist was half buried in her piles of designer belongings.

I was slightly unnerved at how Alice brought these warm feelings out in me, and I hastily shoved those thoughts aside as I rose and gracefully strode over to my containment cell, keying in the newly reformed password. I searched through my stock, finding fitting tastes for each individual that was accompanying me.

Redeeming a little payback for Heidi giving me an older male on the ride to the Cullens', and I sustained her with a thirty nine year old Persian male, O negative, fighting back a sadistic chuckle at the look of distaste that crossed her features. The last of the imported mountain lion was given to Alice. A twinge struck me as I read those words. Even with Alice's reminder a few days ago, I had not forgotten that particular animal was Edward's favorite. It happened to be one of mine, as well, as far as animals were concerned. I hadn't always had my own personal blood bank.

I tossed the heated pouches to their respective owners, biting into my own and draining it within a few delectable moments. Twenty four year old Irish female, B positive. Old enough to be more matured, and less stickily sweet, but still tangy enough.

The silence in the hotel room was comfortable. Involved in her own thoughts as Heidi was, and absorbed in her new treasures as Alice was, neither noticed the state of deep thought I was in.

And I preferred it that way.

After a pit stop at Fairy Goth Mother, we made out way to Bristol, passing a few shops and markets on the way. The streets of London, though it was well into the evening, were still populated with humans and, most likely, vampires alike.

When we rode down one particular road, my eyes fell upon a dealership. A strident gasp escaped me as the slim pieces of metal brought back memories. I couldn't quite remember the name, but I remembered a tall, tan and gangly boy with a warm smile that drained my pain slightly. "Stop!" I screeched.

Alice gave me a peculiar look, but obeyed. She pulled to the front of the dealership, turning the ignition and stopping the motor.

I opened my door, and moved towards the nearest metal masterpiece.

Alice was closely behind me, while Heidi, unamused, waited in the passenger seat of the car. "You like motorcycles?"

A strained feeling overcame me. A strong desire to own one of these beautiful creations overwhelmed me. But, clad in a layered, fringed black skirt along with wide diamond fishnets and my witch-like boots, I was hardly equipped to ride one back to the Cullen manor. "Yes."

She made a 'hmm' sound, taking in the expression of longing that my face must have portrayed, before quietly dancing back to the car. I followed, my eyes lingering on them for as long I they could.

This sudden longing, a somewhat ache in my heart, bothered me. I remembered why I had ridden the bike. Because I had been hearing that glorious voice, as insane as I thought I had been. And I had been willing to deal with that.

Sad, that I didn't remember the name of the boy who had brightened my world slightly after Edward's departure, but I remembered a minute detail such as that. It was despicable how I remembered every small detail that concerned Edward, but I couldn't remember loving my parents.

I was silent, pondering, the rest of the ride 'home'.

I hated myself as feelings of uneasiness and dread filled me as we raced our way up the drive leading to the Cullens' house. My stomach fluttered a bit nervously, though on the outside I was the portrait of composure.

Alice had insisted on driving, so we were currently speeding at a completely inconspicuous, to vampire's anyhow, one hundred and thirty miles per hour. My poor Ferrari was used to these speeds, however.

The pixie like vampire slowed to a halt in front of the house, and opened her door, stepping out gracefully.

Almost immediately, Jasper was there.

He stood directly in front of his wife, staring into her eyes with love, powerful and immortal, shining at her through his golden eyes.

The sight made my stomach nearly flip, but I casually exited the back seat. Apparently, Volturi don't ride in the back seat of a car either, Heidi had nearly fell over in shock at the idea. Closing the door softly behind me, I moved elegantly to the trunk, popping it open and sliding my slender wrists through a few loops of the bag handles that belonged to me, along with my Louis Vuitton baggage.

I almost jumped out of my porcelain pigmented skin when I felt a presence next to mine. The very presence I had been morbidly anticipating.

"Allow me." Edward's velvet tone's almost sang, his igneous topaz gaze boring into my own scarlet one. He must have hunted recently, as not even a speck of black tainted his blazing stare. He slowly, purposefully removed the bags from my arms, his equally pale skin brushing against mine in the process and I fought a shudder. I sharply inhaled, and his wondrous scent slammed me, making my skin tingle in memory of how his delicious body felt upon mine. How his harsh, passion filled kisses had felt.

But those very kisses proved what I had suspected as a human. Despite what every one said about my human self affecting him permanently, he couldn't have loved me as much as he had claimed to. His actions only a few nights previous had proven that. He had never showed Bella Swan that much fervency. She really must have been a simple pet to him.

Even after all these years, realizing that once more still strung me, tearing painfully at the edges of the infamous hole he'd left.

I would not show him my weakness.

I'd given up on hiding my face from him and the rest. He'd seen it the night he'd surprised me by coming into my hotel room. Obviously, he didn't recognize me though. Was it the years that had passed, diminishing his memory of my mortal self, or do I simply look that different?

Maybe Bella Swan was just really that insignificant to him.

Perhaps, had I still been living and warm, I would have melted against him.

But Bella Suicide did not melt.

I consciously jerked my chin up a little bit , grabbing the small remainder of my belongings as Edward had taken most of the burden, and, strained as my voice was, politely said, "Thank you, Edward." And promptly made my way into the house, headed towards my room. I knew he was just being haughtily courteous, my designer luggage was not heavy at all to an immortal. Granted, there was a large amount of luggage. What I had brought to New York, along with the shopping that had been done had totaled to a slightly ridiculous expanse of luggage. But that must have meant he wanted to be in close proximity to me.

I entered my room, graciously dropping my bags into a corner, and moving to my large closet, inspecting it to see if I had any left over hangers to perch my new wardrobe upon.

When I inhaled, out of habit, his succulent scent hit me once more, and I turned, eyes narrowing. "Yes?"

Edward raised a perfect, ginger like eyebrow at me. "I am merely bringing your belongings to you, Miss Suicide."

I motioned to the corner where I'd set what I had carried myself, and waited stonily for him to do the same.

He complied, and turned to face me. My ruby orbs glared right into his, and I fought the urge to childishly cross my arms.

His eyes roamed my body once more, and I was surprised by how often he seemed to do this. Like he was drinking me in. He'd been way to proper when I was human to do that. What justification did he give himself to do so now?

I opened my mouth to say something, whether it was to frostily, yet forcedly politely, ask him to leave, or something else I was unsure, but he cut my words short by moving towards me.

In a few long strides, he was in front of me, and reaching into his back pocket for something.

I refused to take my eyes off his as my head tilted upwards to accommodate his height. As a vampire I was a bit taller than I had been as a human, but not nearly as tall as he.

He held his beautiful pianists fingers out, and my eyes suspiciously lowered to see what he had captivated in them.

My letter.

Seal broken.

Annoyance mixed with anger washed over my features, and I hastily yanked it out of his hand. I would have been blushing furiously, had I been able to. "Thank you, for returning wat belongs to me, that you abducted without permission from myself."

This made Edward smirk a bit condescendingly, and my eyes narrowed even more. Was it wrong that I wanted to resort to violence to wipe that expression off of his face? He was satisfied with himself for his actions!

"I apologize, Miss Suicide, but I simply could not resist." He said formally, with a hint of that jubilant superciliousness that he'd had the day he'd entered my room during one of my compositions.

"So what did you think of my personal ramblings? Are you pleased with yourself that you invaded my privacy?" I snapped, clenching my fists. He was radiating smugness, and I couldn't understand why.

That damn smirk remained, and he responded. "I am, actually."

Fury blazed within me. "Get out."

He raised his eyebrow once more. "Such callousness from a lady. Don't you think yourself rude?"

Was he trying to anger me? My fists clenched tighter in attempt not to flat out hit him, and a growl absconded me in retaliation, "Don't you think yourself rude for thieving my belongings?"

He chuckled. "Absolutely, but I don't regret it." My mouth opened once more, but he stepped forward this time, his body nearly against mine. I froze. Was this going to be a repeat of the hotel room?

But instead of that, one hand came up to gently trace over my cheekbone. "I suppose that while it does make me question why you are here with us, I'm glad I did read it, because it revealed that under that cold facade and angry music, you do have a heart."

I fought the urge to snort. He was my heart. But of course, he wouldn't know that. I almost breathed a sight a absolute relief that he hadn't figured that out.

I was at a loss for words. What could I say to that? "I suppose I do. And I suppose under your amazingly indifferent and pompous composure, you have a heart as well." I could make him feel the string.

A soft, reminiscing glint shone in his eyes, and something resembling a small smile rose to his perfect lips. Not a cruel smile, but not a happy one either, and he remained silent for a few moments. I was reminded of the picture Carlisle held in his office of Edward and Bella Swan, and how happy Edward had looked. Obviously, it hadn't made him happy enough to stay.

As I thought of that, and the fact that he was in fact playing with my mind, I snapped my head back, away from his touch, although semi reluctantly. "Your arrogance is astounding. Leave, now."

He chuckled softly, although symmetrically darkly, and dropped his hand. "As you wish."

And then he was gone.

"Asshole." I hissed after him, as the door to my room gently closed. I had never felt this much resentment towards Edward, and it shocked me. But it felt nice to feel something other than loving adoration, and longing towards him.

His laugh resounded down the hallway, and I knew he'd heard me. It didn't bother me.

My eyes fell upon the letter still clutched tightly in my hand, and I viciously ripped it to shreds, resisting letting out that same shriek I had in the hotel. I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed my portable music player, blasting loud, angry music into my senses and unpacking.

"Liar liar liar liar

Liar liar liar liar

Liar liar liar liar

Are you suffering?

Are you SUFFERING?

I want your suffering.

I want your beautiful suffering.

I want to see your PAIN

I WANT YOUR SUFFERING"

No one was unwise enough to disturb me.

Around four a.m., when I'd resolutely calmed a bit, I entered the main room, a small grin turning up my mouth. Emmett and Jasper were arguing, sitting on the floor in front of the large screen television and almost violently slamming their thumbs down on the buttons of the X-Box controllers. Rosalie was sitting on the couch, staring at them in disbelief.

"Hello." I called to them all, taking a seat on the same couch as Rosalie, though keep out distance. She looked at me, that same disbelief on her face, and shook her head.

"You'd think after how many years I've been around them I would be used to this by now..." Rosalie mused.

I laughed softly, the sound almost of bell chimes to rival Alice's, and I spoke to the males that were acting quite like boys. "What are you playing?" I took in the sight of two men, one clad in a pair of sickenly tight leather pants and a matching vest with spiked studs covering the shoulders, and the other a kimono and an obi. Which reminded me of a trip that I'd have to make soon, but I pushed that to the side.

It wasn't hard to distinguish who was which one, as Jasper was smirking confidently as the man in the obi roundhouse kicked the rebellious looking one in the face, following up with a powerful punch to the chest that made him fly backwards.

"Tekken twenty seven, JASPER KNOCK IT OFF!" Emmett shouted, resulting in a merciless laugh from Jasper and an amused chortle from Rosalie and I.

"Take THAT!" Jasper responded, pressing buttons violently as Emmett moaned in despair. Boys would be boys.

"Where is everyone?" I asked no one in particular.

Rosalie turned to me, but Emmett beat her to it. "The stuck up Volturi bitch went to London again to hunt, Carlisle is at work, Esme is in the garden, and Alice and Edward left a few hours ago to go hunting because Alice was bore-HA! DIE, JASPER, DIE!" Emmett cackled in victory, as his character successfully got his hands on Jasper's, ripping his head off.

"Hey!" Jasper basically whined, his face falling as the words K.O! flashed in red across the screen. He pouted slightly.

"I win, I win! Ha ha!" Emmett teased, causing Rosalie to roll her eyes.

"How old are you?"

Emmett responded by promptly sticking his tongue out at his beatific wife.

As Rosalie was about to make another sarcastic retort, the front door open and closed, and his scent hit me at the same time that Alice's sing-song voice assaulted my ears. "We're ho-o-o-o-ome!

Jasper's near pouting almost faded, but not completely, and he looked at his wife as she entered.

Alice plopped right into Jasper's lap, looking to me. "Edward wants to see you."

I rolled my eyes a bit, a Rosalie patted my leg, giving me and encouraging smile. I looked at her and made a face, earning a beautiful laugh as I rose and went towards the door. I was really beginning to take a liking to Rosalie, and I believed she was to me.

Edward was leaning against the door frame, his posture relaxed and confident. Since when was he so...egotistical?

I didn't stop myself this time, and crossed my arms below my breasts. "Yes, Edward?"

He smirked. "I have a present for you."

My perfectly sculpted eyebrows rose at this. He had a present for me? "Oh?"

He held out his hand, while his other opened the front door.

I placed my own in his larger one, wondering what on earth Edward Cullen could have gotten me.

Viola! I'm so proud of myself for finishing this! It took me all day, but I'm pretty satisfied with it. I hope you all like it, I tried very hard! What did Edward get Bella, and why? You'll find out soon enough!

Review, please. Not because I'm begging for them, but because I want to know everyone's opinion. For now, I bid you adieu.

-Lollirot