Although the hour, in Diviner terms, is fairly early, only barely past one in the morning, the corridors of Maison Etoile are nearly deserted. It creates an eerie, hollow effect, especially since I've gotten used to passing at least one person on my way through the mansion.
The walk from the library to the exit onto the roof is not a long one, but it's long enough to give me time to think. I realize that I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say to him; that is, if I don't get completely scared out of my wits first and back down. I've never seen him angry, but those who have say it's frightening to behold.
No, I can't back down, I think firmly. I have to talk to him. Even if he's mad, I have to talk to him.
The roof of Maison Etoile is accessible by a ladder near the top of the building, which leads up to a trapdoor in the ceiling. The trapdoor is locked during the daytime with a heavy golden bolt, so that no one can get into the mansion while all the Diviners sleep, but at night, the bolt is slid back and the door is left unlocked for any who wish to use it.
I make my way to the ladder slowly, reaching out both hands to grasp the wooden rungs. The polished wood feels slick beneath my fingers, which are oozing a cold sweat. My stomach turns nervously, and suddenly, my legs feel weak.
I can't do this. I should just turn around right now and walk back to the library. Just turn around and forget about it…
I shake the thoughts from my head. No, I can't do that. Not now. I can't, I won't, forget about this. I have to talk to him.
My fingers grip the rungs with determination, and I climb. I climb all the way to the top, where I set my shoulder against the wooden trapdoor and shove with all my might. Slowly, surely, the door creaks open, and my head rises into the night.
The air is warm, with a hint of a breeze that ruffles my white hair around my face. The stars are out in force tonight, spangling the sky with glittering constellations, and the moon is a round orb floating among them, painting everything in brilliant silver.
I raise my arms above the hole, steeling them against the rims of the opening, and pull myself out to stand atop the roof, kicking the trapdoor closed behind me as I stand. The slats are partially slanted, making me feel unsteady, but not so unsteady that I fear falling. The roof is wide, anyway, and I'd have to roll a fair distance before I actually fell.
Slowly, I glance around for what I'm looking for. It takes a moment, but then I spot it: an overhang in the roof that comes up halfway across a wide balcony near the top floors of the mansion. The balcony faces in the direction of the main city, and it's flooded with direct moonlight. I've stood there many times before; I know, with certainty, that it's Saïx's.
I make my way carefully across the slanted roof slats, my feet wobbling shakily as they slide on the slick surface. My breath comes slightly shallower, and I can feel my heart knocking against my ribcage. Any second now, I am going to slip and fall and die. What a stupid, stupid, stupid—
And I'm standing at the edge of the overhang.
I'm so surprised at first that I almost lose my balance. Did I actually just cross that entire expanse of roof? I look back to the trapdoor, which seems surprisingly far away for the short time I walked.
Shaking my head in wonder, I return my attention to the task I have set myself to. Peering over the edge, I feel my stomach give a flip. The drop from the roof to the balcony must be at least eight feet. There's no way I can fall that far without at least giving myself some serious bruises.
Now maybe I should turn back…
A sudden noise catches my attention, though. It sounds like the bolt on a door sliding back, and it's coming from right below me. Stifling a shriek, I press myself low to the roof, just barely peering over the edge. I don't dare to move any further.
I relax slightly as I recognize the figure who emerges from the balcony's doors and comes to stand out in the moonlight, letting the silver wash bathe him in radiance. His long hair is pinned back with a silver clip in the shape of the crescent moon, and there is a blue blindfold tied around his eyes, but even so, I would know him anywhere.
I wonder, as I gaze down at him, what the blindfold could be for, if he can't see anyway.
Well, why don't you just ask him?
Ah, it's a pesky one, that mental voice, and at this moment, it sounds eerily like Mika.
Sighing internally, I flip myself around, easing my body slowly down off the rooftop. First my legs, then my thighs, then my waist, then my torso, then my chest, then finally my head and arms until I am hanging by only my fingers from the edge of the roof. I look down.
Still a good four-foot drop separates my feet from the stone balcony. This is going to sting a bit.
My fingers cling resolutely to the roof's edge, even though I keep telling myself to let go and just take the fall, it can't be all that far. Looking down does not make matters any better.
"Worlds and Oblivion," I mutter to myself. "Now's a greattime to develop acrophobia, Nax, just great."
At the sound of my muttered comment, I catch sight of Saïx's head turning up in my direction, his lips pressed together in a thin line. His face startles me; he looks weary and tired, and as if he has recently been injured and in a great deal of pain.
"Who is there?" he asks. His voice is startling as well; he sounds as if someone has been torturing him for several days and feeding him little. His tone is low and quiet, and although it is the same calm as ever, there is a hint of long-suffering agony behind that calm, threatening to shatter it and break through.
Deciding there's no point in hiding my presence now, I call down to him quietly.
"It's me. It's Naxanz. I'm kinda… stuck."
"What are you doing?" His tone is soft, but accusing. "I told you not to come here."
"I didn't listen," I reply honestly. "I had to talk to you."
"Nax, you need to go back to your room or the library or wherever you were," Saïx says. "Now is not a good time for me."
"But it's a good time for me," I say back stubbornly. It's the first time I've ever directly disobeyed anything he's told me.
He glares up at me, although the effect is slightly diminished by the blindfold. "This isn't a question or a joke. You need to leave."
"You're right, Saïx, it's not a question or a joke," I agree. "And I'll leave. As soon as you tell me why you banished me, and why you won't tell me anything important, and why you never let anyone in. You're so secretive and stoic; well, why don't you take some help for once?!" I'm nearly shouting now, forgetting the tingling, growing numbness in my fingers as I yell down at him.
"Because this is my business!" he shouts right back. "I will take care of it alone!"
"You are so, so stubborn!" I scream at him. "You're so proud, you can't even bear the thought of help! Oblivion forbid you should actually need it—" I am about to continue my sentence with a few choice words, when, suddenly, my fingers finally give and I am falling, falling, falling.
I expect the pain and sharp sting of hitting the ground. Perhaps a broken bone or two…
And then I am wrapped up and caught in a pair of strong, fabric-shrouded arms.
I open my eyes, which I did not realize were closed until this moment, to behold Saïx, his arms wrapped tightly around me, supporting me as if I weighed only a fraction of my already light weight. His mouth is still set in that hard line, lips thin and pale against the bottom of his perfect face. This close, it seems as though his eyes are staring me down even from behind the blindfold, and I can imagine those pale irises burning right into my soul.
"Are you all right?" he whispers, his voice tight with tension.
I nod, catch myself for the thousandth time, and whisper back, "I-I'm okay… how did you know to catch me?"
Did you really think I had left you so alone all this time?
The return of his voice in my mind sends a shockwave through me, and I gasp.
You knew I was there the whole time.
Of course I knew you were there. I was hoping you would leave if I did not acknowledge your presence, but I see you are far too stubborn for that.
Of course I am. I learned from the best.
His lips twitch slightly, but his expression is still ferociously blank.
I see. I will escort you out.
"No," I say, out loud this time.
His mouth frowns, and I can see his brow furrowing above the blindfold as his eyes narrow underneath.
"Naxanz, I do not want to have this discussion again. You must leave. It is not safe for you to—"
"Saïx, I really don't care," I say frankly.
His cyan eyebrows shoot up nearly into his hairline. "What did you say?"
"I'm pretty sure you heard me," I reply, crossing my arms.
He sighs. "You do not know what you are saying."
"I know that you're being a stubborn git," I say, using the word that Mika used earlier.
"A what?" He sounds confused.
"You're always so stoic and secretive," I tell him. "You never let anyone in or let anyone help you with what's really important. And I get the feeling you're doing it to protect them. That's why you told me to stay away today; so no one would suspect me of plotting treason." My arms fall to my sides again, and I sigh. "But I don't care what they think."
He sighs. "You're partly right. That is part of the reason I told you to avoid seeing me."
My own brows rise. "Partly? Well, what's the other part?"
He shakes his head. "It's none of your concern. I have been dealing with it for four years; I will continue dealing with it. Alone." His tone makes it perfectly clear that he considers the matter dropped.
"No, you won't," I tell him.
He growls in frustration. "Why will you not simply let this go?"
"Because I care about you, Saïx," I say. "And I don't want you to think you have to do everything alone when I'm here."
That makes him pause; I can see it on his face, even with the blindfold. His expression is torn with indecision and pain.
In a move of unprecedented boldness, I walk right up to him and put my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
"Will you please trust me?" I whisper. "Just this time?"
I can feel him tense as my arms go around him, and for a moment, I think I've made an awful, horrible mistake.
Then he sighs, and all at once, all the angry energy seems to drain out of him.
"Fine," he whispers. "Just this time."
"Thank you," I say, letting go of him and standing back.
There is a moment's silent pause between us.
"So," I finally say. "What's the other part of the reason you banished me?"
He makes a face at me. "Banished is a very strong word, my dear."
"Yeah, yeah, okay, whatever word you want to use," I say in exasperation. He's stalling, and I'm enough of a Diviner by now to read at least that.
His mouth twitches again. He knows I've got him.
"You asked me," he begins, "on the day you came here, how I went blind."
"Okay… and?" I say, confused. In truth, I had all but forgotten that first, very embarrassing, but very innocent question until now.
"I'm going to tell you now," he says. "But," he continues, raising a finger. "You must not ever tell anyone else. Do you understand me?"
Curiosity is now beginning to chew at every fiber of my brains, but his face is deadly serious.
"Yes, Saïx," I reply solemnly. "I promise not to ever tell."
"All right," he says. Then he turns out slightly to face the edge of the balcony, the moonlight illuminating every feature of his pale face.
"Four years ago, when I was eighteen, it came time for my Rite of Initiation," he begins, his face taking on a distant cast.
Four years, I think to myself. Then he's…twenty-two.
It's not that surprising a discovery, when I consider it. He looks young anyway.
"I was one out of ninety graduating teenagers of House Rain; the biggest class my House had seen in two decades," Saïx says. "We were all looking forward to our Placements; particularly my brother, my sister and I."
I raise my eyebrows. This is the first I have ever heard of a brother or sister.
"My sister, Iris, wanted to be an Assassin," he says. "She was a master of subterfuge and disguise. My brother, Illarion, was destined to be a Sorcerer, so adept was he at magic. And I…"Here, he pauses, as if considering whether or not to go on; then he continues, seemingly committing himself. "I was convinced that I, too, would join my brother as a Sorcerer. Although not quite as skillful as he, I was a fair hand at magic as well, and had decided that only in that field could I make my House proud."
I am completely, raptly engaged in the story now, leaning forward on my knees to listen to his calm, familiar voice as he tells the tale. Something about this, about learning, finally, something about who the man that has come to be my best friend really is, draws me in powerfully, like a butterfly to nectar.
"Finally, the day of our Rite came. We were so excited, my siblings and I; so sure that we would get the chance to be all we had ever dreamed of being." His voice is distant, lost in memory.
"My brother was placed first. A Sorcerer, like we had always expected. Everyone cheered for him when he received his Placement and sat down." I can see the scene in my head; a boy, looking only slightly older than Saïx, grinning widely as the Heart of Spells flashes blue before him. The image is so vivid and so real that it surprises me. I realize that Saïx must be giving me a look at some of his own memories from the day.
"My sister was next. She was eternally pleased to be Placed as an Assassin."
A tall, slender girl with hair such a pale blue it is reminiscent of periwinkle flowers parades before my vision, smiling cockily.
"And then… it was my turn." His voice grows quieter as he speaks now; more intense.
"Everyone was waiting for the Heart to call my name; to send me after my brother into the Guild of Sorcerers. And the Heart called me, sure enough. But how shocked; how disgusted was the crowd when it was the Diviners' emblem, and not the Sorcerers', that branded me out for them all."
I find my eyes prickling with tears as I remember my own Placement. I know how he must have felt.
"And so," Saïx says, his voice heavy with the returning emotion, "I prepared to depart my House and to relocate here, to Maison Etoile. However…" He pauses again, and I practically have to force myself to remain still and silent as he collects himself.
"My sister and brother were disgusted with me," he says quietly. "They believed I had brought a disgrace to House Rain through my Placement. So, the night of our Initiation; the night that I was planning to leave House Rain forever… my sister came to my room. I thought she had come to wish me goodbye, but instead, she pulled a knife on me."
My eyes widen in horror, and I imagine Liseth doing the same to me. The image is awful, and I shove it away quickly.
"She told me that I had brought a great shame to the House of Rain, and that for my sin, I must be punished. She tried to kill me, but I moved away from her, and she missed that first strike. That was possibly what saved me. In her rage at missing, she lashed out and caught me across the face with the tip of her knife, which was laced with poison. Two strikes, one across the other."
He mimes drawing an 'X' in the air. Slowly, my eyes rise to his forehead, where the X-shaped scar shatters his face.
"I was hurt and bleeding, but the pain motivated me, and I picked up my own weapon, my claymore, and swung on her. She was frightened, obviously, by its length and my skill, and so she ran, believing that the poison would eventually work its way through and kill me anyway."
I cover my mouth with my hands to hide my expression of horror, though I know he cannot see it anyway. He continues, seemingly oblivious to my reaction.
"With the poison working its way through my system, I knew I would need help from someone, and the only one I knew who could work healing magic was, unfortunately, my brother. I went to him and told him that Iris had tried to kill me, and now I was wounded and poisoned and slowly, surely dying. I begged him to save me, and promised him anything he wanted in return for my life."
To my surprise, I can feel a warm tear leaking from my right eye. I wipe it away hurriedly, listening intently.
"Illarion must have cared even a slight bit more for me than Iris, because he took pity on me and told me he would help me. He cast a spell on me that would leach the poison from my veins and from my wound. It took a very long time, and it hurt very, very much, but I was saved. However," he says, and now his voice sounds tired and slightly bitter. "In exchange for my life, my brother cast a curse on me that took away my sight, except during the week of the waxing full moon. His reasoning, he said, was that a blind Diviner cannot see to make prophecy or mischief. And during the one week of each month that my sight returns, he cursed me so that opening my eyes to see anything will cause me tremendous pain."
My mouth is hanging open in utter, aghast shock.
"Saïx…" I don't know what to say to him. I understand the blindfold, now. I understand everything; all his absences, his excuses of being busy, everything.
Well, perhaps not everything.
"Why won't you let me see you when your sight returns?" I ask. "You could have just told me that the blindfold was for some kind of Divination."
"Because," he says softly. "I very, very badly want to see what you look like. I want to see you, Nax, but I am too afraid of the pain it will cause me. And so, to prevent temptation… I send you away. Because I am a foolish, weak coward."
"You are not." The tone of my voice surprises even me. "You're stronger than anyone else that I know, Sai."
"I appreciate that," he says with a faint smile, "but you don't have to try to make me feel better. I've accepted it."
"I'm telling the truth, you stubborn, stubborn boy!" I glare at him crossly. "You've suffered this alone for four years and yet you're still the best Diviner in this whole house. You're stronger than anyone I've ever met."
He tilts his head slowly sideways, his mouth opening in surprise. I cross my arms, waiting.
Finally, he sighs. "Thank you. I only wish I were strong enough to see you."
"How badly does it hurt?" I ask him.
"Badly," he replies softly. "Like someone is shoving knives into my eyes."
I shudder. "That's awful."
He nods. "It will be over by next week. I will be blind again." His voice is slightly sad.
Suddenly, a thought strikes me. "Aren't you meeting with the other Guildmasters in three days, though? You'll still be afflicted; what will you do?" He shrugs. "They don't need to know why I wear a blindfold; in any case, I have no desire to see them. It will not be an issue then."
I sigh. "Thank you for telling me, Saïx. Thank you for…trusting me."
"I should have trusted you before," he says quietly. "You are my best friend; I realize that now. You are possibly the best friend I have ever had. Thank you, for…"
A warm glow spreads through me as he cuts off, finishing the sentence instead by hugging me tightly. He is very warm against me, and I can feel his heartbeat through his shirt. I hug him back, smiling against his shoulder.
"Of course. Always."
He sits back, smiling that faint smile. "Well, since you're already here… I suppose we could work on the prophecy."
I shake my head. "No," I say.
He looks surprised. "No?"
"No," I repeat, reaching forward to take his hand. "Let's just… do nothing."
"Do… nothing?" He sounds confused again. "How does one do nothing?"
I laugh. "Like this." I turn myself so that I am facing toward the outside of the balcony, and then lay down so I am gazing up at the sky. I pull him down beside me, and we lay there on his balcony, fingers intertwined, quietly exchanging thoughts about nothing very much important.
I have never been so happy in all my life.
Once or twice during the time we are outside, I hear a noise, like something shuffling or scuttling about on the roof. Each time, I glance quickly up to the roof, expecting to see something up there; maybe a bird or a small animal. Each time, there is nothing. A shiver of worry runs through me, but I dismiss it as paranoia. More distracting and pleasant is the feeling of Saïx's fingers between mine, and the sound of his familiar voice within my mind; a bond that only we share.
I ignore the sounds and put them off.
The night continues on.
I don't remember falling asleep on the balcony, but I must have, because the next thing I remember is waking up in my own bed, my white and silver bedspread tucked gently around my shoulders. I yawn and sit up, groggily rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and that's when I notice something which falls from the folded bedspread to land squarely in my lap. Curious, I reach for it.
It turns out to be a smooth, creamy white envelope with a crescent-moon seal. I break the seal carefully, making sure to preserve the imprint pressed into the wax; then I open the envelope and turn it upside down before me. Two things fall out of it. The first thing is a folded piece of white stationery; the second thing is small and heavy and disappears quickly into the valley between my legs.
Deciding I will get the other object eventually, I reach for the piece of paper and unfold it, smoothing it out in my lap. It bears a brief message in familiar, graceful cursive handwriting. I read it slowly, then go back and reread it again, trying to absorb every single word.
Naxanz,
I thought you would be more comfortable back in your bed than lying on my balcony, so I took the liberty of escorting you back to your room. I would have woken you, but I did not wish to disturb your peace for my own selfish reasons.
I will be leaving at morning's first light for my meeting with the other Guildmasters, as I told you last night. I would ask you not to worry about me, and to continue your studies and practice while I am away. I should return shortly after my meeting.
Please know that your visit last night, while unexpected, has made me realize several things about… you and me. I would speak with you more about this subject alone after I return, if that is not inconvenient for you.
I will miss you very much while I am gone.
Please be careful.
Love,
Saïx Rain
I can see that the word above his signature is hesitantly struck through, as if he crossed it out at the last minute. I stare at the page for some time, trying to decipher the word, but the strikethrough line has smeared his lovely handwriting, and I can't tell what the word is, except that it begins with 'L' and ends in 'E.'
Folding the letter again, I reach into the crease in the covers and pull out the other object that fell from the envelope, opening my hand to examine it.
I gasp as I recognize the silver, crescent-moon hair clip that Saïx was wearing last night. It shines with a slight silvery sparkle as the light catches its tips. It appears to be made out of some kind of actual metal; the moon part is attached to a silver shaft with a hole at the end, into which fits the bulb of the clasping part.
I hold the thing carefully in my palm for a moment, inspecting it, and then I get up from the bed slowly, moving to the vanity mirror that I share with my three roommates. I take more time brushing my hair now than I ever have in my life, even taking the time to comb it so that light flashes brilliantly off the white strands. Then, I carefully pull it back into a low, loose tail and clip it at my neck with the hair clip. The clip rests beautifully against my white hair, and I admire it for a long moment before backing up with a smile on my face.
Mika, Pyra and Emi have apparently already left for the dining hall; after pulling on a blue shirt and white pants, I open the door and walk out into the hallway. The house has that empty feeling again; I don't pass a single other Diviner on my way, although I assume that's because all of them are eating already. I would feel bad for sleeping in, except my mind suddenly can't focus on anything except the heavy weight of Saïx's clip against the back of my neck, and the glowing, warm feeling that is nestled inside my heart and threatening to burst outward.
I reach the dining hall in record time, entering with an irrepressible smile painted across my face. Glancing down the length of the table, I see my friends sitting in our usual spot. Mika notices me first, and waves to me excitedly to 'come here.'
I start towards my seat, but suddenly I am compelled to look toward the front of the table, just for a moment. I don't think he'll be there, but it's worth looking.
My eyes widen in surprise when I see him sitting at the head of the table, calmly engaging in discussion with some of the elder Diviners. Instantly, my heart begins to pound in double time, and I can feel several of my internal organs beginning to do swooping backflips within me. He does not raise his head or acknowledge me, but I look at him for several moments more before finally continuing on my way to my seat.
I take my accustomed place beside Pyra, reaching for my plate and the basket of bread in the middle of the table.
"Hi, Nax!" Mika chirps with a wide, meaningful smile. "How was your rest?"
"Fine," I reply, grabbing a piece of bread and smearing it with strawberry jelly. My heart is still thumping a staccato rhythm in my chest, and it's all I can do to calmly take a bite of the food and swallow it without choking.
"Really?" Mika says, like I've just said the most interesting thing in the worlds. "That's great!" She looks at me intently with her humongous emerald eyes.
"What are you staring at?" I demand, feeling my cheeks flushing.
"Oh, nothing," she says quickly; too quickly, too casually.
"Okay," I say, shrugging, and take another bite, ignoring her.
Mika's face looks slightly like someone has punched her in the gut, her mouth open in disappointment. Pyra and Emi snicker a little; Pyra flicks a red curl out of her eyes.
"Guess you're not getting a reaction out of her this morning, Mika," she says teasingly.
"Guess you'll just have to ask the question like a normal person."
"Shut up," Mika says dolefully. "You guys are ruining all my fun."
Both Pyra and Emi snicker again and return to their meals.
Mika gives a long, dramatic sigh. "So, how was your night with Master Luna Diviner?" she asks suddenly, turning back to me.
The question catches me off-guard, and I choke on the piece of bread I'm swallowing, coughing until it finally goes down the right way. Pyra and Emi are fighting back laughter now, both of them staring at their food as if it is the most interesting thing they've ever seen.
When I've got my breath back enough to answer her, I say quickly, "It was fine and none of your business." My cheeks are hot again, and I press my suddenly-freezing hands against them.
"Mm-hmm," Mika says, clearly not at all in agreement with me. "What's that?" She points to my hair.
My cheeks flush even hotter, if it's possible. "It's a hair clip," I say vaguely.
"Where did you get it?" she clarifies, her voice crisp and sarcastic.
"From Sa—from Master Luna Diviner," I tell her reluctantly, just barely catching myself on his name.
"I knew it!" she exclaims, slapping her hands down on the table in obvious triumph. "You two—"
"If you say one word about us being in love, or being a couple, or anything," I begin threateningly, glaring at her.
"Okay, fine, I won't say it," she says, smirking at me. "But I'll be thinking it all day. Because I'm right. And you know it, Nax."
"Just shut up and eat your food, already," I grumble, my cheeks feeling like a bonfire on a summer's day.
She shuts up and digs in, but her satisfied smile remains all through the meal.
