Chapter Eleven – Decisions, Decisions

So typical that I am in the predicament

Expected to choose between the two of you

I have feelings for you both

So why can't I love you both without feeling self- betrayal

I know I need to decide quickly before I lose you both

One is my better half and the other my little secret

I feel so in dark

What should I do?

-Clary-

As I drove away, I kept thinking about the argument Jace and I had and the look on his face as I drove away. That one moment kept replaying over and over in my mind. The way he shouted at me with such passion. His fires were ablaze that I was so quick to dismiss the love between us.

"We did more than that. We made love, after which you told me you loved me. So excuse me if I'm a bit confused to see you out here staring at the ring as if last night didn't change things."

I knew that it would changes things not just between Jace and me but Simon and me as well. Simon asked me to figure out what it was I wanted, not sleep with Jace. I didn't know it was going to happen but I didn't stop it either. I should have stopped things at the kiss but as I looked into his eyes, I saw just him and me. And I guessed I hoped in the morning I would know who I wanted to be with. That night I slept so peacefully but my dreams were haunted with Simon and Jace.

I decided to attempt sketching out the scene I drew at the pier to take my mind off everything. But I was reminding of the moment Jace and I shared. I did busywork and reorganized my paint three different times before I realized I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get it all off my chest and out in the open to someone who wouldn't judge.

"I have to admit I was surprised that you called me. I saw you the night of your engagement party but you were joined at the hip with Simon." Isabelle smiled as she walked in.

"I know but I needed someone to talk to and I couldn't exactly go to my mom about this." I explained, leading her to the couch.

Izzy flipped her hair causally over her shoulder and settled in while I paced in front of her unsure where to start. So I just blurted it out.

"Jace and I slept together last night!"

Izzy looked stunned for a second before smiling which lead to realization and her shaking her head. "Oh…no Clary, you didn't. How did it happen?"

I fell back on the couch and covered my face, feeling like I was back in high school. "I have no idea. We were at the pier and we were talking and then he said he wanted to make me dinner. So he took me to his house which is gorgeous by the way, you need to make him show it to you. And he actually cooked. Jace actually made food, from scratch. Then we did the dishes and I kept bumping his…you know…and we kissed and then I just took off my ring and …I don't know. I was aware of what I was doing but I just didn't care. I guess I figured I could get over him if we slept together one last time but it only made things more confusing."

"And this morning? How were things between you?"

"I didn't immediately regret it. I was fine and then I went downstairs to get some water and there was my ring on the counter. The reality of it all hit me and I just kept thinking how I should regret it."

As I explained the argument and the parking lot confusion that led to this moment. "So now I'm trying to figure out what I feel and all these emotions."

"You should just pick Jace. You and he have history and it's clear the two of you care for each other. Besides if you two get married, your kids would be adorable."

I nodded in agreement, the wound from the other day still feeling a bit fresh. "What should I do?"

Isabelle grabbed my hands and held them in her lap. "I can't make this decision for you. But the fact remains: you slept with Jace last night while being fully aware that you were engaged to someone else. And you're sitting her now, having doubts about who you want to be with. That should speak some volumes."

I realized that Isabelle had a point. So I spent the next week going over all the facts and figuring out what I truly wanted and the desires of my heart while working on some new pieces. I couldn't explain it but whenever I had a difficult decision to make, somehow focusing on my art helped me see what the right to do was.

Which was perfect as Magnus sent me an email with wonderful news. The new gallery would bear not only his name but mine as well. He was making me his partner. I was to create a mock-up of my ideas for the design of the new gallery. Magnus also requested my presence in September when he journeyed to California to discuss the gallery showcase with Julian Blackthorn.

Julian and I emailed back and forth about what we would be contruibing to the showcase. He wants his pieces to express the hustle and bustle of life on the boardwalk with the ocean as a backdrop. Since none of his pieces actually showed people, I decided to paint the nightlife and more candid of people that made up the town.

Looking out the window, I captured the luminous colors that came together to make the coral sunset, using it as a background for the photo of the old couple I drew at the pier. Noting the love in their eyes made me think of Jace. And in that moment I knew. I dropped my paint brush and palate, heading downstairs.

I grabbed my cellphone and left Simon a message informing him we needed to talk. I wasn't going to be so childish as to break up with him through a text message or anything but I was certain by the tone of my voice, he would figure out that I wasn't choosing him. I took off my ring and placed it up for safe keeping. However it made me sound, the second I took it off, I felt like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I put forth an extra effort and dressed in an actual dress before driving over to his bar. I couldn't remember the way to his actual house so I hoped he was still at the bar. I arrived just as the last patrons were leaving. Giving myself a bit of a pep talk, I walked in and saw a dark haired guy behind the bar counting bottles.

"We're closed but if you're looking for some company…" He wagged his eyebrows at me in a seductive manner.

"Uh, no. I'm actually looking for Jace. Is he still here?"

"Upstairs in his office, just knock hard."

I thanked him and slowly ascended the stairs feeling more and more confident that I was making the right decision. I took one last breath before raising my fist to knock on the door when it sprang open. Jace was standing in front of me stunned and looking me up and down.

"You're wearing a dress?"

I looked down stupidly and nodded. "Yeah, I am. I'm wearing a dress. I just threw it on and figured since I don't wear them often…" I held up my hand and shook my head. I was getting off topic.

"I know that we haven't spoken in a week but I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm going to tell Simon that I can't marry him. I'm choosing you. I want you."

Jace crossed his arms and kicked at the floorboards. "So now that you've had time to think, you realize you want me? Is that what you're saying?" He scoffed.

I couldn't believe my ears. "Just the other day you were asking me to give you a chance. You were standing in front of me telling me that you loved me and that you would give me time but I should pick you."

"Exactly and when I said it, I meant pick me. As in right then; none of this waiting bullshit so you can figure out who you love more. I can't be your sloppy seconds. So just go back to your Hipster fiancé and let me continue on the path I was before you walked back into my life."