So, another chapter! I really like this one :D
Thanks to Gillian Deverone for beta-ing. It's muchly appreciated :)
Enjoy!
"I love him/ but every day I'm learning/ all my life/ I've only been pretending/ without me/ his world will go on turning / a world that's full of happiness / that I have never known…"
In the empty audience, Finn sits. He's completely mesmerised.
"I love him/ I love him/ I love him/ but only on my own…"
He knows that she's good at singing because basically everyone tells him constantly, but he never expected her voice to be like that. There's something about a live performance that you never can beat and Rachel basks in her own magnificence upon that stage, standing at least a hundred feet tall.
Because that's where she belongs.
He kind of understands her a little bit more now. Her dramatic flair is at home on the stage-it's shouting out through the room for attention and he's sure that she'll get all the attention she deserves on opening night next month.
Rachel breaks into a frown. "I was flat. Brad, run it again!"
The pianist rolls his eyes, beginning to repeat the familiar tune when Finn finally stands up, making his way over to over. "On my ow –"
"Rach," he announces loudly over her voice, "we have reservations for eight. We need to get going soon or we'll miss dinner." She huffs loudly, crossing her arms across her chest. "You were great," he tells her, "you don't need to practice."
He sees the beginning of a smile of her lips though she forces it back and heads backstage to retrieve her bag. Easily, he jumps up onto the stage, waving at the pianist, who doesn't really acknowledge him, and joins her in the back. He's just in time to see her stare at her phone before growling in frustration. "What's up?" he asks curiously, peeking over her shoulder (which is pretty easy to do since she isn't wearing any of those ridiculous heels today. It does, of course, make her about a foot smaller than him.)
She peers up at him, a frown stuck to her face, "Just…Jesse won't stop calling me."
Finn takes a glance to her phone to see twelve missed calls from St. Douchebag. "Fuck, he's pers – per…" He knows the word. He just can't remember it.
"Persistent?" she offers with a tiny, adoring smile.
He nods, "Yup. Why don't you just block his number?"
At this, she gives a loud gasp, her hand flying to her mouth. "But he's my best friend!"
"Unfortunately," he mumbles.
"What?" she narrows her eyes.
Finn quickly averts his gaze to the ceiling –and what a nice ceiling it is. "Oh, nothing. I was just talking to myself. You know, they say that you should do that…those people…" He clears his throat, noticing the odd stare that he's receiving from the brunette. "Anyway, let's go to dinner."
She suddenly brightens up, "You know what? That's a wonderful idea." Finn agrees nervously, wondering what to say next. This feeling is new to him – this uncertainty. He supposes that he always felt fairly comfortable with girls, well, that was after he hit puberty and suddenly girls were very interested in him.
The last girl that made him feel like this was Santana Lopez, and she was a stuck-up princess who probably didn't know his name. He likes the feeling, though at the same time hates it. Is that possible? It's like there's a colony of butterflies living in his stomach and they've just been disturbed by the presence of Rachel. Now they're wildly fluttering and causing him to feel anxious and tense. But, at the same time, it's all so exciting.
He just feels happy; really happy.
He carries her handbag for her, mainly to keep her from her phone and, more importantly, Jesse. Still, she doesn't realize and only smiles graciously, linking her small arm with him as they make their way to his car.
"Did you mean what you said," she begins, "about me not needing to practice?"
Finn raises an eyebrow, gazing down at the curious woman before him. She looks thoughtful whilst there's a glimmer of hope in her soft brown eyes.
"Of course I did," he replies honestly."Why would I lie to you?"
"I-I thought that maybe you just wanted me to stop… because you were hungry." She chuckles a little awkwardly to herself, but he can hear some insecurity in her voice.
"Look, you may be the biggest pain in the ass that I've ever met, but you have one hell of a voice."
Her face softens and it kind of makes his heart warm up with pride. And he supposes that it's okay to boost her ego occasionally, though he's not going to make a habit of it – he's seen her at her worst and it's pretty bad. He should just keep her grounded for now, even her out a little. She can be really nice when she wants to.
Once their inside the car, he notices her shivering. "You cold?"
Rachel frowns. "Yes, can't you turn the heat up?" She sounds a little annoyed that it's not the first thing he did upon getting into the car and he rolls his eyes, reaching into the back seat. "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Heater's been out for a couple of days. Kurt said that he'd get a guy to look at it," he explains, holding out his jacket, "so you can wear this for now. You should have really worn a coat."
She crosses her arms. "Well I wasn't expecting it to be colder than the Antarctic in here. And all you do is give me some mangy jacket. "
Finn scoffs at her exaggeration."If you don't want the jacket…"
"No," she wraps said mangy jacket around her body, "it's cold."
"So you've already said," he smirks, watching her from the corner of his eye. She's kind of cute when she pouts like that… Finn shakes his head, immediately ridding himself of such thoughts because in a few months this is going to be over. He and Rachel will be no more- not that they ever were anything apart from fake boyfriend and girlfriend.
Before he can say anything else to her, Rachel's phone loudly begins to ring.
With a deep sigh, she takes it from her bag and stares at the object sadly. It must be Jesse calling. Much to Finn's chagrin, she answers, leaving him clutching at the steering wheel tightly.
She sounds more than hesitant. "Hello."
He turns slightly to face her, reading the look that's on her face. It almost cheers him up, seeing how unhappy she appears to be as she speaks to Jesse, her best friend. Finn totally isn't buying that crap.
"No," she says quietly, "I'm still upset with you…"
His face scrunches up in confusion. What did Jesse do to make her upset? Finn wonders.
"I know that it's been four days but – ". She's clearly annoyed at being cut off and she literally bites her tongue to stop herself from snapping at Jesse, which Finn would've preferred to be honest.
"Jesse."
He can hear the angry shouts of Jesse on the other end and, when Rachel realizes, she presses the phone further into her ear, turning from Finn. The man tries to hide the hurt from his face. "Jesse," she tries again, this time the desperation evident in her weak voice. His teeth clench tightly together, grinding against each other. "You have no right to say that about Finn!"
Oh, now he's fucking angry. Who is this Jesse guy anyway? From what Finn's seen, he's a terrible friend and he's sure that dating him would be the worst experience in the world. Rachel is fortunate to be free of that idiot.
Only she isn't free, is she? She still loves him or whatever. Why else would she put up with his crap?
"Look,Jesse, you can call me back when you're ready to apologize," she says adamantly, suddenly finding some new courage from somewhere. "And, until then, please stop calling me. I have a date with my boyfriend and I plan to enjoy it, thank you very much."
With that, she hangs up, turns off her phone and shoves it into her bag hastily before sighing. She looks relieves but also upset, and he finds himself frowning sadly at the tears in her eyes.
"You okay?"
Her head snaps up, as if she'd forgotten that he was there but he's driving and stuff so that'd be a little dangerous. At the sight of him, a bright smile makes its way onto her face, "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
Only problem is, he can't help but worry about her.
She half listens to Finn's talk about the latest Rangers game as her mind is too preoccupied with Jesse and how angry he was. He was acting like it's her fault. He's so infuriating sometimes! And she just… she wishes that she could have him out of her life for good but knows that eventually she'll be begging for him back. Why does she do that?
She needs some self-respect. That's what Quinn would tell her. Quinn doesn't like Jesse either, nor do her fathers. Rachel, however, has always felt drawn to the man; something just won't let her ignore his charm and talent.
He's like a male version of her – they're perfect for each other. They like all the same things. They're even in the same career. Still, she wonders whether she wants that.
Someone who agrees with everything that she says and knows exactly what she's talking about. She actually enjoys introducing people to new things. For example, taking Finn to his first Broadway show was so thrilling and new that she couldn't help but have the best time she's had in weeks.
It's funny, that. The times when she's having the most fun lately seem to be when Finn's around. Like she's already said, maybe it's due to the fact that there's so much she can show him, and vice versa. Their first hockey game together was great, even if she didn't really follow it. She's likes all these different environments, away from Broadway and such.
She finds herself smiling at Finn. Though she's a little guilty that she's not following his story word for word, she slowly becomes engrossed in the way that he tells it. Her favorite thing is the childlike glint in his eyes as he re-enacts one of the goals for her, his handsome face bright with excitement.
Rachel takes another sip of her wine. This is like her fourth glass now because she needs a distraction from Jesse and his harsh words, not only toward her, but to Finn. She understands his anger towards her…well, not really – she's the one he felt up in the middle of a bar – but why is there any need to bring Finn into any of this?
He's a good guy at heart, she thinks. He just puts on this act to hide away the pain from his past. And she's had the chance to meet the real Finn Hudson and he's just a big softie – she kind of likes that.
"Rach." His voice snaps her from her thoughts and she smiles toward him. He laughs a little nervously. "I asked you if you were ready to go?"
She smiles sheepishly, "Yes, of course." Downing the rest of her wine, she waits for him to pay the bill and they leave hand in hand.
A part of her can't seem to let go of Jesse, but a stronger part is more focused on Finn tonight. She enjoys that he can do that, without really trying. But she knows that when she gets home she'll only be able to think about Jesse. Maybe she'll even call him and she really doesn't want to do that.
For once, he's going to be the one to apologize to her.
But she can wait a couple of days for him to simmer in order to hear it. Right now she needs something to alleviate the pain of the past memories. She's going to use an old method too. She's actually already getting started on it, with the wine and everything.
Rachel knows that it's stupid and she wishes that there was something else to take the thoughts away, but unfortunately there isn't.
Before they get into the car, she stops him. "Finn, instead of taking me home… do you mind taking me to a bar?"
His eyes bulge, "A bar?" And then he proceeds to stare at her like she's crazy.
"Yes!" she insists with a frown, "I think that maybe it'd be nice to extend the date a little. I mean, if you don't want to, I could always call Jesse." She reaches for her handbag.
"No, no," Finn pushes her bag back."Don't call him. I'll take you. I just don't understand why you would want to do that? I mean, don't hate me, but you don't come across as the kind that lets her hair down and all that."
Rachel narrows her eyes, scoffing loudly. "Well, Finn Hudson, I'm about to show you how fun I can be."
And an hour later, that's exactly what she's doing. And she feels much better for it.
She can't remember her own name, but she feels good and she can't really remember Jesse either, so it's a bonus. When she stumbles over to Finn, with another drink in hand, she grins and falls into his awaiting embrace.
He's totally drank too much as well. Or so she thinks. Her brain is a little foggy.
Rachel finds herself staring at him arms because they're strong and muscly and they feel amazing around her. Noticing a black mark on his upper arm, she goes to lift up the sleeve. "Hey, I never knew that you had a tattoo!" It sort of sounds like that yet most of her speech is a slurred mess.
Miraculously, he understands. "Yeah. I got a tattoo. It's awesome." He grins proudly. "It's a design…of something… I don't remember."
She stares, running her fingers gently over the black ink. "It's very pretty."
Finn quickly shakes his head, forcing a finger to her lips to silence her, "No, no, be quiet Rach. That's all man."
She giggles, leaning her head into his chest. "I always wanted a tattoo. But Jesse told me not to get one." She sighs. "He says that they're for common people."
"Jesse's a douche."
"Finn!" She sounds offended though ends up giggling manically into his shirt and he grins back.
"What? He is," he laughs. "He's a big ole douchebag and you're way awesomer than him."
Her brows furrow, "Awesomer isn't a word, is it?"
"I dunno," he grins. "I like it. Don't you like it?" Rachel shakes her head as she laughs into his chest and somehow his hands come up to cradle her against him. "It doesn't matter," Finn smirks, "because Jesse's still a douche. You know that, right?"
She bites her lips, looking like a child in trouble before she nods. "I know. He's just – "
The man quickly cuts her off, "Let's not talk about him, 'kay? We're having fun!"
Rachel smiles brightly, unable to hold herself up properly, "Yes!"
And they somehow end up dancing in the middle of the dance floor, despite neither being able to do so particularly well. Everything seems like a blur to Rachel and, with hooded eyelids, she slowly falls about the bar, making sure to keep her "Finny" by her throughout the night. He doesn't seem to complain though. On the contrary, he isn't happy unless she's in his arms.
"Kurt's gonna kill me," Finn laughs loudly as they call it a night at around three, walking home since neither can drive a car or use a phone, never mind hold a conversation with a non-intoxicated human being.
"I never thought that you'd do this." He smiles as she leans against him, arm around his waist.
"Do what?" she questions.
He pauses. "Get drunk."
Rachel gasps like he just told her that Barbra Streisand is a terrible singer (he's had many lectures about said singer from the tiny brunette) and then her eyes narrows at him. "I am not drunk."
He bursts out laughing, though wishes that there is an easier way to navigate all of his limbs. It's so hard since they're all long and seem to have a mind of their own.
"You are!" he tells her, to which she firmly shakes her head.
All he gets in response is a series of giggles.
They must look like a mess, both stumbling down the road as he hangs over her and she comfortably hugs him from the side. Neither really care, especially not Finn. He's loving being so close to her.
Her phone begins to ring again and he vaguely remembers her turning it on to attempt to call a cab. Rachel looks around as if she doesn't realize that the strange source of sound is her cell phone until she eventually retrieves it. "It's Jesse," she says.
"Don't answer it," Finn groans, holding onto her a little tighter, a sudden protectiveness stirring inside of him.
But she's already got the phone to her ear.
"Jesse!" she exclaims excitedly. "Do you want to apologize yet?"
Finn totally forgot about that. His drunken mind lets it slip easily though and he forces his face into Rachel's neck. "Finn," she giggles before listening into the phone again, "no Jesse. We're not having sex." She seems to find the idea hilarious and laughs insanely into the phone, Finn joining in too. Her laughter is very contagious.
Without thinking, he grabs the phone, "We're totally gonna do it, though. When we get home."
She snatches the phone from him. "Jesse…" Once more, she's overcome by the humor of the situation.
"What?" she asks. "Oh, you don't need to come and get me. Finn's gonna protect me. He's big and strong." Her hands run down his chest automatically. "He must work out."
Finn smiles proudly at the compliment. Her hands don't move from his chest and the way that she is moving them is leaving him…well he's hiding his crotch from her view with his hands.
"Jesse, stop it," she sounds angry but she's smiling and he's sort of confused. "No, I'm still angry at you. You should not have tried kissing me because I have Finn now. Me and Finn. It's Finn and Rachel – not Rachel and Jesse."
She then gasps and pulls an annoyed face before hanging up, like she'd done in the car.
"What's wrong?" he hears himself asking.
"Nothing," she says, "just… Jesse." He watches her until he realises that her gaze is somewhere else – it's further down the street. It's looking at a tattoo parlor. She suddenly looks determined and tries to storm (not good in her drunken state) to the store. Finn follows after her like a lost puppy.
Rachel groans when she wakes up, blinking at the sunlight which is streaming into the room. With a sigh, she reaches for a pillow to throw over her head and return to sleep. Only, there's no pillow. There is, however, a shirtless Finn spooning her from behind.
Her eyes widen and she yelps, throwing herself back and landing on her butt which, for the record, really hurts.
She doesn't have time to think about it as Finn groggily returns from his slumber, his reaction similar to hers when he notices her in the same bed as him. "We didn't…" he trails off, looking more than worried.
"I –" she frowns, staring down at her own body. Fully dressed, thank God, "No," she breathes a sigh of relief before eyeing him warily, "We're still in our clothes from last night." She doesn't feel it though. She feels like someone is continuously beating her in the head with a hammer and her stomach is twisting in all kind of knots. Finn pushes himself up of shaky arms, turning to face her before he winces.
"Fuck," he curses to herself, sitting up properly. Tentatively, he pulls down his trousers just enough to see the bandages peeping out and furrows his brow in confusion. "What the hell?" She too watches, intrigued.
Both are completely baffled.
She gasps – what if they got into an accident last night and that's why her butt hurts so much? Oh, this is why she shouldn't drink!
Finn begins to peel off the bandage with careful fingers and she winces at the sight of angry, red skin.
But that's not the worst of it. It's more terrible than she could have imagined.
It's not a bruise or a cut.
It's a tattoo.
A tattoo of her name.
Finn Hudson has Rachel written across his hip in solid black letters. Not only that, but there's a gold star finishing off the effect.
Her head drops into her hands and she looks like she's just witnessed a murder, "Oh my God, Finn!"
"What?" he shouts, "I don't remember anything from last night! Shit, this hurts."
"Don't swear – "
"Why the fuck not? I've got a fucking tattoo of your fucking name!" Even he's startled by his response, so it's clear that Rachel is going to be left speechless. "Man, what the hell am I going to do?"
She's searches desperately for an answer because what is he going to do?
"Y-you could always have it removed…"
He looks so pissed as he stares at her. "That leaves scars! I don't…I don't want scars on me. This is… I can't believe that I did this. What the hell did we do last night?"
Rachel tries to tell him, but she doesn't know either. It's just a period of emptiness in her mind. All she remembers is arriving at the club and starting to drink a lot, but that was only because Jesse had pretty much put a downer on her whole day. "Well, clearly we got drunk and…and you got a tattoo… o-of my name. Why would you do that?"
But he doesn't reply. He continues to stare at the cursive writing and let profanities leave his mouth.
She tries to ignore the headache coming on, yet his voice becomes louder and louder.
"Finn!" she shouts. "You need to calm down. This… is clearly a problem. But we'll find a solution, I promise." She pleads with her eyes and smiles softly when Finn sighs, clearly trying to calm his anger.
When she moves to go nearer to him, she feels that sting on her butt once more and her eyes widen in realization. Rachel shoots to the bathroom, each step actually hurting, and turns her back to the mirror before pulling down her skirt to see the same bandages that Finn is wearing.
Her heart drops.
No, no, no, no
Please no.
Trying to calm herself, she takes deep breaths.
This is not happening.
She starts to pull away the bandage, wishing that it didn't hurt so damn much. The skin is exactly like Finn's was – just as red and irritated.
And then she sees it.
Finn.
She screams as loudly as she can.
Uh oh. That can't be good.
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