A/N: Hey guys! Here is chapter 11. Sorry if it's a bit shorter than the rest but chapter 12 is going to be back to my usual/average length. All I can say about that one is Bechloe.
I don't know if I apologized enough but I am so sorry for constantly breaking your hearts with each update... Chapter 12 offers some hope, something in chapter 14 will too. Then chapter 20 onwards I swear the angst will stop, so there is that. There might be a smidgen of sadness, but just a smidgen.
Thanks for keeping up with me so far, and thanks for all the support, comments, reviews and PMs.
Also, special thanks to that guest who left a comment with a rec on a song to use for this fic (I can't PM you so here's a special mention :3). Expect that to come around chapter 19. Also, kudos to you for making me like another TS song (I only like 3 or 4 of them :P). If you must know, it's become my guilty pleasure song of the last 24 hours.
Song featured is 'Gravity' by Pixie Lott
I don't own pitch perfect.
The Skype calls have been increasing lately, Chloe knows that, but it couldn't be helped. Eli was gone for the night, one of his college buddies was apparently in town, and Chloe had nothing better to do but get a few things out of the way.
Like, say, booking her flight to New York in support of the Emily-led Bellas Nationals.
The dread was finally sinking in. She would step foot in the big apple soon. While Chloe knew that the whole of Manhattan was huge and that Beca would most likely be busy somewhere, she still couldn't shake the nerves off. She wasn't sure what to do, what she should do, if they ever crossed paths again.
But then again, Beca could have moved on. Without the past tethering her down, she probably didn't even spare a single thought about her. She's moving on with her work, with her success, it was impossible that no one would have thrown themselves at her feet already, that the DJ didn't have some famous secret paramour.
It's been months, and the thought of it was making Chloe sick. She shouldn't even be jealous, she didn't have the right to be anymore. Beca wasn't hers to be with, to be jealous of, or to love.
But it still stung so badly for her to think of it.
Hence, the Skype call to Aubrey.
"Hey Bree, how's it going?" Chloe said, her greetings a little somber. "You look a little tired."
"Not much." was Aubrey's equally toned down response. "It's nothing, it's just, Stacie. She's working late again. I know she's working to wrap-up her current project but it's still kind of annoying how I rarely see her lately. How about you?"
"Oh you know, same old. I'm sure things will work out fine with you and Stace, once whatever she is working on is done. I'm looking forward to seeing you guys in a few weeks."
"Yeah, me too." Aubrey then said, her mood lifting up. "It'll be amazing to see all the girls again. It's been a long while. I've missed you so much too you know."
"I know." Chloe replied. "Missed you more. I wish we could still be flat-mates."
"Oh?" Aubrey then asked sounding a little suspicious. "What do you mean?"
"Oh you know, I miss living with my best friend." Chloe then said, shrugging it off.
"How's living with your new boy-toy going?" Aubrey then asked.
Chloe frowned. "He's not a boy-toy. We are in a relationship."
"And yet I haven't met him. He's pretty much close to non-existent to me as to the rest of the Bellas, who, if I heard correctly, still doesn't know about him. Does Luke even know the reason you moved apartments was because you were moving in with someone? You told me you guys went out for a drink your last night in your old place."
"Ah, well…" Chloe then started to stammer, Aubrey never missed a beat on anything.
Aubrey sighed. "Chloe…" she started to say, "…this doesn't have anything to do with Beca, does it?"
Chloe felt herself wince. She wasn't expecting to hear her name and she was sure that Aubrey didn't miss that either, so she was really thankful that the blonde didn't bring it up. Instead she simply sighed.
Beca, and everything related to her, was currently Chloe's can of worms that she didn't want to open.
Because for as long as she didn't think about her, she was fine and moving on along with life. For as long as she pretended that Beca never happened in her life, she would be okay. She could convince herself that things were as they should be.
But the moment she gets brought up…
…everything just comes crashing back down on her. A flood of emotions and memories she could never get rid of. Beca made a nice little home in her heart and in her mind, and even after ridding herself of everything that reminded Chloe of the tiny brunette girl, she couldn't seem let her go.
Like there was always something holding her back to giving her whole heart to someone else.
To Eli.
"He isn't Beca." Aubrey then said plain and simple.
"What?" Chloe asked, being caught off guard by what Aubrey had said.
"Eli, he isn't Beca. That's the problem that's been bugging you right now."
"No it isn't." Chloe argued.
"I hate to admit it Chloe but Beca was the one, and you're trying to live without it despite getting to know it now. There's too much uncertainty with you and you're new guy, Chloe, and I don't know what to tell you, I wouldn't know what to do. But you deserve to be happy, so go with what you think will make you happy. But he isn't Beca, and he never will be. And I don't know what you need to get yourself to move on completely or not. But you can't expect to feel the same way for him as you ever did for her." Aubrey then said.
"Why are you telling me this?" Chloe asked slightly confused and irritated.
"Just thought you might need to hear it out loud." was Aubrey's response.
The Skype call didn't last long after that. Instead, to keep herself busy, Chloe decided to pop in her earphones and start cleaning the house…
…in the middle of the night…
…but hey, at least she can get herself to not think for a moment.
What is wrong with me?
All that I want to be is
Through with you
And I know that deep down I'm calling time on you
On you
On you
She hated it. She hated the fact that she was inescapable like this. Like her heart was still imprisoned by the way she felt, or once felt, for Beca.
It's been about a year now and she could still feel her hold on her, and all that Chloe wanted was to break free from it.
Every time I'm ready to leave
Always seem to be
Pullin' in the wrong direction
Divin' in with no protection
Man, you can't keep steerin' me wrong
Oh gravity
She was healing, she was feeling better, and she was living her life for herself again.
So why can't she escape the memory and thought of her?
Pullin' me back
Pullin' me in
Why you pullin' me back
Pullin' me in
Just like gravity
"You are awesome. Thanks." Beca said before hanging up the phone. It was a glorious Saturday afternoon, spring was in the air, and yet Beca was in a very strange mood. And no, it didn't have to do with having to work for a few hours at the studio that morning.
She was getting everything she could desire, they were all within her reach now.
Except for one thing and Beca couldn't place a finger on it.
No, that was a lie. She could and it had a name, but she refused to acknowledge any of it. Especially with her mind getting all messed up thinking about it.
But then again, it was really all Beca could think about. What was missing in her life? What was it that she wanted more than anything else in the world?
It came with the smell of waffles every Sunday morning, as she crawled out of the bedroom she locked herself in ever since the accident.
It came with the sound of the piano softly playing in the middle of the night, accompanied with the most beautiful voice Beca has ever heard of. The most enchanting and angelic one.
It came with the clearest, bluest eyes she had ever seen, and a smile so brilliant that she rarely got to see.
Sure she lost five years of memories but the ones she made the year following that, the months following that, they were haunting her every single day.
Because, yes, she needed her space. Yes, she needed to find her ground, and herself again.
But she knew she also needed what was missing in her life now.
She knew she needed her.
"Are you okay boss?" Kaelyn asked as she walked with Beca towards her car.
"Yeah, just, somethings on my mind is all. Hey, you wanna join me and Stacie for some drinks tonight? My treat." Beca replied.
"Um, yeah, sure I guess." Kaelyn replied. "But you better not be buttering me up for some favor later on."
"What? You mean I can't invest?" Beca then asked with a smile and a shrug and Kaelyn shook her head and laughed.
"Ah Beca, there you are!" she heard Fitz say just as they were about to go. "I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink with me, catch up and all. Haven't had the chance to get a hold of you for a while, but I guess it can't be blamed. You are a musical genius and the world is only getting the chance to know that. They're all clamoring for you, you know?" Fitz said, smiling his typically dazzling smile.
"Not today Fitz, girls' night." Beca simply replied before finding herself in her car with Kaelyn, her driver wasting no time to head to their destination.
Stacie was already there when they both got in. Beca let her take control of the conversation, the taller brunette gushing on and on about the latest single Beca released with one of the artists she's been working with, the new talents she discovered, and all the attention the media was putting on her.
Kaelyn of course jumped in, every now and then, suggesting that maybe getting Beca to do interviews would be a nice thing. They could ask Luke to do one in her show and visit LA.
"You're just saying that to see Luke again, aren't you?" Stacie then teased and Kaelyn blushed.
But Beca immediately adopted a serious look on her face at the mention of LA.
"So I'm guessing you didn't call me here today to talk about your success?" Stacie then asked and Kaelyn couldn't help but notice the shift in the tone of the conversation.
"Is this about her?" Kaelyn then asked.
"Her?" Stacie repeated looking at Kaelyn with genuine interest.
"Sorry, Luke might have mentioned you had some special girl in your life but that you got into an accident lost a part of your memory and everything fell apart. He wasn't gossiping, he was just really depressed about it." Kaelyn then explained.
"Yeah, I guess I'm bumming everyone about it." Beca then said, running a hand through her hair. "Well, it's just. I don't know, I'm a little lost right now."
"What do you mean Beca?" Stacie asked, her tone sincere.
"Just…"Beca started to say before taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. "Just that she's been on my mind a lot lately."
"Do you miss her?" Stacie pressed on.
"Yeah, yes." Beca replied. "A lot." she said with all honesty. "Is it possible to love someone so much that they stay with you and never leave no matter what the distance you put in between? To love someone without knowing it? And continue loving them without ever realizing it?"
"Are we talking about you or are we talking about Chloe?" Stacie the asked, straight to the point, never missing a beat.
And Beca simply smiled an awkward smile. "I don't know. I'm not sure." she then said.
"Beca, you know you can always talk about anything with me, or Amy. We can call Amy. We'll listen, to all of it I promise." Stacie then said and Beca nodded, still unsure of what she wanted to say or how to say it, or if there was anything to say at all.
"I don't know Stace. Maybe it's just that it was this time this year when I was adjusting to things and I'm feeling a little nostalgic about it for some reason." Beca finally then said.
That was when Kaelyn sighed. "I think if it's that love that people only dream of, read of, wish for, if it's that real and true love everyone's been looking for, then anything is possible." she then said. "Sometimes things happen unexpectedly. And sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. But they all happen for a reason. You're here for a reason Beca. And I'd like to think I met you for a purpose."
"Please don't say it was to meet my step-brother." Beca then grumbled.
"No. Well yes. But that wasn't the point." Kaelyn replied. "You're here now touching countless people with the music you create, influencing their lives in ways you couldn't possibly know. You're getting through them, giving them an outlet, a way to express themselves when words fail them. You're discovering new talents and all here in New York, and if you weren't here, who knows if those things would have ever happened. Maybe you needed time apart. Maybe it hurts now but it's actually a good thing in the end. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow Beca, but if this Chloe is meant to be more than what you could possibly imagine to yourself, then maybe that's why she's on your mind lately. You have a bond that can't be broken."
"I think I like that explanation." Stacie then said, jumping in. "You needed time to breathe and grow. You needed a break, to become better, to become the best version of yourselves before anything else. Maybe you can't do it together, maybe you needed to do it apart. Maybe it wasn't just meant to be, and maybe it was. Maybe that's why you can feel her pulling you back."
Beca nodded, taking in all that her friends were saying.
She had clarity in who she was as a person now, not defined by her past other relationships.
But her mind was still jumbled up by her heart.
And talking things through was what was helping her now.
Be quiet, let me leave, let me go
Don't say another word
Cause with every sound
You're pullin' me down
The nights were getting longer and longer for Beca.
Stacie's and Kaelyn's words echoing through.
And more and more were the thoughts of the months she spent with Chloe after her accident.
The days were they simply stayed inside, hanging out and watching a show Chloe insisted they used to watch together.
Playing with Ghost every now and then – yeah, Beca was slowly missing her dog with Chloe too.
The beach trip with the Bellas.
No, she couldn't remember how she fell for Chloe in the first place. But looking back, Beca realized she could feel it even then.
She kept falling, falling, and falling…
…through Chloe's kindness and her ways.
Her smile, her warmth.
Her never ending love.
And now all Beca could do was find a way to clear her head once again, this time to let her heart reach it and tell it what it already should know.
All while burying herself in new mixes, headphones on at three in the morning, trying to get Chloe out of her head and tire herself out while placing everything she made her feel in her work, song after song.
Baby
You got a hold on me
Like gravity
