A/N: Sorry. Sorry, sorry. I lost the memory stick with the story on it... I'd put it in some clever place, and then I just could not find that clever place again. It's here now, though, so rejoice! The next chapter will come in next week!
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Chapter 11
An Unexpected Visitor
Severus
Severus watched his eyes fill up with hurt and deceit. How could he not have told Harry this? No, he knew why he hadn't told him. Because he wouldn't have even looked his way if he'd known.
Those weeks and months afterwards he told himself that at least he didn't lie. It wasn't like Harry'd asked him and he had told him something that wasn't true. But it wasn't much of a comfort. He knew he'd done something terrible by not saying anything.
But it wasn't like it had nagged at the back of his mind during the entire time of their... affair. He had made his peace with the fact that he, for a time, counted himself to the dark side, and he rarely thought about it anymore. He had realised his mistake quickly, the first time The Dark Lord had killed someone. He'd gotten it all wrong and he had done his best to make up for it. That last time, before the ending of the first war, he worked for the light. When the Dark Lord had made the attempt to attack the Potter family, and then gotten reduced to that... thing, he had left. He had spent the next years in other parts of the world. During the second war, he was travelling around Russia, because if he meddled this time, Voldemort would have had him killed in some horrendous way. He had only been in Britain in short periods.
But that was still just his past. He hadn't seen any reason to tell Potter. Maybe he'd even forgotten it. Potter used to make him do that, focus on him and what they were doing, what they were talking about.
Without his meetings with Potter, everything seemed dreary. His flat seemed empty, without the smell of him, without him in his sofa, without his disgusting taste in take out. His work was boring without someone to talk to about it. His bed seemed empty.
But he dredged on as usual. He went to work and he came home and he... sat and stared at an empty piece of paper. He couldn't get the letter right. Maybe it was because he knew that if he did, if he sent it off, there wouldn't be anything else he could do. There wouldn't be anything else to focus on.
In the end he finished it anyway. It was probably just ramblings of 'please forgive me' and dumb reasons why he'd done what he'd done. And it didn't make him feel better. Not the slightest.
He didn't even consider going to visit him. If Harry didn't want him there, then... there was nothing he could do.
He got a permanent job at the Ministry. He figured he was going to stay in the country for a long time anyway, so he might as well get paid better. He got his own little office, or potions study, or whatever you wanted to call it. It had everything he needed to improve the Ministry's potions stock, to add his own little improved potions from all over the world.
He didn't let his misstep ruin his whole life. He wouldn't let the memory of his life not being completely dreadful ruin his entire existence.
He worked late. Even now, the last few days before Christmas, he told himself he had a ton of work to do. He dropped the dried oak leaves in and watched as they melted in the silvery liquid. He looked up at the small cough at the door way.
"What are the leaves for?" a girl asked, looking curiously around the room. She looked young, with big fluffy brown hair and hint of bunny teeth. Severus recognised her from somewhere but couldn't place her. Maybe he'd seen her around the building. It happened sometimes that other Ministry workers made it in to his little part of the big official house. Maybe she was here about paperwork, except that she didn't look the part.
"They make it taste better", Severus said, only because she seemed generally interested.
She nodded and took a step towards him. "I would have knocked, it's just that..."
"Fine. If you would just tell me why you're here", Severus said, and reduced the flames beneath the cauldron with a flick of his wand.
"Oh, sorry, sir. I'm..." she looked down and then up again with a small smile. "I'm just a big fan."
"A fan?" Severus asked, a little incredulously. People liked the effects of his potions, but rarely cared about the person who made them.
"Yes, sir. I loved your work with the Wolfsbane", she said, and peered into the cauldron.
"Thank you", Severus said, and then added, "Do you work here?"
"Yes. Not in this department, I considered a career in Potions, but decided against it. I work at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. More specifically with Magical Creatures rights."
Severus didn't answer, but kept stirring the Agrippa.
"Agrippa? It looked like you were making a Shrinking Solution, but that doesn't have Agrippa in it. Unless you've changed the base ingredients?" she asked and Severus stopped.
"I have. It makes the effect longer. Theoretically, at least. I've yet to try it."
"But won't it react with the Shrivelfigs?" she asked and Severus smiled. She was bright.
"Everything reacts with Shrivelfigs unless you add something to change its effect a little. In this case I added Bulbadox juice."
"That's brilliant", she said and sat down on a stool. "Do you mind if I watch you work?"
Severus looked at her. She could be here to spy for ideas for someone else. But who cared? Plagiarism had happened to him before, and he had learned to not be offended. And she really seemed too sweet, or nerdy, to be a spy.
"Be my guest", he said and then dived back into his work. She came with interesting questions now and then which Severus was glad to answer. She seemed as absorbed in his work as he was.
When Severus finished working and she hadn't left, so he coughed gently. She looked up from a paper, Severus didn't know what it was, probably one of his notes. She looked around her, and then let out a small laugh.
"Oh. You want me to leave, right?"
"That would be... Yes, I want you to leave", he said and she nodded, and then put the paper down slowly.
"Look. I'm a friend of Harry's", she said, smiling faintly.
Severus swallowed. Of course she was. He hadn't heard his name in months. It hurt that it should be sprung on him now, when he had just gotten it out of his head.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you", she said. "Harry doesn't know I'm here."
Severus wondered how much she knew about the whole thing. She was looking at him in a way that made Severus think that she knew a whole lot.
They were quiet for a long time, during which Severus tried to pretend to be busy with cleaning up. In the end, the only thing he said was, "How is he?"
She gave him a half smile. "He's... He's getting by."
Severus swallowed again. What was that supposed to mean? Was he upset? Had he moved on completely? Or was he just getting by?
"And how are you doing?" she continued.
Severus opened his mouth to answer and then he closed it again. He shook his head.
"All right", she said, simply.
"Why are you here?" Severus asked, taking the conversation in a new direction, any direction away from him.
"I was just... curious. I get like that. I wanted to know who made Harry... act all loveydovey and then... Well, he feels really crappy."
"I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say." Severus sat down and moved a strand of hair from his face. "This situation is just..."
"Yeah", she said. "It's tricky."
It wasn't just tricky. It was terrible. It was one of the worst moments of Severus' life. And that was saying a lot.
"You should talk to him", she said.
"Look, miss...?" he asked.
"Oh, Granger."
"... Granger. I'm assuming you know Harry well. It's not likely that he would want to talk to me, nor want to forgive me."
"You could always try. You both seem like you deserve it", she smiled, again. She was really being overly nice to him.
"I sent him a letter", Severus said, and she huffed, like a letter was a poor attempt. "But he didn't reply."
"Of course he didn't. Would you?" she asked and raised her eyebrows.
Severus didn't answer, instead glared at her. "Look, I appreciate you coming here, but, I think it's time for you to leave."
"You're so alike", she said, still smiling.
"I doubt it."
"Yes, you are. So stubborn." She started rolling together the parchment she'd been reading, putting it on the working table between them. "I should be leaving, anyway. It was nice talking to you. I really am a fan."
"Do you...?" Severus asked, and she turned away from the door.
"Yes?"
"Nothing. You're a very bright witch. If you change your mind about your career, you're very welcome to a job here."
"Thank you, sir", she said. "By the way, I would appreciate it if you didn't mention it to Harry that I visited here."
Severus nodded, even though he couldn't believe that he would ever talk to Harry again. But she seemed so sure that he just went along with it. She left and shut the door behind her, and Severus picked up where he had left off on preparing the Shrinking Solution, to keep from going home to an empty and cold house.
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A/N: Yes, that was a tad bit depressing. But the next chapter is the last one, and I promise it will raise the mood.
I actually did some research for this chapter, I found out a lot about potions. Hope it showed? And hope you like it, and as always, review and make my day!
