A/N: I do hope this makes up for the long wait. Real life, work, and a mean case of writer's block all rolled into one kept me from working on this story. But I was able to over come. Enjoy. ^.^

~ ! ~

Déjà vu.

She's done this before. Hasn't she?

Sat quietly near a window, looking out but not really seeing? Mind seeking answers to questions that possibly there were no real answers to.

Yes she has.

A number of times to be exact.

Because of Gin.

Because with every back turned, with every step taken, and with every unspoken goodbye she had to watch him walk away from what they had built, what they had shared.

A life together, forever.

'You coulda kept holdin' a lil' longer.'

Gin's words from so long ago rang accusingly in her ears.

Sigh

A gathering of clouds threatens to overtake the sky above. Leaning her head against the cool pane of glass Matsumoto closes her eyes to the ensuing storm. She doesn't need to see what was going to happen next. The clouds would turn the sky gray and gloomy. And, if it was bad enough, the air will cackle with thunder and lighting. Then, because it is bad, rain will fall. She chose not to watch because it reminded her too much of him. And if she thinks about him it will only remind her the heartaches of the past few weeks.

Heavy rains poured rigorously against the window. The constant tapping of rain hitting the glass echoed in the empty room. Lulling Matsumoto into a state where realism fades and fantasy slips in.

~!~

Matsumoto stood alone in a barren terrain devoid of life. The skeletal remains of trees, weathered and dead, align one side of the deserted path while on the other a hill of dirt and stones. She surveys the area and realizes the familiarity of the land.

"No," she whispers, "It can't be."

"It is, Ran-chan" His breath brushing against her ear as strong arms encircles her from behind. Matsumoto resists the urge to turn around. She doesn't need to. She knows the body pressed intimately against her back. This place, this very spot where they stood is where he found her. Starving and barely hanging on. He offered her food. Feed her till she was so full she felt that she was going to burst. Offered his friendship. Nourished it till the day came where they weren't just friends anymore. Then he offered just enough of himself to keep her wanting, to keep her his.

Always his.

Gin swept her hair aside to plant a tiny kiss to her exposed neck. "My Ran-chan," Was all he said before tightening his hold. Matsumoto trailed her hand along his arm before entwining her fingers with this. She closes her eyes to savor the moment. A single tear trails down her cheek. She misses this, misses him.

This encounter, this brief respite soothes the dull ache in her heart left by his death.

"Please don't let this be a dream," she prays to any god that would listen to her.

Matsumoto lets herself become lost in the moment until Gin lets her go. Confuse she turns around. The mask he'd show to the world is gone. Here stood the man she fell in love with. Her savior, her friend, her lover. He looks at her. His eyes, now open, pleads with her. His voice is soft and sincere.

"Come wit me Ran-chan."

"Where?"

He doesn't say but grabs her left hand instead. Something was wrong. She could tell by the way his body tensed so suddenly. There was an urgency as he tugs at her hand. Pulling her, urging her to move as if they were being chased. She was about to take a step when someone grabs her other arm.

She doesn't turn to see who it is. Not that she needed to. He was just as familiar to her as Gin was, just not as intimately. And to her surprise she was disappointed by that. Oh how she misses him too.

"Don't go," There was no mistaking the ache in his voice, "Please."

She was taken by surprise when she finally turns to look a him. "Taicho?"

Hitsugaya stands before her in an ethereal form. Unable to believe her eyes, Matsumoto tugs at her left arm but Gin refuses to let go. Instead she run her fingers of her right hand along Hitsugaya's arm only to have it pass through. She tries it again. Nothing. She begins to panic. Absently she squeezes Gin's hand just to be sure. She lets out a sigh of relief that she can still feel him.

Hitsugaya doesn't miss the triumphant smile on the other man's face.

Her reassurance of Gin doesn't quell the uneasiness of Hitsugaya's state. Why can't she touch him?

"Taicho,"

Hitsugaya flinches at the word. Never in his time serving as a taicho has he ever hated being called one… until now. He realizes now that being here was a mistake. Before Matsumoto could say anything else Hitsugaya speaks,

"I shouldn't have come," he says. His hold on her arm was waning. "I was a damn fool to think otherwise."

"But taicho…"

Hitsugaya shook his head, "I can never exist here, can I Rangiku?"

"I don't understand?" She doesn't like the tone in his voice. Or the way his form was becoming faint before her eyes. Or the hurt in his eyes. She could feel her chest tightening with worry.

Taking her hand he guides it over his chest. "My heart aches to be with you, Rangiku. You will forever exist here," he presses her hand against his body only to stop when her hand goes through him. He leans his head forward to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you more than you can ever realize."

"But here," He places his hand over her heart. "I will never have a place here."

"That's not true." Matsumoto whispers. Tears, unable to hold much longer, fall freely from her eyes. 'Why are you saying this to me?' she wants to scream at him but the lump in her throat makes it impossible.

"I. don't. exist. here. I can't."

"No," she shakes her head, her voice weak.

"Perhaps a part of you wants me here but…" his voice trails off. "Sometimes I wonder," He begins to say looking into her eyes then travels to the other man besides her. "Does she regret not holding on to you? If you had asked her would she have left me behind to be with you?"

A scornful disbelief appears on Matsumoto's face. "Ta-taicho,"

"Perhaps it should have been me who died that day on the field instead of you."

With every painful remark Hitsugaya's image was becoming faint. As if he was slowly disappearing. "NO! How dare you say that. You can't say that!"

"Why?" Even his voice was fading, "I'm nothing but your taicho. That is all I will ever be to you." Spreading his arms out he looks around, "I don't belong here." He starts to back away, "I have no place with you, Matsumoto Rangiku." She wants to hold on to him, wants to pull him back but it was like trying to grasp the wind.

She shook her head vehemently, "That's not true," her lips trembling, face wet from tears.

He captures her face between his hands. "Can you feel this? Can you feel me?"

Matsumoto tries to lean into his hand but only felt the barest of touches.

He leans forward, "You can't can you? But you can feel him holding on to you."

This can't be happening.

"No," she protests, "No, please don't leave taicho."

"A part of you isn't enough for me, Rangiku. I want all of you, I need all of you. It isn't fair to leave myself exposed to you. When you won't do the same. Good-bye, Matsumoto Rangiku."

The image of Hitsugaya's retreating back was tearing at her heart.

The ache was unbearable.

This pain doesn't compare to anything she's been through. Not even the loss of Gin felt this raw.

She wants to move, to scream, to do anything to stop him from leaving her.

But she can't because she's frozen, anchored here in this place.

"Let em' go," she hears Gin say.

She's forced to watch Hitsugaya leave.

Déjà vu

This has happened to her before. A number of time to be exact. Because of Gin.

"No"

Except the man that was leaving her wasn't Gin.

"I can't"

The silhouette of Hitsugaya was barely visible.

"I won't lose him."

This time it was going to be different. Matsumoto was going to do something she's never attempted when Gin left her all those times. No, this time wasn't going to watch him leave, she was going to chase after him.

She tugs at the hand Gin is holding. He steps forward until they are facing each other.

Matsumoto reaches up to caress the side of Gin's face, "Thank you." His arrogant smirk wavered against the seriousness of her tone.

"Watcha thankin' me fo'?" Gin frowns. The expression so foreign on his face.

"For sharing a side of yourself that you've kept hidden to the world with me." And from that Gin knew what Matsumoto was going to do.

Gin shook his head. His hands desperately holding onto her hand. "Jus a lil' longer' Ran-chan."

"You said you were sorry. That I should have held on to you. When the fact is Gin," She pulls free from his hold and steps back. "You were the one that let go."

"Ran-chan no," he begs all the while trying to grab a hold of her. Just when he thinks he's got her his hands passes right through her. He looks at his hands, then down at himself. He was fading before her eyes. "Ran-chan don' go!"

She turns her back to him and begins to walk away. The first few steps were shaky but kept on going. In the background she can hear Gin screaming her name. A light breeze blows gently across her face and all is silent.

Gin is gone.

"Good-bye Gin." She says upon the wind. A courtesy he's never given her.

~ ! ~

Matsumoto pushed herself through the unrelenting rain. She ran, she shunpoed, she did everything to get to him. Her soaked clothes were becoming heavy. Her hair was plastered against her face, and the heavy torrents was making it hard to see. But never did her strides falter. She continues to splash through puddles until the predominate ten symbol on the back of his haori could be seen. The sudden thrill in her heart drummed rapidly against her chest.

With another burst of energy Matsumoto pumps her legs to move faster until finally he's in reach.

"Hitsugaya taicho I order you to stop where you are!" She yells at him.

He does what she orders but doesn't turn around.

"What do you want Matsumoto fukutaicho?" He calls over his shoulder.

She doesn't let his icy formality deter her from her goal. She walks towards him, each step brings her closer.

"You're wrong you know." She says aloud.

Hitsugaya crosses his arms, "About what?"

"That I don't see you."

She takes a step closer.

"That you don't exist here."

Another step.

"That all you are to me is my taicho."

One last step and she's standing behind him.

He heaves out a sigh. "Please Matsumoto don't…" his words stop when he feels her resting her head against his back. She can feel him.

"I do have a place for you." She interrupts him.

"Where?" His question barely above a whisper.

"Here," She wraps her arms around his waist, pulling his body flushed against hers.

He was too shocked that his mind was slow in comprehending what was going on. His body had solidified. He was getting soaked from the rain. And the woman of his dreams was holding him in her arms. Hitsugaya was at loss for words.

"There is one more place where you belong." She mumbles against his back. When he doesn't speak Matsumoto makes her way to stand in front of him.

Hitsugaya just stands there, still unable to grasp that she was here with him.

The silence was getting to Matsumoto. She runs a hand through her damp locks when suddenly she feels self-conscious. She must look like a fright standing there in her current state. As if reading her mind Hitsugaya murmurs, "Your beautiful."

Matsumoto bites her lower lip, satisfied at his words. She moves confidently closer to him. "Come on taiiichoo," there was that sing-song tone she would use to taunt him. "Take a guess."

She takes control of his body. Grabbing his arms she wraps them around her waist.

"Wanna hint, taiicho?"

Her hands travels up his body. Her left arm snakes around his shoulder, her fingers threading into his hair. Pulling him forward until he rest his forehead against hers.

"Now you're just teasing me." She laughs at his response.

"Please Rangiku, tell me." He pleads.

"Here," she slips her hand beneath the layers of clothes until she feels the smooth expanse of his chest. She doesn't bother hiding the delighted smile as she feels the speedy beating of his heart pounding beneath her palm.

"In my heart as I belong in yours."

Hitsugaya doesn't believe what he's hearing. His mind still ringing with doubts. "Rangiku…"

She silences him with a kiss.

Pulling away just enough for her lips to brush against his, "You have all of me, Toushirou."

The storm dissipated into a light drizzle and the clouds parted to reveal the bluest of skies.

~ ! ~

"Oye Toushirou-kun,"

Hitsugaya opens his eyes to see Shunsui and Ukitake heading towards him. He's confused at first but then quickly remembers. They had agreed, meaning both Shunsui and Ukitake decides to drag Hitsugaya out of the hotel room, to go on a little shopping spree. While out he had felt the oncoming pangs of a headache and decided to opt out of a bit. He headed into a nearby coffee shop and waited while the twins continued their shopping.

"Are you all right?" Ukitake asked noticing the confused frown on Hitsugaya's face.

Shaking his head he replies, "Yeah I guess I must have dozed off for a minute."

"Oh, did it help with your headache?"

"Actually," Hitsugaya stands from the table, "its gone."

"You look surprise there Toushirou." Shunsui mentions while eyeing out the young man. There was something…different about him. He looks at Ukitake no doubt he too was noticing the sudden change in Hitsugaya.

"I feel," what was the right word he was looking for, "rejuvenated….some how."

Not wanting to dwell on it any further Ukitake claps his hands and cheerfully says, "Wonderful Shiro-kun. Why don't we find a place for lunch and then finish up our shopping."

"Sounds good to me." Hitsugaya shrugs his shoulders and heads out of the coffee shop. Ukitake and Shunsui bring up the rear.

As they exit they notice that the rain has stopped. Shunsui nudges Ukitake's shoulder signaling him to look at their young friend.

Hitsugaya had his face upturned towards the sky, his eyes close while basking in the sun's warm rays.

"Yare, yare, that must have been some nap." Shunsui whispers to his friend.

"Mmhmm…"

~ ! ~

Matsumoto doesn't want to wake up but the bright sunlight wouldn't have it any other way. Slowly she opens her eyes and is greeted by the clear blue sky. Although she's disappointed that what had transpired between Hitsugaya and herself was just a dream. Matsumoto has never felt this good in a long time.

"Oh Ran-chan you're awake. Did you have a nice nap?"

"Actually I did Orihime." Matsumoto looks around the apartment, "Where is Nanao?"

"She went out to grab us some lunch."

"Oh okay. So what's in the bags?"

Matsumoto got up to rummage through the different bags littering the floor. "Those are some of the dress Nanao-chan and I picked up for tonight."

Matsumoto wasn't aware the had any plan for the evening. "Oh? Where are we going?"

The door to Orihime's apartment opened. Nanao walks in with their lunches. "A masquerade party at a nearby club."

Matsumoto looked speculatively at Nanao. "We're going to a club?"

Settling the food down on the kitchen table Nanao ignored Matsumoto's question.

"Yup," Orihime chimed in instead.

Matsumoto still suspicious crosses the room until she's standing besides Nanao. "So how did you hear about this masquerade party…Nanao-chan?"

Not wanting to divulge any information about tonight Nanao vaguely answered, "A friend."

Quickly changing the subject Nanao focuses her attention on Matsumoto. She eyed her friend very closely and notices a slight change in her demeanor.

"What?"

Nanao shook her head, "Nothing. Here," she passes one of the bentos to Matsumoto.

"Oh I know Nanao-chan." Orihime waving her hand in the air as if she was in class.

Both looked at the young woman. "It was her nap. It made her feel all better."

"A nap?" Nanao fiddles with her glasses. Surely a little nap couldn't have changed Matsumoto's somber disposition. But as she looks over the rims of her glasses she could tell that Matsumoto seemed… happier.

"Must have been one hell of a nap," she mutters to herself.

~ ! ~