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Special thanks to Talicor, ILDV, Vi-Violence, fantasyfreak133, Candace marie, AAA, Ventus Aqua Terra Roxas, BiP, reminiscent afterthought, Albino87, Katherine Spice.
In which: Vader gets drunk, Obi-Wan is forcibly reminded of his unpleasant Master-Padawan days, and I aim for a humorous filler...
Uh, fair warning; I threw this together at three in the morning, because I need a short filler before the next chapter. It's crazy, because I'm PMSing and sad and I probably failed my exam and funnies makes me feel better.
"So," the pilot announced, gesturing at the mess. "This is it. I know it's a bit untidy-"
"It's a Hutt's pigsty." Vader said.
"-but if you can find the second bunk, it's yours," the pilot finished, deflating a bit at the criticism. "I'm going to go back to the others and try to convince them not to kill you..or me."
"And what do you propose I do while you manipulate your weak-minded superiors?"
The boy balked. "I didn't manipulate them!"
Vader shook his head. "Do you really think any other low ranked pilot would have been able to absolve a criminal from a death sentence without opposition? You used the Force to make them obey you, and you'll do it again."
"I don't- -"
"Oh, just go." he said impatiently. "I am tired of your drivel. There is likely something in this junk heap that can occupy my time."
The boy stared at him for a moment, still horrified at the revelation, before turning towards the door.
"Just...stay there, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he was gone.
"Annoying child," he grumbled, rifling through a small hill of mechanical parts. He tugged at a piece of machinery, hard. It creaked ominously, before the whole stack came crashing down in a painful durasteel heap.
"Sithspawn," he cursed, pushing a droid's torso off his body. He picked himself up and was about to fling the offending piece of metal at a wall when a glint of green on the table caught his eye.
A slow grin crept onto his face as he reached for the bottle of Corellian ale.
Vader had finished half the bottle, built two miniature fighting droids, equipped them with tiny lasers, and was watching them fight to the death when Kenobi's ghost appeared.
His old master was as old and miserable as he had been when he'd died, ancient sorrowful eyes boring into his own. The specter gazed at him somberly and seriously, looking as distraught as the time he'd found out about the Tusken Raider massacre. He stared back.
...
Obi-Wan gazed at his old student. It was surprising to see him this young, and it brought back painfully innocent memories. But this wasn't the small boy he'd picked up on Tatooine. This was the Sith who had killed him, believing that he had betrayed him. There were a thousand words left unsaid between them, a thousand apologies and regrets.
"Anakin," he said. "There is much we need to speak about."
His former padawan stared at him, and he tensed, waiting for the explosion. The angry shouts, the accusations. Or perhaps Vader would react in a different way and he would be treated to sneers and sadistic mind games. He wasn't sure what to expect.
"Holy shit!" the apparent child said, eyes wide. "You're blue!"
Then again, he could also be dealing with the old, immature Anakin.
Obi-Wan's eye twitched and he fought the urge to slap a hand to his face.
...
Vader wondered why his old (and blue- -what was he, a Snurf?) master suddenly looked like he dearly wanted to be anywhere but there. He supposed he should have been more surprised at the appearance of a dead Jedi master, but it would be just his luck that the man could still lecture him even beyond the grave. He was starting to think that the Force hated him.
"Anakin," the ghost repeated, looking as though he was forcing himself to finish what ever speech he'd been planning instead of vanishing then and there. "You must renounce the Dark Side."
"Is this some kind of trick?" Vader asked, poking at a blue arm and watching in fascination as his hand went straight through. "Like, a really advanced holovid? Where's the recorder?"
Obi-W- -no, Kenobi, they weren't friends anymore- -flinched. "No, this isn't a holovid! I really am here!"
"But you're dead."
"I did warn you that I would become more powerful than you could ever imagine." The Jedi said impatiently. "Now- -"
"By turning into a Snurf?"
"Yes, by turning into- -what? No."
"So Snurfs are more powerful than anything I could ever imagine? I always knew they were real, but you told me they weren't. You lied, and now you're one of them! That's what you get for doubting them!"
Ob- -Kenobi stared at him like he'd grown an extra head. "Anakin," he said slowly. "Why are you- -is that ale?"
"Corellian," he said proudly, lifting the green bottle.
The former Jedi raised his hands in a universal Why me? gesture, and turned back to him, frustration written all over his wrinkled face. "Look, just let me say what I came here to, and I'll be gone." he paused.
"Well?"
"I thought you were going to interrupt me and tell me that you wouldn't listen to anything I had to say," admitted Obi- -Kenobi, oh, sod it. Fine, he'd resort to old habits just this once. Drunkenness was to blame.
"Are you going to say it anyway?" he asked Obi-Wan.
"Most likely."
"Then there is no point in telling you not to." Vader pointed out. "I'm not even sure how to shut you up since I can't touch you and that Duke kid blocked my connection to the Force, so by all means, speak."
"Thank you." Obi-Wan said uncertainly. "I was going to- -wait, if you can't access the Force, how can you see me?"
"Because you're a Snurf, of course," Vader said with the level of certainty that was expected from a drunkard.
"I am not a Snurf."
"A really advanced holovid, then."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"N- -this is ridiculous. You know what, fine. I'm a really advanced holovid of a Snurf. Now will you listen to what I have to say?"
"I'm glad you are no longer denying the truth. Go ahead."
Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Luke can not be turned to the Dark Side. You will fail, and the Sith shall fall. Your best option, Anakin Skywalker, is to renounce the Dark Side, and return to the Light."
Vader blinked once. Twice. "Who the hell is Luke?"
Obi-Wan dragged his hand across his face. "This is going to be a long night."
Well, I certainly feel better... you probably don't though. Apologies. To make up for this, I promise the next chapter will rock.
Leave a comment!
Next up: in which Luke finds an old holo of the only human to win the Boonta Eve Classic, and Vader finallyfinds out about Luke Skywalker.
(Welp, will be updated by 130 reviews.
Because I'll be busy for the next few days-and the next chapter hasn't been written yet, sorry. But, as you see from this two-week absence, it would take longer if I didn't set up a goal, coz I'm lazy like that :P...so please review. It doesn't have to be for this chapter only, because, you know, it sucks.)
