Okay, this has no James/Lina interaction in it. It's purely family time with the Balitiu's. I think you'll like it, despite the distinct lack of fluff in it. This would have been longer, but it came to a natural stop all on its own. Hooray character background building! Bucky will be back in the next installment, so hold off on lobbing rotten veggies at me for a while, okay? Cool, deal. Enjoy!
Chapter 11
"I sit in and dwell on faces past
Like memories seem to fade;
No color left but black and white
And soon will all turn grey,
But may these shadows rise to walk again
With lessons truly learnt
When the blossom flowers in each our hearts
Shall beat a newfound flame…"
-Flogging Molly, "Drunken Lullabies"
Holidays in the Balitiu household were like a tightly choreographed dance of chaos. Children were running mad up and down the stairs; her grandmother's schnauzers were barking up a storm; Ziggy was mewling petulantly from a high shelf, begging for the little girls to be called off her trail; the men were trying to keep a leash on the girls, but wound up more focused on the football game between the red team and the blue team (sports flew over Lina's head), and the women were all cooking up a frenzy in the large, hot kitchen. No surface escaped untouched. Dirty bowls and pans lined the counters and filled the sink, while the oven was filled to capacity with a line of dishes waiting their turn to enter. The outside refrigerator was full of desserts and salads that had been made the night before.
The preceding days had passed just as quickly as the holiday itself was; Lina couldn't believe how much they had managed to do in so little time. The day after she'd landed her sisters-in-law had gotten it into their heads to drive into the city to shop at the Galleria, just the adult women. The traffic was horrendous between the churchgoers at Lakewood and the construction in the area (Houston was always under construction; I-45 holds a world record for being the freeway that has been undergoing repairs the longest), and the giant mall was packed. They did get some decent breaks on clothing and some toys for the girls, thanks to holiday sales and specials. Lina did not envy the teenaged girl who checked them out, customer service was always a nightmare at the holidays. The party had watched teenagers and children ice skating on the bottom level of the mall while eating their lunch, and she had some time to really talk to her sisters and mom.
"Greg is a madman lately, what with another baby on the way," Sara was saying between bites of her cheeseburger. "He wants a boy so badly, and the waiting is just eating at him. He's already started in on redecorating the nursery."
Eileen smiled contentedly, happy at the prospect of another baby in her brood. Being a grandmother suited the wily blonde woman. "I think he's more concerned with you having a happy, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby than anything else. The sex is secondary to that."
Sara nodded, her mouth full of food. "I'm sorry," she said, hiding the lower half of her face behind her paper napkin. "I'm craving nothing but meat with this one. Greg is convinced it means he's finally going to have a son. We'll find out for sure in another month." She rolled her brown eyes at her fiancé's antics.
"Gerry was like that when I was expecting Rosie. 'This one's going to a boy, I can just feel it,'" Julia said, lowering her voice in a comedic imitation of her husband. "'He's going to be an athlete, just like his parents.' It was ridiculous. I cackled when we found out we were having another girl, cackled. I scared the doctor."
"The boys really do think they know best, don't they?" Sara commiserated.
Eileen smiled knowingly, "They've always been that way, just like their grandfather. Their stubbornness is hereditary. All of my children got that particular gift in spades – it's from their father, of course. My mother and I are as delicate as flowers."
The three younger women all laughed appreciatively as Eileen tried to look innocent and pliable. Her hazel eyes sparkled with mischief.
"You're about as delicate as a cactus," Lina chortled, squeezing her mother's hand gently. She'd been quiet most of the day, preferring to listen to her family's stories. It helped keep her calm in the tightly packed space of the mall. It also didn't help that she felt like there were eyes on her at all times. She wrote it off as part of her uneasiness in the masses of fellow shoppers.
Her sisters turned on her then. "What about you? Any male friends you'd like to tell us about?" Jules asked.
Sara nodded eagerly, red ponytail bouncing eagerly. "Yes, Little Lina, dish on the men in your glamorous East Coast life."
The blonde snorted derisively. "My life is far from glamorous, and the men are few and far between in the romance department. So few and far between, in fact, that they might be called nonexistent." She readjusted the straw in her soda, causing it to squeak shrilly.
The quartet winced. "And in the non-romance department?" Julia prodded. "C'mon, dish. We don't get to date and play anymore – not that that's a bad thing – so we relive those days through you and TiVo."
"I don't know… I don't really go out, you know?" Her sisters nodded understandingly, and her mother listened with a delicate blonde eyebrow arched. "I mean – I kind of met someone. We're just really good friends, and I'm helping him through some stuff – PTSD stuff – because we speak most of the same languages and we both have dark stuff in our pasts, and we just click, you know? I think I'm the only person he really trusts, but Dr. Reno is trying to help him like he helped me. I was actually hoping to bring him with me for Christmas if he gets clearance for travel."
Eileen looked stunned. "You want to bring a man home for the holidays?"
Sara and Julia were barely containing their excitement. "You want to bring a man home?"
Lina smirked at them, primly eating a french fry. "Not that I think this will illicit the same level of excitement, but I got my translating job back too."
Eileen collected herself first. "That's wonderful, sweeting. I remember how fond of it you were. You stopped getting assignments about, what, a year ago?"
"Yeah, give or take a couple of months. That's actually how I met my friend after he got back on this side of things." They were pointedly ignoring the two women bristling with impatience on the other side of their small food court table.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, this side of the ocean. He's been overseas for quite some time," Lina said, casually providing necessary information but remaining as vague as possible. She didn't want to lie to her mother, of all people, but she couldn't reveal anything about James' history. Not only was it highly classified information, but it was his business to reveal or retain as he saw fit. Her family deserved to know what they could about such a prominent person in her life, but no more than was appropriate. She'd prepare him for their questions if he ever met them.
"It's rather kind of you to help him after everything that you've been through," her mother was saying, tenderly tugging a curl in Lina's ponytail. "I'm proud you turned out so well, no matter what your father says about you."
Lina smiled at the old joke that both of her parents made.
"Okay, so not to ruin this lovely moment – because I love you, Lina, and hate the crap you've been through; really, I want you to be happy – but you're seriously not going to tell us this guy's name, rank, what he looks like, nothing? It's time for girl talk, so talk." Sara was the first to burst, her typical impatience winning out.
They all laughed merrily, Julia nodding in agreement with the redhead.
"I'm curious too; I want to know if I'm going to get a piece of man-candy as my son-in-law," Eileen stated imperiously, delighting in her youngest child's blush and embarrassed fidgeting. "I need more good-looking grandchildren, you know." Her mother's sense of humor – it never got old.
"It's – we're – No, we're not like that. We're just really good friends, honestly. Anyway. His name is James, and he's a sergeant. Army, I believe. He's got more snark in his pinky finger than most men I know, and he can be a complete asshole, but even on his worst day he's a better person than Andrew ever was. And yes, he's gorgeous. Like… dark and brooding and utterly charming kind of gorgeous. I'm very firmly convinced that he was never short a date before being shipped off." She blushed even darker at describing James like that. Sure, she knew he was an attractive man, but she'd never admitted it aloud before witnesses until now. She deliberately left out The Incident, not wanting to paint James in a bad light over something that he couldn't really be faulted for.
"Ugh. He sounds dreamy," Julia huffed. "Gerry's perfect and I love him, but he's such a huge geek. When news of that alien attack hit and Captain America's existence was proven, he almost wet himself as he ran to break his old comic books out. It was adorable, but definitely not dreamy."
"I can't believe he still has those old things," Eileen sighed, embarrassed and charmed that her eldest son still held on to that part of his childhood. "He always went as Captain America for Halloween. He never missed a year. Even in college, he dressed as the Captain."
Julia nodded, her cheeks flushing pink. "I remember; I dressed as Miss Marvel one year for a party, and that's how we met. I doubt he would have looked twice at me if it hadn't been for that damn costume."
Sara and Lina cackled gleefully; they'd never been privy to that information before. Lina couldn't wait to give her big brother hell.
The rest of her week had passed in a similar fashion, with much laughter and happiness. She was rarely alone long enough to think too much or too deeply about her life in DC. She had let slip to her father about David and his increased attentions, so they wound up out behind the garage throwing knives at an old target. Gerry and Greg eventually found them and engaged her in some practice sparring, just to keep her in shape should anything untoward happen. They worried about their baby sister, especially since she lived so far from the nest. It wasn't feasible for them to drop everything and fly out to beat up every guy who looked at her the wrong way like they had growing up.
She and her nieces had wound up having a Disney princess movie marathon that same night while their parents had date nights. The girls were wound up on sugar and the kind of excitement that Disney is so good at tapping into, and they ended up singing along to all of the songs and arguing over which princess is the best (Lina firmly stuck by her preference of Belle) until they all fell asleep on the large plush sofa in the living room. Rosie Leigh slept curled tightly into Lina's lap, and Lily's head rested on Lina's chest as she drooled slightly. Mackenzie had her head on the opposite arm of the couch and she was stretched out farther than her six-year-old body should have rightly been as her more soft-spoken twin nuzzled into her feisty sister's side. Their feet were tucked between Lily's body and the back of the couch.
Lina reveled in it. She'd always dreamed of being surrounded by children and of having nights like this. She ignored the twinge in her heart that said it would be better if she were surrounded by her children, not her brothers'. She loved her nieces more than anything and wouldn't trade this time with them to be anywhere else. She fell asleep once Ziggy planted herself on the back of the couch behind Lina's head, only to be awoken by her parents coming in to take the girls to their beds.
They all ignored the sight of tears in her mother's eyes as she was reminded of the child that had been stolen from her daughter.
"Lina! Mind the turkey," her fearsome grandmother scolded as she waved the baster in Lina's face.
Lina was jerked out of her thoughts at the appearance of the threatening kitchen utensil. She leapt away from her out-of-the-way spot where she'd been quietly peeling potatoes to baste the bird in its buttery champagne juices, almost colliding with the petite Cajun woman. "Sorry, granny."
Her bashful grin earned her an affectionate pat on the cheek from a wrinkled hand. "C'est bien. We just can't have a dry bird, pas aussi proche de l'heure du dîner, vous comprenez?" (It's fine; not this close to dinner time, understand?)
Sara and Julia looked supremely relieved that it wasn't them on the receiving end of Henrietta's lecture. Her stern words and disappointed expression had almost had Julia in tears when she'd let the turkey get too browned one Thanksgiving when she and Gerry had first been married. Sara lived in fear of the day she let her granny-in-law down in the kitchen.
A shout (whether it was of disappointment or excitement, they couldn't tell) sounded from the living room before the men fell into relative silence again. The five women shared wide-eyed looks of confusion before laughter erupted at the expense of their male relations.
The cooking resumed, and soon the meal was ready to be consumed by all the greedy stomachs that had been sitting empty in preparation for their feast all day.
The four nieces sat at a smaller kiddy table and they squabbled over who would get the last crescent roll in their little bread basket. Eileen settled their tiff by silently depositing more rolls in the little woven basket while they were preoccupied with their daddies shouting at the television again.
The four grown men had chosen seats at the grown up table that afforded them the best view of the television that stubbornly remained on. Gerard had hidden the remote in the pocket of his slacks, so every time his wife got up to turn the television off he sneakily clicked the power button, and the game was back on. Henrietta eventually gave up and delivered a gentle slap to her husband's shoulder as she resumed her seat.
Greg and Gerry delighted in playing keep-away with the adults' bread basket, torturing their little sister like they did whenever they were reunited. Lina got her payback by holding the apple pie she'd made hostage. Everyone got a rather large slice except her brothers (what they didn't know was that there was another one sitting in the outside fridge, and she didn't care to inform them until they'd groveled properly).
"Mom," Greg whined pitifully, turning on his puppy face, "make Lina give us some of her pie."
Eileen looked at her son archly as she slowly slid another bite of her own pie into her mouth. "You shouldn't have kept the rolls away from your sister; you know how much she loves bread."
He clasped his hands tightly over his heart, gasping dramatically. "Your harsh words strike me to the quick! Mother, how could you abandon us in this time of great need?!"
Lina rolled her eyes at her brother's dramatics. He always had been an attention hog. She contented herself just to watch as she curled around her bowl of pie protectively.
"Quite easily," Eileen retorted drily. "Lina Bear, this pie really is divine. You outdid yourself."
"Why, thank you, mom! I'm glad you think so. It really is a pity that there wasn't enough for the boys. Maybe next year they'll have learned their lesson and be lucky enough to get some."
"I do hope so, dear. If I were a more selfless person, I'd allow them to share mine. However, I've forgone too many years of self-indulgence to deny myself a slice of pie, especially in the face of such cruelty." She winked conspiratorially at her daughter. She didn't get to tease and play with all of her children often enough, so she wasn't about to spoil this too-rare occasion by telling her eldest offspring about the extra pie.
Her husband, however, seemed to have missed the memo. "I thought I saw a spare apple pie in the other fridge," he said around his mouthful of the rich dessert. They boys (Eileen still thought of them that way in a stubborn attempt to keep them from getting too grown up) looked at each other ecstatically, racing each other out to the garage to get the most coveted pie.
"Thank you for spoiling my fun, dearest," Eileen quipped at her husband, only mildly annoyed at the great bearded man who had settled on the arm of her chair and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
"Delighted to be of service, pisoi." (Kitten in Romanian)
Lina loved seeing her parents like this, relaxed and still in love after all their years together. She was happy that her brothers had managed to find equally loving relationships; they had been surrounded by so much warmth and light and love growing up that it was never even a consideration that they wouldn't all find relationships like their parents' and grandparents'.
I wish I could come home more often; I miss this so much when I'm back in DC. I don't think I could live here again, it would become too stifling, but I do wish I could see them more. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of Gerry and Greg squabbling as they came back inside, pie clutched possessively between them.
I do love visiting, though, Lina smiled softly to herself.
The next day, Friday, was the day before her flight back to DC. She knew it was going to be a nightmare, one of the busiest travel days in the country, but it was what allowed her maximum family time without skimping on the necessary rest before classes started back up. With only one more real week of classes, Lina had to be in tiptop shape.
She packed everything back up and made sure she spent the entire day with her family, trying not to miss a single minute. Her grandparents were exhausted after the previous day, but they had made an effort to be in the main house for dinner. They had to see their only granddaughter off properly, of course. Gerard did his "secret" handshake with Lina and allowed her to kiss his cheek tenderly (he wasn't overly fond of displays of affection due to his less than stellar upbringing, but he made an exception for his little granddaughter. She was the light of his life and could do very little wrong in his eyes) before he shuffled out to the little guest cottage he and Henrietta lived in.
His wife folded Lina into a long hug, rocking back and forth as she sniffed back tears. "Tu vas me manquer, ma chérie alouette. Je vais vous manquer énormément. Soyez sûr, entendez-vous? Je veux que tu reviennes dans une seule pièce pour Noël. Je t'aime." (I will miss you, my little lark. I will miss you enormously. Be safe, do you hear? I want you back in one piece for Christmas. I love you.)
"Je t'aime aussi, mamie," Lina murmured against her granny's hair, clutching the elderly woman as tightly as she dared. Leaving her aging grandparents behind was always the hardest part. (I love you too, granny.)
Henrietta cupped her granddaughter's cheeks and smiled softly as she followed her husband of over fifty years out the door.
After they'd made their way back to their little house, Lina ventured out to the back patio where she sat and watched the few feeble stars that managed to break through the light pollution reflected on the water. That was one of the beauties of living on the bay, twice the stars. Once the rest of the house had settled down, Eileen made her way out to join her daughter.
They sat in a companionable silence until Lina worked up her nerve to ask a question that had been eating at her for a while – ever since her spat with James.
"Mom? Do you… do you think anyone can ever be too broken down to love?"
Her voice was so tiny and uncertain that it nearly broke Eileen's heart. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before saying, "I think that a well-treated dog, once abused, still remembers the good treatment. I think that dog wonders what it did to deserve such cruelty, and – once freed of it – loves more eagerly, but maybe not more freely, than it did before. I think the same can be said of people. Once trust has been broken, it cannot be rebuilt and still be the same as it was before. It takes time, and a realization of the changes that have occurred, but once trust has been established, love will follow."
Lina choked back the tears that had welled up while her mother had been speaking in that low, soothing voice of hers. "But can someone be broken past the point of being able to love?"
"Only if they never knew it in the first place. Why are you asking, sweeting?" She already knew – of course she knew, this was her daughter, the girl she knew inside and out – but she needed Lina to say it, otherwise she would shut off and refuse to listen. Her guard would go up, and that is the absolute last thing a mother wanted to see her child throw up against her.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, one incapable of breaking it, the other knowing better than to push. Lina did things in her own time, in her own way. Pushing her simply made her run in the opposite direction and slightly to the left.
The younger blonde used that time to clear her throat of the knot that had formed in it while she tried to put her swirling thoughts into words. "I'm –" she cleared her throat delicately "—I'm afraid that I can't let anyone in enough to love them. After Andrew… I thought I had been drained completely dry of all good, all love, all life. He very nearly killed me that last day, you know? And I still feel that way sometimes: helpless, defenseless, hollow. I don't know if I can ever escape from that shadow and properly love someone again."
Eileen already knew better, and informed her daughter of as much.
"How? How do you know?"
"Because I know you, alouette. You can't help but love. That's all you do. Look at that little soldier man you've mentioned. You said that he trusts you –"
"I said I think he trusts me. There's a difference."
Eileen barreled on like she hadn't been interrupted. "—and that means you've shown him enough of your compassion and heart to get him to that point. All you have to keep doing is walking that path, so to speak, and you'll find yourself at Love's door. All you have to do is knock."
"I don't know how to knock," Lina grumbled, fisting her hands into the sleeves of her oversized college hoodie. Her knees were already tucked up underneath it in an attempt to stay warm.
"You always were a stubborn creature," Eileen sighed. "I really don't know where you get it from. You know well and good how to knock, you're just going to fight yourself silly trying not to. But that's the thing, alouette: you can't not knock. It goes against your nature."
Lina mulled that over, turning her mother's words over in her mind, before settling on a reply that served to mask her vulnerability with humor. "Clearly my nature has no inkling about that neat thing called 'self-preservation.'"
"They never do." Eileen humored her child, knowing that she'd had more than enough of the mushy-gushy stuff. "Come on, you need to get some rest before your flight tomorrow morning. No sense in you catching ill before finals week."
They both stood slowly, relishing the view, before walking back into the nice, toasty house hand in hand.
Lina paused at the stairs, tugging her mom to a stop with her. "I love you, mama. More than I can ever put into words. Thank you." She enveloped the older blonde woman in a tight hug that conveyed more meaning than her words ever could.
"I love you too, precious. Sweet dreams."
They kissed each other on the cheek and parted ways.
