[just a short chapter, but one I hope will make you all happy!]
Saturday 4.20am
As Alex grunted in pain, Olivia placed a gentle hand on her stomach. She could feel the muscles hardening further as Alex moaned again. After about 30 seconds, her flesh started to soften again, and Alex sagged in Olivia's arms.
Olivia looked at her watch. "Forty minutes, give or take," she said. "Dr Henning said we should come in when it's about half an hour between contractions."
Alex was pale and shaking slightly. "It hurts," she whispered.
"I know, baby. I know. I wish I could take the pain for you."
Alex reached out for Olivia's hand. "Please don't leave me."
Olivia knew that Alex was not only afraid of the birth, but that she was also nervous of going into the hospital. Her rape had taken place in a hospital. "I swear. I'm gonna be by your side every minute. Even if I have to pee, I'll leave the door open and talk to you through the door," Olivia was relieved to see Alex give a small smile.
"I don't wanna go in a cab," Alex knew she was being silly. She wanted as few people as possible involved in this birth, and she couldn't bear a cab driver knowing what was happening.
"I'll take my car then, Alexandra," Olivia was calm. She could see the fear in Alex's eyes. "Hey," she brushed the hair from Alex's forehead. "I know it's a little early, but let's go after the next contraction, huh? Then we can get you settled, and we'll know where we're at. How does that sound?"
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5.30am
"I surrender," Casey gasped as Annie made her way back up her body. "I can't take any more." Her breathing was erratic.
Annie flopped onto her back, a satisfied, rather smug, grin on her face. She rolled on to her side to face Casey, grinning as the young attorney reached out for her, caressing one of Annie's large breasts lovingly.
"Just give me ten minutes," Casey said hoarsely, still trying to catch her breath. Her fingers closed instinctively around a turgid nipple, and she grinned as she felt the bar that had been pierced into the flesh. "God, I don't think I'll ever get enough of this."
Annie smiled. She pulled Casey closer to her, loving the slickness of her sweat-soaked skin.
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The midwife was kind and gentle. Olivia quietly explained Alex's history to her, and she nodded. She put a reassuring hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I've been doing this for 30 years," she smiled. She looked at Alex to include her in her remarks. "We're gonna make this as easy as we can. And you, Miss Cabot," she moved to face her fully. "You're in charge. Anything you don't like, you just let me know. And if you prefer a different midwife, you let me know about that too. Sometimes you just don't take to someone, and it's so important that you are comfortable at this time. I won't be offended," she smiled.
Alex tried to smile back, but she was hit by a contraction. Olivia was immediately at her side, holding her hand, her presence reassuring her as she rode through the pain. As the pain ebbed, Alex looked at the midwife. "I like you," she said, realizing that she meant it. "Can you stay?"
The midwife smiled, her good, big teeth gleaming white against her coffee-colored skin. "I can do whatever you want, Miss Cabot."
"Maybe you could start by calling me Alex?"
"I can do that. I'm Ruth. Now," she knew this would be hard for Alex. "I've got to check a few things. But I'm gonna tell you before I do anything, and you can stop me at any point. We can always come back to things. If you don't like it, you just let me know."
Alex nodded, and tightened her grip on Olivia's hand.
"I'm gonna start with blood pressure," Ruth wrapped the cuff around Alex's arm. "And while I'm doing that, I just need to check your temperature," she inserted the thermometer in Alex's ears. She nodded as she took notes. "Well that's all looking good. Your pressure could be a little lower, but we can keep a check on that. Nothing to worry about," she saw the anxiety in Olivia's eyes.
Ruth smiled as she observed the couple. She had had all types of couples through her hands, and she had no judgments to make about who should love who. But she didn't enjoy it when she saw couples at the birth who were clearly not suited, and who wouldn't be together when the child reached six months. But these two, they adored each other, she could tell. She was sad that the baby had been conceived in such awful circumstances, and that it would be adopted. These two would make wonderful parents.
"Now, I need to check how far dilated you are. I'm going to have to use my fingers." Ruth saw the panic in Alex's eyes. "You just try and relax," she lifted the sheet. She watched Alex's face turn completely white as she started to probe, and she pulled back.
"You're okay, baby," Olivia was whispering. "Ruth, could you...," Olivia smiled as she saw that the kindly midwife had already stepped back. "Thank you. See, baby. You're in control. Nobody does anything you don't want them to do. You can say no whenever you want."
"I'm sorry," Alex was trying not to cry. She liked Ruth, and she knew she was only there to help her. "Just give me a few moments. We can start again then."
"You want some water?" Olivia asked her.
Alex nodded, hoping that would settle her roiling gut. She sipped, gingerly.
Olivia pulled Alex's hand to her own chest. "Feel my heartbeat?" Olivia knew that that was one thing that helped Alex to settle.
Alex nodded.
"Try and even your breathing, baby," Olivia's voice was soothing. "Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. There," she smiled at her. She could feel some of Alex's tension start to drain.
After a few moments, Alex said. "It's okay, now." She knew that Ruth would stop at any time she asked her.
Olivia held her as Ruth completed her examination.
Ruth smiled as she peeled off her latex gloves and dropped them in the trash can. "You're doing beautifully, honey," she told Alex. "I'm thinking it's probably going to be a few hours yet. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to leave you two ladies alone, and I'll be back in just under an hour. But if you need anything, anything at all, you just press the call button, and I'll be right back. I'm only at the nurses' station. Is that okay with you both?"
Alex and Olivia both nodded gratefully. They both wanted some time alone, so that Alex could regroup. And privacy had always been important to both of them.
Olivia sat in the chair by the bed, still holding tight to Alex's hand. "You're amazing," she whispered. Alex's face contorted as she breathed through another contraction. Almost a minute later, she relaxed marginally. She looked over at Olivia, and gave a small smile.
10.40am
Ruth looked up and smiled. "You're going everything just right, Alex," she said. "9cm now. It won't be long now, honey. You want some gas and air?"
Alex shook her head. The last time she had tried it, it had made her feel nauseous and shaky.
Olivia hadn't left her side at all, apart from one quick pee break, when she had, as promised, left the door to the en-suite bathroom open, and had talked loudly to Alex while she peed.
Olivia wiped Alex's face with a warm washcloth, and fed her some ice chips. "You're doing so well," she whispered. "An hour, it will be all over, right Ruth?"
The midwife looked up from her latest exam. "Less," she said. "You're fully dilated, Alex," she told the pale woman. "Are you ready to do this?"
Alex nodded. She had spoken very little during the labor, and had only cried out a few times when a contraction had been particularly severe. Olivia knew that she was hurting, and admired her stoicism. Alex had never been a complainer.
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"Annie?" Casey laughed as she picked gingerly at her clothes that she had discarded in such haste the previous night. They were wrinkled, and she didn't want to wear her work clothes on a Saturday anyway. "I didn't plan this real well. Have you got any clothes I could borrow?"
Annie smiled. The thought of Casey wearing her clothes gave her a warm glow. "Everything's still in the backpack. Take whatever you need," she said. "I'm just gonna text Olivia. I'm supposed to be seeing Alex this afternoon, but she's not answering her phone."
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It was eerily quiet in the delivery room. Alex panted in pain, but tried not to cry out. For reasons even she couldn't fathom, she wanted to stay as quiet as she could. Subliminally, she thought that if she kept quiet, the labor would be less of a memory for her. But this was agony. She felt Olivia climb on the bed next to her and slide half way behind her to support her. Olivia's soft touch and gentle words were everything to her.
"We need you to push on the next contraction," Ruth said.
The pain was indescribable, and Alex couldn't stop herself from crying out, tears streaming down her face as she felt she was being split in two. Without Olivia there, this would be unbearable.
Ruth usually gave more of a running commentary to expectant parents, but she could tell that Alex didn't want to hear what she had to say. So she kept her remarks to a minimum. "And again," Ruth encouraged at the next contraction. "Good girl. Relax for a moment. You've done the head. That's great. Next time we'll see if we can do the shoulders."
"I can't do this," Alex's voice was weak as she wept into Olivia's front. She was shattered, physically and emotionally. "I can't do this any more."
Olivia held her close, stroking the hand that clutched so hard to her top that Alex's knuckles were white. "I love you," she whispered to Alex.
Alex screamed as her whole body contracted, relying on Olivia's strength to get her through. And then the pressure eased. She heard a very small cry.
"Baby girl is fine," Ruth said, choosing her words carefully. The baby whimpered slightly as Ruth calmly cut the cord.
Alex turned into Olivia's front and tried to stifle her tears. Olivia held her and rocked her gently.
After a few minutes, Alex pulled back. She looked deep into Olivia's concerned brown eyes. "What does she look like?"
"You want me to look?" Olivia knew that Alex had to be in charge of every step.
Alex's face crumpled again as she struggled to compose herself. She nodded.
Olivia slid off the bed, her heart in her mouth, and her emotions vacillating wildly. She went over to Ruth who held the child, and looked down. She gasped, when she saw a tiny, calm, clone of Alex. She looked back at Alex. "She looks just like you, Alexandra. She's perfect," Olivia strove to keep her voice calm.
"I want to see her," Alex said. "Will you bring her to me Liv?"
Carefully, Olivia took the tiny baby from Ruth's arms, swaddled in a blue hospital blanket. She carried her to Alex, and held her so that Alex could see her. Alex's eyes were wide. She reached out a shaking hand, and touched her cheek. Alex tried to stifle a sob. "I want to hold her," she whispered.
Gently, Olivia lowered the baby into Alex's arms, her heart exploding with barely suppressed emotion. Tears streamed unnoticed down both their faces. Alex looked into the baby's surprisingly deep blue eyes. She touched her face again, and then lowered her cheek to rub it against the baby's soft wisps of blonde hair. The baby just looked calmly at Alex.
Olivia watched so many emotions pass over Alex's face. She couldn't imagine how hard this was for her.
And then the baby moved, infinitessimally. And then more definitely. In an instinctive move that was older than time, she nuzzled against Alex's breast. And Alex, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, opened her top more widely and guided the baby to her nipple. The child immediately began to suckle.
Ruth calmly moved to Alex's side. She smiled at her, and Alex smiled back through her tears. Ruth reached down and moved the blanket slightly to one side, so that the baby's skin touched Alex's bare skin.
"I can't give her up," Alex looked up at Olivia, her voice shaking as she made the most momentous decision of her life. "I wanted to protect her. I wanted to protect her from ever finding out. I couldn't bear it if she ever saw the truth in my face. I thought," she bit back a sob. "I thought I'd see him in her. But I don't. I only see her." She stroked the top of the child's head. "She's never hurt anyone."
Olivia leant down and kissed Alex tenderly on the mouth, a soft, tender kiss.
"I want us to be a family," Alex said softly. "Can we be a family?"
Olivia reached out and stroked the baby's head, marveling at the small, suckling sounds she was making. "We already are," she whispered.
