A/N: An 'M' rated version of this story also exists, should you be interested in that sort of thing.
Letting In or Letting Go
Hi, everyone. I'm Mum, and like the rest of you, I have been thoroughly enjoying all of the 'what ifs' dreamt up by my fellow writers. Many of you know that I write mostly House/Cam stories, but have also done some with no ship.
The premise for this contribution to Missed Opportunities is the little speech House makes to Cameron about his parents after they leave in Daddy's Boy from Season two. It's one of the times he honestly opens up to her. The sarcasm's still there but he's not hiding behind it.
Chapter 11
Wilson and I stood on our neighboring balconies, taking in the sight of the late spring flowers and fully-leafed trees. Or at least I supposed that's what Wilson was doing. I was just avoiding Cuddy and her demands for me to do my clinic hours.
"It's going to be different without Cameron on your team" Wilson said.
I tried to shrug that off. "Now I can hire someone who's really hot" I quipped.
"Oh, I forgot who I was talking to for a minute." He shook his head. "You can never talk about anything seriously, can you?" he accused.
Maybe Wilson was right. But why should I ever be serious with anyone about anything other than medicine? It just opens you up to heartache.
Still, there've been times… particularly with Cameron. I guess I've told her a few things in quiet moments. There was the time my parents stopped by. She could have barged in on our lunch – they asked her – but she didn't and when I thanked her after they left, she said it was none of her business. So why did I feel compelled to tell her about them?
"They seem perfectly pleasant, don't they? They are. He was a marine pilot. She was a housewife. Married 47 years. They had one child. Mom was just like everyone else, nice enough, great sense of humor, hates confrontation. My dad's just like you. Not the caring 'til your eyes pop out part, just the insane moral compass that won't let you lie to anybody about anything. It's a great quality for boy scouts and police witnesses. Crappy quality for a dad."
Yet, sometimes I've felt I needed that moral compass, her version of it at least, tempered by compassion. She's kept me honest, at least when it was important I guess.
Why did I open up to her like that? I'd never talked to anyone about my parents, not even Stacy, not even Wilson. What's the connection I feel to Cameron that allowed me to let down that barrier? And would she have confided in me if I'd gone on? I never tried to find out. I knew if I did she'd take it as an admission of my feelings for her. That can never happen and never has. It's better this way.
Still, what if I'd taken a chance? What if I'd followed it up the next day? I think I know what would have happened.
Once I'd sent the Bobbsey Twins off on unnecessary quests, I would have started for my office, then turned back to say "What I said yesterday stays between you and me, got it?"
"You told me in confidence" she'd say, folding her arms in her favorite defensive pose.
"Right."
"House, I understand. I didn't have a great relationship with my parents either. But it's no one else's business."
"Did your dad punish you for every infraction or perceived infraction against his rules?" I would ask bitterly.
"No" she would probably say, shaking her pretty head. "They didn't have rules, and couldn't care less about what I did. They didn't understand my choices, never supported my decisions. No, there was no physical abuse, just neglect." Or something like that.
"So that's why you crave love and respect?"
"You should know it's not that simple." She'd stand there with her lips pursed, deciding what she could say. "House, we're all damaged. Damaged by what others have done to us. Things they did that we couldn't control." She'd hesitate but then go on. "But if we let that run our lives, let it affect the way we behave, the way we treat other people, then we're still victims, and the people who damaged us have won."
Wilson thinks he's right when he starts with his psychobabble. He thinks he knows me so well. But he's not right as often as Cameron is. And I've listened to her more than she'll ever know. Still, if I had accepted what she said, what would I have done about it? Could I have changed the way I act or the way I treat everyone? The way I treat her?
I know I'd never be warm and fuzzy. But maybe I could have been happy, whatever that means. Would it include letting Cameron get even closer? I'm not sure I can ever do that.
And yet, I'm not sure I can let her go.
... Written by hilandmum
