I... don't know what to think on this chapter. It's just here to make sense and set up "Loose Ends."
Special thanks to VerityA, panpan, Victor, Averia, flyingcrispi, Reg and CookieCutter.
Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except my characters.
"Always to be the best and far to excel others." This, a credo from Cicero, had been adopted by Valorie as her own. Since high school, she had striven to be the best academically and best athletically. Some days, she would crawl home, just wanting to sleep, but still drag out tomorrow's homework and complete it studiously.
Looking back, those had been the easy days. These past four years with the Rangers and the short time with the Task Force 141, had Valorie slowly questioning herself. What good was all that studying and training if she kept losing her men, her brothers? What good was all that if she couldn't even be there for them in their time of need?
It was swallowing her, this abyss of failures, eating away at her confidence and sanity. It seemed that every time she saved one soldier, three more fell, each closer to her than the one previous. As she watched, the abyss grew, staring back at her, waiting to be fed with more failures and more bodies.
Something pulled Valorie away from the edge of the darkness, dragging her away with unrestrained force. She came back into her right mind then, in time to feel herself thrown into a swivel chair, the force causing it to roll across the plastic matting. She slumped down into it, head hanging low.
That drowned look on her face enraged Ghost. Didn't she realize that this was war? Lives were being lost every god damn day, and yet, her she was, moping over two. It infuriated the man, the way she was sulking around. Archer watched him silently from the corner.
"What the 'ell are you tryin' to pull?" he snarled, pacing back in forth in front of her. She still didn't look up, and the lack of response pissed Ghost off even more. In two strides he had the Specialist picked up by her collar, staring her full in the face. She flinched away from the skull covering his face, so he shook her to get her attention. "You think assaulting a higher up will bring 'em back? Come back to earth, Ratchet; they're dead, nothin' you can do now!"
Ghost threw her back in the chair, and Valorie's head went to her hands. She cried silently, not caring who saw. She cried for Spring, for Iris, for Worm, for Taco, and especially for the man back at Firebase Phoenix, the one she could have saved. All because of her, he was six feet underground, cold and rotting. The sadness was overwhelming, the frustration was immense, but the one thing eating Valorie up was the fact that she was a failure. Her mother was right all along; she couldn't handle this, no matter how much Valorie believed she could.
"How many times has Lennox told you to jus' let it go?" Ghost was yelling now, throwing his hands up in the air. Valorie winced at the toxicity in his tone, pulling deeper into the recesses of her mind. "Soldiers die everyday, Specialist. Get used to it."
"You're being a hypocrite, Riley." Archer stood from his position by the door, arms crossed and a heavy frown on his features. His posture was relaxed, despite the situation. Ghost whirled to face him.
"Excuse me?" He hissed, fists clenching. Archer raised an eyebrow.
"Did ya ever get over the murder of your family? Do you still take those pills? 'ow about the nightmares? 'ave they stopped?" Archer spat, tone turning violent. Oh, he had been waiting a long time to put this man in his place. "You go around like you're fine, like nothing's wrong, but we can all see it; the mask you wear is proof. So, did you?"
Ghost's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. He hated being put on the spot like this, especially if the accuser was correct. He never did get over the murders of his family; heck, he himself laughed after he found the bodies on Christmas Eve, and then tracked down Sparks and Washington to kill them. He shot Archer a menacing look.
"Those two deserved it."
"No, they deserved a fair trial. You murdered two higher rank officers and got away with it because a friend was watching the security cameras that night," Archer countered. Ghost remained silent. "Ratchet has done nothin' but her job. You 'ave no place to reprimand 'er for wanting to throw a punch, considering what you did. Chew on tha', kid."
Archer swept from the room, leaving Ghost and Ratchet behind. Ghost snarled, kicking the wooden desk repeatedly until it splintered. Valorie jumped at the sudden noise, looking up at the agitated lieutenant with frightened eyes. She didn't see Ghost, or the desk, or the office; she was back in the gulag, watching the bullet fire from the rifle, heading straight towards Taco's head. She saw his eyes, full of pain and watching her, blink once before welling up in tears, something she hadn't noticed in the heat of the moment. The bullet struck, brain matter flew, the eye slithered out of its socket, but the one thing that caught Valorie's attention the most were the unshed tears.
Taco had been so scared. Despite all her comforting words and soothing murmurs, he knew what was waiting for him, knew that death was coming. Valorie removed her bloodied hands from Taco's lifeless body, clutching her head as she rocked back and forth.
Ghost stopped his angry pacing to look over at Valorie. The woman was curled into herself, clutching her head and rocking slowly in her chair. Raising an eyebrow, he stalked over, grabbing her by her shoulders.
Valorie looked up and screamed, backing away from the skull, from death, from the reaper. She tumbled backwards over something, frantically shuffling back towards the stone wall of the gulag, watching the skull come closer and closer, the evil grin stretching wider and more horrible by the second.
"Stay back!" She screeched, bringing her hands up to her face in a defensive stance. Ghost halted, glaring at Valorie, confused. Dear god, he was trying to help her, what was she so afraid of? He rubbed at his forehead, aggravated, feeling the cloth balaclava under his palm. Behind his glasses, Ghost's eyes widened, and he realized what the problem was; the skull on his mask was driving her into more panic. Slowly, as to not alarm the hysterical medic any further, he eased up onto his haunches, and then stood slowly up. He backed towards the door and opened it quietly, moving into the hallway before locking the door. Looking quickly down the hall, he spotted Scarecrow taking to Ozone, and made his way towards the pair.
When she heard the door click, Valorie looked up cautiously, expecting to see the dark, leering grin smiling back at her, forcing her back farther into the gulag. But no, she was back in the office building. Blinking, she looked around confused before it all came rushing back to her; the phone call from Dunn, the desire to inflict harm on Price, and the horrible rage that took over her entire being. She shifted, placing an arm around her ribs to try and soothe the pounding, and attempted to stand, using the wall for support. She managed to struggle halfway up before her head began to pound and her eyesight became clouded with black spots, a telltale sign that she was having a syncope attack. Plopping back down on the ground, Valorie quickly shifted herself so that her legs were against the wall, resting directly up in the air. This would help blood flow better and hopefully help stop the attack. Her eyesight disappeared, and Valorie's hearing followed quickly, then all feeling in her body vanished. Without control of her body, her legs flopped uselessly to the floor, and blood once again settled uncomfortably in her legs. Focused on breathing, Valorie tried to see past the blackness, but everywhere she looked, nothing was found. Instead, she switched her attention to breathing, keeping calm, and waiting for the attack to subside. She ran through the possible triggers in her head, and decided it was mostly brought on by stress. As she tried to get the attack to subside, she tried not to think about recent events.
Scarecrow eyed the locked door nervously, not knowing how to react. Ghost had instructed him to calm down Valorie, at any cost. Scarecrow had seen her stunt in the quad, and although he didn't know the full details yet, it must have been something horrible to have caused a reaction like that out of the usually calm medic. Scarecrow considered himself her friend; ever since she risked her life getting him out of the Humvee in the Red Zone and carrying him to safely after, he had nothing but respect for the female soldier. She always treated him kindly and put his well being before her own. Now, he realized, he had an opportunity to pay her back for her care.
He unlocked the door and eased it open, peeking his head around the corner. He scanned the room, and once he spotted Valorie lying crumpled on the floor, shoved it open so fast it slammed off the wall. Darting towards her, he began to call her name, and when she didn't respond immediately, his mind flew to his basic medical training. Grasping her wrist, he felt for a pulse, and after moving his fingers twice, he found it. Scarecrow's eyes found a clock on the wall, and he counted the heartbeats she had in a minute. Valorie's heart was beating fast, and it set Scarecrow even more on edge. He began to call her name, wondering why she wouldn't respond.
There was a slight pressure on her wrist; Valorie could feel it under the cover of numbness. She began to work to regain her senses, trying to move her body and tried to speak instructions to whoever was next to her. It was tough, but she finally managed to get a groan past her lips, and began to gasp out instructions. Whoever was next to her followed them to perfection, elevating her legs like she instructed. Her vision cleared and feeling came creeping back, and Valorie was able to push her body up, mindful of her ribs. She looked to whoever helped her, and smiled when she saw Scarecrow.
"Hey kid," she said, rubbing her eyes. She was tired, and upset, and on the verge of another breakdown. She held it together, however, for Scarecrow. "Nice work there."
"What happened, Ratch?" He asked, genuinely concerned. His eyes shone with curiosity as he offered his hand to Valorie, hoisting her to her feet. She swayed, and Scarecrow slung an arm over his shoulder to keep her vertical. The black spots came swarming back, but stubbornly, Valorie blinked them away, determined to fight this time. She motioned Scarecrow to walk, and the pair moved out of the room together.
"A little problem I have. Nothing to worry about, it won't kill me." Valorie dismissed the issue, looking around the halls. "How did I get into that office anyway?"
Scarecrow slid his eyes over to meet hers. "I don't really know, but I heard you tried to attack Price. Or, tried to. I was inside with Ozone, getting prepped for the next mission."
"Yes, I remember that part." Valorie felt her face flush, remembering that going after a high ranked officer would probably give her serious punishment. Her head hung. "I can't believe I lost my head like that..."
"What caused it, anyway?" Scarecrow toed open a door, using his body to keep it open as he helped Valorie through. He regretted asking as he saw Valorie's eyes fill with tears. She blinked quickly and tilted her head up, trying to contain them in her eyes.
"You remember Iris and Spring, yeah?" She sniffled, wiping snot from her nose on her arm. She made a face and rubbed her arm on her pants.
"The fellas that helped us out of the Red Zone. You were close, right?" Scarecrow let go of Valorie's arm, seeing that she was fine to walk on her own. She stood to the side awkwardly, her gaze not meeting Scarecrow's.
"Yeah, them. They...were killed in Washington," Valorie exhaled, wringing her hands together as she blinked back more tears. Scarecrow's face went pale, and his gaze darted anywhere but Valorie's face. He never did handle death well, and since it was unavoidable in his career field, he stared it in the face more often than he liked.
Scarecrow looked up as he heard fast approaching footsteps. Captain Lennox was coming down the hall, so he snapped to attention. But the captain paid him no mind; he simply grabbed Valorie's upper roughly arm and began pulling in the direction of the offices. She tried to struggle out of his grasp, but he only clenched harder. Valorie heard scarecrow give a yell after them, but they were already turning a corner.
"What the hell, Noah, let me go!" Valorie planted her feet, but the captain still continued to drag her, down into a secluded hallway. Her resistance just aggravated Noah, to the point where he spun Valorie around harshly, causing her to stop and look at him.
"Listen, Val; just…just come with me alright?" Noah's voice was panicked, his eyes dating down the hallways, looking into every door. Valorie closed her mouth to stop her retort. Her former friend looked absolutely terrified. He ushered her into an office, and shoved her to attention. In the room sat General Shepherd, and over the crest of his hands, Valorie could see that he was not happy.
"At ease," he spoke, and it held no tone in it whatsoever. Valorie's stomach dropped to her knees. "Specialist, I understand there was an issue this afternoon."
"Yes sir," Valorie moped, shuffling her feet. It was like that time she stole chalk in kindergarten, and the teacher found out. She was in trouble. "I'm sorry for the-"
General Shepherd held up a hand. "Save your apologies. In any other circumstance, you'd be banned from missions for about two weeks." Shepherd shuffled papers on his desk. "However, your paperwork for the Rangers went through."
Valorie's head snapped up. She saw Noah shuffle anxiously next to her, but she soon reverted all her attention back on the general. He looked her straight in the eye as he spoke. "You're set to leave for the temporary base in Washington in five days. In that time, however, we're sending you on a mission; shouldn't take more than three days, four tops."
Valorie was so happy to be returning to her Rangers, she'd agree to anything right now. "Yes sir! What is it?"
Hiding his glinting smile behind his hands, Shepherd eased himself back into his chair. Some people were so easy to manipulate. "Captain Lennox will brief you about it. Dismissed."
Valorie almost flew out of the room, and Noah watched her go apprehensively. As soon as the door shut, he opened his mouth to speak. "Sir, surely she doesn't have to be-"
Shepherd cut him off, already knowing where the plea was going. He fixed Noah, his pawn, with a steely look. "I want no loose ends, Noah. Understood?"
"But sir, we could send her home! She'll be none the wiser," Noah begged. Shepherd rolled his eyes, and slid the Specialist's medical records and psych evaluation into the trash. When he saw this, Noah's face darkened, but he nodded, not one to disobey orders. Shepherd motioned him out of the room, and pulled out a cigar, clipped off the end and lit it up. Happily, he patted the medals on his chest. He'd get another one soon enough.
